Narcissism: Sixth Grade Curriculum!

While this is a cursory, lay overview of the narcissistic personality disorder ... it's not a bad starting place.  In my view this should be standard education in high school psych and health classes ... and certainly provided to females who mean a lot to us! (Based on studies suggesting narcissism is diagnosed more often in males.)

Narcissistic men and women are so self centered and self indulgent that they see


 friends and lovers as mere extensions of themselves. They are obsessed with


 flattery and demand to be adored and have attention to themselves at all times.

 Unfortunately, these narcissistic types are very charismatic and you may at first 


be attracted to them without realizing what you are stepping into. Because their


 egos are so very fragile, they constantly crave attention which eventually puts


 their partner at risk of being on the loosing end of the relationship.  It is a truly 


exhausting experience with a high-high-maintenance person.

To help you with some tips on identifying whether or not he or she is a


 narcissistic type, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does he or she loose interest when they are not the center of attention?

2. Are most conversations about them, whether you try to change the subject or


 not? This is an interesting one, because the narcissist has  a proficient and 


seasoned ability to appear as though they have their entire attention on what you 


are saying, and are actively listening. Not! 


They see it as a game and a challenge, perhaps even asking a question about you 


(now you are hooked in, right?) which in your mind, proves they are interested 


and empathic about your life.


Wrong!  So very wrong ... because inside, their minds are not  on anything you 


say, nor do they care even a smidgen!  Truth be known, their capacity for 


empathy and genuine caring is zero ... nada, zip, zilch. There is only one 


exception:  if you have something they need (affirmation, compliments, material 


things, or attitudes they believe necessary for their emotional survival), they will 


make the moves of which they think you will approve.


After you are used to this sort of reprehensible person, you become very aware 


of their thin and superficial veneer.  If anything, they are remaining in the 


conversation because maybe ... just maybe ...they will get lucky and the 


conversation will be about them again.  At this point.... their listening skills 


receive an energetic and temporary mini-shot in the arm.

3. Is your partner always fishing for compliments? (Many times by body


language, i.e. breathing in disgust, slamming doors, groaning ... all so that you 


will ask "about them". Then comes the anger inside them when they catch a 


glimmer that their life is not so important to you that you sacrifice your Self for it.

4. If you criticism him or her, do they literally fall apart at that criticism, especially


if it refers to their looks or their mistakes? (And then observe their rage bubble 


and boil.)

5. Do you catch them talking about all of their supposed 'lost loves' whom each 


allegedly "wasn't up to standards", and they seemed to have had major flaws in


 which he or she had to break up with them?. 


6. If he or she is not getting special treatment or constant attention do they get

mad or have a temper tantrums? For example if when they are not waited on


 fast enough in restaurants, or did not get the best seats at the movies, are they


 upset? Do they charge through the grocery store, laying waste the other 


shoppers who may desire a calm experience?

7. Do you find a pattern of this person using people just to get what they want


 and then discarding them when their own needs are met?

If the man or women you are interested in shows any number of these types of


 behaviors then you may want to be careful. These are not the type of people to


 get involved in a relationship with if you want a healthy relationship, based on


 equal attention and love.




That "reality"  ... a healthy relationship ... is an impossible notion with a narcissist.

Narcissism Unplugged: Prototype? Former N.C. Senator, John Edwards

I find the inclinations of the emails I receive to be interesting.  There is a repeating interest in narcissism. The interest reflects the burgeoning percentage of this growing character disorder ... as they live among us ... and are our neighbors, relatives, spouses, etc.  Narcissism, and its prototypes, are alive, well, and with even more hubris than you might imagine.  We simply shake our heads, and hopefully put a lot of space between one of those folks and us.  Empathy, true feelings, compassion are simply nil in this personality. This illness is not going to be cured or curable, since the individual simply believes that "it's everyone else ... not me". And when I say, "believes" ... I mean they are hard-wired.


