"Little Kids Are Already Watching You" - Joshua Alvarez

When I saw this article in Psychology Today, I chuckled.  My now adult daughter, mom of three little ones, was her own brand of advocate in her then 4-year-old way.  Her grandmother had been in a wheelchair most of her life, and Jenn was vigilant and knowledgeable about handicapped laws. She knew some of the logos, and symbols. Well, anyway, when we were out in public she was like a hawk and watched any misuse of handicapped zones. (I mean any!).  I rapidly learned that if she saw someone who was vigorously walking into a store after having driven into a handicapped space, her brows furrowed and she pursed her lips. I was a coward at times, and just looked at something else, before she barraged me about the "now, the people who need to park there can't, Mom!"

She was a bright one and asked endless questions all day (one day her grandmother and I once counted about 230 questions from wakeup to bed...6a to 9p), so I knew it was going to be that kind of morning. I had company coming and food shopping and cooking was my goal that day.  On this day, she watched one man drive into a handicapped space, just like the example above. He jauntily and athletically sped into the store. After we were in the store for about ten minutes, she momentarily slipped away. As I looked over my shoulder, I saw her literally stalking that man, two feet off his heels,  as he put a few items in his cart. Her body language was focused: calm, strong.  Before I could call out, she walked up to him, and tugged on his jacket sleeve .  He was absorbed, and gave her a quick, "Hiya, honey", and went back to his shopping. "Dude, that was a mistake", I thought! I looked at her expression, and inside my head, I said, "Ah, it's on". She frowned again, knowing, even at four years old, that he had just completely blown her off.  But, she persisted, and tugged on his sleeve again.

"Mithter, you are walking great now, but I thaw you park in a thpace out thide, that ith for people like my grandma! That ith not right! Not right! You are not handicapped"  As this 3-foot-plus kid looked up into the face of this 6-foot-plus man, delivering her verbal firestorm,  she looked directly into his eyes, unwavering. By now, I was spell- bound. Was it the smell of blood in the water? I wondered if he would cross a kiddy line. I was ready! His expression softened, as his eye caught momma bear in the background, probably thinking I would have a soft motherly smile.  Nope, I had completely elongated my spine, stood up very straight and stared. I had a real sense of non-betrayal of my little warrior in this event.  He said to her: "Okay, honey, I'll remember that." She slightly tipped her head backwards, looking at him from narrowed eyes. She nodded her head as if she would believe him for now.

So I use that personal story to introduce this piece by Joshua Alvarez. Anyway, I LOVED the expression on that little girl in the picture!

Little Kids Are Already Judging You

It doesn't take us long to start evaluating others' (mis)deeds.

By Joshua Alvarez, published on January 3, 2017 - last reviewed on March 7, 2017

Yuliya Yesina/ShutterstockYoung children are surprisingly skilled at evaluating other people. Here's what they are picking up. Right and Wrong Behavior

Children as young as 3 can watch adults perform an arbitrary manual task and infer that it is being done the correct way, even without being told, according to a report in Psychological Science. A degree of moral judgment seems to appear early as well. "While it's debatable whether children understand what is right and wrong, they know that there is a right and wrong, and they're looking out for social cues," says coauthor Lucas Butler, a psychologist at the University of Maryland. Another paper, in Cognition, showed that, when given a choice, infants and children were more likely to take a single gift from a friendly character than two from an unfriendly character.  "A 3-year-old who watches someone transgress against someone else is actually quite likely to intervene or protest," says University of Virginia psychologist Amrisha Vaish.

Authenticity

In addition to precociously absorbing rules, very young children also quickly become able to recognize disingenuousness. Studies published in Evolution and Human Behavior show that young children are capable of distinguishing genuine smiles from fake ones in photographs—and that they expect kinder behavior from more genuine-looking people.

Intentions and Desires

Four-year-olds judge a person's behavior not only by its outcome but also by what was intended, a recent study found. Yet children seem put off by inner moral conflict, at least early in their lives. Yale University psychologists Paul Bloom and Christina Starmans found that, unlike adults, 3- to 8-year-olds expected better behavior from characters who acted morally without inner conflict than from those who had overcome immoral desires to do the right thing. Young children even favored someone who had committed an immoral act with a clear conscience over one who had struggled with it.

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How to Write A Forever Letter - by Jennifer Haupt

How to reflect on and impart our beliefs to those we love.

