MY WORK ... MY PASSION
~ Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience ~ Psychotherapist / Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience ~ EMDR~ Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship ~ Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ~ ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience ~ Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant ~ Social Justice Advocate ~ Child and Human Rights Advocate ~ Spiritual Guide and Intuitive ~ Certified Reiki Practitioner ~ Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups ~ Parenting Workshops ~ Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children ~ International Training: Israel & England ~ Critical Incident Stress Debriefing ~ Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer
BSW - UNC Greensboro
MSW - UNC Chapel Hill
"An Unending Love"
This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my daughter, my grand daughters, and my grand son. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.
By happy fraternity amongst themselves, the embodied beings get the supreme peace. Then all this earth shines like one house. When the men, the embodied beings, treat each other with equal respect and have good brotherly feelings amongst themselves, great peace and harmony abound. Then all this earth shines like one house. The whole world shines like the one dwelling house of the entire human family.
The degree of our enlightenment is the degree of passion that we will have for the whole world." ~The Greystone Mandala
~The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning. I think of it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before. "As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink," God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Thursday, March 24, 2016
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Mar 21 (1 day ago)
All Hat No Cattle: What violence at Trump Rallies?
Friday, March 18, 2016
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Hillary Might Break the Glass Ceiling If She Wins, But She Won't Put a Dent in the Military-Industrial Complex | Alternet
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Monday, February 29, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
|In her best-seller Codependent No More, Melody Beatty calls healthy detachment an act and an art. She believes that "detachment can become a habitual response in the same manner that obsessing, worrying, and controlling become habitual responses--with practice."|
Healthy detachment is about
* allowing others to be themselves.
* reversing the need to rescue, save or fix anyone who is ill, dysfunctional, or irrational.
* reversing the need to be rescued, saved, or fixed yourself
* giving other people the space to be themselves.
* disengaging from overly enmeshed or dependent relationships
* being willing to accept that you cannot control other people or situations.
* developing and maintaining a safe emotional distance from someone to whom you previously gave away your power.
* establishing emotional boundaries between you and those who are overly dependent on you.
* feeling your own feelings when you see someone else falter, being neither responsible nor guilty.
* facing life with a healthy perspective.
* recognizing the need to avoid uncontrollable and unchangeable realities.
* exercising emotional self-protection to avoid emotional devastation.
|* allowing your loved ones to accept responsibility for their actions as you avoid scolding them.|
* avoiding being hurt, abused, or taken advantage of by others, especially those with whom you have been overly enmeshed.
Now you need to know when you should detach. Melody Beatty suggests we do it "when we can't stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we have to do something about someone because we can't stand it another minute; when we're hanging on by a thread, and it feels like the single thread is frayed; and when we believe we can no longer live with the problem we've been trying to live with."
A good rule of thumb is: You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.
This is a very humbling but true realization.
Developing inner detachment is no different from developing any other skill. It requires an understanding of detachment and the desire to achieve it, which takes patience, practice and skills. Based on the research of Dr. Bruce Perry, a clinician, researcher, and internationally recognized authority on children in crisis, here are some powerful steps for developing healthy detachment from toxic relationships.
Step One: Once you've identified your toxic people and areas of dysfunction, spend time thinking through [these areas] to gain complete understanding about why you are in these toxic relationships and why it is so hard to detach.
Step Two: Identify irrational or false beliefs in your toxic relationship that stop you from detaching. Replace those beliefs with healthy, rational, honest ones.
Step Three: Identify why you feel hurt or threatened by the relationship.
Step Four: Admit that the other person or situation is irrational, unhealthy, toxic, or addictive. No matter what you say or do, you cannot change or control this reality. But the one thing you can change is you. Stop imagining things to be better than they really are. Be honest about what the relationship really is or isn't.
Step Five: Map out the reasons why there is no need to feel guilty over being emotionally detached from the relationship. Let go of the emotional "hooks."
Step Six: Affirm yourself as someone who deserves healthy, wholesome relationships. See yourself as a good person at home, at work, and in the community.
Step Seven: Seek support in therapy, from friends, and from support groups for letting go of your enmeshment in an unhealthy relationship.