On a good day, we can be sympathetic, and try to look at their strengths and bring our best degree of compassion to the occasion ... the occasion in which we, once again, discover that using any of those attributes has again, led us into the world of the narcissist.  That world is complicated, dark, abusive and manipulative, when one really looks at the deepest parts of the disorder, rather than simply the superficial, "It's always about them".  It is a disorder which can captivate psychological studies because of its thorny layers and sub-layers.  And if we have the misfortune to be married to one, or have an intimate relationship with one ... you can assure that life will become a precipitous drop into a place where you question your own sanity ... again and again.  They are often the masters of the odious trio:  passive aggression, withholding, and the most creative, mind-bending emotional abuse and gas-lighting you can imagine.  From personal experience, I can assure you that having these folks as an "ex"-anything is the best statement of self-esteem you can make to yourself.


So that preamble leads me to the column I read today in the Huffington Post.  It is lengthy but well worth the read as a lesson in how to recognize these malignant and toxic people, recently researched as being over 60% of the university population.  In North Carolina, we have a prototype...our own former senator John Edwards.  This piece created by the National Enquirer and mental health professionals in cooperation with the Huff Post, is extremely revealing as to the disturbed personality of the narcissist.  


The primary reason for "sharing the word" is that "they" are everywhere, and generally have a slick, magnetic over-skin which drawers the unsuspecting into their web.  Initially they are abundantly charming, entrancing and their induction of you is heady. Logic for our daughters (primarily) is that if over half of the college population is narcissistic ... imagine the dating pool!  So read on, and make mental notes!

David Perel

Former Editor-in-Chief, National Enquirer

Posted: February 1, 2011 07:27 AM

Technology & Psychology: The Never-Before-Revealed Details of Why John Edwards Finally Confessed to Affair

It took two years, thousands of man hours and a cross-country chase to catch John Edwards cheating.

That was the easy part.

Even after gathering and publishing overwhelming proof that the man who wanted to restore America to the moral high ground as president had fathered a love child while his wife battled terminal cancer, the more difficult task proved to be getting anyone to believe it.

As Editor-in-Chief of the National Enquirer I devoted unprecedented resources to the Edwards story while supervising a large team of reporters and editors whose ultimate goal was simply to sell newspapers while exposing a hypocrite (not win a Pulitzer, although, hey, that would have been fun, if only to observe the whoopee-cushion effect it would have had on so many journalists).

While much has been written about the Enquirer's scoop, the key element of how Edwards was caught has never been told -- until now. The untold story (to borrow one of the Enquirer's famous catch phrases) is that it took the perfect meshing of technology and psychology to rip the Edwards-affixed label of "tabloid trash" off the mass-ignored expose and force him into a confession.

The Enquirer had spent weeks shadowing Edwards' Falstaffian aide Andrew Young and Rielle Hunter in a North Carolina gated community before finally publishing the story that she was pregnant with the candidate's baby. But when Young astoundingly claimed paternity of Hunter's baby the story hit with a thud.

Edwards' fecund ability to lie -- and persuade others to swear to it -- caught the Enquirer team by surprise. The story created no public frisson and Edwards continued his presidential run. The Enquirer's investigative team disbanded, demoralized.

I watched the video of Edwards breezily dismissing the story as "tabloid trash" over and over and days later I realized two things: the Enquirer had to keep chasing the story and we were going to need to make Edwards confess. The denial video offered me no clue how to do that.

Predicting and manipulating Edwards' behavior was our only chance. It was beyond a long shot but when your CEO funds an expensive operation and the result is a collective public yawn, let's just say sometimes fear can be as good a motivator as a sense of injustice.

That's when I brought in a mental health expert to psychologically profile Edwards and predict his behavior in certain scenarios, a desperate move that I hoped would provide some type of advantage.

