This is an excellent article! Reposted by William Chen, PhD in Ontario Canada on Twitter. Interesting and multi-facet psychotherapist!
The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional intelligence. Show all posts
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Cultivating Heart Intelligence
by John Travis, M.D.
The Wellspring
Today we know that the physical heart is also the seat of many important human qualities. Our perceptions, mental and emotional attitudes, immune system, reaction times, and decision-making abilities are all directly related to the health of our heart. Yet while we are taught reading, writing and math, we are rarely taught how to love. Children are taught to use their head in school, to direct it in analytical thought, but not to calm it down or balance it with heart intelligence. As a result, they perceive life and communicate from an insecure head perception, as does the society around them. We usually love only as the mood arises, or if we are having an especially good day.
Cultivating heart intelligence begins with recognizing that at any point in time we have the opportunity to recognize that there are two different perspectives to a situation, and that our perceptions, thoughts, choices, and actions condition the events and outcomes of our lives. The heart choice offers an opportunity for solutions, the head choice imprisons us in hurt or anger.
Hopelessness or fear of the future comes from not being able to perceive life through the heart. Continually failing to find solutions, success, or happiness, people become depressed. When, instead, people consistently respond to life from the heart, they feel secure, listen to the hearts of others and themselves, and feel there is always a way to understand and find answers to problems.
Children can become proficient in recognizingthe difference between head or heart perceptions, feelings, and actions in using their heart intelligence. They gain self-empowerment by understanding that while feelings are real, they have a choice of how to deal with their feelings and their perceptions. Children learn and grow best in a secure atmosphere where they are encouraged to perceive life as a series of challenges that build confidence, rather than as a progression of unsolvable problems that destroy self-worth. In today's world, parents can readily fall into "overcare"--nagging, constantly worrying about a child, while thinking we are actually caring for them. This serves only to fuel a child's frustration, anxiety, and anguish. Balanced care arises from a feeling of security and creates more security.
Research has shown that by acquiring the knowledge to consciously love, parents access a superior intuitional frequency within their own innate intelligence that quickens the intuitive connection with their child. This intuitional field of knowingness between parent and child, which is automatically established when a parent sincerely loves a child, has proven to be the crucial configuration for effectively communicating with a child of any age. Yet many parents, overwhelmed and struggling to cope with as much stress as they can, assume they are functioning from a loving place while in reality they are subtly or overtly judging their children, spouses, or themselves.
To love effectively, we must consciously practice addressing life with love.... Experiencing and expressing love are the peak moments of fulfillment in life.... —Doc Childre
Through sincere communication, deep listening, and speaking our truth, a heart intelligent parent enters a child's world to understand without judgment. Time so spent saves time, energy, and stress in the long run.
Love changes the atmospheric condition of a child's environment. —Doc Childre
Freeze-Frame, a stress-reduction technique developed at the Institute of Heartmath, is an example of a technique that can be used by both parents and children to acquire heart intelligence. Users of the Freeze-Frame method learn how to observe, shift perspectives, and unearth thoughts that help them understand our feelings. By learning to discriminate heart intelligence from emotional impulses, and to generate and receive intuitive thoughts we are able recognize that we do have choices, and can direct our own lives more intelligently.
The Freeze-Frame technique is remarkably simple and takes only a minute or two. With it, you stop your movie of life for a moment, and go to the heart for direction. By practicing Freeze-Frame, our heart intelligence releases judgmental reaction patterns and provides the deeper perception and understanding that can transform any parent/child interaction. Challenges approached in this manner actually build creative resistance, resiliency, and the understanding and confidence to master new challenges.
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