"Happiness: Two Paths, One Goal" ~ Arthur Dobrin, D.S.W. ~ Psychology Today

Arthur Dobrin, D.S.W.

Arthur Dobrin, D.S.W., Professor Emeritus of University Studies, Hofstra University and Adjunct Professor of Management, Entrepreneurship, and General Business at Hofstra University is also Leader Emeritus, Ethical Humanist Society of Long Island. He is the author, coauthor, and editor of more than twenty books, including Spelling God with Two O's, Ethics for Everyone: How to Improve Your Moral Intelligence, and Business Ethics: The Right Way to Riches.

     The virtuous person, Buddha taught, is the compassionate person, for compassion is what brings happiness to the world. Happiness comes when your thoughts, work, and speech are harmonized and filtered through a prism of virtuous behavior.
     Freeing the mind of ill will and greed; avoiding untruthful, slanderous and abusive speech; and avoiding killing, stealing, and sexual misconduct—this is righteous conduct and the source of happiness, according to Buddha.
     Confucianism makes similar points, although its emphasis is more familial and civic than the more personal Buddhist philosophy. In Chinese, jen is the word for the highest of human goods. It is “true personhood.” Jen also means “human being.” Goodness and humanity are represented with the same ideogram, making the link between what it means to be human and virtue perhaps stronger than it is anywhere else in the world.
     I think Confucianism gets it right. You realize your own best self as you relate to others in a virtuous way. To be human means to embody virtue. Throughout its long history, this indissoluble link has rested at the center of Chinese civilization, although often abused.
     Confucius recognized that human flourishing was possible only within an ethical environment. Individuals should strive for perfection within their set of relations. This means the proper, deferential but reciprocal treatment of family, neighbors, and rulers. No one was exempt from this expectation, especially not rulers. Heaven withdrew its mandate to rule when a king or emperor became corrupt or selfish. The moral order of the universe required that the supreme ruler act in a virtuous way. This was the Mandate of Heaven—the right to rule granted by Heaven.
     In practice this meant that the role of government was to provide for conditions to allow for the happiness of the common person. This came about through reasonable taxes, peace, and fair punishment for criminals. Failing the public indicated Heaven’s disfavor and therefore undermined the emperor’s moral right to rule. The theory of the Mandate of Heaven also offered a justification for overthrowing corrupt rulers.For those who reject the idea of a corrupt and incorrigible human nature, happiness requires being true to the principles of your nature (to be a virtuous person) and applying those principles to others. When this is realized, harmony is achieved. And it is when things are as they should be—when conflict or friction is minimized—people can flourish. That flourishing is what is meant by happiness. And the way to that goal was through the practice of four key virtues: sincerity, benevolence, filial piety, and propriety. It is the fulfillment of human nature in the context of the social world that leads to a harmonious and therefore happy life.
     Ultimately, Confucianism became encrusted and inflexible and needed to be subjected to revisions. Filial piety was reduced to obedience to one’s father. But the virtues espoused are still valid and, if adopted, would likely lead to increased happiness in the world.

"How to Stop the War" ~ YouTube

Sadly, these words are STILL poignant and accurate after 50 years.  It sure does take one back if you were in that empowered sixties decade.  Whatever has happened to the passion of those youth?

And....when will we "get it"????

"The 5th Key of Compassion" by Jelaila Starr

Excerpt from Dancing with the Dark 
The 5th Key of Compassion

Dancing with the Dark

 

Life sure changes when you begin to dance in step with the Dark, using your god-given dark abilities and skills.  For example, life becomes more fun because you don’t get as frustrated since you are aware that you have the right to speak up and stand your ground.  Though it would take a book to define all the ways that you change when you begin living your life using your dark skills and abilities, here’s a few of the more noticeable changes.

You set personal boundaries.

Since one of the major purposes of Dark Power is protection, it only makes sense that the first thing we do protect ourselves better.  I don’t mean throw up walls.  I mean setting boundaries that are flexible and breathable.  Boundaries are limits that you set on how much energy you will expend.  People with healthy boundaries are healthier and more emotionally resilient than those without them.  When you have healthy boundaries you have plenty of energy and don't get that scattered, fuzzyheaded feeling caused by other people draining your energy.  Boundaries are self-love in action.

You use agreements.

