Thursday, November 27, 2014
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
19 Signs You're Married to a Narcissist- the Narcissists Wife
The narcissist's wife...the endless supply. She stays because she traded her soul for a devil. There are many ways of "soul-trading", but this continues to affect entire generations.
"Often, if a couple is in therapy, the narcissist can put on such a great show that their partner ends up looking like they are the problem, and the therapist, if not knowledgeable about narcissism, they will not see the real issue....." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Friday, November 21, 2014
Is Bill Cosby a Serial Rapist? | Psychology Today
"Some of Cosby’s accusers say he positioned himself as a father figure before attacking them, then used his wealth and influence to silence and intimidate them. Is it any wonder they didn’t come forward sooner?" CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE
Thursday, November 20, 2014
When is it Worth Saying Something Controversial? | Psychology Today
"We all think things we don’t say. And usually that’s wise, but here’s a safe place to consider what might happen if you did.Here are 11 things that many people think but don’t say. As a thought experiment, ask yourself whether and under what circumstances you might want to let ‘er rip? " ....... CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
How a Mother's Love Changes a Child's Brain
"Nurturing a child early in life may help him or her develop a larger hippocampus, the brain region important for learning, memory and stress responses, a new study shows......" How a Mother's Love Changes a Child's Brain
Narcissistic Love versus Unconditional Love~Caroline Van Kimmenade
The Dream versus the Reality
When it comes to loving a narcissist, all we can really do is love a dream we have of them. This dream can be so strong (and beautiful) that it becomes something that we come to superimpose on the true narcissist. Every little positive spark of something nice they said or did, enforces the “truth” of that dream. This keeps us at a seemingly safe distance from what is really happening. The dream keeps the painful reality at bay. However, at some point, it’s necessary to see the dream for what it is and recognize that it is impossible to love or be loved by the narcissist. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just that they have made themselves completely unavailable to unconditional love.....CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING THIS ARTICLE
Monday, November 17, 2014
OUR COMBAT TROOPS, AND "COMING HOME"......printed again, because WE DO NOT FORGET!
My life has been frequently touched and very deeply moved, by the bravery and sacrifices of our troops. Through each war, I have had dear and precious friends who gave the most unfathomable gift of all ... their life.
Others ... thankfully, they came home. Many who returned are fractured by the horrors they have experienced, and struggle to blend back into this life. Many have become piercingly aware of many of this life's superficialities. They still hold their memories of war, and try to make them consistent with all of their other values. It is profoundly moving to hear the inner paths they traverse to heal themselves. Yet.....many memories remain despite some transformation. Yeoman work.
Many men believe they are brave. It is not until you hear a narrative, or a testimony, of the service days of a combat soldier ... that you can even slightly proceed with your personal re-definition and imagination of the word "bravery".
In the end, we decline trying.... in some way ... to create the most remote connection with the combat life of an honorable soldier. We avoid that reality for it is simply too painful. But, it is true that stretching our imagination to a maximum point of shock and horror is sometimes the only road "in". In, to the heart and soul of that soldier. One can almost get secondary PTSD, in merely hearing these stories. For me, each one is a life-altering experience, and a psychological journey to the deep is a requirement. It is then that the word "hero" becomes self-defining.
Some men toy with life, centered on greed and destruction. They assume they are brave, or masculine, because they have fired a gun. It is not until you weep just hearing the story of a combat veteran / soldier, that one can flesh out the essential meaning of "sacrifice", "loyalty", "bravery". It is then that you can begin to discern the quintessential and archetypal sense of character, forged through the most personally demanding moments known to man.
Yes, I still cry, for the living soldiers and certainly for those who have died. But now the tears are celebratory. They keep honor...keep guard...in the parts of my heart that will always bear reverence for the gifts of their lives and times.
Finally, it is then, that "bravery", as some others define bravado, macho, etc., is revealed to be an insipid reality. The truth of that word is now self-defining. ~ Madelaine Watson, MSW, CHT
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Finally, someone using critical thinking skills!
This journalist from Canada is a breath of fresh air ... and logic. Needs no other words!
