High level brainwashers are professionals at wrecking parent-child relationships. They are masters at turning their perceived victimhood into manipulative lies intent on destroying their own child’s love for the other parent. This mental child abuse that causes lasting scars, even when the child does one day realize the fraud and lies perpetrated onto them.
Top actions of an alienating parent
- Doesn’t inform you of upcoming school activities (especially unexpected ones)
- Expresses no enthusiasm for fun events you’re doing with the child (vacations, amusement parks, etc)
- Limits child’s cellphone and computer usage, so you’ll rarely get a call, text, or email
- Refers to you by your first name in their home (Dad becomes “David;” Mom becomes “Julie”)
- Accomplishes a post-visitation shakedown, extracting as much info as possible to find negatives
- Hands the phone directly to the child when you call, avoiding even civil conversations with you
- Pops anti-depressant pills (as many have a history of depression)
- Able to hold resentment towards young, innocent children (ie, your children from another marriage)
- Never calls you when the child is sick or taken out of school
- Teaches the child adult things to tell you, such as “I don’t feel comfortable about the duration of our summer visitation, Dad”
- Teaches the child how to despise or hate another human being
- Labels themselves the “good” parent; labels you the “bad” parent
- Tells the child false stories about their childhood
- Tells the child in vivid detail how he or she was victimized by you (while taking no blame at all for the divorce)
- Teaches the child how to lie to you (coating their little hearts with false malice and scorn)
- Diminishes your extended family’s worth
- Neglects to have the child call you for your birthday, on New Year’s Eve, or other important dates
- Refuses to help the child reach and call/email/mail cards on relatives’ birthdays on your side of the family tree
- Uses child’s cellphone as a leash
- Rarely if ever a call to you on Father’s Day or Mother’s Day on behalf of child
- Never gets the child excited about seeing you
- Reminds the child of all that he or she will be missing while with you and away from them
- Inflicts his or her unhappiness onto the child (as alienators are deeply unhappy people)
- Attempts via a lawyer to reduce visitation to that even below family court minimum standards
- Takes the child out of state without a peep, while demands precise details whenever you travel with them
- Monopolizes the child’s time for hours on the phone (if you let them)
- Views any event in the child’s life– a distant Aunt’s birthday, a friend’s birthday, etc– as more important than their time with you
- Teaches the children from their current marriage to despise you
- Informs children of alienator’s plans for them past 18 (you’ll go to college at X, and will stay here with me)
- Is jealous of anything fun and memorable you do with the child (as they view the good times as a threat)
- Gripes about things you’re doing as a parent to the child, but says nothing to you about it
- Has outbursts around the child (extremely dramatic ones)
- Lacks a filter, spilling any adult topic into the child’s head
The de-identification of a child’s own parent
Two extremely unfortunate but common tactics an alienating parent will use to further damage the child’s connection to the targeted parent is to:
- Teach the child to call the targeted parent by their first name
- Eliminate the targeted parent’s last name
Teach the child to call the targeted parent by his/her first name onlyThis is very common. The aggrieved, victimized (in his or her eyes), brainwashing parent can’t stand the thought of the targeted parent being in the child’s life. So since labels and words matter so much in a child’s world, a quick way to devalue that parent is to label them by their first name. Not “Daddy,” and not “Mommy.”
This is destructive to a child’s soul, as now they’ve stopped having a Mom or Dad to address (of course, that label will be used on the alienator’s new spouse if they have one). Since what kids label becomes their reality, over time this causes their feelings to become at minimum muted towards this “Justin” or “Christine.” Imagine calling your own mother “Christine” for years, and never muttering the words “Mommy…” do you think you’ll have the same feelings towards someone who’s not being labeled your mother?
It’s yet another way of instilling false feelings in children, and it’s abusive.
Eliminate the targeted parent’s last name
Another unfortunate effort by an alienating parent is to eliminate or modify the child’s last name. Of course, we’re talking wiping out or dropping the targeted parent’s last name.
Another unfortunate effort by an alienating parent is to eliminate or modify the child’s last name. Of course, we’re talking wiping out or dropping the targeted parent’s last name.
So Elizabeth Tracey Smith, whose father’s last name is Smith, is taught to stop using Smith and substitute the mother’s maiden name, Johnson, instead.
Or John Paul Warren-Stevens, whose mother’s last name is Stevens, is taught to drop Stevens.
Some parents even teach their children that once they’re 18 that they can legally drop the targeted person’s last name.
In my case, my son’s name was modified by the judge to have two last names. When I brought a hearing before the judge showing that my son is being encouraged to not write his last name anywhere (with lots of evidence, including testimony and actual school homework and folders), unfortunately the judge (Judge Gary Coley in Waco, Texas) didn’t care about my concerns and ignored my pleas. So today my son, if his name were George Herbert Walker Bush, has an effective name of George Herbert Walker. My last name,”Bush“, has been eliminated from everything.
How to effectively respond to a de-identification campaign
De-identifying a parent is the cornerstone the parents who are brainwashing their child to get revenge at an ex. If you’re on the receiving end of these techniques, here’s what you need to remember:
De-identifying a parent is the cornerstone the parents who are brainwashing their child to get revenge at an ex. If you’re on the receiving end of these techniques, here’s what you need to remember:
1. Do not allow your child to call you by your first name. You don’t allow him or her to use profanity, do you? No difference here. It’s profane to call your own parent by his or her first name.
2. Ensure that your child is using his or her legal last name at school and at sports activities. Speak to the teachers and principal and let them know that you’re concerned that your child is not writing his or her last name correctly.
Do not go heavy on your child with the last tip, as they will just hunker down and resent you further. Use the school to enact the change… not the child.