Posted Sep 15, 2017

In this age of emoji communication why bother handwriting a full-blown letter? According to Zaiman: “When we write letters to the people we love, we give them a tangible gift that they can embrace for life: a gift they can touch and hold; a gift that reminds them of our love for them and our appreciation of them; a gift that becomes a permanent brick in the structure of our relationship and strengthens our bond.”

Zaiman is a wonderful storyteller, which is evident in this book peppered with personal stories about meaningful letters she has received, stories from people in her workshops, and stories about letter-writing from literature and philosophy. This highly engaging book provides tips for writing not just a letter, but a parable that conveys the essence of what has given your life meaning.

Here’s more from Zaiman about how to write a Forever Letter:

Source: Used with permission: Llewellyn Publications

Psychology Today: To whom do I write?

Zaiman: To your child or grandchild. Your parent or grandparent. Your teacher, student, brother, sister, spouse, partner, or friend. You can write a Forever Letter to anyone in your life who matters to you.

PT: How many Forever Letters should I write?

Zaiman: Start with one. As Lao Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” See how it goes. Each letter you write will be different, because each relationship is different. Some Forever Letters will be more difficult to write, others easier. Either way, know this: You will learn a lot about yourself and about your relationship with the person you’re writing to through the writing process.

PT: What if I'm blocked? 

Zaiman: Perhaps you’re thinking, “I’m not a writer.” The good news: You don’t have to be a writer to write a Forever Letter. You have only to be yourself. It’s your voice, your words, your phrasing, your humor, your kindness, your essence, your way of being in the world that the person you’re writing to wants to hear.

Or, maybe you’re thinking, “I’m not good enough” (self-disclosure—I know this one). If self-doubt creeps in, if you think to yourself things like: I’ve not always lived up to my expectations of myself, I’ve not always lived the values I consider important, I’ve not always shown up in the world or in my relationships in the way I hope, so who am I to write a Forever Letter, don’t let these thoughts keep you from writing.

Here’s what I say: Okay, so you’re not perfect. Guess what? You’re in great company. None of us is perfect. We all have pieces within us we want to improve or even remove. So, when we write, we write from a place of humility, honesty, and truth. We say things like, “As I write, I realize I have fallen short of who I really want to be. Hopefully, you will do better than I am doing.”  Or, “I realize now that for much of my early life, I was living life as the person my parents wanted me to be, not as the person I wanted to be, and therefore I was not able to be as present to you as I would have liked, because I wasn’t even sure how to be present to myself.”

PT: Where do I begin?

Zaiman: First, start with the intention to communicate. Second, set aside some time. I suggest two hours as a start. Third, and this may sound overly simplistic, but it works: Write or type the word “Dear” on the page. Then add the name of the person you’re writing to. Fourth, begin to write. Don’t edit. That will come later. Fifth, write from your most authentic place. Write to share your values, wisdom, appreciation, and love, to ask for forgiveness and to forgive, to disclose the struggle in your soul or to reach out to someone whose soul is in pain. Write to express your belief in or your admiration for, to acknowledge and to uplift.

Writing a Forever Letter takes time, fortitude, and emotional presence. But it’s worth it. If you put time and commitment into writing this letter, you can come to better know yourself and connect more deeply with the person(s) you’re writing to.

Jennifer Haupt is a writer based in Seattle, Washington. She has written for O, The Oprah Magazine, Readers Digest, and The Christian Science Monitor.

In Print: 

I'll Stand By You: One Woman's Mission to Heal the Children of the World

R.I.P. Gary...., M.D.

Gary,
I write to you last of all. Of all these entries, I am certain you will "know" my message and my heart. I won't write much, because you are no longer here. A little over 50 years ago, and my memories are still strikingly vivid as then. After we met, I realized you had the deepest character in a man I had been exposed to. Your parenting of "Bug" was so poignant it was etched on my heart forever. My grief when both of you were called home was unfathomable. My"whys" broke my heart.
You had just graduated from med school, and your goals for that work were so amazing to me. It some some years to realize I was simply going to carry that in my breast as long as I was on this earth. As time goes along, I will add to this, but right now, you were a major loss in my life.......
For many years, I wanted to meet someone like you, but in all those years no one has ever possessed the ideals you worked so hard to develop, and then to pass on to Bug......Not ended.....

