Just touching base.....and, thank you!

Good morning!  I want to express my thanks to my readers, and even more, for your input. As you may have surmised, narcissism is unfortunately becoming more and more "mainstream" in this culture. While we know that everyone has to have some healthy narcissism, or one could not even effectively and confidently apply for a position, there is an abundance of malignant narcissism today.  Theorists posit that our culture is now largely narcissistic.  Their contentions are logical, and I happen to agree based on the criteria they present.

Mostly evident in males, and with greater and greater appearance in mid and late teens (even though technically it cannot be diagnosed until 18), many readers are concerned that this disorder is becoming the "new normal". No studies regarding narcissism disprove that belief. However, I leave you all to your own research.

What is more important is that we all learn how to recognize this condition, because while it initially may present in a person as a thoroughly desirable personality, it is one in which the individual is extremely cunning, cruel, and exploitative.  While they can appear completely repentant as life with that person rolls along, the fact is that it is always about them.  If they appear to be devoted to your wishes, it is because that facade is designed to get them what they want. Thus, it is still, and always, about them.

You readers have suggested some readings about the Stockholm Syndrome, almost always suffered by spouses and children of the narcissist. This is appreciated input.  Yet that leaves me with an ambivalence.  Ambivalence as to whether I "go with the flow" of my readers, in this particular case. I do not, in any case, wish to be a blog solely about narcissism.  However, I am deeply convinced that most people "cannot see it coming", i.e. it is a complex personality disorder.

That leads to the danger of centering on narcissists, and their incredibly toxic presence in anyone's life. (Their ultimate dream scenario!)  Yet, more information all around this personality certainly cannot hurt. We all have some of these traits, or we would not even begin to successfully apply for a job, or confidently give presentations in our field. However, there is a line in the sand where narcissistic people cross over into the realm where they are absolutely "dangerous to your health".  If one adds to that diagnosis traits of sadism, the damage to those people (spouses, friends, children) around the narcissist may be extreme.  One might compare it to swimming in a peaceful, but putrescent pool.

So, bear with me readers.  I will post articles I hope will give some depth to more understanding of this toxic and dangerously virulent disorder.

I hope all of you are enjoying the last throes of pre-holiday celebration.  Breathe, relax and enjoy.  Gratitude is in order!

Madelaine

How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology

CLICK TO READ: How to Spot a Narcissist | World of Psychology

Excerpt from the Waldorf Parents' Forum

The Waldorf Parent's Forum

This forum is intended as a place where Waldorf parents can learn and discuss ways to support each other, their children, their child's class and teachers, and their Waldorf school. Content will be moderated by Ms. Ilian Willwerth, a trained Waldorf teacher with 30 years experience in the classroom.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Choleric Child

Full of fiery energy, the choleric child is often the one that parents and teachers find the most challenging to work with. They are thin skinned, quick to outbursts of emotion. People around them often experience them as intense, oppositional or angry. What, the adults who care for them ask, is going on inside these children? What can we do to control and help them?

Fire is the element of the choleric child. Like the phlegmatic child, the choleric child has an active metabolism. But unlike the Phlegmatic child whose energy is stored for later use, the choleric child's energy is expressed as heat and activity. Parents might find it difficult to keep clothes on this child. Teachers frequently observe beeswax crayons melting in this child's hands as she works. Whatever grabs the imagination of the choleric child is pursued with vigor, and when roused, her temper may flare suddenly. However, like a fire, if the emotion or effort is not fed, it will quickly die out, leaving nothing but the ashes of that which inspired it. If the choleric child, roused to sudden anger, is left alone until the emotion has run its course, she will likely have difficulty remembering what exactly sparked the outburst. Similarly, the choleric child, inspired with an idea, will embark vigorously on a project. But if she does not meet success and encouragement, she will quickly become discouraged and lose interest.

It is this quick rise and fall of emotions and interests, and the intensity surrounding the choleric child that parents and teachers, and even other children find challenging to face. Take, however, a step back and really observe this child of fire, because when he feels understood, you will have a loyal ally and friend.

Like the wood and coal that fuels a fire, the body of the choleric child, particularly the limbs, often appears sturdy and thick, but not soft. When he walks, his feet land firmly on the ground, and he is likely to wear out the heels of his shoes before he outgrows them. He takes pride in his strength and physical capabilities and loves to test them out against his friends in a variety of physical challenges from throwing a baseball to wrestling and fighting. You might find that the choleric child enjoys spicy foods, dislikes being wet, speaks loudly, and focuses intensely on a single thing, though he can't sustain the focus over a prolonged period. For this reason both baseball and football are good sports for this child with their alternating periods of intense activity and relative inaction.

