MY WORK ... MY PASSION

• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my daughter, my grand daughters, and my grand son. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.




The Definition of Genius

"THRIVE"

https://youtu.be/Lr-RoQ24lLg

"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."




The degree of our enlightenment is the degree of passion that we will have for the whole world." ~The Greystone Mandala


~The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Winston Churchill


"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that good night."

Dylan Thomas

TECHNOLOGY..........

In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

NARCISSISM: Wikipedia


Many of my posts deal with narcissism.  Using a trenchant tone, punctuated by sarcasm, you just haven't lived until you have had a significant relationship with one. 


Typically narcissism is cloaked as a male, but there is a growing female head count as this present culture evolves. Many folks could sum up their definition and understanding in a few words. And, there is a healthy degree of narcissism we all need.  If that is void, we could not even successfully apply for a job.


My focus, which includes studies of several individuals whom I think address our dearth of knowledge about this personality disorder, concerns itself more with the malignant narcissist. And, in reviewing the causes of the disorder, this generation and the last of parenting falls sharply in line with being higher on the continuum.  The profiles for this are compelling as we look at our own parenting and that of others. However, this following link from Wikipedia, discusses it sufficiently (the quick and dirty approach) in few words, and merits scrutiny.
  Yet, there is so much more, and there are sites such as "The Narcissistic Continuum" I have listed in my links to the right.


READ WIKIPEDIA ON NARCISSISM: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder







Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Why Is the Conservative Brain More Fearful? The Alternate Reality Right-Wingers Inhabit Is Terrifying | AlterNet

Consider for a moment just how terrifying it must be to live life as a true believer on the right. Reality is scary enough, but the alternative reality inhabited by people who watch Glenn Beck, listen to Rush Limbaugh, or think Michele Bachmann isn't a joke must be nothing less than horrifying.
Research suggests that conservatives.........

READ MORE: Why Is the Conservative Brain More Fearful? The Alternate Reality Right-Wingers Inhabit Is Terrifying | Media | AlterNet

Monday, May 28, 2012

"Infidelity: Real Men Don't Make Excuses: ~ repost from The Narcissistic Continuum


http://n-continuum.blogspot.com/2009/12/infidelity-real-men-dont-make-excuses.html


Infidelity: Real Men Don't Make Excuses


Surprise! by Henri Rousseau, 1891








The narcissist’s infidelity is an ambush more than a surprise. A term like "Gotcha!" might be a good description of the narcissist's aggressive and intentional infidelity. Surprise and "Gotcha" work together like a charm if putting an uppity woman in her place is the goal--her place being somewhere awfully close to the floor. If the narcissist plants a flag on your chest and declares victory, you might want to pay attention to his superior position, get up off the floor, and wrap the flag around his bloated head.

In relationships that are not stunted by pathological narcissism, infidelity can be a turning point for both the betrayer and the betrayed. Normal couples say an affair was a warning sign to confront marital problems or the relationship would never last. Both people picked up their share of the problems and worked together restoring trust and mutual responsibility, which ended up enhancing intimacy. Their Love story had a happy ending despite the fact that infidelity was traumatizing for both the ‘betrayed’ and the ‘betrayer’.

In my mind, infidelity is even more traumatizing for the children than the couple, because it jeopardizes their ability to implicitly trust an intimate partner in the future. Let’s never forget that there’s more than three in the two-timing crucible. What’s good for the goose & the gander is heartbreaking for the gosling, even life altering.

If infidelity hurts so many people, then why do men cheat on their wives? It’s like asking, “Why do men beat on their wives?” Only nowadays, we’ve made progress on the sexist idea that she made him beat her. I hope we’ve progressed to the point where we realize there’s one person responsible for raising a fist and that person is the only one to blame for his choice to raise a fist. However, when it comes to sex and infidelity---that’s where things really get sticky. Society is still inclined to blame a woman as the reason for her husband's philandering. Or at least insist she take half his responsibility for choosing to betray his wife and family. We continue offering excuses as to why a man messes around with another woman when they have a perfectly well equipped partner at home. A partner with perks. Like cinnamon rolls, and happy kids, and continuity, and extended relationships, and compassion enough to care for him when he’s feeble, and respectability, and a safe place for family to call ‘home’. We say to one another, "Well, he must not have been happy at home."

