Creating Rich Relationships

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist.  He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical
Psychology").  Initial coaching sessions are free.  Contact him: (970)
568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.

CREATING RICH RELATIONSHIPS

By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

       Most of us are not very skilled at creating enriching relationships.
 Many of us take pride in our sense of independence.  Some of us are
unaware of the impact our behavior has on others.  We believe
ourselves to be separate from others.  We often use our sense of
"being different" as a protection against being disappointed, hurt or
abandoned.  We believe "my needs are different, so I don't belong" in
a group, community or network.  Sometimes we feel we don't belong even
in our own families.

       If we grew up in frightening, hostile or troubled families, we begin
to withdraw from others in our family.  We seek emotional safety by
mentally dividing the human species into two different categories...me
and everybody else.   In our minds and in our behavior, we isolate
ourselves from others.  We decide we are special and everyone else is
different, inferior or even dangerous.  Herein lays the root of
racism.  We fear and fail to recognize we are of one species...human.

       Buddha once said, "In separateness lies the world's greatest
misery."  Theologian, Paul Tillich wrote, "Sin is separateness."
Therapist, Wayne Muller writes, "As we close ourselves inward, we
create a sphere of safety that becomes smaller and smaller until it
has room enough only for ourselves, removed from anything or anyone
who could ever love us, from anyone who would touch, caress, or heal
us."

       When we habitually isolate ourselves from others, our relationships
become psychologically bankrupt, empty of any kind of emotional
richness.  Such relationships die, and their deaths seem to prove to
the "loner" that he or she is indeed different, separate and alone.

       How can we enrich our relationships?  First, we need to recognize,
whether we like it or not, we are all interdependent.  We are each
unique individuals, yes.  Nevertheless, we depend on others for food,
shelter, transportation, clothing, music, entertainment, need
fulfillment, even life and breath.  Each of us is woven into a
delicate fabric of interdependence.

       After we realize our interconnectedness, we need to make what
Stephen Covey calls "emotional deposits" into those relationships.  We
need to balance our relationship accounts by not withdrawing more than
we deposit.

       Covey, in his book, "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People,"
describes five types of emotional deposits and their counterparts,
emotional withdrawals.  The first is Kindness vs. Unkindness.  Every
act of kindness is nourishment to a relationship.  Every unkind act is
a poison.

       The second is: Keeping Promises vs. Breaking promises.  Trust is
based upon promises kept.  Relationships break when trust is violated
through broken promises.

       The third is: Honoring Expectations vs. Violating Expectations.
Healthy relationships are based upon mutual expectations.  We need to
respect the expectations we have of ourselves, and honor the
expectations others have of us.  When we violate others' expectations,
the relationship becomes weakened.

       The fourth emotional deposit is Loyalty.  Its counterpart is
Duplicity.  Loyalty is exemplified when we speak well of others when
they are not present.  Duplicity (being "two-faced") for example, is
when we speak well of others when they are present, and negatively
about them when they are absent.  Friendships thrive with loyalty, die
with duplicity.

       Covey's final emotional deposit/withdrawal to relationships is
Apologizing vs. Pride.  Recognize we all make mistakes.  When you or
another make mistakes, apologizing sincerely and forgiving completely
is a huge emotional deposit.  If we are so insecure and pride-full, we
never apologize, we make an equally huge emotional withdrawal from the
relationship.

       I would add one more very important emotional deposit: regularly
communicating appreciations.  The opposite of appreciation is
criticism.  Positive appreciation enriches relationships, whereas even
"constructive" criticism makes a large withdrawal.  If you want to
create an emotionally nourishing relationship, begin by daily
communication of at least 5 characteristics, behaviors and attitudes
of the other person.  Keep in mind that repetition of appreciations is
okay.  The more often you genuinely express appreciations, the more
likely the people will believe you... and believe in themselves.

       Daily practice of making emotional deposits in all your
relationships will make you one emotionally very rich person.  Your
life will become filled with emotional health, abundance and delight.

"The Ultimate Spiritual Practice"

This ia a post from Jean Haines' blog...her link is to the right.  If you have not visited, I recommend it!  And ......the message in this quote ... what a heroic journey!!

The Ultimate Spiritual Practice . . . by Andrew Cohen

Posted on April 25, 2011 by Jean

The ultimate spiritual practice, as I teach it, is facing everything and  avoiding nothing. When you truly face everything and avoid nothing,  you will no longer be afraid to stand tall—before your own conscience,  before others, before God. This is because you are no longer hiding anything from yourself. Through this noble practice, you will  cultivate integrity and discover the kind of soul-strength that  only comes from fearlessly facing the truth. The instinctive defense  mechanisms that the ego hides behind will crumble, and your self and  soul will become a transparent vehicle through which the evolutionary  impulse can work in this world. ~ Andrew Cohen

An email I sent.......

