MY WORK ... MY PASSION

• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro


With immense love I wish Happy Birthday to my three grandchildren!

May 22: Brannock

May 30: Brinkley

June 12: Brogan

All three have birthdays in the same 22 days of the year ....what a busy time for the family!

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my precious daughter Jennifer, my grand daughters Brogan and Brinkley, and my grand son Brannock. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.




The Definition of Genius

"THRIVE"

https://youtu.be/Lr-RoQ24lLg

"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."


As we are in the winter of our lives, I dedicate this to Andrew, Dr. John J.C. Jr. and Gary W., MD, (who has gone on before us). My love and admiration is unfathomable for each of you..........and what you have brought into this world.....so profoundly to me.
The metaphors are rich and provocative; we're in them now. This world is indeed disappearing, and the richest eternal world awaits us!
The intensity, as was in each of the three of us, is in yellow!
In my heart forever.........

Slowly the truth is loading
I'm weighted down with love
Snow lying deep and even
Strung out and dreaming of
Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world

We're threading hope like fire

Down through the desperate blood
Down through the trailing wire
Into the leafless wood

Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


I'll be sticking right there with it
I'll be by y
our side
Sailing like a silver bullet
Hit 'em 'tween the eyes
Through the smoke and rising water
Cross the great divide
Baby till it all feels right

Night falling on the city
Sparkling red and gold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This
disappearing world
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


TECHNOLOGY..........

In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Saturday, April 19, 2014

"Why Do We Make Students Sit Still in Class?" ~ CNN/ Carolina Blatt-Gross

Some years ago, as a bilingual advocate in an elementary school, I had the unique honor of being exposed to a teacher who brilliantly, and almost seamlessly,  created what we might be lucky to find in a private school.  Maybe. Michael Gurian would have praised her efforts.  I know I surely did. 

Consequently, the school overloaded her classes.  While she occasionally was frustrated, her passion and commitment were stronger.  This teacher was nothing short of genius working with males who, without movement, will be undereducated.  This article brings me resoundingly back to those memories, and her successes.

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/index.html

Why do we make students sit still in class?

March 31, 2014 -- Updated 0134 GMT (0934 HKT) CNN.com Why do we make students sit still in class?

Editor's note: Carolina Blatt-Gross is an assistant professor of art at Georgia Gwinnett College who studies art, cognition and the socially situated nature of learning. She has a doctorate in art education and 15 years of teaching experience at many levels.

(CNN) -- As a graduate student, I had the opportunity to observe a number of idyllic, progressive classrooms where students danced to the pencil sharpener or sprawled across beanbag chairs while completing their work. I read countless books and articles about research that supports physical activity as part of academic success. It made sense to me -- theoretically -- that children should be allowed to move their bodies. Asking them to do otherwise, I came to believe, could be detrimental to both the student and the teacher.
Then it got personal. I had two children of my own, two fearless boys who are so busy they don't have time to stop for uninteresting activities like eating, sleeping or potty training. Our eldest son lobbed himself out of his crib at 10 months and hasn't stopped climbing since. Putting clothes on our younger son currently involves a high-speed chase followed by a wrestling match and, if we're lucky, ends with at least one piece of clothing partially in place.
Obviously, it takes more than a little mental and physical effort for them to keep their bottoms in a chair.

This doesn't bode well for academic success in traditional classrooms, where sitting quietly is a prerequisite for nearly all instruction. I cringe in anticipation of the notes my sons' constant motion and chatter will prompt future teachers to send home. I worry that their intellectual prosperity will be curtailed by the simple, but daunting, expectation that they sit still for hours each day.

In my household and others, the question looms: Does sitting in any way help students learn? Why do we feel the need to tame students' physical natures, rather than incorporate them into the learning process? By sending our children off to still, quiet classrooms, are we neglecting meaningful, hands-on learning that could be occurring through physical activity?


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Apr 19, 2014 09:46:22AM MDT
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After all, the brain is ultimately an essential part of the body, a co-conspirator with those wiggly feet and chatty mouths that get
little ones into trouble. As the late arts educator Elliot Eisner
http://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/index.html

High school meets big business
reminded us, we learn about the world through our senses, drawing information in through our bodies to feed our understanding of the world.
That the mind is nestled within our physicality is not a new concept, but perhaps a nearly forgotten one in our age of cerebral and cyber wealth. Even in the early 20th century, progressive educator John Dewey famously unbolted the desks from the floors of the classroom, arguing that education
stems from experience. More recently, we've seen treadmill desks and bouncy balls substitute for desk chairs.
As an educator with an interest in authentic learning, I wonder if that is enough.
As the mother of super-physical children, I worry that it's not even close to being enough.

The paradigm of the still, quiet classroom with neatly aligned desks unfortunately requires that some students spend a great deal of energy complying with physical restrictions rather than learning. Certainly, at some point, children need to learn to control their bodies. But making it an overriding concern in the classroom might be a waste.
Meanwhile, commitment to recess, art, labs and nearly any type of learning that involves the body is generally dwindling. As an educator and mother, I know that image is fundamentally at odds with the nature of children.
So, educators can either spend a great deal of energy trying to get students to conform to the expectations of quiet focus -- or they can change the expectations.
On my quest to find educational arcadia for my children, I explored the options available in our neighborhood. Just looking around at the schools near my home in Atlanta -- private, charter and public schools that my children could attend -- I found innovative teachers and administrators who don't want students to sit still and work quietly. They're making changes to schools' physically restrictive natures, sometimes for entire buildings, and sometimes just at the classroom level.
It wasn't always obvious, and required me to ask questions and look closely at how classrooms were set up. Here were three educators I found who were finding ways to make movement a part of how their students learn.

