Are parents creating Generation Narcissist?

• Article by: Chicago Tribune 
• Updated: May 21, 2011 - 10:04 AM

A psychologist advocates balance in raising well-adjusted children in a connected world:

Are parents creating Generation Narcissist?

Posting your daughter's honor roll status on Facebook seems innocent enough. You're proud. Your friends and family can bask in her glory. Everyone's a winner, right?

Maybe not, says Texas-based psychologist Larry Bugen, whose new book, "Stuck on Me" (American College of Forensic Examiners, $20), warns that crafting an online image for our children might set them up for a life of self-absorption and undermine their ability to relate to others -- narcissism.

We chatted with him about child-rearing in our connected world.

Q How does posting updates about our children translate to their becoming narcissists?

A We are weaving together this perfect family image that allows our kids to ... be in the limelight, but it also creates an image they need to continue to uphold and live up to for the rest of their lives. They get caught up in the attention that image provides and get used to being center stage.

Q Do you think our kids are in danger of relying too much on others to define the person they become?

A At the core of being a healthy person is having a genuine self-image and self-esteem based on knowing your own unique gifts. It's a matter of self-discovery over the years. ... We don't necessarily do well if that's scripted for us, either by our parents or someone else, when we're growing up. Our identities are works in progress. They're not fixed. But so much of it depends on how we explore the world, and people explore when they feel secure.

Q So what's your advice to modern parents?

A Balance. Try to avoid extremes of either devaluation or over-idealization of children when you tweet or post on Facebook. And there's something precious about good old-fashioned privacy. ... Try to maintain a reasonable balance between what's privately cherished and what's publicly known. And be loving, and be thinking of what sharing that information in the cyberworld might mean to those involved.

CHICAGO TRIBUNE

Intentional Reality - Part 1: What is Personal Accountability?: Todd Herman Associates, Greensboro, NC

Intentional Reality - Part 1: What is Personal Accountability?: Todd Herman Associates, Greensboro, NC

Where Silence Is Sacred — Mindful Living — Utne Reader

Where Silence Is Sacred — Mindful Living — Utne Reader

How Do I Love Me? New Study Presents A Twist On The Conventional Narcissist

How Do I Love Me? New Study Presents A Twist On The Conventional Narcissist

"Is There Such A Thing As A Bad Seed?" by Amy Webb, Ph.D.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Is There Such a Thing as a "Bad Seed?"

Dr. Richard Friedman, a professor of psychiatry, recently wrote an article published in the New York Times that I found to be both thought-provoking and somewhat disturbing. In the article he discussed the idea that sometimes even the most well-meaning and caring parents produce children that are what he calls "toxic." These children/teenagers are rude, misbehaved, and sometimes downright mean. The paradox, he says, is that these same parents often have other children that are perfectly well-mannered, kind, and well-adjusted. So, what's the problem, he asks? Dr. Friedman contends that in most cases it is not the parents' fault, but that these children are this way,

"because everyday character traits, like all human behavior, have hard-wired and genetic components that cannot be molded entirely by the best environment."

My reading of this is that he feels some children are in fact, "bad seeds."

Although I agree that all of children's behavior cannot be attributed to parenting techniques, I was shocked to hear a mental health professional basically make the argument that some children are just inherently bad. I strongly disagree with this idea and I think much of the child development research does too. Yes, children have genetic predispositions towards a lot of characteristics, both physical and psychological. However, this is just a predisposition, not fate. Much of what determines how a predisposition is expressed depends on how parents, teachers, and others in the environment react to the child. I am frustrated to find that many in the media, and even in the psychological community still prescribe to an "either-or" mentality when it comes to issues like this. The scientific community has made strides in finding genes that contribute to certain traits but much of the latest developmental research shows that many behaviors are the result of an on-going interaction between genetics and the environment. Gone (are almost gone) are the days of "nature vs. nurture." We should now start thinking about "nature and nurture." I firmly believe that in most cases, it is usually not simply an issue of "bad parents" or a "bad seed." Some of the most well-thought out and respected theories in child development focus on the interaction between the child, the parents, and other environmental factors (e.g., siblings, teachers, school, neighborhood). This kind of thinking, however, is much more complicated and difficult. With this type of research, you don't often find the easy sound-bite that the media loves to promote. I feel that this type of approach is closer to "the truth" that' science strives to find.