So everybody learns that if Dad isn’t happy, the whole family had best be focused on making Daddy happy, Or Else.

Contrary to assumptions that only dissatisfied, unhappy men cheat, Shirley Glass says happy men cheat, too. According Ruth Houston, an infidelity expert: “This information may surprise you, but research has proven time and time again that a man’s happiness, or the quality of his marriage have no bearing on whether or not he’ll have an extramarital affair.”

So much for the pop-psychology excuse as to why men have affairs.

Infidelity is such a curiosity, though! It’s a national obsession. Affairs makes headlines on the 6 o’clock news. News about wars and financial disasters and impending global destruction take a back seat to what celebrities are doing behind the mask of propriety. I wonder if the reason we’re always asking ‘why people have affairs’ is because we want to know ‘why not.’ Why not have affairs? Perhaps our obsession with other people’s sex lives is an attempt to question the idea that infidelity is common, not-so-bad-as-long-as-you-don’t-get-caught, and that maybe restraining narcissistic impulses isn't necessary because a dalliance now & then is a victimless crime? After all, it sure looks like everybody does it which means infidelity is 'normal.' Those fidel folks are the abnormal ones. Why don't they have affairs, too?

Maybe society is struggling to understand the compulsion to have risky affairs, while we're also deconstructing the patriarchal notion of male privilege. Women are challenging the age-old double standard of fidelity by breaking the silence surrounding male privilege. Now we hear true stories from the other side of the bed: the betrayed, the children, the family, the friends, and the wife who dares speak what used to be unspeakable. Women are less reluctant to speak up when they are socially validated instead of incriminated. Unfortunately (as happens in oppressive systems): “Female infidelity has increased 50% and is rapidly approaching the rate of male infidelity.” Looks like oppressed women are catching up to privileged men. Well, equality of the sexes shouldn't mean freedom to mimic the abuses of the privileged, but transition is never easy.

Johnny Appleseed can't resist the compulsion to plant orchards

Even academics fabricate excuses for men, purporting theories about a deeply embedded evolutionary drive to spread one’s genes as far and as wide as our…..legs; suggesting we are motivated to procreate because that's how our species has survived: Hook up, impregnate, hook up elsewhere, impregnate; keep mini-me’s populating the planet; it's our moral duty to make sure our genes survive. For some reason though, these arguments fail to mention the modern neo-cortex overriding instinctual impulses.

Even if a few men act like dogs, humans in the 21st century are very unlike chickens and cows and furry creatures that don’t have careers, kids needing stability, and 30-year mortgages for homes rather than corrals and chicken coops. Comparing us to rapidly copulating rabbits is an insult to our humanity and simply preposterous, really. What are the statistics for infidelity and viable offspring anyway? My naïve guess is that modern affairs serve the ego, not the genetic code. Maybe I could go along with the line of evolutionary thought if partners were only required to grunt at the sacred alter of commitment, “Do you take this man or this woman to be your lawfully wedded partner?”

Ugh!”

Or if the man were still returning from the hunt with gutted rats for his stick-gathering woman to dangle over campfires. Wait, come to think of it, there may be a link between outdoorsy type personalities and their Neanderthal relatives. Maybe one of the questions we should ask a potential mate is: “Do You Like Sleeping in Caves?” If they prefer rocks to feather pillows, you might want to think twice before breeding.

I remember being a young girl in a tightly-knit rural community. We were about twenty years behind city folk’s shifting morality, though television was eroding our black-and-white standards a lot faster than it took instilling those values from one generation to the next. When my best friend’s father became dissatisfied with his wife, supposedly totally and utterly miserable, and so very sad and depressed in his marriage, he spread his blues genes elsewhere. People rolled their eyes and said, “That’s a man for ya.”

Then when Mr. GreenJean’s wife was caught sleeping with Farmer Dell, well---people started a bonfire in the center of town and collected biblical stones. Even a naïve kid like myself figured out that “Sticks and Stones may break my bones” but adultery would catch my hair on fire.