Movement is the mission
Just as my concerns about my sons' educational futures began to crescendo, we struck gold. A progressive private school opened mere steps from our front door. Focused on experiential education, a sense of community and child-focused flexibility, Hess Academy has my oldest, wiggliest son flourishing.
According to Kristen Hess, the principal and founder of Hess Academy, movement in the classroom is an extension of student choice.
"As adults we have the option of movement available to us," she told me. "We fidget or doodle, we get up
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to stretch our legs, we walk to the back of the room, but we don't give this option to children."
The best learning environment, she said, has different options, not just a standard solution for all students. I could see her philosophy at work in a classroom where students worked, some sitting at tables, some stretched across the floor and some using their chairs as writing surfaces.
Hess' first foray into education was as a gymnastics instructor and her active nature coalesced with her learning philosophy when she entered graduate school, she said. There, it became clear that "expecting children to disconnect from their bodies isn't natural. We have five senses for a reason."
Hess sees at least three roles for movement in the classroom: It's a way to optimize focus and attention, to release pent-up energy so students can focus on a different activity, and as a vehicle for learning. Taking advantage of just one of these aspects, she explained, is usually insufficient.
"Unfortunately there is a trend of decreasing movement in our daily lives and spending less time outside," Hess said. "We have to counter that in the classroom by giving students time to interact in meaningful ways. All of our teachers believe that movement enhances learning.
"The more you can use your body, the better you can learn concepts."
The school itself has the feel of a beehive. During a recent visit, once class was moving around the school on a scavenger hunt. In another class, students scattered around the room to discuss ideas and create drawings for "Think Out of the Box Thursday," where they transformed a given shape into creative creatures and inventions. The littlest ones conducted an experiment, setting an insect buffet outside their classroom window to see which foods ants would eat.
The activity often extends outdoors. The days typically started and ended on the playground, where all students got a physical outlet to burn off their extra energy before even entering the school. It's an extension of the classroom, a place that marries play and learning.
Recently, when I arrived to pick up my son, I found him scouring the playground to locate and identify insects or collect food for caterpillars and grasshoppers. It wasn't just my child's curiosity at work; it was part of a classroom unit on bugs.
The learning comes home, too: His classroom's tadpoles inspired him to give us nightly tadpole updates and regularly re-enact the birth of a tadpole from its egg by curling up under a blanket and popping out.
Many parents might assume that such freedom of movement means classroom chaos. They might believe their child would never succeed in such a setting, and they might be right: Not all children are suited to this kind of environment and not every teacher is comfortable or capable of managing it.
Truthfully, I would be skeptical had I not witnessed enough classroom settings to see that this approach works -- but only if it is coupled with a clear structure. This is particularly important during transitions. Teachers who embrace this flexibility need the finesse to effectively shift students from less restrictive activity to more organized work. Knowing the students, their limits and strengths is key to understanding what techniques might work best.
Teacher Megan Anderson Angiulo explained that her classroom management techniques varied from year
Page 3 of 6 Apr 19, 2014 09:46:22AM MDT
http://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/index.html
to year depending on the class. If she wanted to get students' attention during a less-restrictive activity, she gave them a physical prompt, such as "Put your pencils down and put your finger on your nose."
Redirecting their entire bodies -- not just their brains -- effectively moved students in the next direction. With a different class, she might clap a rhythm that students would repeat. With her current group, she laughed, that would set off a clapping frenzy. She'll save the applause technique for another year.
"Ultimately," she said, "you have to trust that they want to learn."

Matching student and teacher
Not all parents have the resources or the desire to send their children to private school. It didn't seem like an obvious option for my family, and I'm still surprised that we were able to make it happen. Fortunately, there are options. Although the freedom of movement might not be an explicit part of every school's curriculum, teachers in all kinds of schools are trying to incorporate movement into their classrooms.
At the International Community School, a public charter school near my home that offers an International Baccalaureate, I found fourth-grade teacher Drew Whitelegg.
He makes a point of allowing a lot of movement among his students. His curriculum is inspired in part by Jonathan Kozol's book "Letters to a Young Teacher," which explains that kids are good at moving and talking a lot -- and yet, institutions are surprised when students struggle to sit still and stay quiet.

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"If you try to fight the restlessness and impulsive nature of children, you end up denying an important developmental
Student's Lego resume goes viral
the feet of one student, and then another.
stage," said Whitelegg, who served as a soccer coach before becoming a teacher. In addition, "it sets up disciplinary issues where students are in trouble for nothing other than the need to move."
In the classroom, students moved constantly -- at their own discretion and at the request of the teacher. I saw one student sit in a swivel chair with wheels so she could oscillate rhythmically during the lesson. A soccer ball lingered under
During a math lesson on place value, a group of students lined up in front of the class holding numbers ranging from .001 to 100. Using the soccer ball as a decimal point, Whitelegg asked the class to put the numbers in order. He demonstrated the lack of symmetry on either side of the decimal point by moving the students so their line folded in half.
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http://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/index.html
While movement wasn't part of the entire school's mission, Whitelegg explained that teachers try to match rising students' needs with teachers' strengths. His classroom often winds up with students who need to move.
His classroom can look chaotic compared to others, he said. Recognizing that his colleagues tend to use teaching models that support a quiet classroom, he said that he is more comfortable in a more dynamic environment -- and so are the children that end up in his classroom. He emphasizes the need for students to learn boundaries early in the school year and to build a classroom culture in which students know what to expect.
"As a teacher you try to remember what you were like when you were 9 or 10 years old," he said, "and you start from there."

