JOY!
Yes, it is the time of year when this word is used more than any other. This post is surely not about proselytizing because, for me, I truly dislike that. I grit my teeth when anyone (since I live in the Bible belt) questions “what I do for my religion”, and proceeds to tell me I have the “wrong beliefs”. My sense of logic then is “head-shakin’ ”, and I usually ask a rather penetrating question of them. Yes, often with one eyebrow raised with discernment. Accompanied by my direct and sustained eye contact, I do confess to “poking the bear” a bit. Or, I politely smile, bid adieu, and walk away.
My closest friends smile, for my capability for delivering the poke has increased in softness of voice and caring in my eyes. On occasion, they say it was so “gentle” the person may not have even gotten it. I usually think they did. On some level, for sure! I am too much of an instigator in the name of Truth (whatever that is). No, that is not solely My Truth, but rather a bringing forth of that person’s Truth. Then, hopefully, our conjoined Truth. And that is where the conversation really begins.
As the years have gone by, I have decidedly gone through metamorphoses and intentional reconstruction as a result of intense inner work.
I fully accept adjectives formerly used about me: intense, authentic, impassioned, ernest. I was frequently called ‘guileless’ in my midlife, and I disowned that inwardly then with a “Yeah, right”. Some decades later, I begin to see the truth in that descriptor as it has to do with each of those other descriptors. Now, I am fiercely protective of that notion for, in a way, I have labored long and hard to retain that simplicity and belief in many things innocent. Not the least of which is my view of many people and events. Also, through the years , much has evolved the balancing factor for “guileless”. It harmonizes, in that amalgam, with my candor and authenticity … birthed by much hard work.
That work was some decades of dear mentors and significant others, for which I have the deepest gratitude for their intersection with my life. The wonder is that the work was also the human transaction with people whom I loved and revered, and who intentionally chose to hurt me for their own ends. This, then, is the most interesting phenomenon to me.
Over a decade ago, I started taking a path towards a more observant (than reactive) role. With sadness and occasional irritation, I “watched” as they did or said things, which I knew full well were fully intentional to hurt me or even harm me. I noticed in myself that this hurt or anger was eventually underscored by love for each. Wisdom was evolving, and I was amazed at what I could now see … really see.
This occurred with regularity about every family member, friend, mentor (present and former). That is not to say I did not shed some tears, or utter a brief expletive, but over time I experienceed the forward movement of … get this …the process … replete with loving forgiveness and … JOY. My firm belief is that and EVERY human being is there to move us on that forward movement with our learning.
The catch? Therein lies the growth. We must have humility and acquiescence, yet cloaked with self-protection and reality. Many people are those from whom we need to detach, and whose very presence is no longer a call to grow through lifely connection Those people need to grow, on their own, until they learn that hurting others, gaslighting, dishonesty, etc., are simply not what one needs for spiritual forward movement. Yet, as we turn from them, it is with a lump in one’s throat for the teaching they brought into our (my) life.
That contract is indeed holy.
It is JOY. And it is LOVE.
And, though I suspect that any earthly involvement with their physicality will be no more in my life, I occasionally fantasize, if even for a fleeting moment, that in the afterlife, we might just hang out with a beer (hopefully, they have that in the afterlife!!)… and talk about our perspectives then. I know that whether Truth, or my projections, I saw some extraordinarily fine points in each … points that stirred me to love profoundly … points, potent enough to ultimately transform me. Tough education.
Hence … eventually to learn the exquisitely hard lessons each brought.
The profound proof is that joy and fun … can be mutually exclusive.
