"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater... Maybe Not" | Psychology Today

Excerpt:  "I'm here to help you do that because I am uniquely qualified. I'm an adulterer who happens to be a licensed clinician and willing to tell the truth about why I chose to have an affair. I have an expertise in the "psychology of infidelity", not from a text book or social media platform, but from living the excruciating pain of having an affair that resulted in adivorce, growing up and searching my own soul for the answers to "why I did it", and earning the trust and affections of the woman I betrayed again resulting in a magical reconciliation where we just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary..."      CLICK HERE TO READ

A Healing Gift to Humanity/ from Joao Cota-Robles through Frederic Delarue

Exquisite music for healing ... dreaming ... visualization ... loving ... meditating ... being....

Neve Shalom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In my previous post about Gerald Kogan, PhD, I referenced a training in Israel in 1999.  At Neve Shalon, the experiences I had, whether therapeutic training, being in Israel and taking part in exploration especially of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, discovering the culture(s), meeting therapists from many other countries, and countless other rich and deep experiences ... was a marker for my life.  It was, and continues, to be the richest educational experience I have ever had.

When we we there, I took many photos. But one I took and treasure deeply is one of the corner of a rock wall behind my room.  It was so significant as a nexus of all my feelings in that space.  It seemed to me, then and now, that is was a symbol of grounding ... of strength ... of the flood of my lessons there ... of deep appreciation of a few who were determined not to allow me to slide into not participating because of insecurity (I was the youngest (in therapeutic practice years, but not chronological age!). In progressing, I sure made my share of mistakes which, unbelievably, I remember as if it were yesterday.  From close people there, I experienced no shortage of gentle and clear confrontation ... all deeply beneficial to this day, this minute.


When I returned, and people asked me the usual "vacation" questions, I discovered that I could barely answer, save some rather rote and pleasant response.  To this day, some 16 years later, it is still a "diamond in my heart", of more carats than I could ever count..... still uneffable.


This link is about Neve Shalom:


Neve Shalom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

(ongoing)

In Memoriam: Gerald Kogan, PhD

In 1999, I attended an international training in Israel, between Tel Aviv and Jerusalem.  It was co-facilitated by Jerry and Willy Kogan (Jerry's wife), and a psychotherapist from North Carolina, Ernest A McCoy, LCSW.

Since I had not spoken with Jerry or Willy since, I decided to look them up.  It was then that it became apparent that Jerry had passed almost two years ago.  

One would have to know how unspeakable that training experience was, as provided by these 3 gifted psychotherapists.

It is actually wrenching not to go into detail about the training and its mark upon my life, personally and professionally, but this is in memory of Jerry, whose professional life is detailed below, so it is surely best that Jerry 'speaks'.  

I am posting it, because it reveals to me, my own experience of Jerry.  His being a mensch (a person of integrity and honor;  a good person) came alive again for me in this brief video, particularly his discussions about aging and permission.

Jerry speaks about teaching.  My experience of him for those days, was that he was a teacher even when he wasn't.  In viewing this, I hope your intuition and experience of Jerry is as rich as I  encountered in viewing.  

This life summary was on Facebook, and written by Rainer Geissler, MA, MFT, on March 18, 2014, subsequent to Jerry's transition:

In memory of Gerald Kogan Ph.D., Gestalt therapist, mentor, trainer, and ongoing inspiration in my work.

Gerald was co-founder and co-director of GENI (Gestalt Educational Network International), Frankfurt, Germany, co-founder of the German Association of Gestalt Therapy (DVG) and the European Association of Counseling.

Gerald was a psychotherapist, teacher and poet, who began learning about people by riding the subways of New York as a kid and traveling around the United States as a teenager. He later had the good fortune to study with Fritz and Laura Perls, Eugene Sagan, Virginia Satir, Carl Rogers and others. After working with people for nearly four decades and living on three continents, he continued to be interested in consciousness and learning about healing practices. He is the author of a book of poetry, a book on bodywork and various articles on Gestalt Therapy. He was a co-director of Gestalt Education Network International (GENI) in Frankfurt, Germany, where he also held a psychotherapy practice as Independent Mental Health Care Professional.

"If you make friends with yourself....."

Third Way panics over Bernie Sanders and the new American mainstream

CLICK TO READ: Third Way panics over Bernie Sanders and the new American mainstream

What is Love? - Buddhism

"The secret to love is that it is the quality of our love for others, not how much someone loves us, that makes us happy. This means we don’t need to “find the right person” we just need to develop and improve our own love for as many people as we can. We may feel that we only really love a few people, but actually our potential to love is limitless! The more people we love, and the purer our love is, the happier we will be."