Not that the people in my community condoned male philandering, but they could understand it. What they couldn’t understand was why Mrs. GreenJeans slept with Farmer Dell when she had a perfectly nice stove, a 4-wheel drive pick-up, in-house plumbing, and all the accoutrements a woman needed to keep her busy. Like kids and an orchard full of apples to preserve, for example. There wasn’t any allowance nor excuse for an unhappy woman to seek happiness elsewhere, not like there was for an unhappy man.

Kids are exceptionally observant without realizing we’re being socialized. We don’t question our perceptions of normal adult behavior. What was normal to most of us was the idea that a man was incapable of controlling his urges and a woman was supposed to control not only hers, but her man’s lesser instincts, too. If he was a philanderer, she had failed. She was the cause. Gossiping people never asked “What’s wrong with that man?” or accused him of having a narcissistic personality disorder. Instead, they examined his wife’s deficits to explain his behavior, accusing her of having character defects---like being sexually inadequate, or scornful, or scolding, or too fat for fun.

Now I’m a grown woman and citified and my morals have become more relative than my parents believe is prudent. I have an open mind, a healing wounded heart, and the ability to be more objective about infidelity. The other thing I have that a lot of other people don’t, is direct experience with infidelity and a narcissistic spouse. So when Tiger Woods was outed as a philanderer and I saw a picture of the beauty he married…well, it was rather validating let me admit that fact right up front. She didn’t look sexually inadequate to me, and she was definitely not too fat for fun. The other difference is that Mrs. Tiger probably didn’t take her husband’s infidelity quite as personally as those of us with stretch marks and crow’s feet, our youthful beauty fading faster than a Brazilian rain forest. Mrs. Tiger probably didn’t enjoy being reduced to a cliché like the rest of her female sex, but she isn’t grieving the fact that she’ll likely spend the remainder of her life alone. When you look at her and you look at Tiger, there’s not a whole lot of blame to be placed on anyone but the man himself. And his narcissism perhaps. Narcissism being a dynamic of personality and not a clinical disorder like NPD.

Child Prodigies

Undoubtedly, Tiger grew up perceiving himself to be ‘special’, the rest of humanity being way below par by comparison. He was groomed from the age of two to see himself as exceptional, privileged, and entitled to have whatever he wanted with a righteous dose of vanity and inordinate self-preoccupation. It would be arduous work for any one to grow up in the adoring public eye without equating celebrity status as evidence of superiority.

Tiger is the golden child of a narcissistic culture that elevates him on a pedestal, isolating him from the rest of the world, essentially separating him from reality. His childhood leaves one to wonder how ‘real’ he feels himself to be. Is he an exception---meaning is he entitled to do whatever he pleases because the rules of life do not apply to celebrities of his stature? His upbringing must have been surreal, segregating him from a normal life and encouraging his narcissism to flourish, unchecked by the limitations of ordinariness. When the shit hits the proverbial fans however, when his behavior is not in sync with his image, he has an opportunity to ask himself, “Where have I gone wrong and how can I make amends to the people I have hurt?” Tangentially, his fans have an opportunity to real-ize him as a human being, not a God. He is no more than a mistake-making man with warts, urges, and failings---like the rest of his species.

The challenge of a child prodigy is to recognize their extraordinary skills without conceptualizing themselves as extraordinary people, thus extirpated from moral behavior and empathy for others. Moral laws alleviate one another's suffering through individual responsibility for our impact on partners, on family, and (by extension for celebrities in particular), their impact on the whole of society. When an icon tumbles from his lofty pedestal, he can reify his masculine archetype by doing what real men do: the Right Thing. That means taking responsibility for his failure to keep his word, going the extra mile to repair any damage he has caused, working hard to earn his stature, voluntarily sacrificing ego to higher values than the narcissistic cloddish self, and thus restoring his integrity aided by the cleansing grief of humility.

Tiger’s ability to transform arrogance into humility requires a steadfast desire to bear the humiliation of his failure rather than demand his family bear the burden for him. The inability to suffer one’s own 'sins' and mourn the demise of an omnipotent self is the hallmark of a narcissistic personality.

