Let's Pretend- Michael Crawford - YouTube

This is one of my favorite melodies about our children.  There is an optimistic defiance ... sort of a celebratory visualization ... in the context of the song.

I was at a Thankgsgiving F-E-A-S-T this past week.  It was not only a feast of food, although it surely was that.  From any aspect, it was very clear about the abundant outcomes that happen when we humans join forces.... for anything.

I experienced a group of people, thankfully all very human.....but it was the tapestry of their individual divinities  that showered over all of me. As I slept that evening, it was like "visions of sugar plums dancing in my head", as I would remember one moment after another.

The man who asked the blessing gave his own special brand of depth and insight to the day: a total gift.  Until then, I had always seen his ready wit, sense of "I'm in" fun, and athletic, buffed appearance.  I am not really sure what I expected from his blessing over family and food, but profound is what I got!  He later teased that he had shortened it somewhat, because he usually got the collective "throat clearing" of the family members eager to "dig in".  I have to say, I was wishing he had gone longer.

What amazed me throughout the day, and which was very different than my own very extended family, was the mature, and even sacred, way they had of putting aside the everyday silliness of the "stuff" we humans manage to inflict on one another.  Oh, sure, there were teeny, almost imperceptible, ripples ... but those were so fleeting and brief.  Why?  The underpinning of caring, respect, and love trumped that.  We even got into some family pictures towards the end of the evening .... the biggest gift here?  It was what the family members pointed out was really important over the years. Therein was the sacredness...and the Divine at work.

This family redefined my concept of family, love, and strength.  I still feel a high measure of enjoyment from that extended family who know what the priorities  in this life are.  They knew the vississitudes, the bumps in the road ... all of that.  That, for me is what defines heroines and heros: those people who literally smirk at what life sometimes throws our way ... that which could buckle the best of us.  In the most blessed character, these people showed me how they stand indomitably and indestructibly .. and try to keep character and compassion as their staunch and main theme.

They know who they are, this family of five adult children, all raised by their single mom.  This family tries very hard to make the lyrics of this song come alive. Simply compelling!

And so, this family made "let's pretend"...very REAL!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN, AND READ FURTHER

Are American Children Ungrateful?" (Probably....)

Are American children ungrateful?

Research suggests that we may be raising a generation that is missing out on the benefits of gratitude.

by: Hank Pellissier

Imagine your children in their nicest clothes, crawling on their hands and knees, heads humbly bowed. They creep with their classmates in a quiet parade down the center aisle of their school auditorium, their fingers gripping floral bouquets. Arriving on stage, your children prostrate themselves, before rising to extend the fragrant blooms to their beloved teachers, reverently thanking them for their instruction. In the audience, parents weep.

Sound like an alien planet of robot kid-slaves? Actually, it’s Thailand’s wai kruceremony. Early every school year in this east Asian nation, Wai Kru Day (Teacher Appreciation Day) provides an occasion for students to express respect, gratitude, and indebtedness to their educators. The formal event can include Buddhist chants and songs of appreciation, gifts presented in golden containers, candles, incense, encouraging advice and pats on the pupils’ heads from teachers to help “knowledge to absorb into the child’s brain.”

China, Singapore, Taiwan, South Korea, and Japan also lavishly celebrate their venerated instructors with flowers, speeches, performances, banners proclaiming “We Love You, Teachers!” and expensive gifts such as prepaid shopping cards, cosmetics, designer handbags, and iPads (which are more bribes than part of their legitimate appreciation).

It’s not just schoolteachers that other nations express gratitude for. In Thailand and other east Asian nations with Buddhist and Confucian traditions, gratitude is expected and revered. Culture guidebook The Thai and I: Thai Society and Culture, by Roger Welty, says, “Every person … if he is to be truly Thai, should feel and express gratitude to mother and father teachers, and those who have supported or patronized him in any way.”

Value of gratitude falls

Gratitude’s significance diminishes as you move west. And in the United States, it doesn’t fare well at all. A study in the British Journal of Social Psychology notes that “20% of American adults rated gratitude as a constructive and useful emotion, compared to 50% of Germans. Ten percent of Americans responded that they ‘regularly and often’ experience the emotion of gratitude, as compared to 30% of Germans.”

