MY WORK ... MY PASSION

• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro


With immense love I wish Happy Birthday to my three grandchildren!

May 22: Brannock

May 30: Brinkley

June 12: Brogan

All three have birthdays in the same 22 days of the year ....what a busy time for the family!

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my precious daughter Jennifer, my grand daughters Brogan and Brinkley, and my grand son Brannock. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.




The Definition of Genius

"THRIVE"

https://youtu.be/Lr-RoQ24lLg

"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."


As we are in the winter of our lives, I dedicate this to Andrew, Dr. John J.C. Jr. and Gary W., MD, (who has gone on before us). My love and admiration is unfathomable for each of you..........and what you have brought into this world.....so profoundly to me.
The metaphors are rich and provocative; we're in them now. This world is indeed disappearing, and the richest eternal world awaits us!
The intensity, as was in each of the three of us, is in yellow!
In my heart forever.........

Slowly the truth is loading
I'm weighted down with love
Snow lying deep and even
Strung out and dreaming of
Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world

We're threading hope like fire

Down through the desperate blood
Down through the trailing wire
Into the leafless wood

Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


I'll be sticking right there with it
I'll be by y
our side
Sailing like a silver bullet
Hit 'em 'tween the eyes
Through the smoke and rising water
Cross the great divide
Baby till it all feels right

Night falling on the city
Sparkling red and gold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This
disappearing world
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


TECHNOLOGY..........

In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Monday, January 12, 2015

Is the U.S. Crazy? | Alternet BY ANN JONES

WORLD

Is the U.S. Crazy?

Inquiring minds from around the world want to know.
Photo Credit: Jan Mika/Shutterstock.com
To stay on top of important articles like these, sign up to receive the latest updates from TomDispatch.com  here.
"Americans who live abroad -- more than six million of us worldwide (not counting those who work for the U.S. government) -- often face hard questions about our country from people we live among. Europeans, Asians, and Africans ask us to explain everything that baffles them about the increasingly odd and troubling conduct of the United States.  Polite people, normally reluctant to risk offending a guest, complain that America’s trigger-happiness, cutthroat free-marketeering, and “exceptionality” have gone on for too long to be considered just an adolescent phase. Which means that we Americans abroad are regularly asked to account for the behavior of our rebranded “homeland,” now conspicuously in decline and increasingly out of step with the rest of the world.
In my long nomadic life, I’ve had the good fortune to live, work, or travel in all but a handful of countries on this planet.  I’ve been to both poles and a great many places in between, and nosy as I am, I’ve talked with people all along the way. I still remember a time when to be an American was to be envied. The country where I grew up after World War II seemed to be respected and admired around the world for way too many reasons to go into here.
That’s changed, of course. Even after......"  CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Monday, January 5, 2015

The scientific evidence against spanking, timeouts, and sleep training - Quartz

Be aware that Bryson is NOT saying to abstain from any discipline and/or training.  (I can see the emails, now!)


"Bryson is not alone in this approach. She is part of a progressive new group of scientists, doctors, and psychologists whose goal is ambitious, if not outright audacious: they want to redefine “discipline” in order to change our culture. They want to rewrite, or perhaps more precisely said, rewire how we approach interacting with kids, and they want us to understand that our decisions about parenting affect not only our children’s minds, but ours as well."   CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Plash | The Power of Meditation and How It Helps Us Rediscover Happiness and Productivity

"Ever since my dad tried to convince me to meditate when I was about 12, I’ve been fairly skeptical of this practice. It always seemed to be so vague and hard to understand that I just decided it wasn’t for me.
More recently, I’ve actually found how simple (not easy, but simple) meditation can be and what huge...."CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...

Thursday, January 1, 2015

The Anti-Resolution That Could Change Your Life | Psychology Today

"There are many good reasons not to make New Years Resolutions. For one, we know from personal experience and from depressing statistics that they are highly likely to fail. The act of making grand resolutions every year, it turns out, isn’t always the best way to make positive and lasting changes. More often it just leaves us feeling frustrated and disappointed in ourselves....."CLICK TO CONTINUE

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

THE DULUTH WHEELS re:abuses (USED UNIVERSALLY)

WHEEL GALLERY


Thank you for your interest in Power and Control Wheel and other wheels developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP). We invite you to download any of the wheels linked to here and use them to inform and educate your staff, clients and partners.

