• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my daughter, my grand daughters, and my grand son. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.

The Definition of Genius


"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."

The degree of our enlightenment is the degree of passion that we will have for the whole world." ~The Greystone Mandala

~The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Winston Churchill

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that good night."

Dylan Thomas


In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Tuesday, December 27, 2011



By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

       "No matter what I do, it isn't good enough."  "No matter how much I
give, it never seems to satisfy."  Over these past holidays, how many
times have we heard, or made, such comments?

       Let's face it.  There are people who, no matter how much they have
or have been given, never appreciate it.  You could pour your heart
out, work until you drop, share until you're empty, and they still
wouldn't acknowledge your effort with a simple "thank you."

       Somehow, it seems that people who need appreciation are often paired
with people who never express it.  They are caught up in a destructive
cycle: the more person A needs to be appreciated, the more he or she
strives for the "thank you's."  The more A seeks appreciation, the
more obligated person B feels to express his or her gratitude.  The
more guilty B feels, the more likely he or she is to rebel and
withhold appreciation.  This leads to further emptiness in person A,
and the subsequent increase in A's need for appreciation.  This cycle
is often experienced during holiday times when "giving" and
"receiving" is expected

       People caught up in this psychological cycle experience life as an
endless dependency, filled with fear, helplessness, hostility, anger
and above all, unfulfilled needs.  Both parties caught up in this
cycle are very needy of personal validation and support.  Both
desperately need to feel appreciated and valuable.

       This helpless-hostile-dependency (HHD) cycle is simple to change in
theory. (You know how simple we psychologists make things... "in
theory")  Changing the HHD cycle in day-to-day living is often very

       Breaking the HHD cycle can begin with saying "thank you".  That's
right.  Saying out loud, "I appreciate..." or, "thank you for..." is
the beginning of altering the HHD cycle.

       "Thank you" communicates many messages.  "Thank you" says: I
recognize you; I like you; I appreciate you; I have seen or heard you;
I realize your effort, work or accomplishments; and best of all, I
value who you are and/or what you do.  Feeling valuable for who you
are as a person, as well as what you do, is probably the most
important consequence of receiving "thank you's."  When we feel
value-able, we feel able to be be be loved.

       Feeling value-able means we are important as individuals in and of
ourselves.  When we feel personally valued, we no longer need to
frantically seek approval from others.  We no longer need to feel
frightened of our own inadequacies.  We are valuable for who we are as
persons.  What we do, or our behavior, may or may not be appreciated.
But that isn't as important, if we feel valuable as the individual
persons we are.

       When we are appreciated for who we are, the need for validation is
filled and the old helpless-hostile-dependency cycle is replaced by
one of confident-caring-intimacy (CCI).  No wonder Nobel-prize winner,
Hans Selye, said the most healthy emotion you can experience is one of
gratitude.  Selye's famous research about stress and it's effect on
human health, indicated that "vengeance" was the most harmful emotion.
 "Gratitude" the most beneficial.

       In changing the HHD cycle to the CCI cycle, the importance of the
regular and persistent saying of "thank you" for being you, and "thank
you" for what you do, cannot be over-emphasized.

       Thank you for reading my column today, for responding to it and
especially for being the valuable people you are.


Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: "Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice...and Your Life!" (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...