The truth of Tiger’s unchangeable narcissism will be in the outcome. I hope he will take the path least traveled and accept his moral duty to live up to the principles he represents. I hope he will not take the path most traveled and excuse himself from responsibility. I hope he has the character to resist socially conditioned temptations to blame his wife, or scapegoat his family in order to preserve his ego at all costs to others. If he chooses the road most traveled, he won’t get any slack from mobs of people who validate his entitlement to act without consideration for others.

Can he resist projecting responsibility, even towards his idolizing fans sustaining the isolation of his celebrity? Will he succumb to the clamor of the hollow men,justifying male entitlement as normal, even imitable? Does he realize envious fans need to keep him in his place: on a pedestal. Those hollow fans who sanction Tiger Wood's entitlement, absolve him from responsibility for a real man's life. After all, he’s a winner. And their winner can have or do anyone he wants.

The challenge for our celebrity-worshipping society is to never allow celebrity status to trump moral behavior. When we grant special privileges to the rich and famous, we set the stage for our children to normalize pathological behavior. By mimicking narcissistic behavior as normal, even glorified, we diminish the future quality of our children’s lives. If the celebrities we worship are not subject to the same rules governing a civilized society, then our children will idealize fame as the golden ticket to freedom: freedom to do what they please, when they please, to whom they please and whenever they feel like it. They will forfeit the ultimate freedom via mastery of lesser instincts and ‘feelings’ that frees the whole of society. If we do not hold stars accountable to what we know is unhealthy and dissatisfying, we encourage the proliferation of narcissism in an individualistic culture that thinks only of the self without regard for others, too special to suffer consequences for harmful behavior.

No matter how you look at it, Tiger Wood’s infidelity is the Tournament of His Life, a defining point in his maturation from a two-dimensional star to a complex human being. Taking responsibility for himself will be a defining point. Even he, a child prodigy, is not above the rules of decent behavior.

If he submits to the rules of a sport that must be obeyed or suffer disqualification, he can follow the rules of a moral life that must be adhered to, or suffer disqualification as a man. Real men bear accountability for their guilt, suffer remorse, repair the damage, and refuse to make excuses. Real men pick up the broken pieces of their pedestal and ask no one to carry the weighty burden for them. They bear the burden of their brokenness as evidence of their humanity.

Corrective life events

Tiger’s infidelity can be a ‘corrective life event that puts his life in order by creating a ‘real’ relationship with himself, embodying the values he represents: a good man, a trustworthy husband, a reliable father, an icon of strength worthy of emulation. Alternatively, the humiliation of infidelity can be a ‘corrosive life event’, ultimately destroying his true self, handicapped by the façade of his celebrity. At this crucial moment, the question to be considered is not how his family failed him. The question to ask is how he failed himself---as a man. A real man. One with warts and failings and mistakes to rectify.

The healing period post-infidelity is a precarious time of self discovery. At the core of Tiger Wood's character, when the false mask of superiority is lowered just enough to see a true self secreted behind the pretense, is his narcissism context dependent---or is it a state of being?

Only time will tell.

Hugs,
CZBZ

Re-post of "Sandra Brown and the Sisyphean Commitment to Social Change through Public Awareness" ~ The Narcissistic Continuum


As I promised, this is a post from "The Narcissistic Continuum" blogsite.  The link, which also may be found in the column on the right of this page, is:







Wikipedia"...Sisyphus was a king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever..." 

If you've loved someone with pathological behaviors that improve and regress without warning, you may connect Sisyphus with narcissism. You may view the narcissist as an unlearning fool, "repeating the same behavior expecting results to change." Up the mountain, down the mountain, up the mountain, down...never changing behavior and beliefs while expecting changed outcomes. 

As the myth goes, Sisyphus was condemned to to push a boulder up a hill. His hubris asserting himself as more clever than Zeus (as the rumor suggests), resulted in an eternity of unending and unrewarding struggle, his vision never achieved. His efforts never satisfied. The Sisyphean metaphor describes the pathological inclination for continual reinvention: chasing idealistic fantasies, losing interest (re: boredom); devaluing the fantasy; discarding it for another fantasy. 