“I was in love with him. I knew that much was true. Love was the swelling, hopeful feeling in my chest every time I saw him. Love was the way I could forget about everything when I was with him. Love was the catch in my breath when he looked at me in his intense way. Love was the gasp he could draw out of me with the simplest of touches. Love was the way I could... I could be myself around him, know that I didn't need to be perfect or worry about what he was thinking, because he accepted me.” 
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, The Problem with Forever

Jeff Brown - Bio

Born in Toronto, Canada, Jeff Brown did all the things he was supposed to do to become successful in the eyes of the world. He was on the Dean’s Honor List as an undergraduate. He won the Law and Medicine prize in law school. He apprenticed with top criminal lawyer Eddie Greenspan. It had been Brown’s lifelong dream to practice criminal law and search for the truth in the courtroom.

But then, on the verge of opening a law practice, he heard a little voice inside telling him to stop, just stop. With great difficulty, he honored this voice and began a heartfelt quest for the truth that lived within him. Although he didn’t realize it at the time, Brown was actually questing for his innate image, the essential being that he came into this lifetime to embody. He was searching for his authentic face.

As part of his journey, Brown surrendered to his confusion and explored many possible paths. He studied Bioenergetics and did session work with co-founder Alexander Lowen. He practiced as a body-centered psychotherapist. He completed an MA in Psychology at Saybrook Graduate School in San Francisco and co-founded the Open Heart Gang, a benevolent gang with a heartfelt intention. He started his own business and became a successful entrepreneur.

The most important thing Brown did, however, was the inner work. By going inside and connecting his spirituality with his emotional life, he learned essential lessons. By learning to surrender to the “School of Heart Knocks” (the school of life), he found his authentic face and embraced the call to write Soulshaping. Although he resisted it at first, he soon realized that honoring the call was his best defense against sleeplessness. If he wrote, he slept. If he didn’t, he lay awake all night. This is in the nature of a calling.

Brown self-published the first edition of Soulshaping in December 2007. Called ‘Soulshaping: Adventures in Self-Creation’, the book was sold on a street level by a homeless man in Toronto and met with a tremendous response. It was picked up by North Atlantic Books soon thereafter and a beautiful new edition, distributed by Random House, entered bookstores in August 2009. Now named ‘Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation’, this edition includes a new preface written by Brown that speaks to the grass roots energy that moved the book into the world so quickly, validating his own intuition about the book’s connective and heartfelt nature.

After writing a series of inspirations for ABC’S ‘Good Morning America’ in early, 2010, and appearing on Fox News.com and dozens of radio shows, Brown wrote the viral blog ‘Apologies to the Divine Feminine (from a warrior in transition)’ that autumn, catapulting him to a greater degree of notoriety, particularly in social media. Soon thereafter, he released his first film- Karmageddon- an award winning spiritual documentary that highlights his journey with spiritual teacher Bhagavan Das. Also featuring profound interviews with ‘Be Here Now’ author Ram Dass, yogis Seane Corn and David Life, and chanters Wah, Deva Premal and Miten, Karmageddon is a courageous, self-honest, unforgettable film about spirituality, integrity, and emotional healing. Winner of the Audience Choice Award at the Costa Rica International Film Festival, it can be purchased at www.karmageddonthemovie.com.

Jeff’s second book- Ascending with Both Feet on the Ground- was published in October, 2012. Strongly endorsed by Oprah ‘Soul Series’ Radio host Elizabeth Lesser and best-selling author’s Oriah Mountain Dreamer and Katherine Woodward Thomas, “Ascending” is a collection of some of Jeff’s most popular spiritual graffiti–quotes, soul-bytes and aphorisms frequently shared in social media. His third book- Love It Forward- was published on Valentine’s Day, 2014. In this second book of spiritual graffiti, Love It Forward includes a number of Jeff’s most popular and profound love and relationship quotes. Endorsed by best-selling authors Carolyn Myss, Andrew Harvey and CNN’S Father Edward Beck, this beautiful book also includes a series of inspirations that Jeff wrote for ‘Good Morning America’ and is a reflection of his new movement, also called ‘Love It Forward’.

In May, 2014, Jeff opened his own publishing house- Enrealment Press- and signed a deal with New Leaf distribution. He began publishing other authors in 2015. Enrealment can be found at www.enrealment.com. Additionally, he opened Soulshaping Institute- ‘an institution of truer learning’- in January, 2015 (www.soulshapinginstitute.com).