Like the fire's flame, the choleric child is quick and forceful and mobile in his thinking and emotions. This can be either scary and destructive, or heartwarming, and creative. It is all a matter of proper channeling. The choleric child tends to act first and ask questions later, and often does not have a realistic concept of his effect on those around him. He will be the inspiration for action and will be the hardest worker in the group at the beginning, but will not have the patience to sustain an ongoing activity or project. Although he may not be what is usually considered a "good team player", he is necessary to a team to spark ideas and get projects off the ground. He works very well alone as well, especially when given a task with a clear goal and ending point. It is not hard work that the choleric finds difficult to face; it is the inability to see the conclusion, the culmination of the effort.

How then to manage your fiery child? Give her hard, useful, responsible work with clear beginnings and endings. Let your child chop wood, tend the fire, carry bags, and dig the garden. Give her household jobs whose results are immediately visible, such as putting things away (especially if some heavy lifting is included). All you need to do is say, "I need someone strong..." and your choleric child will volunteer.
Inevitably, though, there will be explosions of temper from time to time when your child's efforts are thwarted, or she feels unappreciated. During an outburst, the only effective thing you can do is put the child somewhere where she is safe, and others are not affected by her outbursts. It helps to have a designated place for your child to be during an outburst, such as her room. In time she will send herself there to ride out the storm of emotion. During this time it is best not to interact with the child at all, if possible. No matter what offenses pour from the child during this time, it is best not to engage, but to let the fire burn itself out. Once the fire has cooled and only the glowing embers remain, you can speak with the child, listen to her, help her achieve some perspective, and reintegrate her into the society of her family. She may very well be embarrassed by the event, and even reluctant to leave the room, having become quite self-conscious about her recent behavior. If you can get the family to act as if nothing happened, or, better yet, get the child to laugh, all will be well. Of course, if your child caused some sort of hurt or destruction, retribution must be made. But if you wait until your child has regained her equilibrium, she will be able to see the fairness of it, and the apology and retribution will come from the heart. Later your child may remember clearly how angry she was, but may not be able to pinpoint just exactly how that came to be. The memory of the event was burned up in the explosion - but any consequences she suffered will remain with her and help to guide her the next time.

Ode to Joy - Flash Mob Started by One Little Girl

And it will always be:  that all working as ONE create the symphony of life!

Musical Interruption - Carol Of The Bells - Must See Christmas Video!

The Fractal Brain Theory & the Unification of Neuroscience with AI & Psychology - YouTube

"This Fractal Brain Theory, is the key to Artificial Intelligence and the Technological Singularity. This Theory will have immediate consequences initially in the worlds of Science and Technology, but will then impact dramatically on the Social, Political & Economic realms.

Furthermore the Fractal Brain Theory also holds the key to explaining the nature of Consciousness. Wai will show that the reason why contemporary philosophers and neuroscientists haven't been able to find the answer is because they are asking the wrong question by assuming that consciousness reduces to the physical brain. He will explain how the physical brain and the entire illusory physical universe reduces ultimately to One consciousness that may be called God. Thus revealing explicitly and in some detail the biggest secret and ultimate truth behind World history; i.e. that the mystery of Consciousness and the mystery of God are really one and same. And so the God in the Gaps, that science hasn't yet explained, i.e. Brain, Mind & Consciousness; was where the True God of Esoteric Religion, was waiting to be discovered and revealed all along. i.e. The Christ within, Krishna within, Buddha within, Allah closer to you than your Jugular Vein etc.

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Stop Traumatizing Yourself by Watching the News | Psychology Today

"Most people fill their heads with images of death and destruction every day by following "the news." Profound anxiety results, and you may not even know it's caused by your news habit. You may think you must follow "the news" to be a good person. Consider the possibility that....."   

CLICK TO READ REST OF ARTICLE

Stockholm Syndrome | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

"Described as a victim’s emotional “bonding” with their abuser, Stockholm Syndrome was given its name following a hostage situation in Stockholm, Sweden when, following the end of a bank robbery, the hostages identified with and supported their captor...."

(This phenomenon exists frequently in marriages and similar relationships, when there is emotional and verbal abuse, gaslighting and chronic severe demeaning. Trying to understand what is really happening often saves the victim and the children,)


CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE...

DC Voted to Legalize Marijuana. Congress Should Not Overrule It. | The Nation

CLICK HERE TO READ...

Connecting the science of mind, brain, and spirit with perspectives from the Institute of Noetic Sciences.

"Is consciousness generated by the activity of the brain or is it a fundamental property of the universe? The IONS research team has been studying this question for several years using various kinds of optical systems. Our latest experiments, published recently in the journal Physics Essays, confirm our earlier findings. This line of research suggests that consciousness may play a key role in how the physical world manifests.....