Hello, Family and Friends!

Those of you who know me, know I have a propensity for lengthy emails!  However, I implore you to read this one thoroughly!

I write you again to consider being a part of Soldiers' Angels.  This organization is ABSOLUTELY NOT PARTISAN! The attached will tell you about them. Their motto is: "Don't Let One Soldier Go Unloved".  I cannot tell you enough about the wonders of this organization, and the enormous job they do.

Your commitment takes $1 at the minimum, and that is for a verification. (Since we then have access to troop locations, identity, etc., confidentiality is of the utmost, and knowing who we are, is important.)  After that, there are so many (literally hundreds!) of ways you can participate, and serve those who serve us, and who are willing to make the ultimate sacrifice.

For those who are "always so busy", please remember that our "busyness" is simply a product of our priorities......and whether we think we can spare a scant 10 minutes a month! (That seems to be the minimum time investment.)  There are so many opportunities that it is dizzyingly WONDERFUL!  This is so appreciated by our men and women.

The site, which is simply overwhelmingly supportive, is extremely user-friendly!  It took me about an hour to join and get oriented specifically to the way I signed up to serve.  After that, it is really rapid!  Soldiers' Angels even has terrific mix/matches...for example, they can pair a person who only wishes to write a letter, with someone who wishes to send a small gift (or even make one!)...that way....the service can be really streamlined.

For those of you who are on social networking sites....hey, take 5 minutes once a week from that (As a former FB person, do we really need to know who just drank a great cup of coffee?  Or went to a party?)... and write to a soldier ... deployed, ready to be deployed, wounded, and in a hospital, and even soldiers who have expressed terrific loneliness and have an especially deep need for contact from home.

Also, you can provide Soldiers' Angels with the name(s) of anyone you personally know ... and he/she can receive this support for themselves.

You can also ask for a particular service, if you wish: Army, Navy, Marines, Coast Guard, etc. ... or you can trust Universe to send the soldier to you who most needs your support.

I can unequivocally say that, after wandering around their site many times, each time I open a new page, I am overwhelmed with the breadth, depth , warmth and quality of this organization ... and the personal letters and stories of our troops and their families!

Please Consider!

http://soldiersangels.org/about-us.

Respectfully yours,

Madelaine

Goosebumps...and tears.......and gratitude......

Reading this makes the news about Trump, Lohan, Sheen, et al, look so remarkably trivial and meaningless.......even more than before

Mornings at the Pentagon

By JOSEPH L. GALLOWAY
McClatchy Newspapers
  Over the last 12 months, 1,042 soldiers, Marines, sailors and Air Force personnel have given their lives in the terrible duty that is war.

Thousands more have come home on stretchers, horribly wounded and facing months or years in military hospitals.

This week, I'm turning my space over to a good friend and former roommate, Army Lt. Col.. Robert Bateman, who recently completed a yearlong tour of duty and is now back at the Pentagon.

Here's Lt. Col. Bateman's account of a little-known ceremony that fills the halls of the Army corridor of the Pentagon with cheers, applause and many tears every Friday morning. It first appeared on May 17 on the Weblog of media critic and pundit Eric Alterman at the Media Matters for America Website.

---

"It is 110 yards from the "E" ring to the "A" ring of the Pentagon. This section of the Pentagon is newly renovated; the floors shine, the hallway is broad, and the lighting is bright. At this instant the entire length of the corridor is packed with officers, a few sergeants and some civilians, all crammed tightly three and four deep against the walls. There are thousands here.

"This hallway, more than any other, is the `Army' hallway. The G3 offices line one side, G2 the other, G8 is around the corner. All Army. Moderate conversations flow in a low buzz. Friends who may not have seen each other for a few weeks, or a few years, spot each other, cross the way and renew.

"Everyone shifts to ensure an open path remains down the center. The air conditioning system was not designed for this press of bodies in this area.

"The temperature is rising already. Nobody cares. "10:36 hours: The clapping starts at the E-Ring. That is the outermost of the five rings of the Pentagon and it is closest to the entrance to the building. This clapping is low, sustained, hearty. It is applause with a deep emotion behind it as it moves forward in a wave down the length of the hallway.

"A steady rolling wave of sound it is, moving at the pace of the soldier in the wheelchair who marks the forward edge with his presence. He is the first. He is missing the greater part of one leg, and some of his wounds are still suppurating. By his age I expect that he is a private, or perhaps a private first class.

"Captains, majors, lieutenant colonels and colonels meet his gaze and nod as they applaud, soldier to soldier. Three years ago when I described one of these events, those lining the hallways were somewhat different. The applause a little wilder, perhaps in private guilt for not having shared in the burden ... Yet.