Monday, November 10, 2014
Communication Tools To Help Kids Talk About Their Feelings | Psychology Today
"Why it's important to raise kids to feel safe to express their feelings.The other morning I promised to take my 3 year old son Ari for a special breakfast treat – waffles and strawberries - before I dropped him off at daycare. Right before we left our home, I received a work related text. “Mommy, mommy, come on, let’s go for our special breakfast waffles,” Ari called over to me, while I tried to speedily answer the text. poster kids count..."CLICK TO CONTINUE READING)
10 Things Parents Should Never Say to Their Toddlers | Alternet
November 8, 2014 |http://www.alternet.org/visions/10-things-parents-should-never-say-their-toddlers?paging=off¤t_page=1#bookmark
Progressive ideas are an endangered species, on the run in politics, all but extinct in schools. Watch out for these covertly regressive ideas invading our parenting of very young children. When we are doing one of the most challenging jobs around, we all need something to lean on. But while these phrases might seem like quick, smart, even benign interventions to stop unwanted behaviors, a closer look shows how they miss their goal, and worse, undermine your relationship with your 1-, 2- or 3-year-old child.(CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING)
Empathy Heroes: 5 People Who Changed the World By Taking Compassion to the Extreme | Alternet
..."Ever heard of “empathy marketing”? It’s the latest business buzzword. The idea is that if companies can look through their clients’ eyes and understand their desires, they will be better able to tailor their offerings and gain a competitive advantage...." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Sunday, November 9, 2014
The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today
This is an excellent article! Reposted by William Chen, PhD in Ontario Canada on Twitter. Interesting and multi-facet psychotherapist!
The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today
The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence | Psychology Today
Saturday, November 8, 2014
"My Father, the Narcissist" ~ Alexander Burgemeester
My Father the Narcissist: A Narcissistic Father is a Tyrant and a Bully
Narcissistic fathers often emotionally damage their children. They disregard boundaries, manipulate their children by withholding affection (until the children “perform”), and neglect to meet the needs of their children because they are interested only in meeting their own needs. Their image and perfection is essential to narcissists; they often demand perfection from their children. The children thus feel intense pressure to be perfect and try to ramp up their talents, looks, intellect or personality to please their father. It has a high personal cost to them if they succeed in fulfilling their father’s wishes – and it can cost them just as much if they fail. It’s a no-win situation.
There is profound unhappiness among the members of a family ruled by a tyrannical narcissistic father. In many of these families, the mother simply echoes the father as she feels uncertain of herself (due to his emotional abuse) and is afraid to take her husband on. Often this destructive pattern is the result of the mother’s own childhood. Not aware of the dynamics of narcissism, she went from a cruel, tyrannical father to a brutal, domineering husband. Repetition of psychological patterns, such as is seen with abuse and narcissism, is common. The mother chooses a spouse similar to her abusive parent and raises a family in an abusive environment like the one she was raised in.
How a narcissistic father affects his children
• Daughters of narcissistic fathers frequently report that they can never feel satiated when it to comes to getting what they need from their fathers. They never got enough time with their father and would have to compete with siblings for that rare time. As a young child, a father might comment on how beautiful his daughter was. But as she grew older, he would rarely miss an opportunity to comment on her weight and attitude. The daughters often carry these concerns into adulthood, even if they were otherwise successful. With a father like this, nothing is ever good enough. Their relationship with men in the future is clouded by feelings of vulnerability and worries that they’ll be dumped for someone else. Anxiously avoiding commitment or taking on the narcissistic role are both natural ways for the daughters to keep relationships “safe”. It’s self protective but doesn’t lead to healthy relationships.
• Sons of narcissistic fathers describe feeling that they can never measure up. Their fathers were so competitive they even compete with their sons. They either compete or pay no attention to their sons. The sons often simply accept defeat – how can they possibly win against a grown man? Sometimes they take another tact and work hard to beat their father at his own game- just to get his attention and some semblance of fatherly pride. Yet they never feel good enough even when they do succeed; they still feel empty and second rate.
Both girls and boys need to be loved by their fathers in order to feel validated as individuals. Narcissists are incapable of loving anyone other than themselves. Some of their children become narcissists themselves. That way they get their father’s attention (imitation is the highest form of flattery) and they learn from an expert how to manipulate and use people.
Having a tyrannical father is a nightmare for every member of the family except the “chosen child” (or children) whom he picks to reflect his perfect image. The chosen child is groomed to become his little clone. They have been chosen for their looks, intellect, special talents, or some other characteristic that the narcissistic father regards as valuable to him. Other children in the family are bypassed because they have not measured up to his expectations. They can be very bright, kind, considerate, or sensitive–none of this matters to the narcissistic father. He doesn’t care about the quality of his other children’s character or personality. These children suffer; they spend their whole childhoods doing their best, trying to get their father’s love and attention yet they always come up empty-handed. There is also usually the “scapegoat” child. Narcissistic fathers are often mean and cruel to these children and let them know- on a regular basis- that they are deficient, unmotivated, always wrong and too soft. They are worthless to him and are blamed for everything that goes wrong.