CLICK TO CONTINUE READING ARTICLE

A Gift from Thich Nhat Hanh to All of Us | Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

"The most recent update from Plum Village shows that while his condition is still in a critical stage he has opened his eyes and even reached out to touch the attendant next to him. In continuing this time of honoring his life I wanted to share with you one of the gifts he has given..." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Barbara Spradling (Wilson's new wife): 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know | Heavy.com

Spradling alleged to have strong ties to KKK....

Barbara Spradling: 5 Fast Facts You Need to Know | Heavy.com

Justice Scalia Explains What Was Wrong With The Ferguson Grand Jury | ThinkProgress

Justice Scalia Explains What Was Wrong With The Ferguson Grand Jury | ThinkProgress

Unorthodox police procedures emerge in grand jury documents - The Washington Post

Unorthodox police procedures emerge in grand jury documents - The Washington Post

Read Darren Wilson's full grand jury testimony - The Washington Post

Read Darren Wilson's full grand jury testimony - The Washington Post

Unorthodox police procedures emerge in grand jury documents - The Washington Post

IMPORTANT EVIDENTIARY DISCLOSURES: Unorthodox police procedures emerge in grand jury documents - The Washington Post

Experts Weigh Officer’s Decisions Leading to Fatal Shooting of Michael Brown: They say "NO!" - NYTimes.com

Experts Weigh Officer’s Decisions Leading to Fatal Shooting of Michael Brown - NYTimes.com

Shocking mistake in Darren Wilson grand jury | MSNBC

Shocking mistake in Darren Wilson grand jury | MSNBC

Why didn't Darren Wilson retreat and wait for back-up, former police chiefs say, as they insist he did not have to shoot Michael Brown | Daily Mail Online

Why didn't Darren Wilson retreat and wait for back-up, former police chiefs say, as they insist he did not have to shoot Michael Brown  | Daily Mail Online

Darren Wilson and the violent confrontation with his wife's ex-lover: Court documents reveal volatile home life of officer who shot Michael Brown - which grand jury was never told of | Daily Mail Online

CLICK THIS TO READ! Darren Wilson and the violent confrontation with his wife's ex-lover: Court documents reveal volatile home life of officer who shot Michael Brown - which grand jury was never told of | Daily Mail Online

Darren Wilson's Demon: The Fear of a Black Man~The New Yorker

Darren Wilson and the Fear of a Black Man

19 Signs You're Married to a Narcissist- the Narcissists Wife

The narcissist's wife...the endless supply.  She stays because she traded her soul for a devil.  There are many ways of "soul-trading", but this continues to affect entire generations.

"Often, if a couple is in therapy, the narcissist can put on such a great show that their partner ends up looking like they are the problem, and the therapist, if not knowledgeable about narcissism, they will not see the real issue....." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Is Bill Cosby a Serial Rapist? | Psychology Today

"Some of Cosby’s accusers say he positioned himself as a father figure before attacking them, then used his wealth and influence to silence and intimidate them. Is it any wonder they didn’t come forward sooner?"      CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

When is it Worth Saying Something Controversial? | Psychology Today

"We all think things we don’t say. And usually that’s wise, but here’s a safe place to consider what might happen if you did.

Here are 11 things that many people think but don’t say. As a thought experiment, ask yourself whether and under what circumstances you might want to let ‘er rip? "  .......     CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...

How a Mother's Love Changes a Child's Brain

"Nurturing a child early in life may help him or her develop a larger hippocampus, the brain region important for learning, memory and stress responses, a new study shows......" How a Mother's Love Changes a Child's Brain

Narcissistic Love versus Unconditional Love~Caroline Van Kimmenade

The Dream versus the Reality

When it comes to loving a narcissist, all we can really do is love a dream we have of them. This dream can be so strong (and beautiful) that it becomes something that we come to superimpose on the true narcissist. Every little positive spark of something nice they said or did, enforces the “truth” of that dream. This keeps us at a seemingly safe distance from what is really happening. The dream keeps the painful reality at bay. However, at some point, it’s necessary to see the dream for what it is and recognize that it is impossible to love or be loved by the narcissist.  It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just that they have made themselves completely unavailable to unconditional love.....CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE

OUR COMBAT TROOPS, AND "COMING HOME"......printed again, because WE DO NOT FORGET!

My life has been frequently touched and very deeply moved, by the bravery and sacrifices of our troops. Through each war, I have had dear and precious friends who gave the most unfathomable gift of all ... their life.  

Others ... thankfully, they came home.  Many who returned are fractured by the horrors they have experienced, and struggle to blend back into this life. Many have become piercingly aware of many of this life's superficialities. They still hold their memories of war, and try to make them consistent with all of their other values.  It is profoundly moving to hear the inner paths they traverse to heal themselves. Yet.....many memories remain despite some transformation.  Yeoman work.