Step Eight: Meditate and pray for the strength to detach from unhealthy people and situations.
Step Nine: Allow no one and nothing to affect your good feelings about yourself.
Step Ten: Practice, practice, practice the fine art of letting go. It takes time.
Step Eleven: Go back to Step One and go through the steps all over again.
Unhealthy attachments come in many different forms--not just to people, but also to the underlying belief systems that urge us to look outside of ourselves for strength and support. These beliefs tell us that we're not strong or capable enough to take care of ourselves. To some degree, within all of us resides a frightened child who still believes we need something or someone more powerful than us, or we could die. This unhealed, scarred child within is looking for a "magic pill"--a person who will take away our fear and vulnerability.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
"Now you need to know when you should detach. Melody Beatty suggests we do it "when we can't stop thinking, talking about, or worrying about someone or something; when our emotions are churning and boiling; when we feel like we have to do something about someone because we can't stand it another minute; when we're hanging on by a thread, and it feels like the single thread is frayed; and when we believe we can no longer live with the problem we've been trying to live with."
A good rule of thumb is: You need to detach most when it seems the least likely or possible thing to do.
This is a very humbling but true realization."
"It is natural for the immature to harm others.
Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning."
Finally the first day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He proudly told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.
"You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out, it won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."
The definition of Anger is: Being unable to bear the object, or the intention to cause harm to the object. Anger is defined as aversion with stronger exaggeration.
There is little need to explain what anger and hatred do to ourselves by means of the laws of karma; the misery we cause others will come back at ourselves. Nobody wants suffering, so next is a summary of methods which can not only reduce but even eliminate anger and hatred from our minds.
It must be emphasise that to completely eliminate these negative emotions from our mind is a lengthy psychological process, requiring study, mindfulness, reflection and honest observation of one's own mind. To begin with, meditation is an ideal method to review a situation in which one became angry (see the page on meditation). This has the advantage that one is not exposed to the actual situation, but one can review it much more objectively. When regular meditation gives some insight into what anger is and what happens to oneself when feeling angry, then one can gradually try to apply it in real-life situations, preferably of course before one is already under complete control of anger. It is a slow process, but the change in your life and the ones around you can profoundly change for the better.
"When reason ends, then anger begins.
Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness."
"'Righteous hatred' is in the same category as 'righteous cancer'or 'righteous tuberculosis'. All of them are absurd concepts."This does not mean that one should never take action against aggression or injustice! Instead, one should try to develop an inner calmness and insight to deal with these situations in an appropriate way. We all know that anger and aggression give rise to anger and aggression. One could say that there are three ways to get rid of anger: kill the opponent, kill yourself or kill the anger - which one makes most sense to you?"
"Some people feel patience is showing weakness or pessimism.
But, actually, patience shows the strength and clarity of mind, which are based on wisdom and compassion.
Without proper wisdom and compassion, one cannot practice patience."
"The angry ones draw their swords, the angry ones aim their bows
To put down the poor and the weakened and to kill those who walk on the path of righteousness.
But their sword hits their own heart, their bows will be broken.
With his poverty, the righteous one is richer than all the angry ones in their abundance.""Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
The Buddha"If subconscious anger had a parallel in Buddhist writings, it would have to do with what is called mental unhappiness or dissatisfaction. This is regarded as the source of anger and hostility. We can see subconscious anger in terms of a lack of awarness, as well as an active misconstruing of reality."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama"If there are sound reasons or bases for the points you demand, then there is no need to use violence. On the other hand, when there is no sound reason that concessions should be made to you but mainly your own desire, then reason cannot work and you have to rely on force. Thus, using force is not a sign of strength but rather a sign of weakness. Even in daily human contact, if we talk seriously, using reasons, there is no need to feel anger. We can argue the points. When we fail to prove with reason, then anger comes. When reason ends, then anger begins. Therefore, anger is a sign of weakness."
His Holiness the Dalai Lama, from 'The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness: An Anthology of Writings by and About the Dalai Lama', Snow Lion Publications.