In May 2015, his higher consciousness love story- An Uncommon Bond- was published to rave reviews. The next month, he signed an audio book deal with Blackstone audio for Bond. The audio book is now available in download and hard copy. His fifth book- aptly called ‘Spiritual Graffiti’- was published in November, 2015. Endorsed by best-selling authors Katie Silcox, Chris Grosso and Lissa Rankin, Graffiti is his third in the series of quotes books.

Jeff is presently in his writing cave in Toronto, working on a book that reflects his views on spirituality.

Once again...thank you to Jeff and his wisdom!

The School of “Heart” Knocks

Author: Jeff Brown

Attorney, psychotherapist

Article:

I went for a walk today through places I used to know while growing up as a child, places that held heart-wrenching memories of the tsunami of tyranny and trauma that was my childhood. I had last visited these places in my 30’s, after walking away from a burgeoning career as a prominent criminal trial lawyer to find something that I called ‘true-path’. Back then, walking away from law was a most difficult thing to do. I was so eager to be a lawyer and make my family proud. I so wanted to join the world after years on the outside. I longed to eat lunch at the Law Society and get as far away as possible from where I came from – all those nagging memories of poverty and pain. The ego has such a wonderful way of erasing the past (if only for a moment…).
  But a little voice deep inside me kept pulling me away from trial law, pulling me in another, initially hazier direction. This little voice carried a karmic blueprint for my destiny and whispered sweet somethings in my ear whenever I dared to walk a “false-path”. I heard it when I was planning my law practice, involved in an unhealthy relationship, sitting in traffic on the way to work: “No, not that way Jeffrey…walk this way.” Although it came through in hints and whispers, it had an odd sense of authority to it. A distant flute with the energy of a symphony.
  After stepping back from law, I immediately began fixating on my future. Like many conditioned male warriors, I was determined to narrow the mystery of “true-path” down to career identity. If I could just explore every career that interested me, if I could just DO it all, I would clarify my identity in no time.
  I soon learned. After only a few days of exploration, my unresolved emotional material burst through the defenses that had held me safe since childhood. I began to cry, and then rage, as one wave of emotion after another pushed on through, eager to be released from its primal bondage. My inner landscape was obstructed with congealed holdings, carryover remnants from an embattled, unresolved childhood. The Mystery began with my history. How to walk the path ahead, when our feet are still stumbling along old pathways? (Ah, the power of then).
  After a nervous breakthrough of startling proportions, my focused warrior lay down his (bloody) arms, and surrendered to the reality that I had to go back down the path and re-claim my broken heart before I could begin to consider the question of career identity. Soon thereafter, I began to revisit my childhood, beginning at the hospital where I was born. I visited old schools, bakeries, racetracks, people I knew. I walked old neighbourhoods for hours at a time. I sat on old park benches. I bought and read old comic books. I went to the university library and looked through newspaper microfiche. I listened to old music. I stared at family pictures for hours.
Wherever I was, I went for the feeling. It wasn’t enough to know that I had been somewhere, I had to feel it in my bones. When I resisted, I meditated. I closed my eyes and envisioned the person or place. I kept at it until the veil came off and the emotional memory emerged. Then I would turn the page.
  One of the primary issues that came clear during this phase was my fear of homelessness. I would sit across from apartment buildings that we had lived in and feel into the memories. Throughout my early life, my sense of security was undermined by evictions and by my mother’s repeated assertion that I wasn’t welcome in my own home. My muladhara- or root chakra- had never felt grounded and safe on Mother Earth.
  With this in mind, I devoted many years to building an economic and domestic foundation for my life. That phase included the buying of a house in downtown Toronto, the growth of my student business into a solid enterprise, and a determined effort to fortify the boundary between myself and the chaos-mongers I had grown up with. Within this stable cocoon, I was able to ascend to the next stage in my evolution, exploring myself as a psychotherapist, completing an MA in Psychology, and beginning a career as an author. But, of course, the journey doesn’t end there. Just when you think the monster has died, he shows up on your doorstep begging to see you.
  Last month, I made the decision to sell the house that I have lived in for fifteen solid years. With the publicity phase for my book at an end, I am ready to start writing a new book and I prefer to do that in the country. So I sold my house at a price that made living in the country affordable. All Go(o)d, until I purchased a new home that won’t be ready until three months after my current house closes.
  Right after signing the waivers on the new property, I drove back to Toronto. While driving, I was overwhelmed by archaic anxieties, the emotional memories associated with a childhood with no fixed address. I pulled over to the side of the road to calm myself, but it was to no avail. The waves of anxiety deepened, as I was swept under by immobilizing fear. I flashed to memories of my Grandparents helping us pack, time and time again. My witness observer jumped to the fore “Just watch, just watch”, but he was swept under too, his meditation cushion bobbing in the shadowy depths.
  I was right back in the heart of the primal terror, imagining myself in bus shelters, sleeping in my vehicle, riding a Greyhound across North America until the house was ready. Never mind the fact that I have the money to sublet an apartment, never mind that I have a whole soulpod of supporters to stay with, never mind the rational mind. I was awash in an ocean of hopelessness.
  Sleepless in Toronto, I have surrendered to the wave for two weeks, alternating between packing up the house and unpacking my emotional baggage.
  When I had begun to clear my emotional debris all those years ago, I swore that I would heal everything. My warrior did not understand the embodied nature of trauma, the ways that emotional material becomes cells in the bones of our being. Let alone did he understand the beauty of the shadow, the ways that repressed emotions can become actualized, spiritual lessons, the grist for our soul’s expansion. For him, for me, it was just a question of fighting our way through everything.
  He was so wrong. Not to say that we cannot heal many of our wounds, but we cannot heal them all, not in one lifetime. As part of the journey, we may have to accept that certain wounds may never fade altogether. Perhaps healing is not always about killing the monster when he comes. Perhaps it is also about learning how to move forward despite him.
  Today I briefly caught a glimpse of the gift of this moment. With my creative work moving so strongly into the world, I have been taking my press clippings to heart. I have been imagining myself beyond the fray, beyond the challenges and lessons of humanness. Something about this wave of emotional memory is pulling me back to (h)earth, and connecting me to the heart of the matter- my emotional life. This is where I lived for so long, at my familiar desk at The School of Heart Knocks. Sit down, Jeffrey, there is lots of home-work still to be done.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of “Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation,” endorsed by authors Elizabeth Lesser and  Ram Dass. It is Brown’s autobiography; an inner travelogue of his journey from archetypal male warrior to a more surrendered path.

