Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical
Psychology"). Initial coaching sessions are free.
http://lists.webvalence.com/
EVERYBODY FAILS
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
Someone once said, "The road to success is paved with failures."
Failure begins when the baby tries to crawl, stand, walk and run. It
continues whenever anybody attempts something new that s/he has never
done before. Rarely does anybody succeed at something new without
making mistakes (failures) along the way. Those attempts and failures
we call a "learning curve."
Michael Gersham, in his book, "Getting It Right The Second Time,"
writes of forty-nine product failures. Among these were Kleenex,
Jell-O, and Pepsi, the opera "Carmen," the book "The Celestine
Prophecy," and forty-four others. Walt Disney went bankrupt...five
times. Now that is a lot of failure.
The original Greek word for "sin" was an old archer's term,
"hamartia," which means to "miss the mark." When we miss the mark, we
sin. Does this mean we, as human beings are all "sinners?" Are we
all failures? No. It means we all regularly miss the mark. In the
Olympics, all but one miss the gold. Are all those other athletes
failures? Are they sinners? Only if we judge them to be so. Only if
they judge themselves to be so.
Great baseball batting averages are above .300. That means six out
of ten times, the best players fail to get to first base. Now that is
a lot of failure! Or is it? Only if we judge them to be so. By the
time football's "Super Bowl" is over, every team in the NFL has missed
the mark of winning all their games ...at least once. Does that mean
every player in the NFL is a failure? Only if we judge them to be so.
In his book, "Should You Quit Before You're Fired?," Paul Pilzer
tells the story of a father observing his little boy throwing a
baseball up in the air with one hand, then swinging his bat to hit it.
The boy missed three times in a row. After the third time, he spun
around and fell to the ground shouting, "Strike three, I'm out."
Trying to hide his disappointment, the father ran over to help his son
up. Before he "failed" to get to him, the boy jumped up and said,
"So, what do you think? Not bad for a pitcher, huh, Dad?!" To his
son, three misses out of three attempts was not a lot of failure. Or
was it?
Failure is a judgment. It's definition is based upon a verb...to
fail, which means "to fall short of success in something expected,
attempted, desired." In order to avoid failing, many people never
expect anything, never risk attempting anything new, sometimes never
desire anything. Their own fear of being judged "a failure" leads
them to never attempt anything without a guaranteed successful
outcome. And in life, there are no guaranteed outcomes!
Consequently, those people who are fearful of criticism or "failure"
never attempt anything, and the outcome is precisely the same as if
they had tried and missed their mark...failure. If the archer never
shoots the arrow, he never ever hits anything, let alone the target.
Is it a greater "sin" to miss the mark having shot the arrow, or is it
more "sinful" to have never drawn back the bow?
Rather than never attempting anything, perhaps the fearful need to
change their expectations. Band leader, Les Brown once said, "Always
shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you land among the Stars."
Perhaps we need to fail at judging ourselves to be failures. Perhaps
we should not judge ourselves at all.
When we stop judging ourselves as failures, we are set free to enjoy
life. We all miss the marks we set for ourselves. Perhaps the
greatest target for psychological health is to take delight in being
alive, in being who we are no matter how often we "miss the mark."
You are a failure or success only if you say so!
We all find goals useful in focusing our attention. We are all free
to create and change our goals. Keep in mind we all fail depending
only on our perceived goal and judgment. Failure and success are
states of mind. They exist only if you mentally say so. And we are
each free to choose whether or not we say so.
One key to happiness is to enjoy the process of living, to take
delight in playing the game regardless of the outcome. Choose to
actively enjoy the challenges of the life-long game called "Life."
Keep in mind, as long as you are alive, you cannot fail unless you
choose to. Success or failure in living is always your choice.