Characteristics of a Narcissistic Father
(From Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup’s Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown)
- Turns every conversation to himself
- Expects you to meet his emotional needs
- Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you
- Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you
- Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior
- Expects you to jump at his every need
- Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs
- Has high need for attention
- Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous
- Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can’t handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off
- Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates
- Has an attitude of “Anything you can do, I can do better”
- Engages in one-upmanship to seem important
- Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming
- Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him
- Isn’t satisfied unless he has the “biggest” or “best”
- Seeks status. Spends money only to impress others
- Forgets what you have done for him in the past but keeps reminding you that you owe him today
- Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration
- Threatens to abandon you if you don’t go along with what he wants
- Does not obey the law-sees himself above the law
- Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines
- Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings
- Tells you how you should feel or not feel
- Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions
- Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours
- Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own
- Wants to control what you do and say-tries to micromanage you
- Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own
- Has poor insight and cannot see the impact his selfish behavior has on you
- Has shallow emotions and interests
- Exploits others with lies and manipulations.
- Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants
- May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children
The tyrannical narcissistic father is a bully- a cruel, lying, arrogant person. He is a tyrant that is totally entrenched in his grandiose world and insistent that everyone follow his commands. He is emotionally abusive and can cause significant emotional damage to all family members. Unfortunately, his behaviors cause the relationships within a family to be toxic and can cause lifelong wounds.
References:
http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/tyrannical-narcissistic-fathers-push-everyone-around/
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_your_father_is_a_narcissist
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201303/the-narcissistic-father
Friday, November 7, 2014
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
"The truth is like a lion....."
“The truth is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it. Let it loose. It will defend itself.” - St. Augustine (354–430)
Monday, October 27, 2014
"Native American Prayer for the Grieving" ~ unknown source
I give you this one thought to keep:
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
of quiet birds in circled flight;
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone.
I am with you in each new dawn......
Big Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com
"The truth is finally coming out about the Ebola crisis and its real purpose, which appears to be to sell more vaccines. As it turns out, the drug industry has had Ebola vaccines in the pipeline for years, but it has been waiting for just the right time to release them for maximum profits, unveiling just a little bit more about the true agenda behind all the current Ebola fear-mongering."
Learn more: http://www.naturalnews.com/047395_Ebola_vaccine_Big_Pharma_profiteering.html#ixzz3HLqhEEmQBig Pharma has owned Ebola vaccine for years; waiting for virus to kill enough people for it to be profitable - NaturalNews.com
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Dr. He Said, She said: Codependency vs. true love — how to tell them apart - Del Mar Times | Del Mar Times
"What defines codependence or codependency is the way that: 1) we place the needs of others first to the exclusion of our own; 2) our self-esteem is dependent on gaining the approval of others; 3) we worry excessively about how others may respond to our feelings, so we walk on eggshells or tiptoe around each other; and 4) how all of this makes it very difficult for us to feel like we can be free to be ourselves in relationship.
Many of you have probably heard of codependency as it applies to those who have grown up in alcoholic households, particularly the Children of Alcoholics (COA) experience"...... CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Decoding Excuses for Abuse | David Adams
"Ray Rice essentially said that "Alcohol made me do it." Before they have taken responsibility and committed themselves to real change, most abusers make excuses for their violence. "Alcohol made me do it," is one of them, and is no less of an excuse than "She provoked me," or "I lost control," or "I was under a lot of stress." But based on my survey of people who attend an abuser intervention program, most were not intoxicated when they hit, grabbed, or kicked their intimate partner...." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Sunday, October 12, 2014
"The Narcissist as Sadist"
Narcissists rarely enjoy inflicting pain for no reason, BUT sadists do......and, narcissists act sadistically when behaving this way generates or yields Narcissistic Supply;
And in order to punish sources of narcissistic supply who are perceived by the narcissist to be intentionally frustrating and withholding....well, read the article.
Read this profile...chances are you know someone like this. CLICK HERE TO READ
The Question of Forgiveness, And It Is a Question | Psychology Today
"Along with the Christian value on forgiveness and the Positive Psychologymovement, aka the “Science of Happiness’, many have adopted the concept of forgiveness without thinking about it critically. Emerging from Positive Psychology is the notion that granting forgiveness is good for one's health. They point to studies showing that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hang onto anger.
While it has been found that harboring angry feelings can affect our health, and there certainly is link between positive emotions and the health of the immune system, this knowledge has been distorted..." by CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Armed contractor with criminal record was on elevator with Obama in Atlanta - The Washington Post
My wish, and that of many others, especially after today's congressional hearing: remove Julia Pierson ASAP! (This link has a video on that.)