This picture on the right is a good illustration of my marriage. I'm the littler boulder squashed between a rock and hard pavement when my x-husband took us down his path of least resistance. He's still pushing his Sisyphean boulders and so am I. Why am I? Because there's more than one way to read this myth.


Interpretation #2: The fate of Sisyphus mirrors the Boulder-Pusher's relentless commitment to social change 

Social change is a process of again-ing: doing the same thing over and over again and experiencing minimal results. Sisyphean describes the challenges people face when writing and talking about pathology. It's as if we're pushing a massive boulder up a hill in the belief we're making progress, only to experience the inevitable roll-back. We push the rock again because we're committed to educating people about pathology. Why? Because pathology results in "inevitable harm." All of society suffers because of ignorance about human pathology. 

"Twenty-nine years ago, my father [Frankie Brown] bled out in a grungy gutter in Cincinnati after a psychopath plunged a knife into his aorta outside of his jazz club.  I was initiated into a victim-hood that would turn my life and career in a direction I hadn't much interest in before that particular day. Much like pathology in anyone else's life, you don't get to pick how it plays out in your life. "
We don't get to pick how it plays out in our lives. We may have chosen a pathological partner but the truth is: we chose a person, not a pathology. That person just happened to come with warts that didn't get better in tim,e. No matter how harshly we're chided for seeing changeability in a beloved's pathological traits, we were not choosing to be harmed. We made choices based on what we knew. When we discover there's such a thing as pathological personalities, we generally feel a need to share what we've learned. 

Conscientious people are driven to take action because we care deeply; we are motivated by our moral nature---the desire to alleviate harm for others. My effort to create gentle websites granting safe space for sharing, learning, and healing is the result of feeling isolated and lacking knowledgeable support when I didn't get to pick how pathology would play out in my life. 
"Every new blog that goes up," Sandra writes, "every newsletter, every website, every talk, every social networking post, every private moment of your knowledge shared with another victim...is another message to another ear that has heard the message.  You learned it because someone cared enough to make sure you learned it."
Rather than mocking the absurdity of our Sisyphean labor, let's assume the ultimate goal of social change is worthy of successive failures. Many of us see the summit of public awareness, but few of us are willing or able to commit to the arduous process getting there. That's not a condemnation of anyone. I would never suggest everyone-who-is-affected-by-pathology enter the public arena. There are valid reasons for stepping away. You must be able to roll with the boulder when it descends---for it will. For those of us who are able to speak for others, we should buck up and do it. For those of you who are motivated to tell your story, don't expect a welcome committee for breaking the silence. The Gods will be angry! Ignore the God of Pathology undermining your voice, invalidating you & your efforts, remember: 

Speaking out is Meaningful Work. It is not pointless. It is not futile. 

You never know whose life you have touched because you dared push the ignorance boulder six inches higher before slip-sliding three. You needn't be a specialist in psychology or the social sciences, either. You are the expert on your life. Your story ripples through people's lives in ways you'll never realize. It takes faith to believe your life experience matters enough to make a difference in the future of a more civilized and 'just' society. Sandra Brown asks us to:
"Help me celebrate my father's death anniversary in a way that brings meaning and hope to many.  Tomorrow, share what you know with just ONE person—someone that you have felt in your gut needs to know about the permanence and the pain of pathological relationships...His death should never have been for nothing—and as long as people have been helped, it hasn't. "
Maybe all social change begins with a simple story: "Once upon a time, I believed all people were capable of change, if we only loved them enough. And then one day..........."

Sandra encourages people to email her so she'll know readers "Passed it forward." If you want to comment on her blog, I added her blog link below. If you'd like to post on my blog, I'll let Sandra know about your comments. We have a long way to go educating people about pathology, that's true; but already, Sandra Brown's work has made a difference in people's lives and our children's lives, too.

Rest in peace, Frankie.