In my view, love is the lifelong lesson. We throw that word out so casually, so flippantly, and so thoughtlessly ... that the rich depth is totally obscured. I reflect upon my own use of that word over the decades of my life with a gentle forgiving smile to myself, because the depth and essence becomes clearer every week I live.

When I was young, or even younger than the present, I would always come to discover that the embodiment of what I then felt, I now see as a less complete notion. I have no doubt whatsoever that I will see the present love I experience in the same way. At least I hope I do.

Love is not really about anything "other than the Other". So many, as did I, sink into their own projections of another. In essence, that is rather disrespectful, because we have created the Other as what we want them to be....and not who they really are.

Love, to me, is often experienced over years of the vicissitudes and uncertainty we may have unswervingly experienced with the Other. Of course, frequently, we have made healthy decisions to disengage, yet we can still honor that person's journey through life. That can have many endings, too assorted to review here. 

 Once in a while (or more frequently!), we grow enough to experience a person's, or our own, earlier decisions. And, with humility, we now can really "see" the other person. 

 At the same time, we remain healthily detached from others who appear to be at odds with our values.  The article asserts:

"There is no perfect person, but there is perfect love. We need to build real love in our heart. This doesn’t happen overnight, but by gradually improving the quality of our love, we are moving towards a goal worth working for–real, unconditional love. If we can love for the right reasons, unchanging reasons, then our love for all living beings will increase through our personal relationships."


“It is sometimes very difficult to distinguish between our love and our attachment for others, but when we are able to do so, we will see that it is invariably the attachment that is the cause of our suffering. Pure unconditional love never causes any pain or worry but only peace and joy.”
–Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

This is a brief, but cogent article...hope you enjoy!CLICK HERE TO READ!

Rilke on Letting Go......."The Swan"

THE SWAN

by Rilke

This laboring through what is still undone,

as though, legs bound, we hobbled along the way is like the awkward walking of the swan.

And dying -- to let go, no longer feel

the solid ground we stand on every day --

is like his anxious letting himself fall

into the water, which receives him gently, and which, as though with reverence and joy,

draws back past him in streams on either side;

while, infinitle silent and aware,

in his full majesty and ever more

indifferent,  he condescends to glide.

Once I lived for a time on the shores of a lake where swans were brought in by some residents to live.  I was in total wonder of their presence, so close.  I would sit on the bank, studying them intently. Even more interesting, is to study them as an archetype with their untold grace and majesty of spirit as they glide.  Yet under the water their legs are going at an amazing rate to project them forward.  They were also the hierarchy of the water animals in that lake...geese, ducks, etc.

As each would glide up and down the lake, you could see the others literally moving out of the way, in both respect and, likely, some fear.  For if one would challenge the gliding, or quest for food, the swan would become immediately ired.  What could easily be a called a brawl would ensue.  In the end, the swan was always victor.

The swan has many psychological meanings.  A Jungian-based summary is found on:

http://www.animaestudosjunguianos.com.br/artigos_show_en.php?cod=3&cat=2

A dream sense is found at :

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/swan-meaning-and-symbolism.html

The above poem has always fascinated me, with its many implications, it could be representative of aging, or death. Or, it can be the release we can effect in our everyday lives.  That involves much practice.  To me, it involves a trust in process, a trust of Universe / Creator, to provide to us dependent on our energy, soul vibrations, and degree of JOY we are able to access frequently.

Indeed, it is the JOY factor.  Often joy is the breathtaking bestowal awarded us in our later years.  The ultimate requirement is an enduring and boundless journey of humility, accountability, compassion, courage, resiliency ... and loving. 

The Science Behind Why Working Before 10 Am Is Equivalent To Torture | The Mind Unleashed

While it’s pretty safe to say that most of us adults are typically deprived of sleep, one other reason may be less than optimistic about leaving the house and venturing to work at 8am is that it’s biologically unnatural.

The Science Behind Why Working Before 10 Am Is Equivalent To Torture | The Mind Unleashed

"The Prayer" / Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli

YouTube will not allow this to be played on any site due to copywrite issues.  It can be viewed on:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7bK_G5hEjQ&ab_channel=%CA%9A%C9%9EMariahMonroe%CA%9A%C9%9E

Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli are two of the world's preeminent singers.  This rendition deeply moves me as I watch the interplay between this illustrious pair.  There is tenderness, a loving admiration of one another, and a passion for their art which is so very sweet, it touches the very soul........ their sympatico is utterly exquisite.