In short, I would encourage all of us to think outside the box of simply "bad parents" or "bad children" when we encounter a youngster (or adult) who is maladjusted. In science and in life, it is rarely that simple.

Thanks to Dr. Claudia Gold at Child in Mind for her thoughtful post on this topic which prompted my comments here.

GOP not walking the walk

GOP not walking the walk

CIA Mind Control Experiments, Sex Abuse

CIA Mind Control Experiments, Sex Abuse

Contact Political Representatives and Media

Contact Political Representatives and Media

Inside the secretive Bilderberg Group

2005-09-29, BBC News

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4290944.stm

How much influence do private networks of the rich and powerful have on government policies and international relations? One group, the Bilderberg, has often attracted speculation that it forms a shadowy global government. Every year since 1954 [they have brought] together about 120 leading business people and politicians. At this year's meeting in Germany, the audience included the heads of the World Bank and European Central Bank, Chairmen or Chief Executives from Nokia, BP, Unilever, DaimlerChrysler and Pepsi ... editors from five major newspapers, members of parliament, ministers, European commissioners ... and the queen of the Netherlands. The chairman ... is 73-year-old Viscount Etienne Davignon. In an extremely rare interview, he played down the importance of Bilderberg. "I don't think (we are) a global ruling class because I don't think a global ruling class exists." Will Hutton ... who attended a Bilderberg meeting in 1997, says people take part in these networks in order to influence the way the world works, to create what he calls "the international common sense". And that "common sense" is one which supports the interests of Bilderberg's main participants. For Bilderberg's critics the fact that there is almost no publicity about the annual meetings is proof that they are up to no good. Bilderberg meetings often feature future political leaders shortly before they become household names. Bill Clinton went in 1991 while still governor of Arkansas, Tony Blair was there two years later while still an opposition MP. All the recent presidents of the European Commission attended Bilderberg meetings before they were appointed. Informal and private networks like Bilderberg have helped to oil the wheels of global politics and globalisation for the past half a century.

Note: Why is this meeting of top world leaders kept so secret? Why is there no website? Why, until a few years ago, was there virtually no reporting on this influential group in the major media? (Note that the alternative media  has had some good articles and a Google search can be highly informative) For lots more reliable information from major media sources on powerful, secret groups like this, click here.

Ex-Spy Alleges Bush White House Sought to Discredit Critic

2011-06-16, New York Times
Posted: 2011-06-28 12:03:57

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/16/us/politics/16cole.html

A former senior C.I.A. official says that officials in the Bush White House sought damaging personal information on a prominent American critic of the Iraq war in order to discredit him. Glenn L. Carle, a former Central Intelligence Agency officer who was a top counterterrorism official during the administration of President George W. Bush, said the White House at least twice asked intelligence officials to gather sensitive information on Juan Cole, a University of Michigan professor who writes an influential blog that criticized the war. In an interview, Mr. Carle said his supervisor at the National Intelligence Council told him in 2005 that White House officials wanted “to get” Professor Cole. Since a series of Watergate-era abuses involving spying on White House political enemies, the C.I.A. and other spy agencies have been prohibited from collecting intelligence concerning the activities of American citizens inside the United States. “These allegations, if true, raise very troubling questions,” said Jeffrey H. Smith, a former C.I.A. general counsel. “The statute makes it very clear: you can’t spy on Americans.” Mr. Smith added that a 1981 executive order that prohibits the C.I.A. from spying on Americans places tight legal restrictions not only on the agency’s ability to collect information on United States citizens, but also on its retention or dissemination of that data.

Note: For important reports from major media sources on a wide array of threats to civil liberties by out-of-control government agencies and officials, click here.

Nancy Grace: CNN LIte? Or CNN Moronic?