Controlling the chaos
Finally, I visited our local public school, where you might expect it to be most difficult for teachers to rethink traditional classroom expectations. Unlike private schools that have the liberty to approach education in unconventional ways, public school teachers are beholden to an entirely different set of expectations and standards. Although teachers at the school attested to administrative support for unconventional strategies, it seemed conditional on rising test scores. It is easy to understand why teachers under such scrutiny might avoid taking risks, but some teachers are up to the challenge.
I met Carlita Scarboro, a first grade teacher, at Laurel Ridge Elementary, near Atlanta. Scarboro's classroom is active and lively, full of confident and convivial students.
"Making them sit," she said, "creates problems with behavior."
Scarboro's interest in allowing movement in the classroom originated with her experiences with her own son, who was diagnosed with a mild form of autism. Her experiences volunteering at her son's school and her background in business and event planning informed her "rogue" teaching philosophy: Her classroom, she believes, is a lab.
"I like to take them out for field work," she said.
Getting students involved in activities allows them to better grasp the content they're studying, she said.

"You can reach them on all different levels," Scarboro said. "If they sit there, they zone out and they're not engaged."
In her class, students watched a video on goods and services, then followed it with an activity: Pairs of students wrote scripts and used props to act out the parts of consumer and producer and to portray the laws of supply and demand. I saw how their bodies became part of the learning, with students celebrating vocally and physically when they answered correctly on the group quiz that followed.
Scarboro moved herself, her students and their work around the classroom to keep them on their toes. Students moved from the rug to their tables and to various part of the room to submit papers or deliver the lunch count to the cafeteria.
Page 5 of 6 Apr 19, 2014 09:46:22AM MDT

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/30/living/no-sitting-still-movement-schools/index.html
Allowing movement in the classroom requires a lot of classroom management, Scarboro told me, and despite the motion and noise, it was highly structured. There were clear signals to transition from one activity to another, to quiet down or shift students' attention.
She built in some organization in fun, easy-to-understand ways, too. At the beginning of the year, students were organized into teams and their spots on the carpet were color coded to coordinate with their table and team mascot -- orange tigers, red puppies and green geckos. She said it's important to establish definitive parameters at the beginning of the year and not to change them. Having such "stops" in place allows her to give the students more leeway later on in the school year.
"Kids need to feel like they are part of the action," she said. "It makes a big difference when you feel like part of the process."

Finding the right fit
My family emitted a collective sigh of relief when we found a school that was a perfect fit for our kids and their persistent levels of activity. With a little effort, I believe other families can do the same; it's clear that teachers in all kinds of situations can push the limits of traditional physical restrictions in schools.
In my own curriculum, as a professor, I have built more and more movement into our classroom activities, forsaking the traditional format of lecturing to her students. It's often an uphill battle for students who expect a "sage on the stage," but the benefits have been rewarding. I see fewer students drag themselves to my classes with dread, falling asleep at their desks or noodling around on their cell phones and more students are meaningfully engaged with the content.
For parents like me, who see their children struggling to maintain the still, quiet expectation in school, I encourage seeking out educators and schools that allow opportunities for children to learn through their bodies.
It might mean visiting classrooms, talking to teachers or cornering the parents of older students for guidance. It could be as simple as calling the principal and saying, "Listen, my kid is a mover. Who can handle that best?"

It is not always easy, but it can be done.


© ${formatDate(now,"yyyy","GMT")} Cable News Network. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Thursday, April 17, 2014

Have You Sold Your Soul? ~ Mary Goulet

We’ve all heard the expression, “Don’t sell your Soul” and we know better but, we still do it.
Most every single person has sold their Soul for something; money, career, house, investments or a relationship.
Let’s cover a few things regarding this because when we sell our Soul for something or someone we will have to eventually reap the consequences. Always. Period.
Either monetarily, reputation-wise, financially and the ultimate; our self-esteem and dignity – we will reap the consequences......

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Dreams of Glory ~ Psychology Today

".......Unfortunately, history hasn't been so kind to daydreaming. Freud believed daydreamers were infantile and neurotic. In the 1960s, psychology textbooks warned teachers that students who daydreamed were headed for psychosis. Even today, there is a disproportionate focus among scientists on the costs of daydreaming. In a recent study, two prominent psychologists proclaimed that "a wandering mind is an unhappy mind."
More than 50 years ago, pioneering research led by Yale's Jerome L. Singer established that daydreaming is widespread and a normal aspect of human experience. Singer found that a major swath of society consists of "happy daydreamers"—people who enjoy vivid imagery and fantasy. They use daydreaming for plotting out their future. These daydreamers "simply value and enjoy their private experiences, are willing to risk wasting a certain amount of time on them, but also can apparently use them for effective planning and for self-amusement during periods of monotonous task activity or boredom," Singer reported. He called this "positive-constructive daydreaming".........CLICK HERE TO READ FURTHER....

