• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my daughter, my grand daughters, and my grand son. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.

The Definition of Genius


"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."

The degree of our enlightenment is the degree of passion that we will have for the whole world." ~The Greystone Mandala

~The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Winston Churchill

"Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Do not go gentle into that good night."

Dylan Thomas


In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Saturday, May 13, 2017

What gaslighting is, and how to spot the signs of it in a relationship

This is important information, especially for women.  Once you know about gaslighting, you will likely recognize it, and many of the "crazy feelings" the gaslighter hopes to evoke in his prey will look familiar.  That recognition is much of the "cure" for yourself. It took me a while to recognize that a few in my extended family are skilled at this. I am praying their victims read this.
Hopefully, you will recognize it in a moment.

According to the experts
Gaslighting, like many other types of emotional abuse, is often hard to identify, which is partially what makes it so dangerous. A form of “persistent manipulation and brain washing”, it’s a tactic intended to make you doubt yourself and ultimately completely lose your sense of identity and self-worth.
It takes its name from the 1944 film “Gaslight”, where a man tries to convince his wife she’s insane by making her question herself and reality. But it can be much more subtle than that. Although it’s associated with romantic relationships it can also happen in the workplace or in politics. Any asymmetric power dynamic in a relationship, with a person who makes unreasonable judgements and micro-aggressions which aren’t based in fact, is emotional manipulation – and probably gaslighting.
Preston Ni, author of “How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters and Stop Psychological Bullying”, identified seven main symptoms of this specific type of emotional abuse. These are the main warning signs:

1. Lying and exaggerating

A gaslighter might set their stage by creating a “negative narrative” about their victim, both to the gaslightee’s face and to others about them. This will inevitably put them on the defensive and give fuel to the idea that they’re “crazy” or “mental”. Ni says this might take the form of a partner saying “my girlfriend is a loser, and she needs to know the truth”, or an employer telling their employee “the work you’re doing is a waste of time and resources. How do you even justify your employment?”

2. Repeating

Much of the tactics of gaslighting as like those used in psychological warfare, such as repeating lies constantly until they become fact. Ni says this allows an abuser to constantly stay on the offensive, control the conversations and dominate their relationship.

3. Escalating

When called out on their lies an abuser will escalate the argument by “doubling or tripling down on their attacks”. This means they’ll deny any wrongdoing and refute any evidence the gaslightee might have with blame, misdirection (blaming other people), false claims and lies intended to sow doubt and confusion in the mind of the victim. One woman tells Ni: “When I caught my boyfriend sexting someone else he flatly said it didn’t happen – that I imagined the whole thing. He called me a crazy bitch.”

4. Wearing out their victim

While in this situation a victim might initially fight back, eventually the behaviour of their abuser will wear them down. They’ll become discouraged, resigned, pessimistic, afraid and self-doubting. Gaslighting over an extended period of time can make a person doubt their own self-perception, identity and reality.

5. Codependency

By assuring that their victim is constantly insecure and anxious, an abuser can ensure that they’re totally emotionally and psychologically reliant on them – basically, a codependent relationship. Ni says: “The gaslighter has the power to grant acceptance, approval, respect, safety, and security. The gaslighter also has the power (and often threatens to) take them away. A codependent relationship is formed based on fear, vulnerability, and marginalization.

6. False hope

Manipulative people aren’t stupid, so they realise that constant negativity doesn’t work. They’ll occasionally treat their victims with superficial kindness or remorse, giving them false hope that “they’re not that bad”, “things will get better” or “let’s give it a chance”. Often, Ni says, this is just a calculated maneuver – in giving their victim a “break” a gaslighter can instill complacency and force them to let their guard down, which can reinforce an unhealthy, codependent relationship.
But beware! The temporary mildness is often a calculated maneuver intended to instill complacency and have the victim’s guard down, before the next act of gaslighting begins. With this tactic, the gaslighter also further reinforces a codependent relationship.

7. Domination and control

Gaslighting is a sliding scale, but at its most extreme the ultimate objective is total control and domination over another individual, team or group. Ni writes: “By maintaining and intensifying an incessant stream of lies and coercions, the gaslighter keeps the gaslightees in a constant state of insecurity, doubt, and fear. The gaslighter can then exploit his or her victims at will, for the augmentation of his power and personal gain.”

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...