The mental health professional does not want to be identified but he specializes in diagnosing and treating personality disorders and how they affect family dynamics. It took weeks for the professional to construct a detailed profile of Edwards. There are no notes or written reports. The following quotes are constructed from memory of the briefing:

"John Edwards believes what he says," the professional said. "He says whatever he can to make people like him. He turns it on in public. In private he's abusive and selfish. What kind of man asks his friend to take ownership of a human being HE fathered? That's unheard of.

"Edwards looks at himself as above the law. He has a compromised conscience -- meaning he will cover up his immoral behavior at whatever cost to keep his reputation intact. He believes he is who his reputation says he is, rather than the immoral side, the truth. He separates himself from the immoral side because that person wouldn't be the next president of the United States. He overcompensated for his insecurities with sex to feed his ego which feeds his narcissism."

The most important part was the absolute certainty of the mental health professional that Edwards would continue to deny the scandal -- almost at all costs.

"He will keep denying the scandal to America because he is denying the reality of it to himself. He sees himself only as the image he has created." I was told.

The message from the professional that changed everything was that while it would be nearly impossible to make Edwards confess, he would offer a limited version of the truth if that was the only way he could maintain control of the scandal.

Edwards had stayed away from Hunter in North Carolina. He knew the Enquirer didn't have photos of them together and that was the root of his confident lie. Now, I understood the most important element -- what to do after landing the next big story.

The profiler's assessment secretly became my bible for the Enquirer's renewed coverage. During the next few months we developed solid information on visits Edwards had with Hunter but I chose not to publish, knowing that we needed to catch him in the act.

It took months to gather advance intelligence about when and where he would meet Hunter. Technology afforded the Enquirer modern tools we never had before. Satellite photos gave us a detailed picture of where Rielle was and where they would meet. In my Boca Raton, Florida office we had constructed a board of the North Carolina neighborhood where she was stashed, and the location where we ultimately photographed her. Reporters on the ground sent updated photos and video. We could see every street, every house close up, with scores of photographs tacked to a bulletin board in a mini-recreation that helped us plan multiple options for how to deploy reporters and photographers.

Considering the fact that at one time fax machines were banned from the Enquirer office because the editor in charge thought they could be used to steal our information (true story), the tabloid had come a long way relying on satellite photos and live-feed video for real-time intelligence.

This same strategy was used in Los Angeles, with far less time to watch and wait than we had in North Carolina. But when John Edwards showed up at the Beverly Hilton hotel to meet with Rielle on the evening of July 21, 2008, a large team of reporters and photographers were on the grounds for the Enquirer, and he was photographed secretly as he confidently walked into a side door at 9:45 p.m.

The Enquirer knew what room Hunter was in, as well as the room where her male traveling companion was staying. When Edwards came down to the lobby at 2:40 am the Enquirer was waiting for him, famously chasing as he ran into a public bathroom.

Edwards was caught in the act. And yet I knew this still wouldn't be good enough. He would never confess, the profiler had warned. He wouldn't face the truth about himself. The Enquirer's next moves were all a direct result of the mental health professional's assessment from months ago.

I immediately posted the story of the late night encounter on the paper's website. It was important to immediately put the pressure on John, to let him know the Enquirer had been at the hotel the entire time he visited Hunter and their child, and that the early-morning run in with our reporter was the culmination of a planned operation.

There was silence from Edwards' camp. No denial, no statement. It fit the profiler's opinion; he was assessing what he could get away with.

We told the press that there were photographs and video from that night. Other journalists asked us to release the images but I refused. Edwards needed to imagine the worst-case scenario becoming public. The Enquirer would give him no clues about what it did and did not have.

I knew there was no viable scenario for Edwards to confess to the Enquirer. I faced the bitter realization that another news organization would reap the benefits of our team's hard work and get the confession, but I also knew that ultimately that confession would validate the Enquirer's earlier story as well as the new one.

Behind the scenes we exerted pressure on Edwards, sending word though mutual contacts that we had photographed him throughout the night. We provided a few details about his movements to prove this was no bluff.