"A security contractor with a gun and three prior convictions for assault and battery was allowed on an elevator with President Obama during a Sept. 16 trip to Atlanta, violating Secret Service protocols, according to three people familiar with the incident...." CLICK HERE TO READ
FASCINATING ARTICLE: Mice Inherit the Fears of Their Fathers – Phenomena: Only Human
"There’s no question that trauma gets handed down from one generation to the next.
In one highly publicized example, researchers in New York studied several dozen women who were pregnant on September 11, 2001, and had been in the vicinity of the terrorist attacks. Some of these women developed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and this group shows lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their saliva than do those who did not develop PTSD. But here’s the rub: At 9 months old, the babies of the women with PTSD have significantly lower cortisol levels than babies of healthy mothers. ...."CLICK HERE TO READ
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
NO SALUTE to the irrational!
For the hyper-reactive, excessively emotional individuals and media who obsess about the President's "mug salute" (seriously?), I paste this from Snopes. God knows the utter exhaustion any of them might experience after trips and jet lag.....well, I won't waste any more time. Their obsession and childish exhortations are embarrassing to this country.
According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents' returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981:
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/cellsalute.asp#mhELH0BCAeTHpYhO.99
According to standard military protocol, it is not appropriate for the President of the United States to return salutes from uniformed military personnel because, although the President holds the title of Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. armed forces, he is not himself a member of the military, nor does he wear a uniform. The tradition of U.S. presidents' returning salutes is a fairly recent one which began with the administration of President Ronald Reagan in 1981:
Barack Obama went to a gym at a military base in Hawaii nd did something positively Reaganesque — he returned a Marine's salute.
In so doing, he wandered directly into the middle of a thorny debate: Should U.S. presidents return military salutes or not?
Longstanding tradition requires members of the military to salute the president. The practice of
presidents returning that salute is more recent — Ronald Reagan started it in 1981.
Reagan's decision raised eyebrows at the time. Dwight Eisenhower, a former five-star general, did not return military salutes while president. Nor had other presidents.
John Kline, then Reagan’s military aide and now a Minnesota congressman, advised him that it went against military protocol for presidents to return salutes.
Kline said in a 2004 op-ed piece in The Hill that Reagan ultimately took up the issue with Gen. Robert Barrow, then commandant of the Marine Corps.
Barrow told Reagan that as commander in chief of the armed forces, he was entitled to offer a salute — or any sign of respect he wished — to anyone he wished, Kline wrote, adding he was glad for the change.
Every president since Reagan has followed that practice, even those with no military experience.
The debate over saluting has persisted, with some arguing against it for protocol reasons, others saying it represents an increasing militarization of the civilian presidency.
"The gesture is of course quite wrong: Such a salute has always required the wearing of a uniform," author and historian John Lukacs wrote in The New York Times in 2003. "It represents an exaggeration of the president's military role."
In so doing, he wandered directly into the middle of a thorny debate: Should U.S. presidents return military salutes or not?
Longstanding tradition requires members of the military to salute the president. The practice of
Reagan's decision raised eyebrows at the time. Dwight Eisenhower, a former five-star general, did not return military salutes while president. Nor had other presidents.
John Kline, then Reagan’s military aide and now a Minnesota congressman, advised him that it went against military protocol for presidents to return salutes.
Kline said in a 2004 op-ed piece in The Hill that Reagan ultimately took up the issue with Gen. Robert Barrow, then commandant of the Marine Corps.
Barrow told Reagan that as commander in chief of the armed forces, he was entitled to offer a salute — or any sign of respect he wished — to anyone he wished, Kline wrote, adding he was glad for the change.
Every president since Reagan has followed that practice, even those with no military experience.
The debate over saluting has persisted, with some arguing against it for protocol reasons, others saying it represents an increasing militarization of the civilian presidency.
"The gesture is of course quite wrong: Such a salute has always required the wearing of a uniform," author and historian John Lukacs wrote in The New York Times in 2003. "It represents an exaggeration of the president's military role."
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/photos/cellsalute.asp#mhELH0BCAeTHpYhO.99
Monday, September 22, 2014
Cogent ethnographic film on medical pluralism............
An ethnographic film on medical pluralism by Hugo De Burgos.......
