This is one of my favorite melodies about our children. There is an optimistic defiance ... sort of a celebratory visualization ... in the context of the song.
I was at a Thankgsgiving F-E-A-S-T this past week. It was not only a feast of food, although it surely was that. From any aspect, it was very clear about the abundant outcomes that happen when we humans join forces.... for anything.
I experienced a group of people, thankfully all very human.....but it was the tapestry of their individual divinities that showered over all of me. As I slept that evening, it was like "visions of sugar plums dancing in my head", as I would remember one moment after another.
The man who asked the blessing gave his own special brand of depth and insight to the day: a total gift. Until then, I had always seen his ready wit, sense of "I'm in" fun, and athletic, buffed appearance. I am not really sure what I expected from his blessing over family and food, but profound is what I got! He later teased that he had shortened it somewhat, because he usually got the collective "throat clearing" of the family members eager to "dig in". I have to say, I was wishing he had gone longer.
What amazed me throughout the day, and which was very different than my own very extended family, was the mature, and even sacred, way they had of putting aside the everyday silliness of the "stuff" we humans manage to inflict on one another. Oh, sure, there were teeny, almost imperceptible, ripples ... but those were so fleeting and brief. Why? The underpinning of caring, respect, and love trumped that. We even got into some family pictures towards the end of the evening .... the biggest gift here? It was what the family members pointed out was really important over the years. Therein was the sacredness...and the Divine at work.
This family redefined my concept of family, love, and strength. I still feel a high measure of enjoyment from that extended family who know what the priorities in this life are. They knew the vississitudes, the bumps in the road ... all of that. That, for me is what defines heroines and heros: those people who literally smirk at what life sometimes throws our way ... that which could buckle the best of us. In the most blessed character, these people showed me how they stand indomitably and indestructibly .. and try to keep character and compassion as their staunch and main theme.
They know who they are, this family of five adult children, all raised by their single mom. This family tries very hard to make the lyrics of this song come alive. Simply compelling!
And so, this family made "let's pretend"...very REAL!
CLICK HERE TO LISTEN, AND READ FURTHER
Showing posts with label character. Show all posts
Showing posts with label character. Show all posts
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
ALWAYS INFLUENCE, NEVER CONTROL
Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has 30+ years experience as a Life Coach and
Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical
Psychology"). Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970)
568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
When coaching couples, many times I hear statements like: "Our
marriage has gone flat." "All we do is fight...if we talk to each
other at all;" "If only s/he would change, I would be a lot happier;"
Each one complains about his or her partner
Many young adults honestly believe that if they love their partner
enough, or relate to them long enough, that the partner will change.
If they criticize enough, point out the other's weaknesses enough,
blame enough, give enough, yell enough, go silent long enough...their
partner will change.
Some people acknowledge they don't have the power to change
another's thoughts, feelings, opinions, or values. Therefore, they go
on to conclude that they have no impact or influence on anyone. If
what they say or do cannot change how another responds, then it seems
logical to conclude they themselves are powerless, helpless to
influence others. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Everything you do has an impact on yourself, others or your
environment. You are the most powerful and influential creature on
earth. Just because you cannot control the choices or responses of
others, does not mean you function without impact. Simply because you
cannot determine how others think, feel or behave, does not mean you
have no important impact on them at all.
Let's turn this dynamic around and view it from the opposite side.
If you cannot determine how others function, the reverse is also true.
They cannot determine how you behave. Viewed from this perspective,
who determines how we think, feel and behave? Clearly, it is only
you. We have all the power to change ourselves. We have no power to
change others.
Does this mean we are not impacted by the behavior of others? Not
at all. If you walk up and slap me across the face, your behavior
will have a powerful impact on me. However, your slapping me in no
way determines how I will respond. I am free to choose my response
from any number of possibilities. Your slap does not determine my
response. I do.
When you realize you can and do have an impact on others, but have
absolutely no power to determine their responses, you are free to stop
wasting your time and energy focusing on how you can make your spouse,
child or colleague change anything. With that freed-up time and
energy, you might as well use it to modify the only person you can
change...,yourself.
When you change yourself, you modify the nature of the impact you
have on others. Remember, you and your behavior always have
influence. The nature of that influence is determined by your own
choices. You never have control of others. The nature of control
lies within each of us alone. When you fully understand this, you
will stop blaming others, stop reacting to others, stop modifying what
you do in order to "make" someone else happy, angry, sad, or behave in
any way differently than they choose.