For 18 days we played this game, and as the standoff continued the Enquirer published a photograph of Edwards with the baby inside a room at the Beverly Hilton hotel.

Journalists asked if we had a hidden camera in the room. We never said yes or no. (We still haven't). We sent word to Edwards privately that there were more photos.

He cracked. Not knowing what else the Enquirer possessed and faced with his world crumbling, Edwards, as the profiler predicted, came forward to partially confess. He knew no one could prove paternity so he admitted the affair but denied being the father of Hunter's baby, once again taking control of the situation.

Our sources told us Edwards thought he could survive the affair admission personally and politically. At the time, it was good enough for everyone at the Enquirer. The articles, the investigation, the nearly two years of work, had been vindicated and instead of an expensive yawn-inducing tale no one believed, we had a great political scoop.

As far as Edwards admitting paternity, we knew that would happen eventually too. We heard from mutual contacts that Edwards wondered if we had collected DNA from the baby and from John and run our own test.

Someone close to Edwards asked me about that and I laughed. Let him imagine the worst. After all, that was the only proven way to get him to tell the truth.

David Perel was the Editor-in-Chief of the National Enquirer during the John Edwards investigation and went on to re-launch RadarOnline.com, where he is now executive vice president and managing editor.

"The Past ... The Future" - 1989 by M. W. McCloskey

"My soul-rock, worn smooth through years of acquiescence, was bound by the muddy stream's edge ..... engulfed by listless foam.  The rock's edges were blunted by the swirling ferocity of parent-waters around its periphery.  In another season ... further eroded by the stagnant indifference of those same waters.

Nevertheless ... a very tiny fierce energy remained a champion of its strong and steadfast core ... always open, gentle, available.  The lament was the dulling of the brilliant, jagged edges of Self;  the radiance of the sun on its wet angles had diminished.

The rock must not change, for that core is its power ... its essence.  The urgency is for the tide to swell ...for it to erode the mudbank.

The rock ... then freed from its sluggish captivity will then be transformed in fresh life-waters."

"Wickyleaks or Weaky Licks? The Choice is Ours!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Notes From the Trail January 25, 2011 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Wikileaks or Weaky Licks? The Choice Is Ours By Steve Bhaerman