Hugs all,
CZ

"Big Fiscal Phonies" - New York Times/Krugman

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/28/opinion/krugman-fiscal-phonies.html


OP-ED COLUMNIST

Big Fiscal Phonies



Quick quiz: What’s a good five-letter description of Chris Christie, the Republican governor of New Jersey, that ends in “y”?
Fred R. Conrad/The New York Times
Paul Krugman

The obvious choice is, of course, “bully.” But as a recent debate over the state’s budget reveals, “phony” is an equally valid answer. And as Mr. Christie goes, so goes his party.
Until now the attack of the fiscal phonies has been mainly a national rather than a state issue, with Paul Ryan, the chairman of the House Budget Committee, as the prime example. As regular readers of this column know, Mr. Ryan has somehow acquired a reputation as a stern fiscal hawk despite offering budget proposals that, far from being focused on deficit reduction, are mainly about cutting taxes for the rich while slashing aid to the poor and unlucky. In fact, once you strip out Mr. Ryan’s “magic asterisks” — claims that he will somehow increase revenues and cut spending in ways that he refuses to specify — what you’re left with are plans that would increase, not reduce, federal debt.
The same can be said of Mitt Romney, who claims that he will balance the budget but whose actual proposals consist mainly of huge tax cuts (for corporations and the wealthy, of course) plus a promise not to cut defense spending.
Both Mr. Ryan and Mr. Romney, then, are fake deficit hawks. And the evidence for their fakery isn’t just their bad arithmetic; it’s the fact that for all their alleged deep concern over budget gaps, that concern isn’t sufficient to induce them to give up anything — anything at all — that they and their financial backers want. They’re willing to snatch food from the mouths of babes (literally, via cuts in crucial nutritional aid programs), but that’s a positive from their point of view — the social safety net, says Mr. Ryan, should not become “a hammock that lulls able-bodied people to lives of dependency and complacency.” Maintaining low taxes on profits and capital gains, and indeed cutting those taxes further, are, however, sacrosanct.
Still, Mr. Ryan and Mr. Romney are playing to a national audience. Are Republican governors, who have to deal with real budget constraints, different? Well, there have been many claims to that effect; Mr. Christie, in particular, has been widely held up, not least by himself, as an example of a politician willing to make tough choices.
But last week we got to see him facing an actual tough choice — and aside from the yelling-at-people thing, he proved himself just another standard fiscal phony.
Here’s the story: For some time now Mr. Christie has been touting what he calls the “Jersey comeback.” Even before his latest outburst, it was hard to see what he was talking about: yes, there have been some job gains in the McMansion State since Mr. Christie took office, but they have lagged gains both in the nation as a whole and in New York and Connecticut, the obvious points of comparison.
Yet Mr. Christie has been adamant that New Jersey is on the way back, and that this makes room for, you guessed it, tax cuts that would disproportionately benefit the wealthy.
Last week reality hit: David Rosen, the state’s independent, nonpartisan budget analyst, told legislators that the state faces a $1.3 billion shortfall. How did the governor respond?
First, by attacking the messenger. According to Mr. Christie, Mr. Rosen — a veteran public servant whose office usually makes more accurate budget forecasts than the state’s governor — is “the Dr. Kevorkian of the numbers.” Civility!
By the way, even Mr. Christie’s own officials are predicting a major budget shortfall, just not quite as big. And the two big credit-rating agencies, Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s, have recently issued warnings about New Jersey’s budget situation, which S.& P. called “structurally unbalanced” because of the governor’s optimistic revenue assumptions.
New Jersey, then, is still in dire fiscal shape. So is our tough-talking governor willing to reconsider his pet tax cut? Fuhgeddaboudit. Instead, he wants to fill the hole with one-shot budget gimmicks, including reneging on a promise to reduce borrowing for transportation investment and diverting funds from clean-energy programs. So much for fiscal responsibility.
Will Mr. Christie’s budget temper tantrum end speculation that he might become Mr. Romney’s running mate? I have no idea. But it really doesn’t matter: whoever Mr. Romney picks, he or she will cheerfully go along with the budget-busting, reverse Robin Hood policies that you know are coming if the former governor wins.
For the modern American right doesn’t care about deficits, and never did. All that talk about debt was just an excuse for attacking Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security and food stamps. And as for Mr. Christie, well, he’s just another fiscal phony, distinguished only by his fondness for invective.