On suffering: Is it really worth the trouble?

"To believe we control the movement of life is to believe we are driving a bus on which we are merely passengers.  We feel as if we are in control when the bus takes us where we want to go, but when it keeps chugging merrily on its way despite our attempts to turn or stop or slow down, we are incredulous....."   CLICK HERE TO READ MORE....

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Report: NSA Knew About Heartbleed Bug for 2 Years and Said Nothing


"The White House National Security Council Spokesperson Caitlin Hayden also said that neither the NSA nor any other federal agency knew about the Heartbleed bug.
"If the Federal government, including the intelligence community, had discovered this vulnerability prior to last week, it would have been disclosed to the community responsible for OpenSSL," Hayden said in the statement...."


Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sibling Rivalry: Finding Your Place in the Family | Anger Management


Most parents don’t realize that there is a dynamic interaction between siblings to find a place in the family. That is what sibling rivalry is all about. Jan’s mother, Ellen, wonders why her daughter struggles persist. “She has so much potential. Why doesn’t she use it?”...... PARENTS: CLICK HERE FOR INSIGHTFUL ARTICLE ON SIBLINGS

Using the Power of Authenticity to Create Intimacy | World of Psychology / John Amodeo, PhD, MFT

John Amodeo, PhD, MFT, is the author of the book, Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships, which bridges the gap between the quiet depths of spiritual practice and the fierce passion of intimate relationships. His other books include The Authentic Heart and Love & Betrayal. He has been a marriage and family therapist in the San Francisco area for over thirty years, has conducted workshops internationally on relationships and couples therapy, and has appeared on CNN, Donahue, and New Dimensions Radio. For more information, articles, and free videos, visit his website at:www.johnamodeo.com.   ..........CLICK HERE TO READ THIS ARTICLE

What DC Democrats Don’t Get About Populism | The Nation

Weiland speaks the language of the old-time populists. He says, “I was born here. I grew up on this land. It was ours because our democracy kept it that way. Today our democracy is being bought by big money and turned against us. To feed their profits we lose our jobs, our homes and our farms, our kids’ education, even our health, and the Congress they have bought looks the other way, or worse.”......CLICK HERE TO READ MORE OF ARTICLE

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

As Jordanian Women Leave the Home, Sexual Harassment Reaches Unprecedented Levels - Elizabeth Whitman / The Nation

".....The driver “started talking about the weather, saying, ‘It’s really cold out today.’ I thought it was a nice day, and I said, ‘No, it’s nice.’ He said, ‘Yes, especially when there’s snow. Do you like snow? Do you play with snow?’.....”
Miriam, who is in her mid-20s, replied that, no, she did not like snow.
“Then he said, ‘I have female friends that…tell me when they play with snow and feel the snow against their bodies, it’s an amazing feeling.’” Miriam was certain by now that something was quite wrong, and she worried the driver might try to touch her. But when she looked over, his hand was inside his pants, moving.
The driver continued talking about snow until she convinced him to let her out. “That day, I didn’t want to see any man,” she says. “I wished I worked with only women.”
CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Monday, March 24, 2014

3 Therapy Exercises to Help Couples Connect | World of Psychology

By  Associate Editor



“Intimacy is not easy,” Rastogi said. Any of these exercises can trigger complex reactions. That’s why she suggested seeking counseling, which is especially important if your relationship is in distress. "       CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

The Grain That Damages The Human Brain ~ GreenMedInfo.com

With increasing recognition among medical professionals and the lay public alike that the health of gut and brain are intimately connected (i.e. the 'gut-brain' axis), the concept that gluten-containing grains can damage the human brain is beginning to be taken more seriously.  
CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Sunday, March 23, 2014

A ban on bossy — and the bias beneath - Denver Post


"Bossy" is a word that undermines the ability of confident girls to reach their full potential as leaders.
The Facebook COO has launched a campaign with the help of Beyoncé, Jane Lynch, Condoleezza Rice, and Girls Scouts CEO Anna Maria Chávez to help us think twice about the "other b-word" and the biases beneath it.


Read more: A ban on bossy — and the bias beneath - The Denver Post http://www.denverpost.com/opinion/ci_25394216/ban-bossy-mdash-and-bias-beneath#ixzz2wnnlwniR
Read The Denver Post's Terms of Use of its content: http://www.denverpost.com/termsofuse 
Follow us: @Denverpost on Twitter | Denverpost on FacebookA ban on bossy — and the bias beneath

Ban Bossy. Encourage Girls to Lead!!! This is a national movement!

When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded “bossy.” Words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead.      CLICK HERE AND PARTICIPATE!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Emotional Trauma: An Often Overlooked Root of Addiction | Addiction Recovery from Psych Central

, M.D., is board certified in addiction psychiatry and addiction medicine. As CEO of Elements Behavioral Health he oversees addiction treatment programs such as Promises Treatment Centers, The Ranch, The Recovery Place, and The Sexual Recovery Institute.    CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Bareback Grandpa? Baby Boomers Gone Wild! Seniors and STDs....