Because DAIP supports its work through training and curriculum sales, we produce using the wheels, which are copyrighted, in any revenue-generating activity. Please let us know if you have questions about using the wheels.   Email -training@theduluthmodel.org

FAQs About the Wheels

Why was the Power and Control Wheel created?
In 1984, staff at the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (DAIP) began developing curricula for groups for men who batter and victims of domestic violence. We wanted a way to describe battering for victims, offenders, practitioners in the criminal justice system and the general public. Over several months, we convened focus groups of women who had been battered. We listened to heart-wrenching stories of violence, terror and survival. After listening to these stories and asking questions, we documented the most common abusive behaviors or tactics that were used against these women. The tactics chosen for the wheel were those that were most universally experienced by battered women.

Why did you call it the Power and Control Wheel?
Battering is one form of domestic or intimate partner violence. It is characterized by the pattern of actions that an individual uses to intentionally control or dominate his intimate partner. That is why the words "power and control" are in the center of the wheel. A batterer systematically uses threats, intimidation, and coercion to instill fear in his partner. These behaviors are the spokes of the wheel. Physical and sexual violence holds it all together—this violence is the rim of the wheel.

Why isn’t the Power and Control Wheel gender neutral?
The Power and Control Wheel represents the lived experience of women who live with a man who beats them. It does not attempt to give a broad understanding of all violence in the home or community but instead offers a more precise explanation of the tactics men use to batter women. We keep our focus on women’s experience because the battering of women by men continues to be a significant social problem--men commit 86 to 97 percent of all criminal assaults and women are killed 3.5 times more often than men in domestic homicides1.

When women use violence in an intimate relationship, the context of that violence tends to differ from men. First, men’s use of violence against women is learned and reinforced through many social, cultural and institutional avenues, while women’s use of violence does not have the same kind of societal support. Secondly, many women who do use violence against their male partners are being battered. Their violence is primarily used to respond to and resist the controlling violence being used against them. On the societal level, women’s violence against men has a trivial effect on men compared to the devastating effect of men’s violence against women.

Battering in same-sex intimate relationships has many of the same characteristics of battering in heterosexual relationships, but happens within the context of the larger societal oppression of same-sex couples. Resources that describe same-sex domestic violence have been developed by specialists in that field such as The Northwest Network of Bi, Trans, Lesbian and Gay Survivors of Abuse, www.nwnetwork.org

Making the Power and Control Wheel gender neutral would hide the power imbalances in relationships between men and women that reflect power imbalances in society. By naming the power differences, we can more clearly provide advocacy and support for victims, accountability and opportunities for change for offenders, and system and societal changes that end violence against women.

Why did you create the Equality Wheel?
The Equality Wheel was developed not to describe equality per se, but to describe the changes needed for men who batter to move from being abusive to non-violent partnership. For example, the "emotional abuse" segment on the Power and Control Wheel is contrasted with the “respect” segment on the Equality Wheel. So the wheels can be used together as a way to identify and explore abuse, then encourage non-violent change.

Has the wheel been translated into different languages?
Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs has translated the wheel into Spanish. And, the wheel has been translated by many others worldwide. The wheel has also been adapted culturally, such as the wheel adapted by Mending the Sacred Hoop to reflect some of the tactics a Native American batterer might use against his intimate partner to control her.

Can I use or adapt the wheels?
Our wheels are copyrighted. They may be used in men's educational classes, groups for battered women or community education presentations as long as they are credited to the Domestic Abuse Intervention Project as noted on the wheels. For other uses, please submit a written request explaining the desired use and purpose to our National Training Project staff.

Programs wishing to adapt the wheels in any way should submit a written request to our National Training Project staff, explaining the desired use and purpose. In making our decision, we will look at how the adapted wheel reflects power imbalances between abusers and victims, if the segments have been carefully reviewed and edited and whether a wheel would be the most effective learning tools for the adaptor’s purpose. In addition, it is important that the content of the wheel come from focus groups with those experiencing the abuse. Requests are considered on a case by case basis.

Our National Training Project staff may be contacted at training@theduluthmodel.org.

How is the Power and Control Wheel used?
The wheel is used in many settings and can be found in manuals, books, articles, and on the walls of agencies that seek to prevent domestic violence. It has even been seen by millions on national television shows and soap operas!