"Now almost everyone lining the hallway is, like the man in the wheelchair, also a combat veteran. This steadies the applause, but I think deepens the sentiment. We have all been there now. The soldier's chair is pushed by, I believe, a full colonel.

"Behind him, and stretching the length from Rings E to A, come more of his peers, each private, corporal, or sergeant assisted as need be by a field grade officer.

"11:00 hours: Twenty-four minutes of steady applause. My hands hurt, and I laugh to myself at how stupid that sounds in my own head. My hands hurt. Please! Shut up and clap. For twenty-four minutes, soldier after soldier has come down this hallway - 20, 25, 30.. Fifty-three legs come with them, and perhaps only 52 hands or arms, but down this hall came 30 solid hearts.

"They pass down this corridor of officers and applause, and then meet for a private lunch, at which they are the guests of honor, hosted by the generals. Some are wheeled along. Some insist upon getting out of their chairs, to march as best they can with their chin held up, down this hallway, through this most unique audience. Some are catching handshakes and smiling like a politician at a Fourth of July parade. More than a couple of them seem amazed and are smiling shyly.

"There are families with them as well: the 18-year-old war-bride pushing her 19-year-old husband's wheelchair and not quite understanding why her husband is so affected by this, the boy she grew up with, now a man, who had never shed a tear is crying; the older immigrant Latino parents who have, perhaps more than their wounded mid-20s son, an appreciation for the emotion given on their son's behalf. No man in that hallway, walking or clapping, is ashamed by the silent tears on more than a few cheeks. An Airborne Ranger wipes his eyes only to better see. A couple of the officers in this crowd have themselves been a part of this parade in the past.

"These are our men, broken in body they may be, but they are our brothers, and we welcome them home. This parade has gone on, every single Friday, all year long, for more than four years.

---

Did you know that?  I didn't.

A Free World Without Money: Sign the Free World Charter Today!

A Free World Without Money: Sign the Free World Charter Today!

Testy, but TRUE!!! A Letter to Senator Alan Simpson, Wyoming

I think my deceased, and assertive (in this, aggressive!!) auntie would say of Simpson...."Merda"!
While Social Security was  never meant to pay for full retirement , but to supplement it. It was not meant to be a political football and slush fund for congress

Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming , Co-Chair of Obama's deficit commission, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he compared " Social Security " to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
August, 2010.

Here's a response in a letter from an unknown fellow in Montana ...
I think he is a little ticked off!   He also tells it like it is !  
"Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight..

1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY YEARS.
2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old. I am now 63).
3 My Social Security payments , and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would have made Bernie Madoff proud.
 4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to age 67.  NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the goalposts YET AGAIN.
 5.  I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy  to such an  extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay the bills.
 6.  I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why? Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To add insult to injury, you label us "greedy" for calling "bullshit" on your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for YOU.
1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during your pathetic 50-year political career?
2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the American taxpayers?
3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
4.  What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual, have  you exempted yourself and your political cronies?

It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called Congress who are the "greedy" ones.  It is you and your fellow nutcases who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.  And for what?  Votes.  That's right, sir.  You and yours have bankrupted America   for the sole purpose of advancing your pathetic political careers.  You know it, we know it, and you know that we know it. And you can take that to the bank, you miserable S.O.B . 

Dr Quantum - quantum physics simplified!

As a visual person, I enjoyed this animated description of quantum physics.

"Jung in Conversation with a Native American Chief ~ by Jean

Jung in Conversation with a Native American Chief

Posted on April 19, 2011 by Jean

I thought you all might be interested in a section of a paper I wrote that speaks of the difference between living in the heart and living in the head. Because the paper was only given locally to a small group, I did not annotate it—I hadn’t done so for many, many years and just didn’t want to be bothered, so to be fair I feel I must ask you not to copy this information, because it is not all mine. It is from somewhere in Gail Godwin’s book called Heart, a personal journey through its myths and meanings. Other than the quote, which is most of the article, the thoughts and ideas are my own expressions.

Because we are told that God is found both in the silence as well as in our hearts, when we block our painful feelings, we have set up a difficult situation for ourselves. In order to get to our hearts, we must begin to deal with our pain and all its resulting addictions. When we live in our minds, we have created yet another impediment to our connection with God.

The problem of the “busy mind” seems to be largely a product of our Western culture. Not all peoples everywhere live so much in their heads. The following excerpt, taken from a book about the heart, quotes words of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung that describe his encounter with the Native American chief of the Taos pueblos in New Mexico in 1932.

“”I was able to talk with him as I have rarely been able to talk with a European,’ Jung recalls…

“Chief Ochwiay Biano, which means Mountain Lake, must have sensed a kindred spirit in the Swiss doctor, because he was devastatingly candid with him.