"There is only one major news network telling the truth about what they are broadcasting - CBS. However, for those of us who are tired of seeing B.S., the choices seem more and more limited." -- Beyondananda  Last year, I highly recommended a powerful documentary, The Most Dangerous Man in America, about Daniel Ellsberg and the leaking of the Pentagon Papers. Nearly 40 years ago, Ellsberg - a one-time Marine and military analyst - took the bold step of leaking documents that told the truth about the Vietnam War. It is heartening to watch that documentary, as we see the risks Ellsberg took, and the way the press actually covered the story - and covered Ellsberg's behind. Consequently, Daniel Ellsberg went free and truth, transparency, integrity and justice won a victory. Fast forward four decades, and we see the forces of endarkened self-interest have learned their lessons well, far better than those who inherited the peace and justice movement from Ellsberg and company. No more body bag photos to turn Americans against war. No more independent reportage, as correspondents are in-bedded with the military (and no, we will not respect them in the morning). Since Iran-Contra, America has a history of exonerating our war criminals, and persecuting whistle-blowers. Meanwhile, the once-honorable profession of journalism has been toxified by the likes of Rupert Murdoch as what used to be news is now little more than weapons of mass-distraction - a brainwashing machine stuck on spin. Edward R. Murrow must be flipping in his crypt. Not surprisingly, the mainstream press has been nearly-unanimous in its lack of support for Wikileaks, thus earning them the nickname "Weaky Licks." 'Nuff said. There is only one thing that can possibly work now, and that is an independent, across-the-political-spectrum alliance of political, spiritual, business, entertainment, education and other leaders who stand up for Wikileaks at a time when prosecution of Julian Assange is almost assured. The United States of America is now at a Martin Niemoller moment. Niemoller was the German clergyman who at first supported, then opposed Adolf Hitler and is known for the quote: First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists , and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Nazi Germany had its karma, and this is not Nazi Germany. But it is "Not-See America," where too many Americans are afraid to look down the rabbit hole, even as they suspect our government of nefarious doings. So, what can be done? Well, here is a simple first step. Sign this petition as I have, and pass it along to your list. It's not perfect, particularly because it is primarily left of center, and is not represented - as yet - by the growing number of right wing libertarians who recognize the creeping fascism of the corporate state. And that brings us to something else that can be done. Sometime after February 1st - soon after, we hope - Joseph McCormick and I will be releasing our e-book, Reuniting America: A Toolkit for Changing the Political Game. I've been immersed in political science for more than forty years, and I can say that Reuniting America might be the most significant practical political book of our time. (I'm not bragging on myself, because this book is written in Joseph's voice and based on the wisdom he has gleaned from looking at our political landscape "from both sides now." I feel that my most important function in this project has been to recognize the spiritual and political wisdom in his ideas and tell everyone I know.) We are hoping this book will be a political game-changer, as it offers both a pathway for political "up-wising" and practical guidelines and principles for convening local conversations and councils where all sides (not to mention all angles) are included. Don't think it's possible? You will after reading this book! It's not on sale yet, but you can contribute to the cause, and watch this space for further developments. If there's one thing the nascent transpartisan upwising has demonstrated, more and more of us are awakening. In communicating with one another to confirm our suspicions, we build the courage to speak, and the courage to stand together. While our parents and grandparents who survived the Great Depression and stood up to Nazism 60 or 70 years ago have been celebrated as "the greatest generation," our challenge may be greater.

Young Children Believing In Reincarnation More and More - ABC News

From the ages of 2 to 6, James Leininger seemed to recall in striking detail a "past life" he had as a World War II Navy pilot who was shot down and killed over the Pacific. 

The boy knew details about airplanes and about pilot James Huston Jr. that he couldn't have known. James' parents say he also had terrible nightmares about a plane crashing and a "little man" unable to get out. 

James, now 8, stills loves airplanes, but he is free of those haunting images of the pilot's death. "He's doing great. He's your typical 8-year-old boy ready to start third grade," said James' mother, Andrea 

Leininger. 

Jim Tucker, a child psychiatrist and medical director of the Child and Family Psychiatric Clinic at the University of Virginia, is one of the few researchers to extensively study the phenomenon of children who 

seem to have memories of past lives. He says James' case is very much like others he has 

studied. 

"At the University of Virginia, we've studied over 2,500 cases of children who seem to talk about previous lives when they're little," Tucker said. 

"They start at 2 or 3, and by the time they're 6 or 7 they forget all about it and go on to live the rest of their lives." 

Do You Believe? 

Tucker -- the author of "Life Before Life: A Scientific Investigation of Children's Memories of Previous Lives" -- has seen cases like James' where children make statements that can be verified and seem to match with a particular person. 

"It means that this is a phenomenon that really needs to be explored," Tucker said. "James is one of many, many kids who have said things like this." 

While about 75% of Americans say they believe in paranormal activity, 50 percent believe in reincarnation, according to a 2005 Gallup poll. 

People in other cultures are more likely than Americans to believe in past lives. Tucker said he was a skeptic about reincarnation, but he identified some patterns in his research. 

"Children are describing very recent lives and very ordinary lives usually in the same country," he said. 

Seventy percent of the deaths described by children were unnatural or under unusual circumstances, he said. 

James' parents say they were once skeptics about past lives and reincarnation. After James' experience, they are now believers. 

What Is Your Emotional Reaction to Chaos?

What's Your Emotional Reaction to Chaos?

Stroke of Insight: Jill Bolte Taylor

Inspiring video of neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor's near-death experience 

Stroke of Insight: Jill Bolte Taylor