Many men believe they are brave. It is not until you hear a narrative, or a testimony,  of the service days of a combat soldier ... that you can even slightly proceed with your personal re-definition and imagination of the word "bravery".

In the end, we  decline trying.... in some way ... to create the most remote connection with the combat life of an honorable soldier.  We avoid that reality for it is simply too painful.  But, it is true that stretching our imagination to a maximum point of shock and horror is sometimes the only road "in".  In, to the heart and soul of that soldier.  One can almost get secondary PTSD, in merely hearing these stories. For me, each one is a life-altering experience, and a psychological journey to the deep is a requirement. It is then that the word  "hero" becomes self-defining.

Some men toy with life, centered on greed and destruction.  They assume they are brave, or masculine, because they have fired a gun.  It is not until you weep just hearing the story of a combat veteran / soldier, that one can flesh out the essential meaning of "sacrifice", "loyalty", "bravery". It is then that you can begin to discern the quintessential and archetypal sense of character, forged through the most personally demanding moments known to man.  

Yes, I still cry, for the living soldiers and certainly for those who have died. But now the tears are celebratory. They keep honor...keep guard...in the parts of my heart that will always bear reverence for the gifts of their lives and times.

Finally, it is then, that "bravery", as some others define bravado, macho, etc., is revealed to be an insipid reality.  The truth of that word is now self-defining. ~ Madelaine Watson, MSW, CHT

Finally, someone using critical thinking skills!

This journalist from Canada is a breath of fresh air ... and logic.  Needs no other words!

Communication Tools To Help Kids Talk About Their Feelings | Psychology Today

"Why it's important to raise kids to feel safe to express their feelings.The other morning I promised to take my 3 year old son Ari for a special breakfast treat – waffles and strawberries - before I dropped him off at daycare. Right before we left our home, I received a work related text. “Mommy, mommy, come on, let’s go for our special breakfast waffles,” Ari called over to me, while I tried to speedily answer the text. poster kids count..."CLICK TO CONTINUE READING)

10 Things Parents Should Never Say to Their Toddlers | Alternet

November 8, 2014  |

Progressive ideas are an endangered species, on the run in politics, all but extinct in schools. Watch out for these covertly regressive ideas invading our parenting of very young children. When we are doing one of the most challenging jobs around, we all need something to lean on. But while these phrases might seem like quick, smart, even benign interventions to stop unwanted behaviors, a closer look shows how they miss their goal, and worse, undermine your relationship with your 1-, 2- or 3-year-old child.(CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING) 

http://www.alternet.org/visions/10-things-parents-should-never-say-their-toddlers?paging=off&current_page=1#bookmark

Empathy Heroes: 5 People Who Changed the World By Taking Compassion to the Extreme | Alternet

..."Ever heard of “empathy marketing”? It’s the latest business buzzword. The idea is that if companies can look through their clients’ eyes and understand their desires, they will be better able to tailor their offerings and gain a competitive advantage...." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

How to React when Your Child is Lying?

CLICK THIS LINK: How to React when Your Child is Lying? 

The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today

This is an excellent article!  Reposted by William Chen, PhD in Ontario Canada on Twitter.  Interesting and multi-facet psychotherapist!

The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today

Paul Krugman Divulges the Real Reason Why the 'Wrong About Everything' Party Won | Alternet

Paul Krugman Divulges the Real Reason Why the 'Wrong About Everything' Party Won | Alternet

The Tapping Solution - YouTube

The Tapping Solution - YouTube

Gut microbe levels are linked to type 2 diabetes and obesity -- ScienceDaily

Gut microbe levels are linked to type 2 diabetes and obesity -- ScienceDaily

Body weight heavily influenced by gut microbes: Genes shape body weight by affecting gut microbes -- ScienceDaily

Body weight heavily influenced by gut microbes: Genes shape body weight by affecting gut microbes -- ScienceDaily

"My Father, the Narcissist" ~ Alexander Burgemeester

My Father the Narcissist: A Narcissistic Father is a Tyrant and a Bully

Written by Alexander Burgemeester 

About Alexander Burgemeester

Alex Graduated in Neuro-Psychology at the University of Amsterdam. He worked a few years in a nursing home where he specialized himself in neurodegenerative disorders (alzheimer, parkinson), Personality Disorders and Emotional disorders (depression). Now he specializes in sharing his knowledge on public websites. 

Narcissistic fathers often emotionally damage their children. They disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until the children “perform”), and neglect to meet the needs of their children because they are interested only in meeting their own needs. Their image and perfection is essential to narcissists; they often demand perfection from their children. The children thus feel intense pressure to be perfect and try to ramp up their talents, looks, intellect or personality to please their father. It has a high personal cost to them if they succeed in fulfilling their father’s wishes – and it can cost them just as much if they fail. It’s a no-win situation.