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Monday, September 15, 2014
EXCELLENT: "The statistics on spanking" ~ writen by unidentified mom on Epinions
"The Bottom Line I have lots more, hope you like my shortened version of why I am against corporal punishment! :)
I realize this is a heated subject. Since I am a Mom I have carefully studied and observed this subject for the past 9 years. I have collected TONS of documentation about the subject and would like to share this with all of you. I was raised in a peaceful home and was never spanked, belted, smacked, soap wasn't put in my mouth and hot sauce definately wasn't. We were all GREAT kids & people called my parents for parenting advice all the time and said we were so polite & well-behaved. I have children and they are also doing terrific. I also don't spank. I realize we are in the minority, but hope this will someday change as once it was acceptable to hit your wife, animal or employee and that is no longer accepted. My view on this has been backed up by research, so with an open mind...please read.
Statistics on spanking (compiled from over 100 studies combined):
Children who are spanked are shown to display:
many emotional & social problems, impaired parent/child relationships, lower IQ, increased aggressiveness, behavior problems, learning problems, lower academic scores, antisocial behavior, depression problems, more likely to suffer from addictions & commit domestic abuse, prone to be angry and show less long term compliance. Not a single study shows ANY benefit that cannot be achieved from other non-violent forms of discipline. Not all adults who are corporally punished as kids have all these problems, but not all people who smoke get lung cancer either. It's not a good thing...
The US department of Health & Human services reports 142,000 children are seriously injured from Corporal punishment every year in this country, 18,000 of them are permanantly disabled. Between 1-2,000 children die each year in this country alone from Corporal punishment. Nearly 70% of child abuse cases in CPS agencies result from corporal punishment. The defense of "discipline" is raised in 41% of homicide prosecutions when parents "accidentally" kill their children. 99% of people in jail were corporally punished.
Some use the Biblical verses from Proverbs to justify their behaviors towards children. Proverbs is the only part of the Bible where this could be justification could be assimilated. It is wise to know; however, that King Solomon's harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator whom only narrowly escaped being stoned to death by hid own people for his cruelty. Not a parent I'd want to take advice from as we see how his child turned out! Many people refer to the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" when advocating corporal punishment. This is not even a verse from the Bible, but in fact a 16th century Samuel Butler poem about sex! Funny how's it's been so mis-used!
The other fallicy is that parents who don't spank have wild kids and they let them get away with everything. That is not true. Actually, spanking is the EASY way out. It's much harder to actually teach good behavior. Good parenting means being involved, modeling good behavior, being consistent, praising good behavior, being available, teaching, loving and not accepting bad behavior. I am actually a very strict parent, as were my parents and neither of us hit. What exactly would hitting teach? That it's ok to hit if we don't agree, that if I'm bigger than you I can hit you. The real message of the lesson get's lost. If a child learns to not do something undesirable simply from the fear of being hit, he/she's not learning the real reason to not do it. Children who are NOT hit learn right/wrong for the sake of right/wrong, not for the fear of being hit. There's a big difference there.
People who belt, paddle, pull pants down, hot-sauce, soap, and whatever else people do to their kids are simply less civilized (for lack of a nicer word). It really sickens me what people do to their kids. I really don't know why people don't see this. If I were that kid, I would rebel and revolt like there was no tomorrow!!! That would be the last you'd see of me. Statistics do show that the higher the socioeconomic and education background a person has the less likely he/she is to do these things to their children.
It takes patience to raise children. I've heard "spank with love". I'm sorry spanking is hitting, and there is nothing loving about hitting.
What some famous experts say about spanking children:
Ann Landers -
"Parents who hit their children teach them to hit others. And please tell me, when does hitting end and beating begin? And who decides where the line is? If you read the history of the most violent criminals, you will find that almost without exception, they were physically abused throughout their childhood."
Dr. Spock -
"Physical punishment certainly plays a role in our acceptance of violence. If we are to turn toward a kindlier, society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start." (p. 173)
"My other reasons for advising against physical punishment are, in brief, that it teaches children that might make right, that it encourages some children to be bullies, and most fundamentally, that to the degree that it results in good behavior it's because of the fear of pain. I have a strong belief that the best reason for behaving well is that you like people, want to get along with them, want them to like you." (p.173)
Albert Einstein:
"To me the worst thing seems to be for a school
principally to work with methods of fear, force and
artificial authority. Such treatment destroys the
sound sentiments, the sincerity and self-confidence of
the pupil. It produces the submissive subject. . . It
is comparatively simple to keep the school free from
this worst of all evils. Give into the power of the
teacher the fewest possible coercive measures, so that
the only source of the pupil's respect for the teacher
is the human and intellectual qualities of the
latter."
A quick story I'd like to share:
something to think about...
a story told by Astrid Lindgren
[Author of Pippi Longstocking]
"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story.
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."
All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence."
I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we're teaching them.
