Saturday, November 8, 2014
"My Father, the Narcissist" ~ Alexander Burgemeester
My Father the Narcissist: A Narcissistic Father is a Tyrant and a Bully
Narcissistic fathers often emotionally damage their children. They disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until the children “perform”), and neglect to meet the needs of their children because they are interested only in meeting their own needs. Their image and perfection is essential to narcissists; they often demand perfection from their children. The children thus feel intense pressure to be perfect and try to ramp up their talents, looks, intellect or personality to please their father. It has a high personal cost to them if they succeed in fulfilling their father’s wishes – and it can cost them just as much if they fail. It’s a no-win situation.
There is profound unhappiness among the members of a family ruled by a tyrannical narcissistic father. In many of these families, the mother simply echoes the father as she feels uncertain of herself (due to his emotional abuse) and is afraid to take her husband on. Often this destructive pattern is the result of the mother’s own childhood. Not aware of the dynamics of narcissism, she went from a cruel, tyrannical father to a brutal, domineering husband. Repetition of psychological patterns, such as is seen with abuse and narcissism, is common. The mother chooses a spouse similar to her abusive parent and raises a family in an abusive environment like the one she was raised in.
How a narcissistic father affects his children
• Daughters of narcissistic fathers frequently report that they can never feel satiated when it to comes to getting what they need from their fathers. They never got enough time with their father and would have to compete with siblings for that rare time. As a young child, a father might comment on how beautiful his daughter was. But as she grew older, he would rarely miss an opportunity to comment on her weight and attitude. The daughters often carry these concerns into adulthood, even if they were otherwise successful. With a father like this, nothing is ever good enough. Their relationship with men in the future is clouded by feelings of vulnerability and worries that they’ll be dumped for someone else. Anxiously avoiding commitment or taking on the narcissistic role are both natural ways for the daughters to keep relationships “safe”. It’s self protective but doesn’t lead to healthy relationships.
• Sons of narcissistic fathers describe feeling that they can never measure up. Their fathers were so competitive they even compete with their sons. They either compete or pay no attention to their sons. The sons often simply accept defeat – how can they possibly win against a grown man? Sometimes they take another tact and work hard to beat their father at his own game- just to get his attention and some semblance of fatherly pride. Yet they never feel good enough even when they do succeed; they still feel empty and second rate.
Both girls and boys need to be loved by their fathers in order to feel validated as individuals. Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. Some of their children become narcissists themselves. That way they get their father’s attention (imitation is the highest form of flattery) and they learn from an expert how to manipulate and use people.
Having a tyrannical father is a nightmare for every member of the family except the “chosen child” (or children) whom he picks to reflect his perfect image. The chosen child is groomed to become his little clone. They have been chosen for their looks, intellect, special talents, or some other characteristic that the narcissistic father regards as valuable to him. Other children in the family are bypassed because they have not measured up to his expectations. They can be very bright, kind, considerate, or sensitive–none of this matters to the narcissistic father. He doesn’t care about the quality of his other children’s character or personality. These children suffer; they spend their whole childhoods doing their best, trying to get their father’s love and attention yet they always come up empty-handed. There is also usually the “scapegoat” child. Narcissistic fathers are often mean and cruel to these children and let them know- on a regular basis- that they are deficient, unmotivated, always wrong and too soft. They are worthless to him and are blamed for everything that goes wrong.
Characteristics of a Narcissistic Father
(From Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown)
- Turns every conversation to himself
- Expects you to meet his emotional needs
- Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
- Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
- Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior
- Expects you to jump at his every need
- Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
- Has high need for attention
- Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
- Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
- Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
- Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
- Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
- Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
- Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him
- Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best”
- Seeks status. Spends money only to impress others
- Forgets what you have done for him in the past but keeps reminding you that you owe him today
- Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
- Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants
- Does not obey the law-sees himself above the law
- Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
- Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
- Tells you how you should feel or not feel
- Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
- Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours
- Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own
- Wants to control what you do and say-tries to micromanage you
- Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
- Has poor insight and cannot see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
- Has shallow emotions and interests
- Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
- Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
- May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children
The tyrannical narcissistic father is a bully- a cruel, lying, arrogant person. He is a tyrant that is totally entrenched in his grandiose world and insistent that everyone follow his commands. He is emotionally abusive and can cause significant emotional damage to all family members. Unfortunately, his behaviors cause the relationships within a family to be toxic and can cause lifelong wounds.
References:
http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/tyrannical-narcissistic-fathers-push-everyone-around/
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_your_father_is_a_narcissist
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father
Friday, November 7, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
"The truth is like a lion....."
“The truth is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself.” - St. Augustine (354–430)
Monday, October 27, 2014
"Native American Prayer for the Grieving" ~ unknown source
I give you this one thought to keep:
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
of quiet birds in circled flight;
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone.
I am with you in each new dawn......
Big Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com
"The truth is finally coming out about the Ebola crisis and its real purpose, which appears to be to sell more vaccines. As it turns out, the drug industry has had Ebola vaccines in the pipeline for years, but it has been waiting for just the right time to release them for maximum profits, unveiling just a little bit more about the true agenda behind all the current Ebola fear-mongering."
Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/047395_Ebola_vaccine_Big_Pharma_profiteering.html#ixzz3HLqhEEmQBig Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Dr. He Said, She said: Codependency vs. true love — how to tell them apart - Del Mar Times | Del Mar Times
"What defines codependence or codependency is the way that: 1) we place the needs of others first to the exclusion of our own; 2) our self-esteem is dependent on gaining the approval of others; 3) we worry excessively about how others may respond to our feelings, so we walk on eggshells or tiptoe around each other; and 4) how all of this makes it very difficult for us to feel like we can be free to be ourselves in relationship.
