Ever since the "massacre" in Columbine High School almost 10 years
ago, we have become painfully aware of the lack of civility among our
own children. Shootings and killings in our schools, colleges and
streets have clearly demonstrated the need to teach our youth basic
principles of relating in a civil manner.
In 2001, a small group of people living in Tucson, Arizona began an
initiative to "Restore Civility to the American Way of Life." Today,
that initiative has been renamed and is called, "Choose Civility Now"
(www.choosecivilitynow.org). In a recent flyer, this organization
wrote, "The time is long overdue for creating a greater number of
opportunities for our children to develop the kind of character that
evolves from the presence of an 'internal force'... The right spirit!
If each of us begins to model the internal force of respect,
reverence, and responsibility, the day will come when we can
..declare victory over hate, violence, prejudice, and all of the
other acts of human failings."
In his book, Choosing Civility, the 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct,
P.M. Forni offers a strategic plan for restoring compassion, respect
and "unyielding hope" in all our interpersonal relationships. If our
elected leadership were to incorporate Forni's 25 rules in their
political conduct, I suspect such behavior would "trickle down" to our
corporations, businesses, schools and even our homes. Wouldn't that
be amazing?
In support of the effort to restore civility in all our interactions
and in our interpersonal relationships, I present "Fifteen Principles
of Civility" adapted from the flyer published by "Choose Civility
Now."
-->Pay attention. That to which we attend becomes stronger in our
mental life.
-->Listen. Actively listening to another shows him/her genuine
respect.
-->Speak kindly. Even when expressing opposing points of view.
-->Assume the best. Always go for a win/win outcome.
-->Respect others' opinions. Even when you completely disagree.
-->Respect other people's time and space. Even as you want them to
respect yours.
-->Be inclusive. Invite others to participate in discussions and
activities.
-->Acknowledge others. Everyone has some positive personal
characteristics.
-->Accept and give praise. Everyone wants acceptance and positive
feedback.
-->Apologize earnestly. And sincerely.
-->Assert yourself. Replace aggression with assertion of your wants
and needs.
-->Take responsibility. Being responsible strengthens your
self-confidence.
-->Accept and give [only] constructive criticism [suggestions and
advice].
-->Refrain from idle complaints. Complaining accomplishes nothing.
-->Be a considerate guest.
Probably all of the above principles can be summed up in one
familiar " golden rule:" "Always treat others the way you want to be
treated."
"Let civility become your mentor
Let its loving light always shine.
Let its right spirit forever guide you
To a lifestyle that's near divine."
.....Choose Civility Now
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Dr. Thomas is a licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and life
coach. He serves on the faculty of the International University of
Professional Studies. He recently co-authored (with Patrick Williams)
the book: "Total Life Coaching: 50+ Life Lessons, Skills and
Techniques for Enhancing Your Practice...and Your Life!" (W.W. Norton
2005) It is available at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com.