.............maybe one day....? "
I realize this is a heated subject. Since I am a Mom I have carefully studied and observed this subject for the past 9 years. I have collected TONS of documentation about the subject and would like to share this with all of you. I was raised in a peaceful home and was never spanked, belted, smacked, soap wasn't put in my mouth and hot sauce definately wasn't. We were all GREAT kids & people called my parents for parenting advice all the time and said we were so polite & well-behaved. I have children and they are also doing terrific. I also don't spank. I realize we are in the minority, but hope this will someday change as once it was acceptable to hit your wife, animal or employee and that is no longer accepted. My view on this has been backed up by research, so with an open mind...please read.
Statistics on spanking (compiled from over 100 studies combined):
Children who are spanked are shown to display:
many emotional & social problems, impaired parent/child relationships, lower IQ, increased aggressiveness, behavior problems, learning problems, lower academic scores, antisocial behavior, depression problems, more likely to suffer from addictions & commit domestic abuse, prone to be angry and show less long term compliance. Not a single study shows ANY benefit that cannot be achieved from other non-violent forms of discipline. Not all adults who are corporally punished as kids have all these problems, but not all people who smoke get lung cancer either. It's not a good thing...
The US department of Health & Human services reports 142,000 children are seriously injured from Corporal punishment every year in this country, 18,000 of them are permanantly disabled. Between 1-2,000 children die each year in this country alone from Corporal punishment. Nearly 70% of child abuse cases in CPS agencies result from corporal punishment. The defense of "discipline" is raised in 41% of homicide prosecutions when parents "accidentally" kill their children. 99% of people in jail were corporally punished.
Some use the Biblical verses from Proverbs to justify their behaviors towards children. Proverbs is the only part of the Bible where this could be justification could be assimilated. It is wise to know; however, that King Solomon's harsh methods of discipline led his own son, Rehoboam to become a tyrannical and oppressive dictator whom only narrowly escaped being stoned to death by hid own people for his cruelty. Not a parent I'd want to take advice from as we see how his child turned out! Many people refer to the phrase "spare the rod, spoil the child" when advocating corporal punishment. This is not even a verse from the Bible, but in fact a 16th century Samuel Butler poem about sex! Funny how's it's been so mis-used!
The other fallicy is that parents who don't spank have wild kids and they let them get away with everything. That is not true. Actually, spanking is the EASY way out. It's much harder to actually teach good behavior. Good parenting means being involved, modeling good behavior, being consistent, praising good behavior, being available, teaching, loving and not accepting bad behavior. I am actually a very strict parent, as were my parents and neither of us hit. What exactly would hitting teach? That it's ok to hit if we don't agree, that if I'm bigger than you I can hit you. The real message of the lesson get's lost. If a child learns to not do something undesirable simply from the fear of being hit, he/she's not learning the real reason to not do it. Children who are NOT hit learn right/wrong for the sake of right/wrong, not for the fear of being hit. There's a big difference there.
People who belt, paddle, pull pants down, hot-sauce, soap, and whatever else people do to their kids are simply less civilized (for lack of a nicer word). It really sickens me what people do to their kids. I really don't know why people don't see this. If I were that kid, I would rebel and revolt like there was no tomorrow!!! That would be the last you'd see of me. Statistics do show that the higher the socioeconomic and education background a person has the less likely he/she is to do these things to their children.
It takes patience to raise children. I've heard "spank with love". I'm sorry spanking is hitting, and there is nothing loving about hitting.
What some famous experts say about spanking children:
Ann Landers -
"Parents who hit their children teach them to hit others. And please tell me, when does hitting end and beating begin? And who decides where the line is? If you read the history of the most violent criminals, you will find that almost without exception, they were physically abused throughout their childhood."
Dr. Spock -
"Physical punishment certainly plays a role in our acceptance of violence. If we are to turn toward a kindlier, society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start." (p. 173)
"My other reasons for advising against physical punishment are, in brief, that it teaches children that might make right, that it encourages some children to be bullies, and most fundamentally, that to the degree that it results in good behavior it's because of the fear of pain. I have a strong belief that the best reason for behaving well is that you like people, want to get along with them, want them to like you." (p.173)
Albert Einstein:
"To me the worst thing seems to be for a school
principally to work with methods of fear, force and
artificial authority. Such treatment destroys the
sound sentiments, the sincerity and self-confidence of
the pupil. It produces the submissive subject. . . It
is comparatively simple to keep the school free from
this worst of all evils. Give into the power of the
teacher the fewest possible coercive measures, so that
the only source of the pupil's respect for the teacher
is the human and intellectual qualities of the
latter."