Lack of gratitude in American children is chafing the patience of many parents, and it shows up in our culture of entitlement. A Wall Street Journalopinion columnist chronicled the “entitlement epidemic,” and psychologists consider the underlying causes infecting “children of entitlement.” Frustrated parents are taking drastic actions to curb ungratefulness, such as canceling Christmas, and they’re organizing into support groups such as Mothers Against Ungrateful Children on Facebook.

American children who seldom feel or express gratitude — thankfulness or appreciation — are missing out on scores of potential benefits, claim researchers. A huge trove of scientific data offers evidence that feeling appreciative leads to substantial psychological, physical, and social gains. Gratitude is positively associated with: happiness, self-esteem, optimism and sleep quality, enhanced life satisfaction, decreased anxiety, lower depressive symptoms, and less body dissatisfaction.

Aren’t these exactly what we want for our children?

Practicing gratitude has also been linked to improved social skills, such as a willingness to help others, “high-quality relationships,” ability to develop new relationships, and improved “social bonding.”

Material girls (and boys)

Why are our kids so ungrateful? Why can’t children — raised in a country so rich and influential that people across the globe risk their lives to immigrate here — appreciate their incredible privilege? Indulgent parents are often blamed, but research suggests another villain: TV commercials.

Yes, our children are inundated by ads. Kids in the United States see 40,000 commercials every year, estimates the American Academy of Pediatrics. The average 15-year-old, claims another study, has spent more hours staring at television than attending school.

Ads for toys, tasty snacks, sugared cereal, electronic gizmos, amusement parks, and other enticing stuff, presented in exciting and glamorous settings, are loudly, stylistically blasted into their innocent ears and onto their curious eyeballs. Eventually they develop materialistic mentalities. A University of Amsterdam 2011 study in Pediatrics defined materialism as “having a preoccupation with possessions and believing that products bring happiness and success.” Dutch researchers claim “materialism and life satisfaction negatively influence each other, causing a downward spiral. … Materialistic children are less happy.” Also looking at adults, the study concludes “that materialistic children may become less happy later in life.”

Of course, children don’t catch materialism solely through contagious TV commercials. Parents also, unwittingly, infect their beloved little ones. A 2015 study, “Defined by Your Possessions? How Loving Parents Unintentionally Foster Materialism in their Children,” warns “using material possessions to express love or reward children for their achievements can backfire.”

Makes you think. Do we shower our children with treats and quick gifts, instead of devoting hours to listening, hugging, playing, reading, and embarking on adventures with them? Is their relationship to the TV and their toys stronger than it is to us, because we haven’t forged a lifelong heartwarming social bond with them?

“Loving and supportive parents can unintentionally foster materialism in their children despite their best efforts,” according to the study.

They also unconsciously do it by modeling materialism. Regardless of what parents say, it’s what they do. “When parents are materialistic, kids are likely to follow suit,” said Christine Carter, Raising Happiness author and sociologist. “When parents — as well as peers and celebrities — model materialism, kids care more about wealth and luxury.” When parents always provide gifts and material goods as rewards, take them away as punishment, and give things instead of emotional support and attention, they’re teaching them to value things.

And that’s unlikely to make them happy. “Research suggests that materialists … tend to be less globally satisfied with their lives. … Materialists are more likely to be depressed, lonely, and have low self-esteem,” concludes a Baylor University 2014 study titled “Why are materialists less happy? The role of gratitude and need satisfaction in the relationship between materialism and life satisfaction.”

“A better understanding of the role of gratitude,” continues the paper, “may be the antidote to the increasingly negative outcomes associated with the rising tide of materialism in the ever-expanding global consumer culture. … We propose that one reason materialists are less satisfied with their lives is that they experience less gratitude.”

Ah. It comes back to gratitude. If materialism makes kids sad, and gratitude makes kids happy, how do we get that into our children’s hearts and heads?