To: RCT! James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

This song, is the memory of one of the nicest men (R.C.T.) I have known. We were like two ships back then, so close, but we grazed in the night. I know you will see this, R. You sent me a copy, after. I still appreciate everything about you. Memories.......so rich and treasured. And you....so caring.......

Taking Responsibility for Our Lives by W. Mitchell

Taking Responsibility for Our Lives

It's not what happens to you that matters, it's what you do with it.
W. Mitchell, Inspirational Speaker

Welcome to the Insight Course. After learning in the last lesson how the media at times manipulates public perception in disempowering ways, it is easy to blame those in the media for many of the problems in our world. Yet in order to be the change we want to see in the world, taking responsibility for our own lives is an essential quality.

As a first step to exploring this key topic, the below two-page article discusses the roles of victim and creator, and how when the going gets tough, we have choice as to which role we play.

https://www.momentoflove.org/g/victim_or_creator_vs

Next, W Mitchell is a man who speaks from rich experience. The below inspiring 15-minute video reminds us that it's not what happens to us that matters, but rather what we do about it. In spite of tremendous adversity in his life, W Mitchell chooses again and again not to be a victim, but rather to be a powerful creative force in life, and an inspiration to all who know him.

https://www.personalgrowthcourses.net/video/what_matters_w_mitchell_pgc

It's not what happens to you that matters, it's what you do with it! After watching this inspiring video clip, think of all the ways you may have blamed yourself or others for shortcomings in yourself or your life.

Does it really serve you to blame anyone or anything? What if we choose to accept our circumstances, to accept our lives, and to accept our world just as they are? Aren't we then freer to move powerfully forward and transform into a more effective, inspiring presence for ourselves and for those around us?

For a thought-provoking three-page essay by a renowned relationship counselor giving more valuable ideas on this potent topic, please see the link below.

https://www.personalgrowthcourses.net/stories/hendricks.chemistryofblame1

So would you rather be right or be happy? The two short, inspiring stories of father and son healing below beautifully demonstrate how one person alone letting go of the need to be right and then taking personal responsibility can dramatically change a significant relationship for the better.

https://www.inspiringcommunity.org/inspiring... - Scott's story (two pages)

https://www.personalgrowthcourses.net/stories... - Fred's story (two pages)

Sacred Cows

Sacred Cows © Spyder Webb

Healing and mastery come as we embrace all that is exactly as it is, while taking complete responsibility for our relationship with it.   ~  Dane Colby

"The Other Side"....I'll see you then......