As explained in Agreements, the 6th Key of Compassion, an agreement is a verbal or written arrangement by which a designated set of needs is fulfilled.  Just as boundaries are self-love in action, agreements are self-empowerment in action.  Agreements are what responsible, self -empowered people use to communicate their needs and ask for what they want.  People who use agreements are empowered and find it easy to trust and feel safe in their relationships.  As a result, they are able to commit on a much deeper level, and therefore enjoy the rich satisfaction of a strong and emotionally satisfying relationship.  A relationship built on the self-empowering foundation of agreements is a relationship that feeds the soul and makes the heart sing.  It is the kind of relationship we all desire in our lives.

An agreement is also a promise to fulfill the needs designated in the arrangement, thus when we create agreements our integrity comes into play.  In fact, the power of the agreements to create the desired outcome, a happy and fulfilling relationship, is directly proportionate to the integrity of the partners.  In other words, does your word mean anything?  Is it a matter of honor or not?  To what length are you willing to go to keep from breaking your agreement only because you said it would be so?  An agreement is not a rule.  Rules are made to be broken because they are based on a win/lose principle.  Rules also tend to empower only one side while disempowering the other.

Once we come to understand this God-conscious concept and add agreements to our existing relationships, we will see the magic of their power to heal, nurture and bring back into balance what could not be balanced in our relationships no matter how hard we tried.  Here’s a heart-warming example to explain what I mean.

Jonathan and my then 10 year-old daughter Danielle were not getting along after I moved to LA.  Danielle had been living with her father for the past 2 years and after a lengthy court battle that ended in late 1997, I was not willing to battle him again in order to take her with me, plus, I felt that only time apart could break the co-dependent attachment between Danielle and I.  Being too young to understand, Danielle just felt abandoned and hurt.  Her pain and anger were enormous, and not having any supportive authority figures, (her dad believed that anger should not be expressed) she didn’t have a way to work through it.  Additionally, she didn’t want to risk losing me entirely if she vented the anger at me, so she expressed it at Jonathan, someone she felt she could risk losing. 

Danielle’s first visit was an emotional disaster. She and Jonathan fought daily, each complaining to me about the other.  I felt I was being torn in two as each sought to gain my support against the other.  Of course I allowed this by not having set any personal boundaries or negotiated any agreements for it.  As the days went by, I found myself counting the days until she went home.  As much as I loved being with her and knowing how much my heart would break as I watched her walk out of my life again as she boarded the plane in the care of a stranger, I knew I could not take many more.

Danielle’s second visit was no different.  At the end  I sat crying in the airport as I watched her plane take off and fly into the sky headed east to Kansas City, 1700 miles away from me.  Once again, I had taken her to the airport alone.  Driving home, I began to realize that my fear of marrying a man who did not love my child had been realized, and I was responsible for its manifestation.

In January, 1999, Danielle returned for her third visit.  This time I was ready to make a change.  The morning after she arrived, we went into the office and sat together at the computer to create a set of agreements.  It was easier than I thought.  As we discussed them and I typed them up, I began to see that they were much different than the rules I had used with Danielle when I was still single, and of course, which she constantly managed to forget and break.

When we were done she asked to go out and play.  I felt somewhat let down.  I had expected some big magical change to suddenly take place and yet there was nothing, just a child anxious to go and play with her friends.  Two hours later, she returned and asked to renegotiate one of the agreements.  This in itself was wonderful.  It meant that she realized that she had power but that was not what really struck me.  It was her demeanor and the tone of her voice.  In two short hours she had transformed from a clingy 5 year-old to a self-assured 10 year-old.  I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears!  Danielle had grown up!  I realized that by creating the agreements with her, I had given her back her power and a real sense of safety.  Now she felt empowered in her relationship with Jonathan and me.  Danielle now knew what was expected of her because it was written down.  No more walking on eggshells.  And she also knew that if an agreement was not working for her, that she had the power to renegotiate it.  And most of all, she knew that her power was equal to ours, that we all lived by the agreements, not just her.

Five long months went by before Danielle returned.  This was to be a month long visit and a real test of our newly created agreements.  Not only did they stand the test, but they worked their magic on the wound between Danielle and her stepfather.  They had their conflicts and one night got into a big one.  When Jonathan grilled Danielle about something she did not do, she stopped him with the agreements.  She said, “I’m not going to continue this because you’ve gotten me confused.”  And with that she walked out of the room.  I thought to myself, “Touché´!  You go little girl!”  Danielle had stood up to her step-father.