Casey Anthony Circus … I Mean, Trial

Gosh, I feel the need to say something about CNN’s current coverage of the Casey Anthony trial. In my opinion, it cannot but set the cause of justice back a decade or more.
In our legal system, the accused is assumed to be innocent until proven guilty. How does a major broadcast network, covering (and commenting on) each wink and tear and nod of a defendant assumed to be innocent, contribute to upholding legal principles such as the assumption of innocence?
Justice is portrayed as blindfolded and holding a scale. What that signifies, in my view, is that Justice is blind to privilege and status (which is what we mean when we say that Justice is “no respecter of persons”). Justice weighs the matter without reference to considerations of birth, income, influence, and so on. Justice is impartial.
But CNN is not blind to ratings and certainly not impartial in its coverage of the trial. They treat the case to the same media blitz, talking-head analysis, daily sound bite, that a pop star or political figure might draw. But that drags Justice into the marketplace and loses for us the assurance that every person charged of a crime will get a fair hearing. No fair hearing is likely possible when TV analysts dissect and pass judgment on every statement made by the court, lawyers, witnesses and defendant before the jury has deliberated and given its verdict.
It’s enough that Casey Anthony was already tried on the Nancy Grace show on “CNN Lite”for years but to hear the main CNN news channel cover the trial and say that she just may beat the rap when “the rap” has not yet been adjudicated – why have we forgotten ourselves to such an extent?
Will we see vendors selling hot dogs and popcorn outside the court house? Will Jack Cafferty ask viewers to express their opinion of guilt and innocence? Will we throw tomatoes at Anthony if she is found guilty and shout “Hang her!”  Where do we draw the line in our society? Why are we allowing the courtroom to become a media circus?
All of this will disappear shortly as we toss over all the travesties that we’ve become prone to, but the spectacle created of this trial must be, to my way of thinking, our lowest descent into social unconsciousness and folly.

World Revolution Not Seen on TV...Rallies Around the World

Facebook: Where Narcissists Connect? - ABC News

Page 2: Facebook: Where Narcissists Connect? - ABC News

Narcissists Can Be Identified By Their Facebook Accounts - Psychologists

Narcissists Can Be Identified By Their Facebook Accounts - Psychologists

Jon Stewart Was Right About Fox 'News' Viewers Being the Most Misinformed Citizens | Media | AlterNet

Jon Stewart Was Right About Fox 'News' Viewers Being the Most Misinformed Citizens | Media | AlterNet

Facebook Linked to Narcissism? | Media | AlterNet

Facebook Linked to Narcissism? | Media | AlterNet

"How to Love and Parent An 'Old Soul'

(A mother of seven uses a method called, “show, remind and tell” to raise a child who is an ‘old soul’)

GUEST COLUMN: DR. CHRISTINE JAX-CASTILLO — If you are a parent, you probably question if you are doing all that you can to ensure that your children find their own spiritual paths, and reach their full potential.  You wonder how you can help your children progress on their spiritual journeys, while encouraging them to follow your rules.

How can you can teach them right from wrong, while teaching them to see the good in all things?  How can you keep them safe, while relaying to them that fear is an illusion of the ego?

Now people are claiming that their children are “indigo” children or“old soul” children, and you wonder . . . are yours?

Because of your spiritual evolution and path, it is most likely that all your children, born or adopted, are “old soul” children.  But remember, we are all special and all have a reason for being on this planet at this time: we are each here for individual spiritual growthand to inspire further growth in others, and, if you are a parent, you have agreed to juggle both.  In the case of rearing an “old soul” child, you have agreed to expedite their spiritual development for their benefit, as well as for the benefit of humanity, as the children who are traveling this path have agreed to do so.