Poignant words .... and perfect ones. The pain of loss is deep, throughout the years ... throughout the decades.

                                                 "The Other Side"

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side

Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is
Another mirage folds into the haze of time recalled
And now the floodgates cannot hold
All my sorrow all my rage
A tear that falls on every page

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
Maybe I oughta mention, was never my intention
To harm you or your kin, are you so scared to look within
The ghosts are crawling on our skin
We may race and we may run
We'll not undo what has been done
Or change the moment when it's gone
Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
I know it would be outrageous
To come on all courageous
And offer you my hand
To pull you up on to dry land
When all I got is sinking sand
That trick ain't worth the time it buys
I'm sick of hearing my own lies
And love's a raven when it flies

Meet me on the other side, meet me on the other side
I'll see you on the other side, see you on the other side
Honey now if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is

Adele - When We Were Young (Live at The Church Studios)

For J.J.C.......so many years ago.........

Everybody loves the things you do
From the way you talk
To the way you move
Everybody here is watching you
'Cause you feel like home
You're like a dream come true
But if by chance you're here alone
Can I have a moment
Before I go?
'Cause I've been by myself all night long
Hoping you're someone I used to know

You look like a movie
You sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song

I was so scared to face my fears
Nobody told me that you'd be here
And I swore you moved overseas
That's what you said, when you left me

You still look like a movie
You still sound like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song

When we were young
When we were young
When we were young
When we were young

It's hard to win me back
Everything just takes me back
To when you were there
To when you were there
And a part of me keeps holding on
Just in case it hasn't gone
I guess I still care
Do you still care?

It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
My God, this reminds me
Of when we were young

When we were young
When we were young
When we were young
When we were young

Let me photograph you in this light
In case it is the last time
That we might be exactly like we were
Before we realized
We were sad of getting old
It made us restless
Oh, I'm so mad I'm getting old

It makes me reckless
It was just like a movie
It was just like a song
When we were young

Thoughts on Adele

It would be no surprise that on this cool, rainy summer's afternoon, I have loved playing Adele's music. Well, I suppose you can say it's music, but it far transcends that description.  At this time, she is known as the best female singer globally. Who would ever need a "high" when one could listen to her!  Her voice provides that. My 3 favorite singers are all from Britain....perhaps no surprise there, since a large part of my roots are from UK. Of all of them, Adele has not "fixed" her accent, and it is clear to hear in many lines. Along with her wry sense of humor, this Brit woman has a monumental career ahead of her.

Many of her changeups are remarkable....these bring tears to my eyes.

When she was to perform 4 concerts at Wembley..(the best of the best!!), she apparently injured her voice.  No small wonder!  Her chords and expression are the exquisite tools of a master.  At the end of that tour...well, her letter to the ticket holders (below) one evening is below. Adele uses her voice, not pre-recordings that one lip-syncs.  I thought this was a typical gesture for Adele.

I don’t even know how to start this. The last two nights at Wembley have been the biggest and best shows of my life. To come home to such a response after so long away doing something I never thought I could pull off but did has blown me away. However, I’ve struggled vocally both nights. I had to push a lot harder than I normally do. I felt like I constantly had to clear my throat, especially last night. I went to see my throat doctor this evening because my voice didn’t open up at all today and it turns out I have damaged my vocal cords. And on medical advice I simply am unable to perform over the weekend. To say I’m heart broken would be a complete understatement. I’m already maxed out on steroids and aids for my voice. I’ve considered doing Saturday nights show but it’s highly unlikely I’d even make it through the set and I simply can’t crumble in front of you all and walk out on you in that way. I’m so desperate to do them that I’ve even considered miming, just to be in front of you and be with you. But I’ve never done it and I cannot in a million years do that to you. It wouldn’t be the real me up there. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for your disappointment. I’m sorry for the nights you would have had with your loved ones and the memories you would have made together. I’m sorry for the time and money you’ve spent organizing your trips. You know I would not make this decision lightly. I have done 121 shows and I have 2 left. 2 left!!! And they are 2 gigantic shows! Who the fuck cancels a show at Wembley Stadium!? To not complete this milestone in my career is something I’m struggling to get my head around and I wish that I wasn’t having to write this. I have changed my life drastically in every way to make sure I got through this tour that started at the beginning of last year. To not be able to finish it, is something I’m really struggling to come to terms with. It’s as if my whole career has been building up to these 4 shows. I’m writing this as the decision has just this moment been made, so I don’t have any other information, but of course refunds will be available if the shows can’t be rescheduled. There will be more information over the next few days. I’m sorry, I’m devastated.