Many women’s groups use the Power and Control Wheel. Battered women can point to each of the tactics on the wheel and clearly explain how these behaviors were used against them. They are able to see that they are not alone in their experience and more fully understand how their batterer could exert such control over them.

The wheel is also used in counseling and education groups for men who batter to help group participants identify the tactics they use. By seeing that their behavior is not atypical for men who batter, there is an impetus (for those who are motivated to change) to explore the beliefs that contribute to their behavior. The Power and Control Wheel is used in concert with the Equality Wheel to help group participants see alternate ways of being in a relationship with a woman, free of violence and controlling behavior.

The wheel is also used in a variety of settings to describe battering. For instance, in training for law enforcement or prosecutors, the wheel provides an explanation for why a victim might return to an abusive spouse or why victim is refusing to cooperate in a criminal prosecution.

The wheel makes the pattern, intent and impact of violence visible.

Can I purchase a poster-size version of the wheels?
Yes! Click here for our poster-size wheels.

AVAILABLE WHEELS (downloadable PDF):


Thursday, December 25, 2014

A MUST LISTEN!! "Let's Pretend" from "SAVE THE CHILDREN" - Michael Crawford



This has been my favorite Christmas carol for the past 25 years...and it is more relevant than ever.  Each time I listen to it. I get tears in my eyes.  And I listen to it so many times!!  While it sounds like an unimaginable dream...and game...each of us has the profound gift of being able to so something to make this happen.

Michael Crawford's album is always the first to be played every year.... its seeming simplicity is tenderly "transparent" in it's passion for change.  It is a call to parents, teachers, and those dedicated to the welfare and growth of children. 

It is dedicated to every child...everywhere in the world...our children and grandchildren...and neighbor kids!!   I post the lyrics below, and in the video, you will become aware of Crawford's passion and global creative work for our children...it is palpable.



“LET’S PRETEND”
(from the Michael Crawford’s globally acclaimed musical “Save the Children”, 1988)

Let’s pretend that we can change the world in any way that we could…
Just as a game, let’s pretend.
Let’s pretend there came a time when people would do nothing but good,
And that it never would end.
Just imagine!!
Let’s pretend that everywhere injustices will cease in the world
I know it’s crazy, but try.
Let’s pretend that all at once one morning there was peace in the world,
And not one child had to cry.
If people don’t like our dream when we’re through,
We’ll pretend that people do, then they’d believe that it all will come true!


Let’s pretend that there is love all around!
Every child on earth grows up safe and sound!
Imagine it!!
Let’s pretend that children all start to ask for the moon!

It’s a children’s game,  all the same…..
Children grow up soon.
It’s a children’s game,  all the same…..
Children grow up soon.


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Pope: Vatican bureaucracy has 'spiritual Alzheimer's'

Pope: Vatican bureaucracy has 'spiritual Alzheimer's'

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS!...Pope Francis launches blistering take-down of Vatican bureaucrats and their 'lust for power' in Christmas address - Europe - World - The Independent


"Pope Francis has launched a stinging attack on Vatican bureaucrats, denouncing them as "hypocritical" with a "lust for power" and guilty of "careerism and opportunism".
In his annual Christmas greeting to the cardinals, bishops and priests who run the Holy See, Pope Francis listed the 15 biggest "ailments" afflicting those running the Catholic Church for its 1.2 billion members...."
CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE

For those who love clouds ~ from Spaceweather


POLAR STRATOSPHERIC CLOUDS: A possible outbreak of polar stratospheric clouds (PMCs) is underway around the Arctic Circle. Unlike normal grey-white clouds, which hug Earth's surface at altitudes of only 5 to 10 km, PMCs float through the stratosphere (25 km) and they are fantastically colorful. Ivar Marthinusen sends this picture of the phenonenon from Skedsmokorset, Norway:
"Right after sunset on Dec. 22nd, the clouds were so bright they were uncomfortable to look at directly," says Marthinusen.
Also known as "nacreous" or "mother of pearl" clouds, these icy structures form in the lower stratosphere when temperatures drop to around minus 85ºC. Sunlight shining through tiny ice particles ~10µm across produce the characteristic bright iridescent colors by diffraction and interference. Once thought to be mere curiosities, some PMCs are now known to be associated with the destruction of ozone.
"Nacreous clouds far outshine and have much more vivid colours than ordinary iridescent clouds, which are very much poor relations and seen frequently all over the world," writes atmospheric optics expert Les Cowley. "Once seen they are never forgotten."