There is profound unhappiness among the members of a family ruled by a tyrannical narcissistic father. In many of these families, the mother simply echoes the father as she feels uncertain of herself (due to his emotional abuse) and is afraid to take her husband on. Often this destructive pattern is the result of the mother’s own childhood. Not aware of the dynamics of narcissism, she went from a cruel, tyrannical father to a brutal, domineering husband. Repetition of psychological patterns, such as is seen with abuse and narcissism, is common. The mother chooses a spouse similar to her abusive parent and raises a family in an abusive environment like the one she was raised in.

How a narcissistic father affects his children

• Daughters of narcissistic fathers frequently report that they can never feel satiated when it to comes to getting what they need from their fathers. They never got enough time with their father and would have to compete with siblings for that rare time. As a young child, a father might comment on how beautiful his daughter was. But as she grew older, he would rarely miss an opportunity to comment on her weight and attitude. The daughters often carry these concerns into adulthood, even if they were otherwise successful. With a father like this, nothing is ever good enough. Their relationship with men in the future is clouded by feelings of vulnerability and worries that they’ll be dumped for someone else. Anxiously avoiding commitment or taking on the narcissistic role are both natural ways for the daughters to keep relationships “safe”.  It’s self protective but doesn’t lead to healthy relationships.

• Sons of narcissistic fathers describe feeling that they can never measure up. Their fathers were so competitive they even compete with their sons. They either compete or pay no attention to their sons. The sons often simply accept defeat – how can they possibly win against a grown man? Sometimes they take another tact and work hard to beat their father at his own game- just to get his attention and some semblance of fatherly pride. Yet they never feel good enough even when they do succeed; they still feel empty and second rate.

Both girls and boys need to be loved by their fathers in order to feel validated as individuals. Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. Some of their children become narcissists themselves. That way they get their father’s attention (imitation is the highest form of flattery) and they learn from an expert how to manipulate and use people.

Having a tyrannical father is a nightmare for every member of the family except the “chosen child” (or children) whom he picks to reflect his perfect image. The chosen child is groomed to become his little clone. They have been chosen for their looks, intellect, special talents, or some other characteristic that the narcissistic father regards as valuable to him. Other children in the family are bypassed because they have not measured up to his expectations. They can be very bright, kind, considerate, or sensitive–none of this matters to the narcissistic father. He doesn’t care about the quality of his other children’s character or personality. These children suffer; they spend their whole childhoods doing their best, trying to get their father’s love and attention yet they always come up empty-handed. There is also usually the “scapegoat” child. Narcissistic fathers are often mean and cruel to these children and let them know- on a regular basis- that they are deficient, unmotivated, always wrong and too soft. They are worthless to him and are blamed for everything that goes wrong.

Characteristics of a Narcissistic Father

(From Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown)

• Turns every conversation to himself
• Expects you to meet his emotional needs
• Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
• Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
• Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior
• Expects you to jump at his every need
• Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
• Has high need for attention
• Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
• Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
• Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
• Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
• Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
• Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
• Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him
• Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best”
• Seeks status. Spends money only to impress others
• Forgets what you have done for him in the past but keeps reminding you that you owe him today
• Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
• Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants
• Does not obey the law-sees himself above the law
• Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
• Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
• Tells you how you should feel or not feel
• Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
• Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours
• Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own
• Wants to control what you do and say-tries to micromanage you
• Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
• Has poor insight and cannot see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
• Has shallow emotions and interests
• Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
• Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
• May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children

The tyrannical narcissistic father is a bully- a cruel, lying, arrogant person. He is a tyrant that is totally entrenched in his grandiose world and insistent that everyone follow his commands. He is emotionally abusive and can cause significant emotional damage to all family members. Unfortunately, his behaviors cause the relationships within a family to be toxic and can cause lifelong wounds.

References:

http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/tyrannical-narcissistic-fathers-push-everyone-around/

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_your_father_is_a_narcissist

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father

How narcissists parent their children | AN - After Narcissist

CLICK TO READ: How narcissists parent their children | AN - After Narcissist Stories…

"We Are from the Future - Next Step Is the Revolution of Love"

"The truth is like a lion....."

“The truth is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself.” - St. Augustine (354–430)

"Native American Prayer for the Grieving" ~ unknown source

I give you this one thought to keep:

I am with you still - I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow;

I am the diamond glints on snow;

I am the sunlight on ripened grain;

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

of quiet birds in circled flight;

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone.

I am with you in each new dawn......

Big Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com

"The truth is finally coming out about the Ebola crisis and its real purpose, which appears to be to sell more vaccines. As it turns out, the drug industry has had Ebola vaccines in the pipeline for years, but it has been waiting for just the right time to release them for maximum profits, unveiling just a little bit more about the true agenda behind all the current Ebola fear-mongering."