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S

Robert Weiss
Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is Senior Vice President of Clinical Development with Elements Behavioral Health. He has developed clinical programs for The Ranch in Nunnelly, Tennessee, Promises Treatment Centers in Malibu, andThe Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles.A licensed UCLA MSW graduate and personal trainee of Dr. Patrick Carnes, Mr. Weiss is author of Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men,and co-author with Dr. Jennifer Schneider of both Untangling the Web: Sex, Porn, and Fantasy Obsession in the Internet Age and the just released, Closer Together, Further Apart: The Effect of Technology and the Internet on Parenting, Work, and Relationships, along with numerous peer-reviewed articles and chapters. An author and subject expert on the relationship between digital technology and human sexuality, Mr. Weiss has served as a media specialist for CNN, The Oprah Winfrey Network, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and the Today Show, among many others. He has also provided clinical multi-addiction training and behavioral health program development for the US military and treatment centers throughout the United States, Europe, and Asia.

"Bareback Grandpa?
According to the Center for Disease Control, among our senior citizen population sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are spreading like wildfire. Since 2007, incidence of syphilis among seniors is up by 52 percent, with chlamydia up 32 percent. And this isn’t merely a phenomenon in the United States, as several recent British studies have produced similar results. So apparently the hippy generation has decided to dust off its slightly musty mantra: If it feels good, do it"..........CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Some 70-Something Women Having ‘Best Sex Ever’? Really? (Yes.)


Some 70-Something Women Having ‘Best Sex Ever’? Really? (Yes.)(Jennie Ivins/Flickr Creative Commons)