Monday, December 22, 2014

"The Original 7 Signs You Are An Empath" ~ by Isabella Snow

The Original 7 Signs Youre An Empath

Just to update this article a bit: When I wrote this information about Empaths, it was pretty much the only internet site that had anything written on the topic at all. It's now become a commonly discussed subject, and I'm glad for that. Before I get into the nitty gritty, let me first say that the term Empath is not simply another name for a Clairsentient, though many Clairsentients are indeed Empaths. I’ll get into this more later. That said, if you feel that you’re a clairsentient and are looking for similar information, most of these signs will apply to you as well, but be aware those born into clairsentience (as opposed to those born as Empaths, who later harness it and become clairsentient) can often discern what others are feeling, but do not actually suffer – which is a good way of telling which you are. Once you've figured out that this is what you are, you can then learn how to deal with, and eventually prevent, this kind of thing from overwhelming you.

1. When in public, do you constantly feel overwhelmed with inexplicable emotions for which you can’t determine the reason?

Example. You drop by the mall one Saturday morning. You feel great. You get into the mall, walk past a crowd of people -- and start feeling a bit strangely. It can be anything; you can feel very down, very angry, very sad, very excitable. (The key word here is very.) And you won’t have any explanation for it, you'll just feel it. In other words, you’ve suddenly gone Bi-Polar without actually having the biological deficiency that causes it. And what’s worse, you can’t turn it off. You can carry on, trying to ignore it, but eventually it will be so overwhelming to the point you just want to go home and be alone. This is the reality of an Empath – one who hasn’t yet learned how to block other people’s emotions out. Being around other people is such a harrowing experience that most of them prefer to keep their own company, living the life of a hermit. And they usually find it very much worth it.

2. Do you experience other people's physical ailments?

This is most common with those you have an emotional connection with, but can occur with anyone. A very good example of this would be suddenly feeling very lethargic and fatigued for no reason, and having to remain in bed for a day or two. You’re not sick – not really. You’re not ill. Yet, you feel that you are. Profoundly. You later find out that your “illness” coincided with a lover or family member’s sudden fatigue (resulting from legitimate illness) even though they were in another country at the time and you had no idea until after the fact. Symptoms can also manifest in the form of chest pains, cramps, migraines, etc. You basically experience it all, without contracting the actual illness.

3. Do you feel overwhelmed when watching something horrible in real life or even on television?

This one sounds silly, but viewing the news or depressing commercials designed to induce sympathy and open wallets can debilitate an Empath for several hours. While most people get upset over homeless dogs and cats, an Empath will often feel like their hearts have been lanced. That’s a literal definition, by the way. It’s not something as shallow as sympathy or even ordinary empathy. It’s a feeling of guilt and moral empathy that cannot be easily assuaged. Crying is very common, and not just during that time of month when all the emotions are out of whack!

4. Do you ALWAYS know what someone really means?

In other words, can you always, always, always tell what it is someone meant to say to you? More importantly, can you tell why they didn’t? If an Empath is face to face with someone and has just been lied to -- they will know. And they will know why. They will know if the other person is trying to spare feelings; they will know if malice was involved. In other words, they will know the intent. You cannot lie in the face of an Empath and not be caught out. While they will not often be able to suss the specifics of what you’re hiding, they will know if you mean them well or not. No exceptions. This is more than good intuition and this isn’t a hunch; this is knowing.

5. Do you feel compelled to care for anyone in pain, no matter who they are and what they’ve done to you?

A true Empath cannot walk past someone suffering and not feel a need to stop and help that person. Homeless people can be particularly difficult, as they are everywhere and little can be done to help them unless the Empath has an occupation related to this. A true Empath feels compelled to go to anyone they feel pain from, be it angst or something physical. And a true Empath's compassion will usually be accepted on the spot: People in pain, regardless of how they might normally react to strangers, will receive an Empath with open arms. They know instinctively that their pain matters to them.