Celine, a quintessential and archetypal feminine portrait, has a voice like a bird, and shows unique sensitivity about the magic she is aware they are both offering to their audience. Andrea's face throughout, his micro expressions as well as his larger facial shifts in pleasure,  about this song with Celine, put a lump in my throat...and tears of utter reverence and enjoyment in my eyes.  It may be true that Bocelli does not see with his eyes, yet he clearly "sees" with his touch, insight, love, and vocal majesty.
BRAVO!  BRAVO!

Thoughts of the Tenth Insight

Tenth Insight:    At this level of expanded consciousness, we  become clearly aware of the life and death cycle of humanity. The Afterlife becomes, not as an abstract idea, but as a real place with real activities. As this rapid spiritualization continues, the veil between Earth and Heaven begins to part, and we rise to sense and feel those in the afterlife with a new reality.

 ~James Redfield ~

"Note to Self" and to those I love so deeply....

25 Mind-Blowing Ways Society Is About To Completely Change |

At the top of this blog, I have a quote about our children of this world.  It has always had deep meaning for me, about my family, my work, and my friends:

“Evolution is speeding up, not time. Consciousness is evolving, becoming aware of itself as creation's mentor. Children are evolution's front edge. They push at boundaries... challenge the status quo...irritate convention. That is their job...to set free all that sullies the human heart and blinds the mind to the relationship between the Creator and the Created." ~ P.M.H. Atwater~

Who really knows if all of the transitions in the article will evolve?  In any case, it is interesting to consider this world as portrayed by the author.  
If this all occurs, my grandchildren are wandering into quite a future.  Clearly, they will need every bit of spirit, strength and fortitude we can send them off with!

Parents can not really predict just what those skills will be, nor the indomitable nature our grandchildren and ALL children will have to have at their core. In my view, it is a "Note to Self" for parents to spend time trying to wrap their mind around that future in order to guide their parental steps with these precious people.

And the article, while speculative, provides a sense of how and why children are coming into this world very differently than previous generations.


CLICK HERE TO READ: 25 Mind-Blowing Ways Society Is About To Completely Change |

The narcissistic parent | Brainwashing Children

In my study of mental child abuse I’ve noticed how prevalent it is that the child abuser is highly narcissistic.

What’s a narcissistic parent? It’s someone who is self-absorbed, authoritarian (watch out for their outbursts), negative, a know-it-all, never culpable or blameworthy for anything, highly critical of others, secretive, cunning and conniving, manipulative, exploitive, stingy with others (but not themselves), ungrateful, a pathological liar (twists the truth with incredible ease), envious and competitive, deaf to other’s opinions, has zero empathy, doesn’t listen, doesn’t seek agreement (not a single ounce of agreeableness), brags and exaggerates, plays favorites (and it’s a rotating favorite list at that), has no boundaries, never asks you any questions, inept at basic manners, lacks a sense of humor (especially at themselves), and excels at making others feel guilty… He or she is one unhappy person who can successfully convince their targets that they are needed, and that without them their targets would be nothing.

Looking at these traits,........ CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING THIS IMPORTANT ARTICLE!

Henri Bergson ~ "...those with spiritual immune systems"

Six Domains of Psychological Well-being | Psychology Today

Please rate your levels of self-acceptance, which refers to the degree positive attitudes you have about yourself, your past behaviors and the choices that you have made. 

CLICK HERE TO READ, AND RATE

"force of character" by Marc Chernoff

My buddy Sam and I recently had a conversation about the unique qualities associated with a person possessing a strong moral character, or as he coined the phrase, “force of character”.   People with noble intentions are found everywhere, but people with “force of character” stand out from the crowd.  As the fire inside the rest of us flickers from gusts of indecision, these minds usually burn bright and rise above the storm while confidently pressing forward.  They seem to know the secret for personal success.  This buried secret also indirectly draws in the individual regard and respect of others.

Most of us start off with a similar set of good intentions.  So what do people with “force of character” do differently?  What is their secret to success?  I think it comes down to one thing and one thing alone. They consciously think before they act, and when the decision is made to act, they always take full ownership of their actions.  They immediately reap the benefits of their successful acts, but also quickly and openly address those that went awry.  Possessing “force of character” means dependably taking responsibility for your own actions, even when the outcome is negative.