A vintage Fisher Price “grandmother lady.” (Jennie Ivins/Flickr Creative Commons)
By Dr. Aline Zoldbrod
Guest contributor
Imagine you’re a stereotypical “old lady,” with a lined face and gray hair, walking down the street. Some young guy looks at you and thinks, “How ya doing, grandma, you old coot? Are you wearing your Depends?” Actually, no, you think, you’re wearing nice underwear because you’re going to meet your beloved to see a movie, then go home and have some really delicious sex, replete with leisurely foreplay and plenty of laughter. You pass a juicy 38-year-old walking down the street with her two little kids in tow, and think, “Poor dear. She won’t have really good sex again for a good 20 years.”
This is not tabloid fantasy: “Sexually Active Septuagenarian!” It is possible. Not for everyone — but for a substantial minority, perhaps a fifth of women or more. And I’ll tell you why, based on research and my experience as a sex and couples therapist — but first, what gives? Why are we suddenly talking about this squirmy topic?
It’s because author Iris Krasnow has a new book out, “Sex After…,” subtitled “Women Share How Intimacy Changes As Life Changes.” And it includes women in their 70s and beyond who are having a glorious time, sexually. Some have partners; others have just discovered the joys of solo sex; some are having their first orgasms ever, thank to vibrators and toys now available for anyone to order online.
People have an ‘ick’ reaction to thinking that their parents are being sexual, let alone their grandparents.
Krasnow writes about the 77-year-old who “was inspired to try fellatio for the first time after watching a how-to video on YouTube.” And she shares the story of another woman in her 70s, a recent widow, who met up with a male friend she had not seen for 54 years and who went to bed with him on the first date, staying in bed having sex with him for five hours.
I’m thinking that this book excerpt is going to blow a lot of people’s minds. Even the “Granny Porn” websites have women who are ages 40 to 50. Women in their 70s?? Most of what you’ll find if you look up “sex over fifty” online talks about frail vaginal tissue, lack of lubrication and flagging erections. Those accounts are accurate but psychologically conservative.
In contrast, the denizens of Krasnow’s research don’t talk about any of the physical barriers to erotic pleasures. This is a group of women who are sexual explorers, women who want to have as much sexual pleasure as they can. They are what psychologist Dr. Abraham Maslow would probably call “sexually self-actualized.”
Krasnow’s findings, while based on a very small sample of older women, actually fit with academic research on the sex lives of older people. Surveys repeatedly find that there is a cohort of men and women, ranging in age from their 60s to their 80s and above, who are having active, enjoyable, single or partnered sex lives. They tend to be healthy and active people, and their attitude about what it is to have a sexual relationship and to be a sexual human being has flexed with age, so that standards are less perfectionistic and performance driven, and the physical changes of aging can be taken in stride.
There is a cultural stigma associated with talking about the sex lives of the elderly. People have an “ick” reaction to thinking that their parents are being sexual, let alone their grandparents. But times have changed. The same cultural movements that have given greater permission for sex outside of marriage, beliefs about what kinds of sexual and relational experimentation are acceptable, and trends such as gay rights have affected sexual attitudes in the older age cohorts.
Even the groups of people older than the baby boomers have been affected by the liberalization of society. So while the oldest baby boomers are about 68, the cohort a decade older has seemingly embraced a geriatric sexual revolution as well.
Doing The Math
Just a few statistics:
• The National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP) interviewed a nationally representative group of 3,005 individuals between the ages of 57 and 85 in 2005-6. Almost 84 percent of men and 62 percent of women ages 57-64 engaged in sexual activity over the past year. It is true that as the next decade approached, and the one after that, sexual activity diminished. But it by no means went down to a point where people in their 70s and 80s had no sex.
• In 2009, AARP did a survey on sexual satisfaction in midlife and older adults. In answering the question, “How satisfied are you with your sex life?,” among men 60-69 years of age, 13 percent answered extremely satisfied, and 39 percent answered “somewhat satisfied.” Among men age 70+, 5 percent answered “extremely satisfied”, and 21 percent answered “somewhat satisfied.”
• But check out the statistics for women. Among those age 60-69, 18 percent answered extremely satisfied and 23 percent answered somewhat satisfied. But among women aged 70 and up, 17 percent still answered “extremely satisfied,” with another 10 percent saying “somewhat satisfied.”
A few perfectly understandable correlations exist. Health problems and sexual problems tend to go together. And relationship status and relationship quality are important for predicting psychological health and sexual satisfaction. The research is too complicated to summarize in a few sentences, but suffice it to say, Krasnow is not reporting on older women who are out on the teensy, tiny tip of the standard bell curve. We’re not talking about .05 percent of 70-year-old women enjoying sex. We might be talking about roughly a fifth of 70-year-old women.
Breaking Stereotypes
That doesn’t exactly fit the popular images of “over the hill” women as sexually uninterested and uninteresting.
Once past menopause, most straight women who would like to be noticed by men realize that we are invisible. One of my dear friends in her 60s, who has an amazing body from more than four decades of being an athlete, talks about walking down the street in her Southern home town wearing a classy blouse and a slim skirt and bright red lipstick. She reports that guys follow her with their eyes, but as they get closer and see the lines on her face, she sees the disappointment on theirs.
But it looks like if you’re lucky in your 70s and beyond, with more leisure and more time to socialize, someone your age or older (or younger) might still find you interesting, psychologically and sexually.
Dr. Aline Zoldbrod (Courtesy)
Dr. Aline Zoldbrod (Courtesy)
Maybe older hetero men are wising up about the joys of older hetero women. I learned a long, long time ago, as a sex therapist, that you cannot tell anything about how a given woman feels about sex — that is, whether she knows its joy — by looking at her. I work with many women who look sexy by societal standards — young, thin, fit, perky breasts, unlined faces — and who come to me because they do not like sex one bit.
After Viagra came out and was such a success for men, Pfizer was doing research to see if it could be marketed to women who were having arousal difficulties. Through The Lahey Center for Sexual Function in Peabody, I was involved in that research. My job was to interview women who were having arousal difficulties and were unhappy about it. They were to be given Viagra to see if it could help. So I had the privilege of interviewing women in their 50s and 60s who loved sex and who were upset by a diminishment in their feelings of arousal.
These were mostly just ordinary-looking 50- and 60-year-old women, the kind of women who actually walk around in the world, shopping at supermarkets and going to the post office. Not “older women” like Susan Sarandon (age 67) or Jane Fonda (age 76).
They did not look sexy to the outside world. But there they they were in my office, giving very specific responses to my research questions, talking with such sadness and passion about the loss of the sexual sensations they had loved. About their sexuality, which was such a treasured part of themselves. They talked about loss of lubrication, about the loss of the pleasant buzzing and warm sensations that were the hallmark of becoming aroused for them. They told me that when they talked to their gynecologists, they were just told that this was a part of aging and it could not be helped. But they loved sex, and what they had lost in terms of their physical functioning was devastating to them.
These women have incorporated most of the suggestions that sex therapists give to people about how to make their sex lives better.
The external, male, heterosexual world’s assessment of who is “sexy” is based on whether that particular man would like to have intercourse with that particular woman. I suspect that this can be true in the medical system, at times; male physicians doing an exam may not explore whether a woman whom they personally do not find sexually attractive needs help functioning better sexually. So older women whose questions about sexual functioning get short shrift might consider changing physicians.
Krasnow’s Older Sexpots
Some of us will find Krasnow’s stories inspirational. Some will find them preposterous and annoying. As a sex therapist, these stories tickle me, but they don’t surprise me. When I read Krasnow’s accounts, they made perfect sense. These women have incorporated most of the suggestions that sex therapists give to people about how to make their sex lives better.
If you cruise around online, most of what’s written on “sex over fifty” is a very male model, focusing on penis-in-vagina sex and then going on to talk about how the penises in question aren’t as firm as they used to be, and the vaginas are getting a tad dry. (One of my older friends described attempts at intercourse as “trying to shoot pool with a noodle.”)
There are several reasons why sex is working for Krasnow’s older women. When the women described are having partnered sex within committed relationships with their equally older partners, they are describing sex that is the model for the kind of sex women enjoy. There is a large component of interpersonal connection and romance between the partners. The women feel valued emotionally and sexually and feel comfortable in their own bodies and with their own sexuality. They give themselves permission to be fully sexual. You may have read the old Erica Jong book, “Fear of Flying,” and may recall how the protagonist used to prepare for sex by bathing and anointing herself with various oils. One of Krasnow’s women talks about scheduling sex with her partner, putting on a wonderful nightgown in which she feels sexy, and throwing in as many toys as she can to keep things hot.
The lack of time pressure is paramount. None of these women is talking about the difficulty of fitting sex in between scheduled times of taking care of of other people — for example, one, two or three grandchildren. Sex is pretty high on the top of their list of things they want to do.
The stress in life has vanished. Neither partner in the relationship is consumed with the pressures of earning a living, dealing with relatives, or taking care of their own, aging parents.
They have broken through the societal rules that prohibit focus on pleasure and play and taking time for oneself. There is always enough time.
These women talk about feeling such joy in touch, and in connection. They have lots of leisure and are having a lot of what I call “belly” time, face to face interactions where the partners focus on each other. The couples are taking their time, spending hours in bed kissing and hugging and enjoying whole-body touch, rather than practicing what I call “homing pigeon foreplay,” where the pre-intercourse touching is not long in duration and focused mainly on the primary erotic zones.
The kind of sexual touching described in these committed couples seems to be less pressured; instead it is tender: intimate, loving, warmhearted, sympathetic, touched, kind, soft. There is ecstasy in getting long periods of this kind of touch. Both bodies are relaxed, melting into each other. Each good sexual interlude creates the desire to have another one.
Hormonal Reality
Just to end by coming back down to earth a bit: The book excerpt does not discuss an important physiological element. This is a group of older women who were committed to keeping their bodies primed for sex. For those older women whose sexuality included intercourse, I assume they had very supportive and engaged gynecologic physicians who helped them keep their vaginal tissues young through hormones. These are locally applied — not systemic — hormones, but they can carry risks and remain somewhat controversial. USA Today offers a helpful look at the range of therapeutic options for post-menopausal sexual problems here.
Mainly, if you’re an older woman reading this now, and you are having pain with intercourse that you would like to address medically, you might want to speak with your gynecologist about it. If you want a second opinion, I’d recommend physicians who are members of the North American Menopause Society or the International Society For the Study of Women’s Sexual Health.
The women Iris Krasnow describes are not the majority, but they are not myths either. You may — if you choose, and if physical and emotional reality allow it — be one of them.
Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., is a Boston-based sex therapist and the author of “SexSmart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It.” You can find her at SexSmart.com  Some 70-Something Women Having ‘Best Sex Ever’? Really? (Yes.)