“Chief Mountain Lake: ‘See how cruel the whites look, their lips are thin, their noses sharp, their faces furrowed and distorted by folds. Their eyes have a staring expression; they are always seeking something. What are they seeking? The whites always want something. They are always uneasy and restless. We do not know what they want. We do not understand them. We think that they are all mad.’

“When Jung asks why he thinks they are all mad, Mountain Lake replies, ‘They say they think with their heads.’

“’Why of course, says Jung, ‘What do you think with?’

“’We think here,’ says Chief Mountain Lake, indicating his heart.

“After this exchange, Jung fell into a deep meditation. The Pueblo Chief had struck a vulnerable spot. Jung saw image upon image of cruelties wreaked by his forebears: the Roman eagle on the North Sea and the White Nile, the keenly incised features of Julius Caesar,…Charlemagne’s most glorious forced conversions of the heathen… the peoples of the Pacific islands decimated by firewater, syphilis and scarlet fever carried in the clothes the missionaries forced on them.

“Chief Mountain Lake had shown Jung the other face of his own civilization: it was ‘the face of a bird of prey seeking with cruel intentness for distant quarry…”

The author says of this exchange, “what makes this dialogue reported by Jung so relevant is that it describes an encounter between a representative of the unconscious ‘heart thinking’ of the ancients and a modern man of science and a pioneer of consciousness who understood that the wisdom of the heart must catch up with our overdeveloped ‘thinking heads’ if we are to survive. We have to preserve the gold in the age-old ‘knowledge of the heart’ and keep making it ever more conscious if we are to protect our growing human possibilities from the keen-featured bird-of-prey mentality that circles above. We must develop a new consciousness of the heart.”

If we look at the corporate world today, it is not difficult to understand these words: “In our contemporary bottom-line society, heart-knowledge—based on things like feeling values, relationship, personal courage—-tends to be mistrusted as impractical, profitless, or nonexistent. Where is ‘the heart,’ anyway, scoffs the bird-of-prey executive, trudging joylessly on his treadmill, except under your breastbone?

“No longer do we literally cut out our enemies hearts and feed them to an out-of-date sun god: we do it the bloodless, sophisticated way, without a flint knife, and we feed them to the contemporary god ‘market value function.”

Maybe we have seen enough movie previews to also understand the following words: “Some of us have anesthetized our hearts so thoroughly that it takes the utmost in thrills, the most graphic depiction of horror, to make something in our breasts lurch or recoil: to shock us into a reaction that at least feels like feeling.”

http://jhaines6.wordpress.com/2011/04/19/jung-in-conversation-with-a-native-american-chief/

Extraordinary Conflict of Interest: Bush Cousin Presides Over Federal Court Case Against Former Bush Administration Officials - CNBC

If you are not one of the roughly 85% who agree with the stunning evidence gathered so far, then I would recommend that you don't waste your time reading the link.


But ..... if you are a thinking, logical, processing,  fact-finding person with a fearless nature, and a need for proof, then  to view "Loose Change"-Final Cut. At one time, it was available to view on line.  Professional organizations and groups (pilots, architects, electricians, fire fighters, and many other such groups) are convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that 9/11 simply did not happen as told us.  This is extraordinarily important.  I can not encourage you enough to really seek the truth.  Your eyes will be opened. If, in you mind, you do not indict, you will certainly come away with some extremely serious questions!
http://www.cnbc.com/id/42469680

"Principles of Personal Transformation"

http://www.weboflove.org/wingmakers

UFO Sighting Over Fukushima

http://www.welcomethelight.com/2011/04/video-giant-ufo-hovering-over-fukushima-nuclear-plant/


For some time, I have been amused about America's fear over disclosure, and the fact that we simply are not alone on this planet.  In this year especially, the sightings are global....Japan, USA, Brazil, Italy, Germany, China...and many other countries.  In those times it is almost embarrassing to realize how ignorant this lack of disclosure makes the US look. Foreign newspapers are very clear and unafraid to publish reports as if they are daily news (which they certainly are!)


All governments have kept this information close to their vests....well, actually, they tend to deny it.  But as millions of people are unafraid of being manipulated, the world view has totally changed.  Admittedly, I am sure there are more than a few reports which I have trouble with. I suspect they are not clearly documented by those who are doing the empirical research, or the photographer is just not certain.  However, highly documented films are more and more prevalent.  The story for another day begs the question of why the U.S. has not fully disclosed.  THAT, my friends, is about far greater complexities ... and something you might research on your own.  What we do know is that we suspect the "creatures" are highly intelligent, and work primarily in the highest good.  They have been noted to have minimized many nuclear issues, but also know that as humans, we have free will.  So, we often make stupid choices about mankind.  Well, this one seems particularly interesting, because of its size.  This report has been in many papers....it is QUITE interesting to see how each nation handles it.