6. Do people open up to you – even if you don’t want them to?

Some Empaths are the new-agey peace-loving types who want to hold hands with everyone, but many just want to be alone because they have difficulty processing everything they absorb from other people. (This is usually because they have yet to realize their abilities and haven’t learned to deal with it yet.) For an Empath, however, putting on a grumpy face doesn't keep people they barely know from drawing near and seeking compassion and empathy from them. The ill, the suffering, the weak; they are all drawn to the unconditional understanding and compassion an Empath emits. And Empaths emit it whether they want to or not.That’s not to say Empaths can’t be mean and nasty people -- they surely can be. But those particular Empaths tend to be those with profound sensitivity who've broken down inside and have no other way of keeping other’s emotions at bay. Again, these are Empaths who don’t know of their abilities.

7. Can you heal?

Most Empaths have the ability to heal. Yes, that means physically. This isn’t about Reiki or any other alternative modality, though they may seem similar in concept. An Empath heals instinctively, usually by drawing the pain or ailment out and accepting it into their own bodies. For obvious reasons, this is not recommended for anyone who doesn’t know how to keep from becoming ill in the process. In today’s day and age, everyone seems to want to be psychic to some degree. That’s probably due our evolution of consciousness as human beings. Therefore, many people reading this will likely think themselves Empathic. I cannot stress the following enough: There is nothing fun about being an Empath. It’s often a very draining and miserable existence in which you feel like you have to be entirely alone in order to survive. It is not glamorous, it is not exciting and it is painful more often than not.

You're not crazy!

Being an Empath doesn't have to be so overwhelming, but this is not something most would aspire to so don't get upset if none of this rings true for you. Everyone's got "otherworldly talents" and you needn't be an Empath to excel in the realm of conscious endeavors. If you *are* an Empath, you will know this is you, you will not be saying “Hmm.. maybe… hmm…” If you feel (without hesitation!) these apply to you as I’ve just described, then also know there are ways of coping, and I’ll get into them in future articles. With a little self-awareness you can turn your curse into gift, especially when it comes to being able to ease the emotional and physical pain of others. For now, take consolation in the knowledge that you are not crazy!
To learn more about being an Empath, read some of my other articles (you can find the links above) or try some of the resources available from other Empaths who have written books on the subject. Also, when I first wrote this article, there weren't any online support groups available, but now there are several which you can find with a quick Googling. Keep your chin up, and don't let being an Empath become an emotional burden!

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Just touching base.....and, thank you!

Good morning!  I want to express my thanks to my readers, and even more, for your input. As you may have surmised, narcissism is unfortunately becoming more and more "mainstream" in this culture. While we know that everyone has to have some healthy narcissism, or one could not even effectively and confidently apply for a position, there is an abundance of malignant narcissism today.  Theorists posit that our culture is now largely narcissistic.  Their contentions are logical, and I happen to agree based on the criteria they present.

Mostly evident in males, and with greater and greater appearance in mid and late teens (even though technically it cannot be diagnosed until 18), many readers are concerned that this disorder is becoming the "new normal". No studies regarding narcissism disprove that belief. However, I leave you all to your own research.

What is more important is that we all learn how to recognize this condition, because while it initially may present in a person as a thoroughly desirable personality, it is one in which the individual is extremely cunning, cruel, and exploitative.  While they can appear completely repentant as life with that person rolls along, the fact is that it is always about them.  If they appear to be devoted to your wishes, it is because that facade is designed to get them what they want. Thus, it is still, and always, about them.

You readers have suggested some readings about the Stockholm Syndrome, almost always suffered by spouses and children of the narcissist. This is appreciated input.  Yet that leaves me with an ambivalence.  Ambivalence as to whether I "go with the flow" of my readers, in this particular case. I do not, in any case, wish to be a blog solely about narcissism.  However, I am deeply convinced that most people "cannot see it coming", i.e. it is a complex personality disorder.

That leads to the danger of centering on narcissists, and their incredibly toxic presence in anyone's life. (Their ultimate dream scenario!)  Yet, more information all around this personality certainly cannot hurt. We all have some of these traits, or we would not even begin to successfully apply for a job, or confidently give presentations in our field. However, there is a line in the sand where narcissistic people cross over into the realm where they are absolutely "dangerous to your health".  If one adds to that diagnosis traits of sadism, the damage to those people (spouses, friends, children) around the narcissist may be extreme.  One might compare it to swimming in a peaceful, but putrescent pool.

So, bear with me readers.  I will post articles I hope will give some depth to more understanding of this toxic and dangerously virulent disorder.

I hope all of you are enjoying the last throes of pre-holiday celebration.  Breathe, relax and enjoy.  Gratitude is in order!