Senior Sex: 5 Health Reasons to Keep Having It | Senior Planet

At 60, 70, even 85 years of age, seniors can enjoy an active sex life. The benefits far outweigh any possible negative effects. As long as you’re using protection, you can safely engage in sexual activity. With a partner or self-pleasuring, having sex can improve the quality of your life.
So, what’s stopping you? ...... CLICK HERE TO READ GOOD STUFF!!

Friday, February 28, 2014

Federal Budget Deficit Falls to Smallest Level Since 2008 - New York Times

“Thanks to the tenacity of the American people and the determination of the private sector we are moving in the right direction,” Treasury Secretary Jacob J. Lew said in the report. “The United States has recovered faster than any other advanced economy, and our deficit today is less than half of what it was when President Obama first took office. ~ Jacob Lew, Treasury Secretary

CLICK HERE TO READ!



http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/28/business/economy/federal-deficit-falls-to-smallest-level-since-2008.html?_r=0

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Watch (Official Trailer) of "THRIVE: What On Earth Will It Take?"

WATCH FULL MOVIE ON YOU TUBE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEV5AFFcZ-s



"Fatherhood Adventures" - Michael Gurian - One of the leading Authorities on "Being Male"

What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works

This is the essential primer for wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters of our men, in my view.


CLICK HERE TO READ!! "What Could He Be Thinking?: How a Man's Mind Really Works"

Michael Gurian says boys need societal nurturing, too! - USATODAY.com

While this article is a few years old, the statistics regarding the education of our boys, soon to be men, have dropped even more significantly.  Thus, this article is even more relevant.  It is my privilege to know moms who understand that, and still remain a "protector" of their male child.  That protection often requires sacrifice (even more, yes) from these moms..............

CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT OUR MALE CHILDREN!

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/education/2009-04-08-gurian-boys_N.htm

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

"If You Want Kids to Fail, Stop Making Failure So Horrible" - The Week

I post this with a caveat to parents.  We have all observed the punitive, narcissistic parent who publicly excoriates 
their child(ten) at a game, meet, or other competition.  It is utterly humiliating and scarring to the child.
This type of parental behavior is NOT being encouraged here.  This is a deeper, more reflective look at the reason 
why all children need not win a ribbon in the same event (for example).

http://theweek.com/article/index/256927/if-you-want-kids-to-fail-stop-making-failure-so-horrible
 
Matt Bruenig
 
Matt Bruenig writes about poverty, inequality, and economic justice at Demos, Salon, The Atlantic, The American Prospect, and The Week. He is a Texas native and graduate of the University of Oklahoma.

U.S.
If you want kids to fail, stop making failure so horrible
Children can't be expected to take risks when the societal consequences are so crushing
PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 26, 2014, AT 10:06 AM

Much as we like to pretend otherwise, failure is likely.   Photo: (Thinkstock)