Many of you have probably heard of codependency as it applies to those who have grown up in alcoholic households, particularly the Children of Alcoholics (COA) experience"...... CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Decoding Excuses for Abuse | David Adams
"Ray Rice essentially said that "Alcohol made me do it." Before they have taken responsibility and committed themselves to real change, most abusers make excuses for their violence. "Alcohol made me do it," is one of them, and is no less of an excuse than "She provoked me," or "I lost control," or "I was under a lot of stress." But based on my survey of people who attend an abuser intervention program, most were not intoxicated when they hit, grabbed, or kicked their intimate partner...." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Sunday, October 12, 2014
"The Narcissist as Sadist"
Narcissists rarely enjoy inflicting pain for no reason, BUT sadists do......and, narcissists act sadistically when behaving this way generates or yields Narcissistic Supply;
And in order to punish sources of narcissistic supply who are perceived by the narcissist to be intentionally frustrating and withholding....well, read the article.
Read this profile...chances are you know someone like this. CLICK HERE TO READ
The Question of Forgiveness, And It Is a Question | Psychology Today
"Along with the Christian value on forgiveness and the Positive Psychologymovement, aka the “Science of Happiness’, many have adopted the concept of forgiveness without thinking about it critically. Emerging from Positive Psychology is the notion that granting forgiveness is good for one's health. They point to studies showing that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hang onto anger.
While it has been found that harboring angry feelings can affect our health, and there certainly is link between positive emotions and the health of the immune system, this knowledge has been distorted..." by CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Armed contractor with criminal record was on elevator with Obama in Atlanta - The Washington Post
My wish, and that of many others, especially after today's congressional hearing: remove Julia Pierson ASAP! (This link has a video on that.)
"A security contractor with a gun and three prior convictions for assault and battery was allowed on an elevator with President Obama during a Sept. 16 trip to Atlanta, violating Secret Service protocols, according to three people familiar with the incident...." CLICK HERE TO READ
FASCINATING ARTICLE: Mice Inherit the Fears of Their Fathers – Phenomena: Only Human
"There’s no question that trauma gets handed down from one generation to the next.
In one highly publicized example, researchers in New York studied several dozen women who were pregnant on September 11, 2001, and had been in the vicinity of the terrorist attacks. Some of these women developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and this group shows lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their saliva than do those who did not develop PTSD. But here’s the rub: At 9 months old, the babies of the women with PTSD have significantly lower cortisol levels than babies of healthy mothers. ...."CLICK HERE TO READ
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
NO SALUTE to the irrational!
For the hyper-reactive, excessively emotional individuals and media who obsess about the President's "mug salute" (seriously?), I paste this from Snopes. God knows the utter exhaustion any of them might experience after trips and jet lag.....well, I won't waste any more time. Their obsession and childish exhortations are embarrassing to this country.
According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents' returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981:
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/cellsalute.asp#mhELH0BCAeTHpYhO.99
According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents' returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981:
Barack Obama went to a gym at a military base in Hawaii nd did something positively Reaganesque — he returned a Marine's salute.
In so doing, he wandered directly into the middle of a thorny debate: Should U.S. presidents return military salutes or not?
Longstanding tradition requires members of the military to salute the president. The practice of
presidents returning that salute is more recent — Ronald Reagan started it in 1981.
Reagan's decision raised eyebrows at the time. Dwight Eisenhower, a former five-star general, did not return military salutes while president. Nor had other presidents.
John Kline, then Reagan’s military aide and now a Minnesota congressman, advised him that it went against military protocol for presidents to return salutes.
Kline said in a 2004 op-ed piece in The Hill that Reagan ultimately took up the issue with Gen. Robert Barrow, then commandant of the Marine Corps.
Barrow told Reagan that as commander in chief of the armed forces, he was entitled to offer a salute — or any sign of respect he wished — to anyone he wished, Kline wrote, adding he was glad for the change.
Every president since Reagan has followed that practice, even those with no military experience.
The debate over saluting has persisted, with some arguing against it for protocol reasons, others saying it represents an increasing militarization of the civilian presidency.
"The gesture is of course quite wrong: Such a salute has always required the wearing of a uniform," author and historian John Lukacs wrote in The New York Times in 2003. "It represents an exaggeration of the president's military role."
In so doing, he wandered directly into the middle of a thorny debate: Should U.S. presidents return military salutes or not?
Longstanding tradition requires members of the military to salute the president. The practice of
Reagan's decision raised eyebrows at the time. Dwight Eisenhower, a former five-star general, did not return military salutes while president. Nor had other presidents.
John Kline, then Reagan’s military aide and now a Minnesota congressman, advised him that it went against military protocol for presidents to return salutes.
Kline said in a 2004 op-ed piece in The Hill that Reagan ultimately took up the issue with Gen. Robert Barrow, then commandant of the Marine Corps.
Barrow told Reagan that as commander in chief of the armed forces, he was entitled to offer a salute — or any sign of respect he wished — to anyone he wished, Kline wrote, adding he was glad for the change.
Every president since Reagan has followed that practice, even those with no military experience.
The debate over saluting has persisted, with some arguing against it for protocol reasons, others saying it represents an increasing militarization of the civilian presidency.
"The gesture is of course quite wrong: Such a salute has always required the wearing of a uniform," author and historian John Lukacs wrote in The New York Times in 2003. "It represents an exaggeration of the president's military role."
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/cellsalute.asp#mhELH0BCAeTHpYhO.99
Monday, September 22, 2014
Cogent ethnographic film on medical pluralism............
An ethnographic film on medical pluralism by Hugo De Burgos.......
Sunday, September 21, 2014
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"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"