The grateful head, full of oxytocin

One explanation for the reason that gratitude has such a powerful effect on our lives lies in a hormone called oxytocin. Nicknamed the “cuddle drug” or the “bonding hormone,” oxytocin is a brain chemical that promotes trust, attachment, empathy, intimacy, relaxation, generosity, calmness, and security, while reducing anxiety and stress. Oxytocin enhances everything from cardiovascular regulation to wound-healing and can possibly prevent schizophrenia and other psychiatric disorders.

Parents can help their kids access this amazing brain-made drug by teaching them to express gratefulness. Dr. Robert Emmons of UC Davis, author ofThanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier, says studies indicate that practicing gratitude can raise your hedonic “set point” by 25%. Set point isn’t about tennis: it’s a theory that suggests everyone has a baseline level of happiness, where you invariably return to after experiencing highs and lows. A 25% upgrade can vault someone out of chronic moodiness or transform the humdrums into happiness. So saying thanks isn’t just being about being polite. It provides the thanker with a wonderful tool that enables them to appreciate their life.

In a nation built on the idea of individual happiness and well being, it’s ironic that we don’t emphasize this powerhouse of an emotion. Gratitude may be a necessary but currently AWOL ingredient in the pursuit of the American Dream.

Experts share tips on promoting gratitude in children.

Behavior

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About the author

Hank Pellissier

Hank Pellissier is a freelance writer on education and brain development, and the author of Brighter Brains: 225 Ways to Elevate or Injure Intelligence. He is also the director of the Brighter Brains Institute.

EXCELLENT GUIDED MEDITATION ON GRATITUDE

Sixteen ... yes 16 ...minutes. Think of the small percentage of your day 16 minutes is.  It has been proven that people who reflect daily on at least 5 things each day for which they are grateful, immensely raise their EQ (emotional quotient). Many people can think of five before they hit the coffeepot in the morning.

In time and with practice, one's life becomes one of entire gratitude and positivity.  To say nothing of the physical outcomes of meditation which have been scientifically acclaimed for their efficacy.

In my life experience, I discovered that there is no event that does not, within its kernel, hold both gratitude and humor.  

I even doubted my own belief initially, as we learn about the full horrific events in Paris and Mali, as well as many other "news" events. Yet....wasn't it just this past week that SNL already found some humor within the totality of the situation?  (The totality, not the deaths.)  It is simply a matter of timing, and when we are ready for the tension of opposites.  It is usually then that we can look at our own entirety.

This is an excellent meditation, IMO. Please enjoy, should you decide to honor yourself for a simple 16 minutes.

The Gratitude Challenge: Does Expressing Thanks Every Day Make You Happier? | Lindsay Holmes

Lindsay Holmes 

The Gratitude Challenge: Does Expressing Thanks Every Day Make You Happier?

Posted: 08/23/2014 9:51 am EDT Updated: 08/23/2014 9:59 am EDT

Print Article

Print Article

"In an interview with author Gretchen Rubin, author and University of Houston research professor Brené Brown said, "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness -- it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude." Brown's philosophy wasn't wrong, at least not according to research. Studies show that the more you express thanks, the happier you are....."     CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

"How Teaching Kids Gratitude in School Makes Kids Happier" ~ Huffington Post / Emily Campbell

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, published by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. For more, please visitgreatergood.berkeley.edu.

Posted: 11/22/2013 8:44 am EST  |  Updated: 11/22/2013 9:19 am EST

By Emily Campbell

As Thanksgiving approaches, kids may start hearing and thinking more about gratitude at school. Maybe they'll make handprint turkeys and write something they're thankful for on each feather, or do something similar. Sure, it's a nice exercise, but does being grateful really make a difference for kids?

Previous research clearly shows that it does. Practicing gratitude increases students' positive emotions and optimism, decreases their negative emotions and physical symptoms, and makes them feel more connected and satisfied with school and with life in general.

But most of these studies have been done with upper-middle-class students in middle or high school. The results raised the question: Would these findings hold true for other types of students, particularly younger kids or kids in high-risk situations?

Two new studies find that gratitude is associated with real positive effects in the lives of these kinds of kids -- enough to suggest that it should be a focus for students all-year round.