I’m sorry. I love you I’m so sorry, please forgive me x
*********************************************

"Water Under the Bridge" by Adele

The Ties Between Crime and Malignant Narcissism/ by Rebecca Lee

The Ties Between Crime and Malignant Narcissism

By Rebecca Lee 
~ 2 min read

What do Jim Jones, OJ Simpson, and Ted Bundy all have in common? They were charismatic, charming, and had the ability to influence almost anyone. They also demonstrated specific characteristics associated with malignant narcissism. 

Malignant narcissism is known as a mixture of narcissism and antisocial personality disorder. They lack empathy and often live in grandiose fantasies that compete with reality. If the fantasies are revealed as such, the afflicted person may become hostile with high levels of rage. 

Malignant narcissism is not an individual diagnosis in the DSM, rather it is a subset of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. As well as having symptoms of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a person with malignant narcissism also displays paranoia.

Jim Jones suffered from paranoid delusions especially during the last days of his cult. When he first became obsessed with the CIA, Jim Jones began his search for “The Promised Land.” By instilling his fear into the minds of his followers, he was able to control large groups of people, ultimately leading to their death.   

Since the personality of a malignant narcissist cannot tolerate any criticism, paranoia is usually stemmed from being mocked. Often times they will inflict paranoia in others by preaching highly controlled ideologies. Usually these are at least some-what fabricated to tailor the needs of the narcissist.  Religion and philosophy are two categories they often gravitate toward. 

Pathological lying is another obvious trait of malignant narcissism. Ted Bundy lied about his killings to various professionals, but not to be considered innocent. For example, he told one psychologist that he started killing women in 1974, but later he said the killing started in 1969. At one point, Bundy said there were 35 victims in all, but in another setting he claimed over 100. The criminal investigation reports that Ted Bundy seemed to be lying to impress people rather than avoid jail.  Many times he said the deaths of the women he killed were higher than the victims reported. 

Pathological lying can be much more subtle than in Ted Bundy’s case. The term “gas lighting” is often used when someone denies another person’s reality to purposely manipulate them into feeling insane. This is another tactic frequently used in both malignant narcissists and general narcissists with NPD.

Perhaps the most terrifying symptom of malignant narcissism is the lack of empathy that is required to carry out behavior. OJ Simpson frequently called his wife fat while she was pregnant. This was explained with the charisma of someone who was just “joking around.” Looking closer, this was not an isolated incident. He frequently beat his wife as well as publicly humiliated her by having affairs. When his wife was murdered, he seemed uninterested in his children, focusing more on himself.  It is hard to prove that someone does not have empathy especially if that person is highly charismatic.  

Someone with a lack of empathy may demonstrate kind facial or body language while simultaneously hurting another person. Because of the contrast in what is being said vs. what is being done, many people can feel as if they are losing their mind. 

The warning signs of involvement with someone who may be afflicted are as follows:

1. Success At Any Cost. A close inspection of past relationships may show a failure to treat people kindly for the promise of a grandiose, yet superficial success. Beware of flaunted expenses, especially if there are a lack of people to share in the enjoyment.
2. Narcissists may be hypersexual, often in relation to power and control. Incest is frequently reported as well as a lack of regard for partner and boundaries.
3. Incessant Blaming. Lack of personal responsibility is a key sign.  Often a narcissist will play ‘the victim’ even when he/she has hurt someone else.
4. Violence. Since their ego is so fragile to begin with, any criticism received feels like an attack.  They fight back much harder than what is doled out.  Someone who uses violence frequently, demonstrates lack of impulse control and may also have multiple addictions.
5. Manipulation. Pitting people against one another for the ultimate goal of loyalty is often used by narcissists. In this case, loyalty often means isolation.

If you are involved with someone who has these traits, most professionals advise leaving. There is no treatment for narcissism and statistically the outcome for change is low.  The longer someone stays in a relationship with a narcissist, the worse they feel.  

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