Sex is a hot topic, and no less so when you are a senior. I frustrate myself with the online articles which seemed to put sex into the category of having to use a cane when you f**k. I think it is the mindset you have. To explain....
Well, I was 14. My father was a physician and had his offices built onto the other end of our house. It was good for us kids, because if a patient was a "no-show", Dad would pop out and have some tea, and check on all of us. Plus, he did not have to include travel time into his schedule. We would earn extra money by helping him copy and mail out the statements (no computers then!), lick all the envelopes, clean his office rooms, and assorted other chores. One perk for me was that even in off times, we'd run into some of his patients...and chat for a couple of minutes. That was always nice.
At the end of the year, as we had graduated into some of the more complicated billing, we had the year-end wrap-up. (And wouldn't ya know that came during Christmas break!) The schedule was always the same. Dad would due all the tallies for the year contingent on his accountant. And we were called to gather round. Dad had no qualms whatsoever of explaining briefly his bottom lines. He would show us his gross earnings. Then, he showed us the list of his expenses. I always remember that his liability insurance was always staggering. He wanted us to be more frugal around the house. Stuff like that sticks.
I recall once when he and many others were asked to volunteer to give polio shots at the local high school. All the docs were generous with their time, and that went off without a hitch. There were about 50 docs who volunteered. Very sadly, one woman out of a couple thousand contracted polio. As a result, the liability insurances of all the doctors were clobbered, but all were accepting because her life was thrown into great difficulty. An ancillary message for me that season, was observing some of the docs wail like babies because of that. My Dad was always into the question, "What did you learn from that?" or "What did you observe?'
I remember, cleaning his office that day, and others, while he was out on house calls (remember those days of house calls?). I'd always look at the books which were so far over my head, I had no interest whatsoever. But then I noted a new one. It was a volume on sex (apart from missionary stuff!). Since soldiers were then coming home with all sorts of debilitating injuries, this was a major treatment issue for many of them.
Well, this 14-year-old was as wide-eyed as she could be. So, I read and read and read. And came back other times to continue reading. The best part was how the book normalized the desire, complexion and completion of sex.
There were so many ways to achieve sexual satisfaction, it was dizzying! In addition, at that age, I was merely playing with future ideas. But my eyes were opened for life! My then-young memory was struck with the way the book presented the information (complete with zillions of pictures!) in a very natural, accepting way. The message was "if two people are consensual, then it is okay". When I started on my sexual path later, and went into marriage, that was a good and remembered message. I have always seen sex as another language ... one never to be completely mastered, but one to always be studied, loved, and "spoken". Today, I feel the same. There are so many seniors that barely even dare to whisper about it. That's the women, and the men are compliant and they have their own conversations more privately. I lapse into my junior-high lingo, thinking that is just plain stupid!
This is one of the recent pieces I found that was positive. I posted it because I thought it was ludicrous to have a lot of negativity, in general, be the case. So, I know I will be looking into the topic more, e.g., bringing it up more in conversations. When you study to be a therapist, you are given some good ways to have fun with it! Teensy- weensy mind-benders ... you know. Right?
Also, get some different music...SO not kidding here. Some rap or rock, or African drumming can be incredibly rousing! Metal! Don't forget the rhythm of blues! While you might never play it in other circumstances, go for it ... bet you will fall into the cadences!!! Perhaps the only word from article below, and which is necessary for mountain top delight .... L-U-B-R-I-C-A-T-I-O-N!
This is a time of life to just have fun and realize just how passionate you really still are!
Nothing has really changed in a way, except the fierce successive contortions you could have at 25 are clearly just a bit slower now! Advantage: women's team! More is the same, than not.
So, Tally ho!!!!!!
Sex in the Senior Years
During the last two decades, several studies have left little doubt that seniors have sex well into their 60s, 70s, and beyond. But what quantitative studies don't always show is what senior sex is like -- including its pleasures and problems.
Take the case of a couple I counseled recently. Both were in their 70s, and both were worried about their sex life. The problem? The wife wanted to have sex more often than the husband. As a result, she feared that her spouse no longer found her attractive, and he felt bad about his low libido as well as his short-lived erections and inability to satisfy his wife’s desires.
Challenges for Seniors
Such physical and psychological problems in relation to sex are not all that unusual among seniors.
Certain medications, such as those used to treat high blood pressureand depression, can reduce libido. So, too, can declining levels of testosterone in both men and women. Nerve damage caused by diabetes and other conditions can impair a man’s ability to get and sustain an erection. And low levels of estrogen can thin and dry a woman’s vaginal tissues, making intercourse uncomfortable.
On the emotional front, long-simmering relationship difficulties may dampen desire, as can shame about an aging body. And either partner can suffer a dramatic blow to his or her sex life if the other partner is incapacitated by illness or injury.
Senior Sex Treatment
Many problems that affect senior sexuality can be treated. But studies show most seniors don’t talk about sex with their doctors, perhaps because they were raised to believe such talk is taboo.
In the case of the elderly couple I counseled, the man saw a doctor, who gave him testosterone supplements to increase his libido. I also coached the couple on ways to enjoy sex without intercourse, including oral sex and other forms of foreplay, so the man could free himself of some of his performance anxiety.
Sex Tips for Seniors
Last I heard, my septuagenarian patients were sexually happy and healthy -- and enjoying new modes of intimacy.
Ask your doctor if your problem has a medical cause -- and a solution.
Use lubricant to help with vaginal dryness.
Experiment with masturbation to satisfy unfulfilled desire.
Kick things off with foreplay. Older men need more touching to get an erection, and older women need more touching to get lubricated.