A quick story I'd like to share:
something to think about...
a story told by Astrid Lindgren
[Author of Pippi Longstocking]
"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence." In 1978, Astrid Lindgren received the German Book Trade Peace Prize for her literary contributions. In acceptance, she told the following story.
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside and find a switch for her to hit him with. The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."
All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - one can raise children into violence."
I think that too often we fail to feel situations "from the child's point of view," and that failure leads us to teach our children other than what we think we're teaching them.
.............maybe one day....? "
Sunday, September 14, 2014
KUDOS: Tech companies' leftover food benefiting S.F. needy - SFGate
Thursday, September 11, 2014
The ‘Big’ Questions in Physics Today | Science and Nonduality
"At its heart theoretical physics deals with Big Questions, from black holes to quantum mechanics to the Big Bang. In a recent article on NPR, Marcelo Gleiser, a professor of physics and astronomy at Dartmouth College, presented his list of the top challenges faced by theoretical physicists today....." CLICK HERE TO READ MORE....
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
TV as Birth Control: Defusing the Population Bomb - Community - Utne Reader
"Earlier this year Stanford human geographer Martin Lewis asked his students a simple question: How did they think U.S. family sizes compared with those in India? Between Indian and American women, who had the most children? It was, they replied, a no-brainer. Of course Indian women had more—they estimated twice as many. Lewis tried the question out on his academic colleagues. They thought much the same.
But it’s not true....."
Read more: http://www.utne.com/community/population-bomb-zm0z14uzwil.aspx#ixzz3CrcFRkoXTV as Birth Control: Defusing the Population Bomb - Community - Utne Reader
Blaming Nature: When 'Natural' Disasters Are Caused By Us - Environment - Utne Reader
It’s easy to categorize most floods, storms, and hurricanes as “natural” disasters, but what does it mean when the blame for their effects lies with us?
Read more: http://www.utne.com/environment/natural-disasters-ze0z1405zsau.aspx#ixzz3Crbanb1wBlaming Nature: When 'Natural' Disasters Are Caused By Us - Environment - Utne Reader
Read more: http://www.utne.com/environment/natural-disasters-ze0z1405zsau.aspx#ixzz3Crbanb1wBlaming Nature: When 'Natural' Disasters Are Caused By Us - Environment - Utne Reader
If only American kids could eat school lunches like they do in France - Salon.com
"The standard school lunch for an American child often contains dishes brimming with preservatives and sodium. While some schools have completely overhauled their school menus to contain fresh vegetables and grains, others still struggle with meeting nutritional guidelines. But for students in France, it appears that school lunches are the least of their concerns......" CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE
How to Tell a Sociopath from a Psychopath | Psychology Today
"Many forensic psychologists and criminologists use the terms sociopathy and psychopathy interchangeably. Leading experts disagree on whether there are meaningful differences between the two conditions. I contend that there are significant distinctions between them......"
CLICK HERE TO READ...
Friday, September 5, 2014
A Step Toward Holding Colleges Accountable for Campus Sexual Assault | The Nation
Members of Know Your IX see the legislation as an important step forward in holding colleges accountable for their treatment of sexual assault. “We’re glad to see this bipartisan effort, rooted in students’ experiences on the ground and their recommendations, moving forward,” they said.... CLICK HERE TO READ
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Married to a Narcissistic Husband? Proceed with Caution! | The Narcissistic Life
About Alexander Burgemeester
Alex Graduated in Neuro-Psychology at the University of Amsterdam. He worked a few years in a nursing home where he specialized himself in neurodegenerative disorders (alzheimer, parkinson), Personality Disorders and Emotional disorders (depression). Now he specializes in sharing his knowledge on public websites. Certainly all relationships have challenges. But being married to a narcissistic husband can be a very complicated and thorny journey. A narcissistic husband can be vain, insensitive to your needs, violent, and exceptionally critical of you. Living with a person like that can be destructive and demoralizing. It can leave you feeling confused and hurt by their seemingly incomprehensible actions. Theoretically, it is possible to negotiate a relationship with a narcissistic individual; but keep in mind that most narcissists are unlikely to recognize or take responsibility for needing to adjust the current unhealthy relationship..... CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Indigo Children - CNN - Andersen Cooper
Whether they are called the "Disciple
Generation" by Christians, or "Indigo Kids" by
New Age followers, or Millenials by
demographers children born after 1978 are
said to be different. They are empathetic,
curious, strong-willed, independent, and often
perceived by friends and family as being weird.
They possess a clear sense of self-definition
and purpose and also exhibit a strong
inclination towards spiritual matters from early
childhood.