Common traits of “old soul” children

• Develop faster emotionally and intellectually than other children, yet may struggle in school due to constrictions on their creativity and critical thinking abilities
• Understand and demand justice long before such development is typically seen in children
• Demonstrate a global perspective and ask about people not like themselves
• Articulate a sense of charity and service; they want to help others
• Remember past lives
• Question the authority of adults and leaders, and demand respect for themselves
• Possess one or more “paranormal abilities:” ie. may see or communicate with non-physical beings such as angels, spirits, and ghosts; heal by touch; remember past lives; share mutual dreams with others; predict future events; sense when something is wrong; view remotely; experience astral projection
• Have a deep interest in religion or spiritual practices
• Communicate easily and actively with their guides, even if they have yet to identify what gives them knowledge about things

How to be a model parent for an “old soul” child

To raise an “old soul” child you need to model (show proper behavior), induct (bring out of the child what he or she already knows), and instruct (provide new information).  I refer to this as “show, remind, tell.”

Show your children how to be good citizens and stewards of the earth, and be mindful that they are going to emulate much of your behavior.  Also keep in mind that they will quickly recognize hypocrisy and just as quickly lose respect for you.   Do your best to walk your talk. This means not using physical force, coercion, insults or shaming to get what you want, including proper behavior, from your child.

I always tell people, “If you wouldn’t do or say something to or in front of your boss, don’t do or say it to or in front of your children.”

You can model empathy by speaking your thoughts out loud: “I guess I should pick-up this box I dropped.  It wouldn’t be nice to leave more work for the grocer.”  Show grace in how you admit mistakes and don’t blame others.  Find the good in all situations and in all people. When you are struggling with something someone has done, talk out loud to your child about how you are trying to understand their decisions without judging them.

Remember to teach love to all children

Remind your children of who they are and where they come from.  Let them know everything is made out of the same energy, love, which makes all people equal and everything worthy of care and respect.  Remind them that happiness is our right, and that it is found only in the moment because the past and present do not concurrently exist.

Help them remember that preparation for the next moment takes knowledge, good work, honesty, and faith; they will see whatever they believe and expect.  Discuss with them how forgiveness is essential for personal growth and happiness; peace can only exist if there is forgiveness. It may help to develop meditative and spiritual practices with them as part of your lifestyle.

Tell them every day that you love them, and tell them regularly that you are proud of them and amazed by them.   Let them develop with you the household rules and the consequences for breaking those rules.  Make sure they understand why there are rules, and be consistent and calm when you enforce those rules and enact punishment.  Give them opportunities to care for other people and to care for the earth.   Tell your children to follow their dreams, and then give them space and advice for how to do so.  Allow them to fulfill their dreams for themselves, not yourdreams for them.

Introduce your children to many different spiritual practices, including yours, but let them choose what is comfortable for them.  Let them experience chanting, drumming, walking a labyrinth, sitting silently with incense — experiment.  Point out to your children all that you have learned from other people and how much is achieved when people work together.  Explain that there are multiple perspectives of, and reactions to, any situation.

Create a life for yourself beyond parenting so you can allow and encourage your child to grow beyond you, your beliefs, and your needs, but always, always be your child’s biggest fan.

Dr. Christine Jax-Castillo has a B.A. in Child Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Education.  She is an author and international spiritual coach, consultant and speaker. She and her husband have seven children, ages 7 – 25, and they reside in West Palm Beach, Florida.

(Angel photo by Cyndi Ingle.)

The Narcissistic Mother (or parent)

http://www.psychforums.com/narcissistic-personality/topic48207.html

If this sickens you as much as it does I....please do one small thing to protest!!!!!!

No one has been able to explain to me why young men and women serve in the U.S. Military for 20 years, risking their lives protecting freedom, and only get 50% of their pay. While Politicians hold their political positions in the safe confines of the capital, protected by these same men and women, and receive full pay retirement after serving one term. 

It just does not make any sense.


 

Monday on Fox news they learned that the staffers of Congress family members are exempt from having to pay back student loans. This will get national attention if other news networks will broadcast it. When you add this to the below, just where will all of it stop? 

35 States file lawsuit against the Federal Government 
 
Governors of 35 states have filed suit against the Federal Government for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38 (of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention. 
 
This will take less than thirty seconds to read. If you agree, please pass it on.
 
This is an idea that we should address.
 
For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest is to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform... in all of its forms. Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop.
 
Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States ."

JOKE OF THE DAY!!!

From MoveOn.org