Friday, May 25, 2012

"The Narcissistic Continuum" blog

I have just discovered a wonderful blog!  The link to that blog is on the right with the others which have truly impressed me.


Life is rolling along at an incredible rate these days, and each time I go to this new (for me) site, I "get lost" in that magical forest.  The writer has so much of interest and presents in such an insightful and artful manner.  I can assure you I will be re-posting from her site soon!  However the link is here so that you do not have to wait for me.....enjoy!


This is a comment from the author, which I believe says it all:


Hi!

Thank goodness for the Internet! Don't you wonder how many people's lives would have been better had they known about narcissism "as a disorder"? Not as a sign of healthy self-regard and confidence...

I am so glad to be able to "pay it forward" and do my part educating people about unhealthy, even destructive narcissistic traits. Thank you so much for reading my blog. Keep learning and pass the message forward: Narcissism is NOT cool. It's not benign. It hurts everyone---even the narcissist. 

Narcissistic traits that are rigid and difficult to change, destroy relationships, even if the 'narcissist' does not have a personality disorder. 

Dr. Nina Brown stresses this point in her numerous books on "Destructive Narcissistic Patterns." unfortunately, people focus on whether or not the 'narcissist' has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). They assume that since the narcissist doesn't meet five of the nine criteria for a personality disorder, that their behavior will change. They may even rationalize or minimize the pain they're suffering by remaining in relationship with the narcissist. 

We have to be honest about the negative impact narcissism has on other people, whether or not the narcissist qualifies for a personality disorder.

The key thing for people to remember is this: 

If you are the one researching and learning, you are the one who's changing. The narcissist must admit he or she has a problem and then start a long trek towards mental health (and public safety). Nothing you can say, do, learn, preach or teach will help the narcissist until he or she can admit they need help.

We cannot influence people who will not allow us to influence them. This is so very difficult to accept, yet we must. 

Learn about narcissism for yourself and change your reactions to narcissists. That is the best thing we can do to stop the proliferation (and emulation) of narcissistic traits/behaviors. 


Hugs,
CZ

Monday, May 21, 2012

Preying on the Poor | The Nation

"Individually the poor are not too tempting to thieves, for obvious reasons. Mug a banker and you might score a wallet containing a month’s rent. Mug a janitor and you will be lucky to get away with bus fare to flee the crime scene. But as Business Week helpfully pointed out in 2007, the poor in aggregate provide a juicy target for anyone depraved enough to make a business of stealing from them...."




READ MORE.....Preying on the Poor | The Nation

Envy, Part of the Definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder Personality Disorder ~ Randy Kreger / Psychology Today


Envy, Part of the Definition of Narcisistic Personality Disorder

Attachment Parenting: More Guilt for Mother ~ AlterNet

Not only is 'attachment parenting' bad for women; it's not necessarily good for children, either.


READ MORE.....Attachment Parenting: More Guilt for Mother | Gender | AlterNet

Sunday, May 20, 2012

IMPORTANT: Parental Alienation Syndrome / Ludwig.F. Lowenstein Ph.D


Parental alienation or its syndrome as some prefer to call it has numerous signs, chief of which begins with a question: “Why should children who were initially close to both parents suddenly seek to reject one of them?” This tends to occur following an acrimonious separation or divorce. There is a tendency to rely too much on what a child says it wants rather than looking behind the obvious remarks. They are often ‘programmed’ by the alienating parent and this leads to false, frivolous exaggerated criticisms against the other parent. 28 signs of alienation which are not always simultaneously apparent are presented as well as 24 suggestions for remediation.


http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/24-sigofparalisynandhowtocouitseff.htm

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

"Stop Walking On Eggshells" / Randi Kreger ~ Psychology Today



From Randi Kreger, the author of this series: 


"This is part 1 of my second series about the similarities and differences between those with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders."


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201112/interpersonal-exploitation-typical-narcissists

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...