A few days later, as they were standing on the balcony watching the Fourth of July fireworks light up the city below, Danielle turned to Jonathan and said, “Dad, I want to thank you for teaching me how to stand up for myself.  I was scared at first, but I’m proud that I did it.”  Jonathan replied, “Thank you.  You did a good job Danielle.  I know it was tough, but you did it.”  With that they embraced and the wound between them healed a little more.

Watching Danielle and Jonathan begin to heal was what taught me the power and value of agreements.  As mentioned earlier, you will find more in-depth information on boundaries and agreements in Agreements, the 6th Key of Compassion.

Personal Accountability – Reclaiming Our Judgments, Projections And Ourselves

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE: Personal Accountability – Reclaiming Our Judgments, Projections And Ourselves

Casey Anthony: Making a Case for Compassion

Published on Psychology Today (http://www.psychologytoday.com)

By Sensei Morris Sekiyo Sullivan

Created Jul 11 2011 

I live in Central Florida, where the Casey Anthony case has been in the forefront of the community consciousness for several years, and where the outcome of her trial was received with very strong emotions. Like the O.J. Simpson trial, the Anthony case fueled a controversy rife with feelings of animosity, distrust and betrayal....and displaced feelings. However, rather than participate in the controversy over her guilt or innocence, perhaps we can use our feelings about this particular tragedy as an opportunity for spiritual growth.


For a Buddhist, there are good religious reasons to abandon anger and cultivate kindness. However, there are also ample mental health-related incentives for transcending ill will and cultivating compassion - or at least what Albert Ellis termed unconditional other-acceptance - for the Casey Anthonys of the world.


One of the sutras relates a conversation between the Buddha and his son, Rahula, a novice monk. The Buddha begins by asking his son, "What is a mirror for?" He goes on to explain that just as Rahula might use the reflection in a mirror to examine his face, he can use his awareness to reflect on his actions of body, speech and mind.
If, on such reflection, Rahula finds himself engaging in a harmful mental, verbal or physical act, he should abandon it. If he finds the action is helpful, he can continue it and even cultivate it. Like Rahula, we can use our minds to reflect on our Casey Anthony-related acts of body, speech and mind and determine whether to abandon or cultivate them.


I suspect the typical thoughts that fuel animosity toward Anthony go something like this: "Casey Anthony did a terrible thing, so she is a terrible person who deserves damnation. Because she's so evil, she must be punished, and anyone who could have but didn't punish her is also a terrible person who deserves damnation."


As I mentioned in my previous post, The Buddha and Albert Ellis: The Eightfold Path Meets the ABCs of REBT, global self-rating is irrational and leads to stress and difficulty. Just as it is unskillful to rate one's ever-changing, indefinable "self," it is equally irrational to rate another's "self."


Let's use our mindfulness as a mirror to reflect on the most prominent of these other-rating views, "Because Casey Anthony did a terrible thing, she is a terrible person." We'll disregard the question of guilt: The irrationality (or ignorance, in Buddhist terms) has little to do with whether or not she is guilty, but whether or not her guilt makes her a "terrible person."


First, we can ask ourselves, "Is there evidence to prove the belief that if someone does a bad thing, he or she is a bad person?"
The answer is no-there is no evidence that Anthony is "bad" because she did a bad thing. A bad person could only do bad things, but we know all people do both good things and bad things, so there's no way this one terrible act makes her a terrible person.


In fact, we can now answer our second question, "Is there evidence that belief is false?" Anthony doubtless has some good qualities, so she can't possibly be a "bad person." Even if we could find very few good qualities in her, there is no reason she couldn't go on to do many good things in her lifetime.


Next, we can weigh the disadvantages of hanging on to such beliefs and the disadvantages of relinquishing them. What happens if we continue believing that someone who does a bad thing is therefore a thoroughly bad, damnable person? We will probably continue to get angry when people in the news-and in our personal lives-do bad things.


If we look closely into our hearts and minds, we discover that anger includes some pretty unpleasant sensations. We now see that these unpleasant feelings are the result of our mental processes, not the situation itself. If we can transcend the irrational mental formations at the source of our anger, we can end the suffering!


Freed from this filter of rage, we can now clearly see Anthony as another being who, like us, our friends and our loved ones, is suffering the universal dukkha of aging, illness and impermanence. She has also lost her child. I've heard people discount that, using the perception that she may not feel exhibit adequate remorse as further evidence of her "terribleness." However, if this mother is not suffering from this loss, what kind of suffering must she have endured to get that way?