Making Young Kids More Grateful
Jeffrey Froh is a pioneering researcher of gratitude in youth. He and colleagues tested a new kind of gratitude curriculum for elementary school children (ages 8 to 11), the youngest studied thus far. First, children learned about the three types of appraisals that make us feel grateful:

• That someone has intentionally done something to benefit us
• That providing this benefit was costly to them
• That the benefit is valuable to us

After one week of daily half-hour lessons, these students showed significant increases in grateful thinking and grateful mood -- meaning that the lessons worked. Also, when all the children were given the chance to write thank-you notes to the PTA after a presentation, the students wrote 80 percent more notes than kids who didn't receive the lessons, showing that their enhanced gratitude translated into more grateful behavior.

In the second part of the study, researchers delivered the curriculum over five weeks, with one lesson per week. The students' outcomes were tested right after the program ended and then several more times, up to five months later.

Compared to kids who didn't get the lessons in gratitude, these children showed steady increases in grateful thinking, gratitude, and positive emotions over time. In fact, the differences between the two groups were greatest five months after the program ended, indicating that the gratitude lessons had lasting effects.

Overall, this study suggests that even young students can learn to look at the world through more grateful eyes -- and that they may become not only more appreciative but also happier as a result.

Working with at-risk youth
In another recent study, Mindy Ma and colleagues looked at gratitude in a very different kind of population than those used in previous youth gratitude studies: African-American adolescents (ages 12 -14) in low-income, low-performing urban schools.

They wanted to know if, in this kind of high-risk environment, gratitude would help protect them from stresses they faced at home and school. The researchers surveyed almost 400 students from three different middle schools to see if they felt grateful emotion in response to things others do that benefit them (which researchers call "moral-affect" gratitude) or if they tended to focus on and appreciate the positives in our lives and the world (called "life-orientation" gratitude for short).

The researchers found that those who were more likely to feel grateful to others also scored higher on academic interest, grades, and extracurricular involvement; those who appreciated the positives in general scored lower on risky behaviors like drug use and sexual attitudes and activity. One factor, positive family relationships, was associated with both types of gratitude. In other words, at least for this group of students, moral-affect gratitude seemed to enhance the positive conditions of their lives, while life-orientation gratitude seemed to buffer against some common high-risk pitfalls.

Of course, this study couldn't determine whether gratitude actually caused the good outcomes (or vice versa). But it did provide promising evidence that gratitude can play a critical role in protecting at-risk adolescents' from the difficulties of their lives, possibly by broadening their mindsets and building their personal resources and coping skills.

Future studies should include experiments with programs -- such as Froh's new curriculum, perhaps -- to test the effects of teaching gratitude in at-risk populations as well. Which might give us all something more to celebrate on Thanksgiving!

Gratitude movement leader to speak in S.F. - SFGate

Are we in the middle of a gratitude movement? Evidence suggests so.

Publishers can't seem to print enough books with the words "gratitude" or "gratefulness" in the title. Scientists rake in millions of dollars in grants to study how feelings of gratitude might improve physical health and psychological well-being. And this weekend.........

READ MORE: Gratitude movement leader to speak in S.F. - SFGate

SAYING "THANK YOU"

SAYING "THANK YOU!"

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

       "No matter what I do, it isn't good enough."  "No matter how much I
give, it never seems to satisfy."  Over these past holidays, how many
times have we heard, or made, such comments?

       Let's face it.  There are people who, no matter how much they have
or have been given, never appreciate it.  You could pour your heart
out, work until you drop, share until you're empty, and they still
wouldn't acknowledge your effort with a simple "thank you."

       Somehow, it seems that people who need appreciation are often paired
with people who never express it.  They are caught up in a destructive
cycle: the more person A needs to be appreciated, the more he or she
strives for the "thank you's."  The more A seeks appreciation, the
more obligated person B feels to express his or her gratitude.  The
more guilty B feels, the more likely he or she is to rebel and
withhold appreciation.  This leads to further emptiness in person A,
and the subsequent increase in A's need for appreciation.  This cycle
is often experienced during holiday times when "giving" and
"receiving" is expected

       People caught up in this psychological cycle experience life as an
endless dependency, filled with fear, helplessness, hostility, anger
and above all, unfulfilled needs.  Both parties caught up in this
cycle are very needy of personal validation and support.  Both
desperately need to feel appreciated and valuable.

