IMITATION IS NOT CHEATING

IMITATION IS NOT CHEATING

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

       I was not very surprised or shocked by the events that occurred last
month in Tucson, Arizona.  However, I was deeply saddened.  Perhaps I
have become jaded.  I know I have become desensitized to violence in
our society.  In protecting and defending my awareness from all the
violence to which I am exposed on a daily basis, I have become almost
emotionally numb to it.  Most children do not yet have that protective
skill.  In fact, children (up to age of emotional maturity), are not
only exposed to violence every day, they engage in violent video
games, watch violent television programs and watch violence on the
national and international "news."

       We all know that children learn best by first observing what they
experience.  Then they imitate what they observe.  They practice what
they have observed or experienced.  Imitation is the natural way we
learn.  The smarter we are, the quicker we practice what we see.  The
more we practice, the quicker we develop habits.  When habits are in
place, the behavior becomes automatic (unconscious).

       What many young children see daily are innumerable acts of violence,
either on television or in real life.  They participate in such
violence and even seek to "win" at many computer games, by killing or
violently beating an opponent.  They observe, imitate and practice
what they experience.  Violent environments breed violent
children/adolescents/young adults.

       In school, we learn that imitating others is cheating.  Being a
"copy cat" is discouraged, even punished.  Practicing what we see
others do is frowned upon by teachers.  Yet, children are expected to
accurately reproduce on a test, what they have read or heard, not
necessarily what they have seen their peers, parents or teachers do.
Individual creativity or experimentation is often discouraged as well.
 "Failure" to reproduce information accurately is down-graded.  What a
bind!  Children can't imitate what others do on one hand.  On the
other hand, they aren't allowed to invent or express their own ideas,
perceptions or behavior.  What is a frustrated child to do?  They most
likely do what they have observed others do when frustrated.  How do
most of us handle frustration?  Violence seems to be the prevalent
method.

       The smartest way to learn any new skill is to find someone who has
mastered that skill, watch what he does, and then do exactly the same
thing.  This is called "practice."  Success at achieving anything
begins with imitating the successful master.  Are we imitating a
master at violent behavior?  We most certainly imitate masters of
competition.  We usually compete (often violently) in most all aspects
of life.

       J. Krishnamurti once wrote: "Real learning comes about when the
competitive spirit has ceased."  I agree.  What do we imitate and
practice in order to replace our well-learned habits of violence and
competition?  Perhaps we can observe the parents of the non-violent
offspring.  I observe in them at least three elements: kindness,
compassion and cooperation.  I believe it's not "cheating" to copy
them.

       Do we expose our children to an environment reflecting kindness,
compassion, cooperation, success at problem-solving and non-violence?
Are we the role-models for such behavior? Children learn best by
observation, imitation and practice.  That is how we survive as a
species.  Will our children observe the compassionate attitudes and
behaviors of the parents of the victims of violence?  Or will they
focus on the murderous attitude and behavior of the young perpetrator?
 They most likely will do what they observe their role-models doing.
What role will you choose?

       Perhaps I have become jaded to violence.  Perhaps I have become numb
to it.  I hope I would develop and express in my own attitude and
behavior the psychologically healthier actions of kindness,
compassion, cooperation, success and non-violence.  I invite you to
join me in the practice of such actions.  Through practice, such
attitudes and behavior just might become automatic in our children.