It is important that people take risks. Innovation depends on it.
That's the generic sentiment that sloshes around the cult of entrepreneurship and small business, a cult that has managed to seep into so much of our mainstream economic discourse. According to this sentiment, we need people out there doing novel things that will mostly fail but occasionally lead to significant breakthroughs that generate new goods, services, and processes that improve our lives.
In this vein, Megan McArdle has been pushing the importance of failure, and bemoaning cultural shifts away from taking failure-prone risks. In her estimation, children are being drilled into total conformity from a young age, steered by overly concerned parents toward high-success paths that leave little room for creative deviations from the norm. In the long run, McArdle suggests, this is bad for society because it will reduce innovation and the social benefits that flow from it.
But while McArdle somewhat glibly celebrates failure, the reality of deep failure in America is stark. Unlike elsewhere in the developed world, being at or near the bottom of American society entails extraordinary misery. Poverty, food insecurity, homelessness, instability, and a general lack of a livable social floor means that the consequences of truly failing in the U.S. are rather horrific.
Curiously, the problem of failure's harshness gets scarce attention from supposedly risk-loving conservatives. Instead, we are usually treated to lectures about how important it is that we deliver massive rewards to the handful of people who take the failure-prone risk and manage to make it through successfully. Such rewards must be on offer, we are told, to incentivize people to bear such extreme risks.
This policy advice ignores a huge part of the puzzle. To incentivize people to try out a failure-prone innovative path, you can either increase the rewards to doing so or decrease the risks associated with doing so. You can increase the jackpot that winners get, or decrease the misery losers suffer. To the extent that people and parents are reasonably averse to risking the possibility of winding up on the bottom of our society, the solution to the problem of conformist drilling lies in reducing inequality, poverty, and economic insecurity so that the economic bottom is a much more comfortable place to be.
Despite the attractive logic of this pro-innovation argument for egalitarianism, we are often told the exact opposite is true. The most sophisticated version of this argument admits that the relatively egalitarian social democracies of Europe do have respectable levels of economic growth, but insists that it is because they are piggybacking off of the innovation of less egalitarian countries like the U.S. That is, cutthroat capitalism in the U.S. is where the real innovation is, while cuddly capitalism in Scandanavian countries just rides on America's coattails.
As clever as this all sounds, respected indices of competitiveness and innovation do not support it. For instance, as Lane Kenworthy points out, the World Economic Forum's Global Competitiveness Index ranked Sweden and Finland the two most innovative nations from 2012-2013. Innovation is an extremely difficult thing to perfectly measure, but these studies suggest that innovation is indeed compatible with the kind of egalitarian social systems popular in the Nordic countries.
If fear of failure is causing parents and children to cut out socially necessary doses of innovation-generating risk, then we should act to make that fear less potent. Cajoling parents to sacrifice their kids into the maw of poverty for the greater good won't do. Instead, we should construct high economic floors, low inequality, and iron-clad economic security.

Monday, February 24, 2014

6 Psychological Insights about Solitude | Single at Heart ~ Psych Central

".....People who are single-at-heart love the time they have to themselves. In fact, when thinking about spending time alone, just about all of them react with something like, “Ah, sweet solitude,” and almost none of them react with, “Oh, no, I might be lonely!”......

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Sunday, February 23, 2014

"Where Have All the Lobbyists Gone?" (with excellent graphic)| The Nation

On paper, the influence-peddling business is drying up. But lobbying money is flooding Washington, DC like never before. What’s going on?.....
CLICK TO SEE EXCELLENT GRAPHIC: Where Have All the Lobbyists Gone? | The Nation

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

"Did Cavemen Have it Right? A Dietitian Examines the Paleo Diet"| Fooducate

The Paleo approach to eating offers much to be desired from a health standpoint. Indeed, it would be a very good thing if a few of the fundamentals were to rub off on the American public.   CLICK HERE TO READ THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FACTS

Friday, February 14, 2014

The Truth About "Macho" Men - Alternet





"Latinos and other men from traditionally “sexist cultures” don't have a monopoly on machismo, so why is it that they're so often scapegoated for backwards attitudes when it comes to gender? How can entire continents and counties be compromised of completely chauvinistic men? And where does this “macho” the media insists on perpetuating come from?".....CLICK TO CONTINUE READING: The Truth About "Macho" Men

"Rand Paul's Deluded Fantasy that Marriage Magically Fixes Poverty" - Alternet

"Conservatives are obsessed with the notion that marriage is solution - here's why that is simplistic and ridiculous..."  CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

The Sun Magazine | Learning To Sleep

..."Only eyewitnesses believed me after a while, because everyone who has brought a newborn home has experienced nights in which the baby wakes constantly in need of soothing or feeding. But Henry didn’t wake up, because he didn’t go to sleep. Neither Jon nor I could believe that a human could live with so little rest. It couldn’t be good for him; could it?"...  CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN: "How to Really Eat Like a Hunter-Gatherer: Why the Paleo Diet Is Half-Baked" [Interactive & Infographic]

The human body is not simply a collection of adaptations to life in the Paleolithic—its legacy is far greater. Each of us is a dynamic assemblage of inherited traits that have been tweaked, transformed, lost and regained since the beginning of life itself. Such changes have not ceased in the past 10,000 years.
Ultimately—regardless of one's intentions—the Paleo diet is founded more on privilege than on logic. Hunter–gatherers in the Paleolithic hunted and gathered because they had to. Paleo dieters attempt to eat like hunter–gatherers because they want to.  CLICK HERE TO READ THE SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE!

Why Do Grandmothers Exist? It's an Evolutionary Mystery - A "Paleo" View of Grandmothers...but much healthier! - New Republic

In a happy coincidence, the grandmother hypothesis comes along just as Americans enter what might be called the Age of Old Age. America's biggest generation, the baby-boomers, began retiring in 2011. This gerontocracy is expected to drain our wealth. By 2060, more than 20 percent of all Americans will be 65 or older, up from 13 percent in 2010. More than 92 million oldsters will roam the land, if roaming is within their power. People who fret about the federal budget point out that, by 2011, Social Security and Medicare were already eating up a third of it. Looming in the near future is the prospect that both programs' trust funds will vanish as the number of workers paying into the system goes down.
But are senior citizens really "greedy geezers" (a term made popular by this magazine in 1988) about to bankrupt us? The grandmother hypothesis suggests not......CLICK HERE TO READ!

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"