       This helpless-hostile-dependency (HHD) cycle is simple to change in
theory. (You know how simple we psychologists make things... "in
theory")  Changing the HHD cycle in day-to-day living is often very
difficult.

       Breaking the HHD cycle can begin with saying "thank you".  That's
right.  Saying out loud, "I appreciate..." or, "thank you for..." is
the beginning of altering the HHD cycle.

       "Thank you" communicates many messages.  "Thank you" says: I
recognize you; I like you; I appreciate you; I have seen or heard you;
I realize your effort, work or accomplishments; and best of all, I
value who you are and/or what you do.  Feeling valuable for who you
are as a person, as well as what you do, is probably the most
important consequence of receiving "thank you's."  When we feel
value-able, we feel able to be valued...to be cherished...to be loved.

       Feeling value-able means we are important as individuals in and of
ourselves.  When we feel personally valued, we no longer need to
frantically seek approval from others.  We no longer need to feel
frightened of our own inadequacies.  We are valuable for who we are as
persons.  What we do, or our behavior, may or may not be appreciated.
But that isn't as important, if we feel valuable as the individual
persons we are.

       When we are appreciated for who we are, the need for validation is
filled and the old helpless-hostile-dependency cycle is replaced by
one of confident-caring-intimacy (CCI).  No wonder Nobel-prize winner,
Hans Selye, said the most healthy emotion you can experience is one of
gratitude.  Selye's famous research about stress and it's effect on
human health, indicated that "vengeance" was the most harmful emotion.
 "Gratitude" the most beneficial.

       In changing the HHD cycle to the CCI cycle, the importance of the
regular and persistent saying of "thank you" for being you, and "thank
you" for what you do, cannot be over-emphasized.

       Thank you for reading my column today, for responding to it and
especially for being the valuable people you are.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach.  He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: "Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice...and Your Life!" (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.

Reconnecting with Love by Owen Waters

With the ups and downs of life, there can be times when your connection to a universe of love seems distant. The opposite of love is fear and it appears in many forms. All negative emotions including guilt and anger are expressions of fear and they can flourish in the absence of love.  Fortunately, fear has a simple antidote. Love dissolves fear, so you need to know how to bring its feeling back when it has temporarily gone away. Gratitude is one type of expression of love which has enormous power. Gratitude is invoked when you mentally send love to those whom you appreciate. It becomes especially powerful when you send your gratitude to your concept of God the Creator for all the good things in your life and for life itself, because God will reciprocate with uplifting energies. That one step you take towards God really does bring a reaction of two steps towards you. Gratitude takes you right out of your personal sphere of consciousness and into an expanded view of the universe. In this way, it raises you far above the petty fears that still try to haunt people in the everyday world. Gratitude is one of the most beautiful secrets in spiritual life. It is an expression of love, and love flows through all forms of manifestation. Without love, life in the universe cannot exist. Love is the universal force of preservation which holds Creation in manifestation. When you allow your heart to open to the universe’s flow of love, gratitude comes with that flow. Gratitude for being alive, for just existing, for just being in the flow of the adventure of life. Gratitude for the Sun that gives us life. Gratitude for the Creation of the Earth as our home in this great cosmos. Gratitude for the people that you love, and for those who share your journey through life. Gratitude flows unimpeded from an open heart. When you allow it, gratitude will flow as freely as the sunshine, unobstructed by judgments or conditions. Use the following affirmation and see what happens. Keep repeating it and, each time, think more about what the words mean. The Gratitude Affirmation adds new meaning to the term, quality of life. It really works! Try it now. Gratitude Affirmation I am grateful for life And all that I love I am grateful for the Earth And the Sun up above I am grateful for my spirit And my inner being For the One that I express And the joy of this feeling When you awaken each day, even before you get out of bed, think of ten things for which you are grateful. Finish your reflections with the Gratitude Affirmation and, each day, you'll feel inspired to have the best day ever!

"Principles of Personal Transformation"

http://www.weboflove.org/wingmakers