Licensed Psychologist. He is available for coaching in any area
presented in "Practical Life Coaching" (formerly "Practical
Psychology"). Initial coaching sessions are free. Contact him: (970)
568-0173 or E-mail: DrLloyd@CreatingLeaders.com or LJTDAT@aol.com.
SCARCITY AT HOLIDAY TIME
By Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.
During these holidays, people give gifts to one another for a
variety of reasons. Some give out of a sense of obligation. Some
give in order to receive. Some give to make themselves feel superior
to the receiver. Some give as a means of receiving appreciation. And
some give because of the joy it brings to both giver and receiver.
During this "season of giving," I wonder about those people who feel
they have nothing to give away. For them, the world is one of
scarcity. Kahil Gibran writes: "to be thirsty when your well is full,
is a thirst, which is unquenchable." Many of us grow up believing in
scarcity. If we didn't get enough of what we needed; if we had
competitive brothers and sisters; if we were poor, needy or frightened
of not having our needs adequately met; then we probably developed a
"scarcity" orientation or belief system...a scarcity mentality.
A scarcity mentality is demonstrated in one's attitudes. If you
believe there is "not enough to go around," you are likely to become
protective of what you have and/or competitive for more than what you
already have. No matter what the quantity, characteristic, object or
need, if it is believed to be scarce, it will be valued, kept, sought,
hoarded and consumed. If you believe there is not enough food, you
will hoard what you have, hide it, seek out more, and consume more
than you need. If you believe there is not enough of another's
personal attention to go around, you will become envious, demanding,
clinging and possessive. You may even give up seeking altogether what
you desire, if you believe it to be too scarce. Or you may steal it
from someone who has it...whatever "it" is. When you have a scarcity
mentality, the thought of giving rarely enters your mind.
The supposition of scarcity results in behavior which often
determines the very scarcity one seeks to avoid. If you believe
something to be scarce, even if you have it in abundance, you will
believe it to be in your best interest to limit your consumption.
Limiting your consumption reinforces your belief in scarcity, and
reduces your satisfaction.
When you have a scarcity mentality, no matter how much you have, it
is never enough. You remain continuously unsatisfied and frightened.
To reverse the psychologically damaging effects of a scarcity belief
system, one must engage in some rather paradoxical behavior. Examples
of such paradoxes include: If you are "just a little short" of
whatever, give whatever away; if you are lonely, become good company
to someone else; if you are needing love and acceptance, splash it all
around lavishly.
All the great spiritual teachers of history have essentially
prescribed paradoxical cures for scarcity:
"In order to live, you merely have to die;"
"He who seeks his life shall lose it;"
"If you wish to attain enlightenment, you must destroy the ego;"
"If you seek abundant living, sell all that you have;"
"He who loses his life shall find it."
Statements such as these seem meaningless or crazy, unless you
understand that the idea of scarcity is an abstract mental concept.
It does not exist in the external world. Its cure is to behave as if
whatever you believe is scarce, is in fact abundant. The truth is
that if you are alive, you always have something to give... your time,
your listening, your compassion, your service to others, your ideas,
your feelings, your beneficial behavior. Giving of yourself is a
powerful antidote for an attitude of scarcity.
When I was in graduate school, I failed "statistics". My teacher
demanded I teach statistics to undergraduates. If you don't know
something and desire to learn it... teach it to others. Live as if
life was fully abundant and you quench the "thirst that is
unquenchable."
If you don't understand any of today's column, simply explain it to
somebody else. I wish for you abundant and happy holidays.
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