Madelaine

How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology

CLICK TO READ: How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Excerpt from the Waldorf Parents' Forum



Sunday, February 6, 2011


The Choleric Child

Full of fiery energy, the choleric child is often the one that parents and teachers find the most challenging to work with. They are thin skinned, quick to outbursts of emotion. People around them often experience them as intense, oppositional or angry. What, the adults who care for them ask, is going on inside these children? What can we do to control and help them?

Fire is the element of the choleric child. Like the phlegmatic child, the choleric child has an active metabolism. But unlike the Phlegmatic child whose energy is stored for later use, the choleric child's energy is expressed as heat and activity. Parents might find it difficult to keep clothes on this child. Teachers frequently observe beeswax crayons melting in this child's hands as she works. Whatever grabs the imagination of the choleric child is pursued with vigor, and when roused, her temper may flare suddenly. However, like a fire, if the emotion or effort is not fed, it will quickly die out, leaving nothing but the ashes of that which inspired it. If the choleric child, roused to sudden anger, is left alone until the emotion has run its course, she will likely have difficulty remembering what exactly sparked the outburst. Similarly, the choleric child, inspired with an idea, will embark vigorously on a project. But if she does not meet success and encouragement, she will quickly become discouraged and lose interest.

It is this quick rise and fall of emotions and interests, and the intensity surrounding the choleric child that parents and teachers, and even other children find challenging to face. Take, however, a step back and really observe this child of fire, because when he feels understood, you will have a loyal ally and friend.

Like the wood and coal that fuels a fire, the body of the choleric child, particularly the limbs, often appears sturdy and thick, but not soft. When he walks, his feet land firmly on the ground, and he is likely to wear out the heels of his shoes before he outgrows them. He takes pride in his strength and physical capabilities and loves to test them out against his friends in a variety of physical challenges from throwing a baseball to wrestling and fighting. You might find that the choleric child enjoys spicy foods, dislikes being wet, speaks loudly, and focuses intensely on a single thing, though he can't sustain the focus over a prolonged period. For this reason both baseball and football are good sports for this child with their alternating periods of intense activity and relative inaction.

Like the fire's flame, the choleric child is quick and forceful and mobile in his thinking and emotions. This can be either scary and destructive, or heartwarming, and creative. It is all a matter of proper channeling. The choleric child tends to act first and ask questions later, and often does not have a realistic concept of his effect on those around him. He will be the inspiration for action and will be the hardest worker in the group at the beginning, but will not have the patience to sustain an ongoing activity or project. Although he may not be what is usually considered a "good team player", he is necessary to a team to spark ideas and get projects off the ground. He works very well alone as well, especially when given a task with a clear goal and ending point. It is not hard work that the choleric finds difficult to face; it is the inability to see the conclusion, the culmination of the effort.

How then to manage your fiery child? Give her hard, useful, responsible work with clear beginnings and endings. Let your child chop wood, tend the fire, carry bags, and dig the garden. Give her household jobs whose results are immediately visible, such as putting things away (especially if some heavy lifting is included). All you need to do is say, "I need someone strong..." and your choleric child will volunteer.
Inevitably, though, there will be explosions of temper from time to time when your child's efforts are thwarted, or she feels unappreciated. During an outburst, the only effective thing you can do is put the child somewhere where she is safe, and others are not affected by her outbursts. It helps to have a designated place for your child to be during an outburst, such as her room. In time she will send herself there to ride out the storm of emotion. During this time it is best not to interact with the child at all, if possible. No matter what offenses pour from the child during this time, it is best not to engage, but to let the fire burn itself out. Once the fire has cooled and only the glowing embers remain, you can speak with the child, listen to her, help her achieve some perspective, and reintegrate her into the society of her family. She may very well be embarrassed by the event, and even reluctant to leave the room, having become quite self-conscious about her recent behavior. If you can get the family to act as if nothing happened, or, better yet, get the child to laugh, all will be well. Of course, if your child caused some sort of hurt or destruction, retribution must be made. But if you wait until your child has regained her equilibrium, she will be able to see the fairness of it, and the apology and retribution will come from the heart. Later your child may remember clearly how angry she was, but may not be able to pinpoint just exactly how that came to be. The memory of the event was burned up in the explosion - but any consequences she suffered will remain with her and help to guide her the next time.

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"