Learn more:  http://www.naturalnews.com/047395_Ebola_vaccine_Big_Pharma_profiteering.html#ixzz3HLqhEEmQBig Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com

Dr. He Said, She said: Codependency vs. true love — how to tell them apart - Del Mar Times | Del Mar Times

"What defines codependence or codependency is the way that: 1) we place the needs of others first to the exclusion of our own; 2) our self-esteem is dependent on gaining the approval of others; 3) we worry excessively about how others may respond to our feelings, so we walk on eggshells or tiptoe around each other; and 4) how all of this makes it very difficult for us to feel like we can be free to be ourselves in relationship.
Many of you have probably heard of codependency as it applies to those who have grown up in alcoholic households, particularly the Children of Alcoholics (COA) experience"...... CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Decoding Excuses for Abuse | David Adams

"Ray Rice essentially said that "Alcohol made me do it." Before they have taken responsibility and committed themselves to real change, most abusers make excuses for their violence. "Alcohol made me do it," is one of them, and is no less of an excuse than "She provoked me," or "I lost control," or "I was under a lot of stress." But based on my survey of people who attend an abuser intervention program, most were not intoxicated when they hit, grabbed, or kicked their intimate partner...." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

"The Narcissist as Sadist"

Narcissists rarely enjoy inflicting pain for no reason,  BUT sadists do......and, narcissists act sadistically when behaving this way generates or yields Narcissistic Supply;

And in order to punish sources of narcissistic supply who are perceived by the narcissist to be intentionally frustrating and withholding....well, read the article.

Read this profile...chances are you know someone like this.    CLICK HERE TO READ

The Question of Forgiveness, And It Is a Question | Psychology Today

"Along with the Christian value on forgiveness and the Positive Psychologymovement, aka the “Science of Happiness’, many have adopted the concept of forgiveness without thinking about it critically. Emerging from Positive Psychology is the notion that granting forgiveness is good for one's health. They point to studies showing that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hang onto anger.

While it has been found that harboring angry feelings can affect our health, and there certainly is link between positive emotions and the health of the immune system, this knowledge has been   distorted..." by CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Life in Color: Green, Green Pictures -- National Geographic

Life in Color: Green, Green Pictures -- National Geographic

Armed contractor with criminal record was on elevator with Obama in Atlanta - The Washington Post

My wish, and that of many others, especially after today's congressional hearing: remove Julia Pierson ASAP! (This link has a video on that.)

"A security contractor with a gun and three prior convictions for assault and battery was allowed on an elevator with President Obama during a Sept. 16 trip to Atlanta, violating Secret Service protocols, according to three people familiar with the incident...." CLICK HERE TO READ

FASCINATING ARTICLE: Mice Inherit the Fears of Their Fathers – Phenomena: Only Human

"There’s no question that trauma gets handed down from one generation to the next.

In one highly publicized example, researchers in New York studied several dozen women who were pregnant on September 11, 2001, and had been in the vicinity of the terrorist attacks. Some of these women developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and this group shows lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their saliva than do those who did not develop PTSD. But here’s the rub: At 9 months old, the babies of the women with PTSD have significantly lower cortisol levels than babies of healthy mothers. ...."CLICK HERE TO READ

MEDITATION ON CHANGES AND BEGINNINGS ~ YouTube

NO SALUTE to the irrational!

For the hyper-reactive, excessively emotional individuals and media who obsess about the President's "mug salute" (seriously?), I paste this from Snopes. God knows the utter exhaustion any of them might experience after trips and jet lag.....well, I won't waste any more time.  Their obsession and childish exhortations are embarrassing to this country.


According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents' returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981: 

Barack Obama went to a gym at a military base in Hawaii nd did something positively Reaganesque — he returned a Marine's salute.

In so doing, he wandered directly into the middle of a thorny debate: Should U.S. presidents return military salutes or not?

Longstanding tradition requires members of the military to salute the president. The practice of 
presidents returning that salute is more recent — Ronald Reagan started it in 1981.

Reagan's decision raised eyebrows at the time. Dwight Eisenhower, a former five-star general, did not return military salutes while president. Nor had other presidents.

John Kline, then Reagan’s military aide and now a Minnesota congressman, advised him that it went against military protocol for presidents to return salutes.

Kline said in a 2004 op-ed piece in The Hill that Reagan ultimately took up the issue with Gen. Robert Barrow, then commandant of the Marine Corps.

Barrow told Reagan that as commander in chief of the armed forces, he was entitled to offer a salute — or any sign of respect he wished — to anyone he wished, Kline wrote, adding he was glad for the change.

Every president since Reagan has followed that practice, even those with no military experience.