Stephen Covey writes in his book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective
People, "...if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of
person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy
rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant
cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent,
loving parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in
your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more contributing
employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the
secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary
greatness of [your own] character."
Never forget that who you are...your character, always influences
others. That is your personal power. Manage your power wisely and
you influence the nature of all your relationships. You are helpless
to control or change your partner, but you do have a powerful impact
on the quality of your marriage. Improve the quality of your
character and you improve the quality of not only your marital
relationship, but all your relationships. The only way you can
possibly change your life is to change yourself. You may not
determine or control how life is, but you always have an influence
upon it.
Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical
Psychology"). Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970)
568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
When coaching couples, many times I hear statements like: "Our
marriage has gone flat." "All we do is fight...if we talk to each
other at all;" "If only s/he would change, I would be a lot happier;"
Each one complains about his or her partner
Many young adults honestly believe that if they love their partner
enough, or relate to them long enough, that the partner will change.
If they criticize enough, point out the other's weaknesses enough,
blame enough, give enough, yell enough, go silent long enough...their
partner will change.
Some people acknowledge they don't have the power to change
another's thoughts, feelings, opinions, or values. Therefore, they go
on to conclude that they have no impact or influence on anyone. If
what they say or do cannot change how another responds, then it seems
logical to conclude they themselves are powerless, helpless to
influence others. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Everything you do has an impact on yourself, others or your
environment. You are the most powerful and influential creature on
earth. Just because you cannot control the choices or responses of
others, does not mean you function without impact. Simply because you
cannot determine how others think, feel or behave, does not mean you
have no important impact on them at all.
Let's turn this dynamic around and view it from the opposite side.
If you cannot determine how others function, the reverse is also true.
They cannot determine how you behave. Viewed from this perspective,
who determines how we think, feel and behave? Clearly, it is only
you. We have all the power to change ourselves. We have no power to
change others.
Does this mean we are not impacted by the behavior of others? Not
at all. If you walk up and slap me across the face, your behavior
will have a powerful impact on me. However, your slapping me in no
way determines how I will respond. I am free to choose my response
from any number of possibilities. Your slap does not determine my
response. I do.
When you realize you can and do have an impact on others, but have
absolutely no power to determine their responses, you are free to stop
wasting your time and energy focusing on how you can make your spouse,
child or colleague change anything. With that freed-up time and
energy, you might as well use it to modify the only person you can
change...,yourself.
When you change yourself, you modify the nature of the impact you
have on others. Remember, you and your behavior always have
influence. The nature of that influence is determined by your own
choices. You never have control of others. The nature of control
lies within each of us alone. When you fully understand this, you
will stop blaming others, stop reacting to others, stop modifying what
you do in order to "make" someone else happy, angry, sad, or behave in
any way differently than they choose.
Stephen Covey writes in his book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective
People, "...if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of
person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy
rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant
cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent,
loving parent. If you want to have more freedom, more latitude in
your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more contributing
employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the
secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary
greatness of [your own] character."
Never forget that who you are...your character, always influences
others. That is your personal power. Manage your power wisely and
you influence the nature of all your relationships. You are helpless
to control or change your partner, but you do have a powerful impact
on the quality of your marriage. Improve the quality of your
character and you improve the quality of not only your marital
relationship, but all your relationships. The only way you can
possibly change your life is to change yourself. You may not
determine or control how life is, but you always have an influence
upon it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
"The Ultimate Spiritual Practice"
This ia a post from Jean Haines' blog...her link is to the right. If you have not visited, I recommend it! And ......the message in this quote ... what a heroic journey!!
The Ultimate Spiritual Practice . . . by Andrew Cohen
The ultimate spiritual practice, as I teach it, is facing everything and avoiding nothing. When you truly face everything and avoid nothing, you will no longer be afraid to stand tall—before your own conscience, before others, before God. This is because you are no longer hiding anything from yourself. Through this noble practice, you will cultivate integrity and discover the kind of soul-strength that only comes from fearlessly facing the truth. The instinctive defense mechanisms that the ego hides behind will crumble, and your self and soul will become a transparent vehicle through which the evolutionary impulse can work in this world. ~ Andrew Cohen |
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"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"