These children have also been described as
having a strong feeling of entitlement. These
children have a high intelligence quotient, an
inherent intuitive ability, and a resistance to
authority. Indigo children function poorly in
conventional schools due to their rejection of
authority, being conceptually smarter than their
teachers. They are non-responsive to
authoritarian, guilt/fear/manipulation based
discipline. Many of these children labeled or
diagnosed as having ADHD. They are avoiding
or leaving the modern Church model in droves
as they find deep spirituality in the gifts God
has given them.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
The Gratitude Challenge: Does Expressing Thanks Every Day Make You Happier? | Lindsay Holmes
The Gratitude Challenge: Does Expressing Thanks Every Day Make You Happier?
"In an interview with author Gretchen Rubin, author and University of Houston research professor Brené Brown said, "I don't have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness -- it's right in front of me if I'm paying attention and practicing gratitude." Brown's philosophy wasn't wrong, at least not according to research. Studies show that the more you express thanks, the happier you are....." CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
"How to Raise Grateful Children"
CLICK HERE TO READ
ONE PASTE FROM THIS ARTICLE: "...........Teach actions. Saying thank you is fine. It is. But in these busy, crazy times of social networking and little connection to real people, it’s important to teach children to SHOW UP and give thanks. Have them write out their thank yous daily in a journal. Call instead of emailing. Give cookies to the school janitor.
ONE PASTE FROM THIS ARTICLE: "...........Teach actions. Saying thank you is fine. It is. But in these busy, crazy times of social networking and little connection to real people, it’s important to teach children to SHOW UP and give thanks. Have them write out their thank yous daily in a journal. Call instead of emailing. Give cookies to the school janitor.
Give thanks. For all children, writing or drawing a picture of the things they are thankful for is a great way to get them thinking about being thankful. For the ones not quite ready for that kind of daily devotion, a simple bedtime ritual works wonders. Ask your child what she is grateful for today? Share your own idea or two with her as well.
Make cards. Every now and then, I buy blank cards and let the girls go crazy with decorating them anyway they want. We send those cards to the people in our life that need a lift. Thank you cards are a lost art that some of us really wish we could get people to spend more time on. Make a card. Give thanks daily. Spread joy weekly..........."
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
EXCELLENT ARTICLE! Back to Basics: Parenting, the Divine Blueprint and the Boundaries of Free-Will | The Power of Social Consciousness
"As parents, we certainly want what’s best for
our children. But how parents relate to their
children, in terms of expectations, is typically a
function of what parents deem as “best”.
Except in cases of abuse and neglect, most
parents mean well when they prescribe or
dictate certain goals, standards or aspirations
for their children. But many parents may be
shocked to learn that what they consider to be
dedicated and responsible parenting, often
constitutes a trespass across the boundaries of
free will...... READ FULL ARTICLE..CLICK HERE
our children. But how parents relate to their
children, in terms of expectations, is typically a
function of what parents deem as “best”.
Except in cases of abuse and neglect, most
parents mean well when they prescribe or
dictate certain goals, standards or aspirations
for their children. But many parents may be
shocked to learn that what they consider to be
dedicated and responsible parenting, often
constitutes a trespass across the boundaries of
free will...... READ FULL ARTICLE..CLICK HERE
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
The Best and Worst Places in America to Educate Your Child | Alternet
"Among the many topics parents tend to spend obscene amounts of time worrying about (are they safe? are they warm? are they well fed?), where to send one’s children to school can become a bona fide obsession. And with good reason: even as the debate continues about the value of a college degree, at the moment, level of educational attainment still carries significant weight in predicting future earnings. Even leaving “earnings potential” aside, most of us who care for children want to know that where we’re sending them each day is a place that’s safe and nurturing -- not mention teaching them a thing or two along the way." CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE
Monday, August 4, 2014
Spornosexuality, Body Image and Boys | Psychology Today
"We’ve spent all kinds of energy worrying about girls and body image. Trends like ‘spornosexuals’ in the media (athletes and other celebrities with their shirts off showing off their abs) remind us ....."CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Proof near-death experiences ARE real? New book reveals dramatic evidence | Mail Online
"As a nurse, I’m always cheered when I see a patient who appears to be making a good recovery. That certainly seemed the case with 60-year-old Tom Kennard, who’d been suffering from sepsis after surgery for cancer.
After a couple weeks in the intensive care ward, he was well enough to be moved from his hospital bed to a chair. Moments later, however, he suddenly slumped into unconsciousness.
There was no doubt at all that he was out cold. He responded neither to my urgent questions nor to the painful pressure of my Biro on his fingernails.
Worse still, his skin became clammy......."
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE....
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"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"