The debate over saluting has persisted, with some arguing against it for protocol reasons, others saying it represents an increasing militarization of the civilian presidency.

"The gesture is of course quite wrong: Such a salute has always required the wearing of a uniform," author and historian John Lukacs wrote in The New York Times in 2003. "It represents an exaggeration of the president's military role."

Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/cellsalute.asp#mhELH0BCAeTHpYhO.99

Cogent ethnographic film on medical pluralism............

An ethnographic film on medical pluralism by Hugo De Burgos.......

A tender piece of music for Sunday morning......

EXCELLENT: "The statistics on spanking" ~ writen by unidentified mom on Epinions

"The Bottom Line I have lots more, hope you like my shortened version of why I am against corporal punishment! :) 

I realize this is a heated subject. Since I am a Mom I have carefully studied and observed this subject for the past 9 years. I have collected TONS of documentation about the subject and would like to share this with all of you. I was raised in a peaceful home and was never spanked, belted, smacked, soap wasn't put in my mouth and hot sauce definately wasn't. We were all GREAT kids & people called my parents for parenting advice all the time and said we were so polite & well-behaved. I have children and they are also doing terrific. I also don't spank. I realize we are in the minority, but hope this will someday change as once it was acceptable to hit your wife, animal or employee and that is no longer accepted. My view on this has been backed up by research, so with an open mind...please read.

Statistics on spanking (compiled from over 100 studies combined):
Children who are spanked are shown to display:
many emotional & social problems, impaired parent/child relationships, lower IQ, increased aggressiveness, behavior problems, learning problems, lower academic scores, antisocial behavior, depression problems, more likely to suffer from addictions & commit domestic abuse, prone to be angry and show less long term compliance. Not a single study shows ANY benefit that cannot be achieved from other non-violent forms of discipline. Not all adults who are corporally punished as kids have all these problems, but not all people who smoke get lung cancer either. It's not a good thing...

The US department of Health & Human services reports 142,000 children are seriously injured from Corporal punishment every year in this country, 18,000 of them are permanantly disabled. Between 1-2,000 children die each year in this country alone from Corporal punishment. Nearly 70% of child abuse cases in CPS agencies result from corporal punishment. The defense of "discipline" is raised in 41% of homicide prosecutions when parents "accidentally" kill their children. 99% of people in jail were corporally punished.

Some use the Biblical verses from Proverbs to justify their behaviors towards children. Proverbs is the only part of the Bible where this could be justification could be assimilated. It is wise to know; however, that King Solomon's harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator whom only narrowly escaped being stoned to death by hid own people for his cruelty. Not a parent I'd want to take advice from as we see how his child turned out! Many people refer to the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" when advocating corporal punishment. This is not even a verse from the Bible, but in fact a 16th century Samuel Butler poem about sex! Funny how's it's been so mis-used!

The other fallicy is that parents who don't spank have wild kids and they let them get away with everything. That is not true. Actually, spanking is the EASY way out. It's much harder to actually teach good behavior. Good parenting means being involved, modeling good behavior, being consistent, praising good behavior, being available, teaching, loving and not accepting bad behavior. I am actually a very strict parent, as were my parents and neither of us hit. What exactly would hitting teach? That it's ok to hit if we don't agree, that if I'm bigger than you I can hit you. The real message of the lesson get's lost. If a child learns to not do something undesirable simply from the fear of being hit, he/she's not learning the real reason to not do it. Children who are NOT hit learn right/wrong for the sake of right/wrong, not for the fear of being hit. There's a big difference there.

People who belt, paddle, pull pants down, hot-sauce, soap, and whatever else people do to their kids are simply less civilized (for lack of a nicer word). It really sickens me what people do to their kids. I really don't know why people don't see this. If I were that kid, I would rebel and revolt like there was no tomorrow!!! That would be the last you'd see of me. Statistics do show that the higher the socioeconomic and education background a person has the less likely he/she is to do these things to their children.

It takes patience to raise children. I've heard "spank with love". I'm sorry spanking is hitting, and there is nothing loving about hitting.

What some famous experts say about spanking children:

Ann Landers -
"Parents who hit their children teach them to hit others. And please tell me, when does hitting end and beating begin? And who decides where the line is? If you read the history of the most violent criminals, you will find that almost without exception, they were physically abused throughout their childhood."

Dr. Spock -
"Physical punishment certainly plays a role in our acceptance of violence. If we are to turn toward a kindlier, society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start." (p. 173)

"My other reasons for advising against physical punishment are, in brief, that it teaches children that might make right, that it encourages some children to be bullies, and most fundamentally, that to the degree that it results in good behavior it's because of the fear of pain. I have a strong belief that the best reason for behaving well is that you like people, want to get along with them, want them to like you." (p.173)

Albert Einstein:
"To me the worst thing seems to be for a school
principally to work with methods of fear, force and
artificial authority. Such treatment destroys the
sound sentiments, the sincerity and self-confidence of
the pupil. It produces the submissive subject. . . It
is comparatively simple to keep the school free from
this worst of all evils. Give into the power of the
teacher the fewest possible coercive measures, so that
the only source of the pupil's respect for the teacher
is the human and intellectual qualities of the
latter."