Cultivating compassion for Casey Anthony won't cost you anything, but it will benefit you by helping you develop the capacity for compassion, which is a great strength. If you're still feeling anger or other distress over the case, here are a few things to try:


(1)   Work towards non-animosity for Anthony by accepting that she, like you, is an imperfect being struggling with the effects of past karma.


(2)   Cultivate compassion for everyone involved in this case: Along with Anthony herself and her family, this case involved judges, lawyers, law enforcement officers, jurors and their friends and families. Each of them have performed good actions and have good characteristics, and each have performed some unskillful actions and have negative characteristics. See if you can have compassion for the entire group.


(3)   Cultivate some compassion for yourself. Recognize that you have caused yourself distress by generating feelings of anger or hopelessness, for example, and resolve to ease your own suffering without condemning yourself for it: You, too, inherited the effects of past karma.


(4)   Rather than being resentful or feeling hopeless about the lack of "justice," perhaps you can help prevent future similar situations. Consider donating to or volunteering for community organizations that aid families in crisis or ask your state representative to increase resources for agencies that assist children and families.

Judgement Closes Down Your Hearts by John Smallman

When the awakening of humanity occurs your joy will be boundless.  You have been waiting a long time for this moment of transformation, struggling to release judgment, blame, and condemnation – which closes down your hearts – so that you could open your hearts to receive and share the abundance of Love that your Father offers you incessantly.

Now forgiveness – the key to open your hearts – of yourselves and of others is being seen and experienced in what, until very recently, would have appeared to be the most unexpected places.  It is the most wonderful gift that you can offer to one another, and the most useful, as it dissolves the feuds that have caused intense suffering to generations of families, tribes, nations, and various other groups that have found within themselves irreconcilable differences that led to conflict.

The enormous increase in the numbers of you sharing forgiveness all across the planet is inspiring and uplifting, and is in marked contrast to the numerous conflicts that continue to bring misery and suffering to so many.  You have all nursed and held on to grudges, judgments, and condemnation of those who have hurt or offended you and this brings you feelings, sometimes very intense, of bitterness when you call to mind those people and the offenses that they have committed against you.  Bitterness is very damaging as it prevents you from experiencing any peace, contentment, or happiness, and if you engage with it by telling yourselves that you have a right to feel embittered, it feeds on itself until it pervades every area of your lives.

Forgiveness dissolves bitterness.  However, when you are feeling embittered, it can be very difficult to embrace it and let it melt the bitterness away.  In those instances it can be very helpful to remind yourselves that those who have hurt or offended you are themselves experiencing considerable pain and suffering, which is why they attacked you in the first place, and this will enable you to feel some compassion for them.  Once you start to feel compassion for them, your resentment will ease, allowing forgiveness into your hearts to dissolve any bitterness residing there.  When that occurs you will find yourselves able to embrace forgiveness enthusiastically for the peace and contentment it brings you as the stress of unforgivingness fades away.  Eventually you will find that your grudges and resentments are gone, that you rarely make negative judgments, and that you have forgiven everyone, including yourselves.  Finally you will discover that you have even stopped forgiving because there is no longer any need to forgive because all that remains within you is love – love for all, because you are one with all as you progress together towards awakening.

So embrace forgiveness and allow it to show you that there is truly nothing and no one to forgive, as you realize that pain, misery, and suffering are part of the illusion, and that when you forgive those whom you perceive to have caused those conditions, you have only love remaining within you.  And of course this makes perfect sense because all were created from Love, in Love; no other state exists.  Love is everywhere, It is all that there is, and so you are part of It, eternally and forever. It envelops and embraces all life, and nothing apart from It exists, as you will discover when you awaken – as you most surely will.

A Memorable Legacy

From: Gifts by the Side of the Road
By:  John Wayne Schlatter

The Legacy When I die, give what is left of me to children. If you need to cry, cry for your brothers walking beside you. Put your arms around anyone and give them what you need to give to me. I want to leave you with something, something better than words or sounds. Look for me in the people I have known and loved. And if you cannot live without me, then let me live on in your eyes, your mind, and your acts of kindness. You can love me most by letting hands touch hands and letting go of children that need to be free. Love does not die, people do. So when all that is left of me is love... Give me away...

Undoubtedly!!....A Wayseer: "The Rescue of A Baby Hummingbird"

If it were only possible to clone this young male...one can only imagine the tenderness he will have for his own child in the future, should that be the path he decides.


But, in the here and now,...he is a stunning example of "love".


(And what could be better than the music by Jack Johnson...a real advocate of nature and responsibility to our earth.)