Negative actions are initial failures, but they are not long term failures unless they are ignored.  When strong moral value and good intent is combined with failure, a resolution is always found.  Remember that most headline news is generally bad news, even when it’s scaled down into small social circles.  By honestly addressing the effects of a negative action you visibly sooth the minds of anyone affected, thus turning bad news into good news.  Everyone respects honesty.  It’s easy for someone to take ownership of success, but when the headlines read “failure” only those possessing “force of character” have the influential capacity to shine.

The Force of Character and the Lasting Life | Book Reviews | Books | Spirituality & Practice

Over time, this offering from James Hillman, has inspired me through numerous readings of many excerpts.  As I review my life, I know many people, myself included, who constantly aspire to growth in their way of tenacious application.  At the same time, in my own life, I can count essentially on one hand the people I believe deserve a diamond.  They are each in the fall/winter of their life, yet will never "quit" until they turn aside from this earth.  It is they who have me believe in some place where I will again meet them.  That, it is said, will be for eternity.



CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE ABOUT HILLMAN'S BOOK

The Sun Magazine | Old Soul / How Aging Reveals Character

Old Soul

How Aging Reveals Character — A Conversation With James Hillman

by GENIE ZEIGER:  "I first became acquainted with the work of James Hillman ten years ago through A Blue Fire(HarperPerennial), a selection of his writings edited by Thomas Moore. Since then, Hillman has become my personal King Solomon, an intellectual hero, the one writer whom, though sometimes baffling, I read again and again, then say aloud in astonishment, “I never thought of that.” Thanks in part to Moore’s distillation and clarification of Hillman’s work, I have come to see such themes as architecture, suicide, jealousy, love, and family in startling, fresh ways.

Most important to me is Hillman’s emphasis on embracing all aspects of one’s nature as being rooted in the divine. He uses the Greek gods as a model for this need to honor, not transcend, the war god, the jealous god, the depressed god. He condemns the New Age insistence on transformation, on sloughing off the “old” self and becoming some new, idealized person. Instead, he urges a deepening of personal traits that are set at birth.

Hillman’s writing is bold and imaginative. He readily employs the poet’s technique ..... AUGUST 2000 | ISSUE 296

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

"Nonduality: What Is It?" / http://nonduality.org/what-is-nonduality/

What is Nonduality?

Nonduality means “not two” or “nonseparation.” It is the sense that all things are interconnected and not separate, while at the same time all things retain their individuality. An awareness of nonduality gives you a bigger perspective on life, a greater sense of freedom, and brings you a more stable happiness.

Why do we need to know about nonduality? How is it helpful?

The word nonduality is commonly seen in the spiritual press and blogs. Nonduality bears on quantum physics, movies, education, psychology, ecology, sexuality, art, music, dance, organizational theory, and many other fields. A knowledge of nonduality can change the way we look at ourselves and the world. That change is in the direction of a unified perspective. This perspective, if pursued, is found to go far and deep.

The Perception of Nonduality

If you have ever had a sense or experience of “something” deeper and more meaningful that lies beyond the everyday you, yet that is you in some way, you have had a taste of nonduality.

The taste of nonduality is the sense or experience of unity, peace, “something” vaster than the everyday you. The taste may be known through an experience in nature, from music or art, from being deeply involved in a hobby or work, from being in the “zone” during an athletic event, from sex, a walk in the park, dance, surfing, having a few beers, or other social interaction.

It may be known in meditation, Yoga, any other spiritual practice, a near death experience, while driving your car, or in the midst of any activity, or for no apparent reason at all.

If you have ever felt deeply dissatisfied, intensely unhappy, psychically imprisoned, it might be said that you can only feel this dissatisfaction because part of you knows there is a place of freedom. That freedom is the experience of nonduality. Your unhappiness may be viewed as the hunger for the taste of nonduality, nonseparateness.

The Pursuit of Nonduality

After experiencing or sensing the taste of nonduality, you may begin to pursue nonduality. Your pursuit may take you to books, teachers, ashrams, India, Internet groups. You may engage spiritual practices, attend meetings with nondual teachers, go on retreats.

Since you are not separate from the “something” that is deeper, vaster, more meaningful than the everyday you, it follows that this pursuit is the discovery of who you really are.

For whatever reason you are here, congratulations on discovering nonduality and looking beyond the everyday you.

Some short descriptions of what nonduality is:

“The concept, often described in English as “nondualism,” is extremely hard for the mind to grasp or visualize, since the mind engages constantly in the making of distinctions and nondualism represents the rejection or transcendence of all distinctions.”
–from The Lotus Sutra translated by Burton Watson