A quick story I'd like to share:
something to think about...

a story told by Astrid Lindgren
[Author of Pippi Longstocking]
"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story.

"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."

All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence."

I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we're teaching them.

.............maybe one day....? "

KUDOS: Tech companies' leftover food benefiting S.F. needy - SFGate

"Like spotting a rickety cable car or the wandering Frank Chu, catching a glimpse of the Food Runners bicycle courier pulling a trailer fully loaded with trays of food might become something of a downtown San Francisco rite of passage.

The bike has been more active, especially in SoMa, as Food Runners has been increasingly overwhelmed - in a good way - by the amount of food being donated by local tech companies... " CLICK HERE TO READ DETAILS

The ‘Big’ Questions in Physics Today | Science and Nonduality

"At its heart theoretical physics deals with Big Questions, from black holes to quantum mechanics to the Big Bang. In a recent article on NPR, Marcelo Gleiser, a professor of physics and astronomy at Dartmouth College, presented his list of the top challenges faced by theoretical physicists today....."   CLICK HERE TO READ MORE....

TV as Birth Control: Defusing the Population Bomb - Community - Utne Reader

"Earlier this year Stanford human geographer Martin Lewis asked his students a simple question: How did they think U.S. family sizes compared with those in India? Between Indian and American women, who had the most children? It was, they replied, a no-brainer. Of course Indian women had more—they estimated twice as many. Lewis tried the question out on his academic colleagues. They thought much the same.

But it’s not true....."

Read more: http://www.utne.com/community/population-bomb-zm0z14uzwil.aspx#ixzz3CrcFRkoXTV as Birth Control: Defusing the Population Bomb - Community - Utne Reader

Blaming Nature: When 'Natural' Disasters Are Caused By Us - Environment - Utne Reader

It’s easy to categorize most floods, storms, and hurricanes as “natural” disasters, but what does it mean when the blame for their effects lies with us?
Read more: http://www.utne.com/environment/natural-disasters-ze0z1405zsau.aspx#ixzz3Crbanb1wBlaming Nature: When 'Natural' Disasters Are Caused By Us - Environment - Utne Reader

If only American kids could eat school lunches like they do in France - Salon.com

"The standard school lunch for an American child often contains dishes brimming with preservatives and sodium. While some schools have completely overhauled their school menus to contain fresh vegetables and grains, others still struggle with meeting nutritional guidelines. But for students in France, it appears that school lunches are the least of their concerns......"   CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

How to Tell a Sociopath from a Psychopath | Psychology Today

"Many forensic psychologists and criminologists use the terms sociopathy and psychopathy interchangeably. Leading experts disagree on whether there are meaningful differences between the two conditions. I contend that there are significant distinctions between them......"

CLICK HERE TO READ...

A Step Toward Holding Colleges Accountable for Campus Sexual Assault | The Nation

Members of Know Your IX see the legislation as an important step forward in holding colleges accountable for their treatment of sexual assault. “We’re glad to see this bipartisan effort, rooted in students’ experiences on the ground and their recommendations, moving forward,” they said.... CLICK HERE TO READ

(CHILD TEST) Are you an Indigo Child ? - Find out More With the Indigo Child Test | Indigo Test For Children & Adults

CLICK HERE TO SEE CRITERIA FOR INDIGO CHILD

(Adult Test) Indigo Adult Test | Indigo Test For Children & Adults

CLICK HERE TO SEE ADULT TEST....

Married to a Narcissistic Husband? Proceed with Caution! | The Narcissistic Life

About Alexander Burgemeester

Alex Graduated in Neuro-Psychology at the University of Amsterdam. He worked a few years in a nursing home where he specialized himself in neurodegenerative disorders (alzheimer, parkinson), Personality Disorders and Emotional disorders (depression). Now he specializes in sharing his knowledge on public websites.    


Certainly all relationships have challenges. But being married to a narcissistic husband can be a very complicated and thorny journey. A narcissistic husband can be vain, insensitive to your needs, violent, and exceptionally critical of you. Living with a person like that can be destructive and demoralizing. It can leave you feeling confused and hurt by their seemingly incomprehensible actions. Theoretically, it is possible to negotiate a relationship with a narcissistic individual; but keep in mind that most narcissists are unlikely to recognize or take responsibility for needing to adjust the current unhealthy relationship.....  CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE