MY WORK ... MY PASSION

• Certified Transpersonal Hypnotherapist ; Past experiences: Dream Analysis /10 Years Experience •Psychotherapist / Use of Gestalt, Jungian, Zen, Reality and Energy Therapies /10 Years Experience •EMDR • Men and Their Journey: the neuroscience of the male brain, and the implications in sexuality, education and relationship • Women: Their Transformation and Empowerment ATOD (Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs) / 21 years experience •Ordained Interfaith Minister & Official Celebrant • Social Justice Advocate • Child and Human Rights Advocate • Spiritual Guide and Intuitive • Certified Reiki Practitioner • Mediation / Conflict Resolution • “Intentional Love” Parenting Strategy Groups • Parenting Workshops • Coaching for parents of Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Children • International Training: Israel & England • Critical Incident Stress Debriefing • Post-911 and Post-Katrina volunteer

MSW - UNC Chapel Hill

BSW - UNC Greensboro


With immense love I wish Happy Birthday to my three grandchildren!

May 22: Brannock

May 30: Brinkley

June 12: Brogan

All three have birthdays in the same 22 days of the year ....what a busy time for the family!

"An Unending Love"

This blog and video is devoted and dedicated to my precious daughter Jennifer, my grand daughters Brogan and Brinkley, and my grand son Brannock. They are hearts of my heart. Our connection through many lives..... is utterly infinite.




The Definition of Genius

"THRIVE"

https://youtu.be/Lr-RoQ24lLg

"ONLY LOVE PREVAILS" ...."I've loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more....."


As we are in the winter of our lives, I dedicate this to Andrew, Dr. John J.C. Jr. and Gary W., MD, (who has gone on before us). My love and admiration is unfathomable for each of you..........and what you have brought into this world.....so profoundly to me.
The metaphors are rich and provocative; we're in them now. This world is indeed disappearing, and the richest eternal world awaits us!
The intensity, as was in each of the three of us, is in yellow!
In my heart forever.........

Slowly the truth is loading
I'm weighted down with love
Snow lying deep and even
Strung out and dreaming of
Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world

We're threading hope like fire

Down through the desperate blood
Down through the trailing wire
Into the leafless wood

Night falling on the city
Quite something to behold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


I'll be sticking right there with it
I'll be by y
our side
Sailing like a silver bullet
Hit 'em 'tween the eyes
Through the smoke and rising water
Cross the great divide
Baby till it all feels right

Night falling on the city
Sparkling red and gold
Don't it just look so pretty
This disappearing world
This
disappearing world
This disappearing world
This disappearing world


TECHNOLOGY..........

In “Conversations with God”, by Neale Donald Walsch, there is a warning I think of. I refer to it as the Atlantis passage, and I've quoted it a few times before." As I have said, this isn't the first time your civilization has been at this brink,"

God tells Walsch. "I want to repeat this, because it is vital that you hear this. Once before on your planet, the technology you developed was far greater than your ability to use it responsibly. You are approaching the same point in human history again. It is vitally important that you understand this. Your present technology is threatening to outstrip your ability to use it wisely. Your society is on the verge of becoming a product of your technology rather than your technology being a product of your society. When a society becomes a product of its own technology, it destroys itself."

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

10 Ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World

Introverts and extraverts may seem the same on the surface, but if you look at the waythey respond to life's everyday occurrences, differences begin to emerge.
Last month, for example, Science of Us writer Melissa Dahl reported on findings from psychologist Brian Little's latest book on personality science, Me, Myself, and Us: The Science of Personality and the Art of Well-Being, which showed that introverts are better off avoiding caffeine before a big meeting or important event.
Little cites the theory of extraversion by ...

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING...

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Monday, July 6, 2015

Dear GOP, here's how you change a law

Dear GOP,
For a crowd that loves to bray about the Constitution, it seems you have misplaced your copy. How else to explain your bizarre efforts to destroy the world unless you get your way?
I'm just a bill on capitol hill -- Schoolhouse rock (VERTICAL)
CLICK HERE TO READ

Trump must disclose profits from Trump University, court rules

Racketeering lawsuit charges Trump defrauded students

CLICK HERE TO READ:Trump must disclose profits from Trump University, court rules

Friday, July 3, 2015

Anti-Intellectualism and the "Dumbing Down" of America | Psychology Today

There is a growing anti-intellectual dumbing down of our culture

Anti-Intellectualism and the "Dumbing Down" of America | Psychology Today

Anti-intellectualism Is Killing America | Psychology Today

Social dysfunction can be traced to the abandonment of reason...

Anti-intellectualism Is Killing America | Psychology Today

How I Got PTSD From My Marriage | Alternet

Abuse is slow and methodical and incessant, like a dripping kitchen faucet.

How I Got PTSD From My Marriage | Alternet

Neuroscientist: Why It's Dangerously Wrong to Approach Addiction as a Kind of Disease | Alternet

To have a disease — instead of, say, a dangerous habit — is to be powerless to do anything except apply the prescribed cure.

Neuroscientist: Why It's Dangerously Wrong to Approach Addiction as a Kind of Disease | Alternet

As Fox News mourns, the rest of us have an Independence Day to celebrate - Salon.com

Marriage equality arrives! The Confederate flag (almost) departs! Toast with some #oreillytears, and enjoy the 4th !!





As Fox News mourns, the rest of us have an Independence Day to celebrate - Salon.com

Bobby Jindal has no shame: This charlatan belongs nowhere near the White House - Salon.com

In a presidential field full of cranks, crackpots and demagogues, Louisiana's governor is one of the worst .....

CLICK HERE TO READ WHY....

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

EXCELLENT VIDEO:"The great porn experiment" | Gary Wilson | TEDxGlasgow





In response to Philip Zimbardo's "The Demise of Guys?" TED talk, Gary Wilson asks whether our brains evolved to handle the hyperstimulation of today's Internet enticements. He also discusses the disturbing symptoms showing up in some heavy Internet users, the surprising reversal of those symptoms, and the science behind these 21st century phenomena.

More About Gary Wilson

Gary is host of www.yourbrainonporn.com. The site arose in response to a growing demand for solid scientific information by heavy Internet erotica users experiencing perplexing, unexpected effects: escalation to more extreme material, concentration difficulties, sexual performance problems, radical changes in sexual tastes, social anxiety, irritability, inability to stop, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

As a physiology teacher with a particular interest in the latest neuroscience discoveries, Gary was aware that their symptoms might be the result of addiction-related brain changes. Applying the website's concepts of brain plasticity, many former users have braved withdrawal, reversed their symptoms and restored normal sexual responsiveness.

The site has been linked to from hundreds of threads in forums from over thirty countries, with posts numbering in the thousands. Gary blogs for "Psychology Today" and "The Good Men Project" on the extreme plasticity of adolescent brains, the evolutionary context for today's flood of novel cyber "mates," and the neurochemical reasons why superstimulating Internet delivery has unexpected effects on the brain.

Many thanks to Pat Somers of Slow Moving Pictures for the skillful editing of this video.

OUTSTANDING VIDEO! "Why I stopped watching porn" | Ran Gavrieli | TEDxJaffa





Ran Gavrieli lives in Tel Aviv and studies gender at Tel Aviv University. He works with youth and adults all over the country in sex and gender studies and in building positive self image in a world inundated by sexual imagery with negative connotations. 

Ran writes and lectures about emotional and physical safe sex; porn and porn-influenced cultural damages; gender and power relations; and sex and intimacy. 

Friday, May 29, 2015

10 Crucial Issues Most Politicians—Except Bernie Sanders—Lie About | Alternet

"From too-big-to-fail to TPP, Sanders' entry into the race is sure to elevate the conversation."  CLICK HERE TO READ THE FACTS!

Sunday, May 24, 2015

The Physics of Near-Death Experiences: A Five-Phase Theory© Y MAUREEN VENSELAAR, PhD

Maureen Venselaar, PhD

Venselaar is a teacher and independent researcher and, for almost 20 years, has been a “spiritual/mental” coach in an institution for elderly and sick people in Delft, The Netherlands. For five years she has been president of VGVZ (in the region of Rotterdam, The Hague, and Leiden), an organization that supports spiritual/mental coaches who work in caregiving institutions such as hospitals. The NDE study took ten years. You can contact Maureen through her website atwww.debijnadoodontrafeld.nl (via the webmaster). 






CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...

Sunday, May 10, 2015

One: Essential Writings on Nonduality: Jerry Katz: 9781591810537: Amazon.com: Books

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE: One: Essential Writings on Nonduality: Jerry Katz: 9781591810537: Amazon.com: Books

Uplifting Reading from Onenessforall.com

"Most of you are now beginning to see and experience the world from a higher dimensional viewpoint which is manifesting as new ways, forms, and ideas of those things you are already familiar with. The reality (Divine Idea) of everything in the outer world always remains present and infinite in Divine Consciousness. Spiritual evolution allows you to interpret and manifest these Divine ideas on a new and higher levels.
An example could be how the three dimensional world views death. Death means complete obliteration to those believing there is nothing beyond one lifetime, except the slight chance of a heaven or hell based on how "good" a person was. Thus, death to them is something to be feared and avoided at all costs. Those of a more illumined consciousness, who realize there could never be real death, are somewhat free of this intense fear and anxiety. There is always some sadness with parting, but none of the terror and resistance born of ignorance. Death is recognized to be a transition, not an ending--a part of everyone's evolutionary journey on earth, often welcomed by those tired and ready to go home. The Divine Idea here is Omnipresence. You, as expressions of the Divine, always will be...place is of no importance.
Soon you begin to see changes within governments and law for the consciousness of mankind is rapidly awakening and ready to reclaim personal powers ignorantly surrendered over lifetimes. More and more people are beginning to realize that they are not powerless and this change of the inner will in turn manifest as changes in the outer.
The continuous clearing of old energy is not meant to go on forever, and many of you are now moving into a time of creating. Because you are beginning to accept that you are indeed powerful spiritual beings, your thoughts and words are manifesting more quickly. As you now move into a more evolved state of consciousness, most of the old programming from lifetimes of ignorance that served to block your ability to consciously manifest, has dissolved or is in the process of dissolving.
For thousands of years the mankind has for the most part been unaware of his true nature and thus a world consciousness of individual powerlessness became the consensus belief. Those in positions of dominance have always worked to convince the majority they had no power of their own and so must look to others (them) for their good. The result has been a world of people ignorant of who they really were, believing, obeying, and following the demands of the rich and powerful without question. This will end when a majority awakens, serving to lift and open world consciousness to new and higher levels of awareness.
Arise dear ones, and remember who you are. It is time to claim your Divine sonship, being ever mindful of how you speak and think, for you are creators.
Note how some individuals who are experts in certain areas of medicine or science through intense study, research, and belief, often discover these very issues manifesting in their own families or themselves. Every billboard, ad, or announcement regarding some campaign to fight a disease or condition serves to materialize it more firmly in the belief system of all who read it and thus manifest more of it.
When an individual is enmeshed in the human belief system of duality and separation, their lives reflect some good and some bad. Painful life lessons are often a part of a soul's pre-birth contract in order to resolve some karmic issue or learn some needed lesson, but three dimensional experiences can also be impersonal, simply reflecting a state of consciousness that accepts two powers.
Man was not meant to slip so deeply into three dimensional density, but you are completing the hard work necessary in order to move beyond it and are doing a fine job. A job that required lifetimes of often painful experiences necessary for building courage and strength. Remember this fact whenever you are tempted to believe yourself to be a failure in any way, for in reality there can be no failure, only learning experiences
It is difficult to move beyond popular thought until truth becomes an attained state of consciousness at which point much of the three dimensional belief system begins to simply lose its relevance and power over you. You see and hear the same things as everyone else, but you no longer react in the same way.
Those of you reading these messages are quickly moving into a consciousness able to discern truth where the world sees discord and are beginning to instinctively recognize what is hype and promotion for the financial benefit of a few. You are learning see the world with new eyes and live out from a higher awareness of what is going on around you. Because of this, you are helping to shift world consciousness to new levels.

What Makes a Hero: Joseph Campbell’s Seminal Monomyth Model for the Eleven Stages of the Hero’s Journey, Animated | Brain Pickings

“It has always been the prime function of mythology and rite to supply the symbols that carry the human spirit forward.”

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...

Friday, May 1, 2015

Stephen Hawking's Dire Warning: Humanity Won't Last Another 1,000 Years on Earth | Alternet

On Monday, renowned physicist Stephen Hawking gave his first Australian speech at Sydney’s Opera House via hologram from his office at the University of Cambridge. And he did not have an overly positive message for the continent down under.   CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...

The Baltimore Police Department's Insane Explanation For Why Freddie Gray Is Dead | Alternet

"Do they actually think anyone will believe this?"

I can only imagine the kind of siege mentality that prevails within the Baltimore Police Department right now. Not only are the city's residents protesting daily (and on one night those protests turned violent), but reporters from around the country are now examining the force's less-than-stellar record when it comes to cases of abuse and brutality, and who knows what they'll find. There's little doubt that some time soon the city's leadership will demand investigations, commissions, or some kind of effort that could lead to serious reform of the department. At a time like this, it may be understandable if the police brass isn't quite thinking straight. Which would be one explanation....,  CLICK HERE TO READ MORE...

Elvis Summers Builds Tiny House for Homeless Neighbor in Los Angeles : People.com

"I know you told me you lived down the street, but I mean where exactly do you sleep?" 
That's the question Elvis Summers asked his new friend Smokie. Summers and Irene "Smokie" McGhee had struck up a casual friendship as McGhee, 60, stopped by his apartment most mornings to collect recyclables and chat. CLICK TO CONTINUE READING

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Optogentics Allows Neuroscientists to Turn Fear Off and On | Psychology Today

Sweat and the biology of bliss

"Webster's Dictionary defines fear as, "an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." When was the last time you experienced fear? Is there are a person, place, or activity that fills you with fear? How do you cope with your fear?
As an endurance athlete....... "    
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Eight Mental Abuse Tactics Narcissists Use on Spouses | The Exhausted Woman

yelling-460x307If you have clients who are intentionally exploited by their spouses; endure regular insults and rejection, alternating with affirmation; and feel manipulated into doing or saying something out of character, then they might be experiencing abuse.
Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal. While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse by a narcissist can be difficult to spot."    CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

How To Read People Like an FBI Profiler | Psych Central

"What do you make of a neighbor who’s married, has kids, dresses in a suit daily, rarely misses a day of work, has a well-groomed lawn and a tidy home, is friendly and polite, always asks about your day and your children, and even shovels your snow when you’re out of town? Most people would think this is the best neighbor on the block......"
So you may be surprised to learn that... CLICK HERE to CONTINUE

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Is the Carpool Swimming With Narcissists? | Psychology Today

Meredith Resnick L.C.S.W.

Meredith Resnick, L.C.S.W.
Meredith Resnick, L.C.S.W., worked in direct healthcare and mental health care for more than two decades. As a therapist turned writer, she makes complex topics accessible to all readers, giving right-brained creativity to left-brained concepts and clarity to topics related to human nature that often baffle and confuse. Her goal: to create connections between human beings and their patterns of behavior, between the universal and the personal, the heart and the mind. Her work has appeared in NewsweekBride'sJAMAJournal of Palliative Care.comThe Orange County RegisterLos Angeles TimesNewsdayChicago Tribune, Dancing at the Shame Prom, The Complete Book of Aunts, Fits and Starts, and others. She is the author of Narcissism: Surviving the Self-Involved and Surving the Narcissist: 30 Days of Recovery.
"Parents are bombarded with books about how to parent, but what dealing with other kids’ parents? We're talking the lot of them: the mavens, the bossy ones, the rude ones, the passive-aggressive  ones, the competitive ones, the organized (and disorganized) ones. And what about the parent-sized teacher's pets?  
With school starting, every parent knows that kids are not the only ones who have to deal with seemingly “difficult” peers. There are plenty of parents who get out of control, too. ....."

CLICK HERE TO READ

The Narcissistic Family Tree | Psychology Today


Karyl McBride Ph.D.


"Clinical experience and research show that adult children of narcissists have a difficult time putting their finger on what is wrong, because denial is rampant in thenarcissistic family system...."

CLICK HERE TO READ THIS ARTICLE

Chicken Safety | Chicken Contamination - Consumer Reports

"When you shop at your favorite grocery store, you probably assume that the food on display is safe to take home. But in the poultry aisle, that simple assumption could make you very sick...."  CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

Obama ~ White House Correspondents' Dinner ~ NAILED IT!!

The President nailed it, as did Cecily Strong, and Luther, POTUS "Anger Translator".  Finally (for me) the Hollywood stars' piece was over and the real business of the evening began.  I never miss this event;  this was one of the all-time best.  You can hear it (the reason why we really watched) in this link. That part of the evening was brilliant, cathartic and memorable.

 CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO AND ARTICLE

Friday, April 24, 2015

'Just Say No' to the Gateway Theory of Pot - The Atlantic

"Many young adults remember their childhood participation in Drug Abuse Resistance Education, better known by the acronym "D.A.R.E."  One of the program's core messages—along with the idea that you should always shout "NO!" when offered some "really cool drugs to smoke"—is that marijuana is a "gateway" to all sorts of other substances.  D.A.R.E's effectiveness was later called into question, and its curriculum overhauled, but the legend remains: One toke, and before long you're living a less-accented version of Trainspotting."    READ MORE
CLICK HERE TO 

Monday, April 20, 2015

3 Reasons You Can’t Win with a Narcissist | World of Psychology

About Sarah Newman, MA

Sarah Rae Newman is an Associate Editor at Psych Central and a mental health and science blogger. She has an MA in psychology from the New School for Social Research and an MFA in writing from CCNY. She is the author of the book The Fog of Paranoia: A Sister's Journey through Her Brother's Schizophrenia.

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Stephen King lets Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio have it - Salon.com

In a brilliant tweet, the horror master perfectly sums up the state of the 2016 presidential race..

  

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

The Worst of Our Corrupt Congress Was on Display This Past Week In Washington | Alternet

One day, historians might discover that what unfolded this past week in Washington was a surreal snapshot of the slow-but-steady death of American democracy.  CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

5 Right-Wing Lunacies This Week: Bill O'Reilly Hits Peak Paranoia | Alternet

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing: Do They Really Have No Shame?

"Most folks know the feeling of shame so well, they can hardly understand that character-impaired people may have different underlying motives for their behavior. Erroneous notions about human nature may make sense in the context of ‘neurotic’ personalities, but when trying to understand character-impairment they leave us vulnerable to abuse and manipulation...."  CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Beware the Covert-Aggressive Personality ~ George Simon, PhD

"The covert-aggressive personality employs a potent one-two punch: the covert-aggressive conceals aggressive intent to ensure you never really see what’s coming; and he or she exploits your normal sensitivities, conscientiousness and other vulnerabilities to manipulate you into succumbing. Covert-Aggressive Personalities are the archetypal wolves in sheep’s clothing that I introduced in my first book, In Sheep’s Clothing ..."     CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Stockholm Syndrome: The Psychological Mystery of Loving an Abuser ~ bfrom Counselling Resource Mental Health Library

Sadly, most people do not really understand the broad dimensions of abuse, especially emotional abuse. Terms like "gaslighting", "sadism", and "Stockholm Syndrome" seem to have no relevance whatsoever in their relationship.  If a friend or counselor might ask them about the practices inherent to each of these, they would likely immediately deny all of them as being part of their relationship. Add to that an initial irritation with the counselor on the part of the abused.  

However, after they have experienced this grueling and onerous Herculean journey with their significant other, they are shocked to discover that their "apparently normal, but bumpy relationship"  is indeed the nightmare they thought they were experiencing all along.


"If you’re in a controlling and abusive relationship, you may recognize several of the characteristics described in this article by Consulting Clinical Psychologist Dr Joseph M. Carver, PhD. Beginning with a description of how bonds form between victim and abuser, the article continues with observations about cognitive dissonance and offers suggestions for friends and family of victims...."        CLICK HERE TO READ  THIS ARTICLE!

Friday, April 17, 2015

Societal Stockholm Syndrome ~ Essays by Kathleen Trigiani

....."thus the label, Stockholm Syndrome, was born. It has happened to concentration camp prisoners, cult members, civilians in Chinese Communist prisons, pimp-procured prostitutes, incest victims, physically and/or emotionally abused children, battered women, prisoners of war, victims of hijackings, and of course, hostages"... Virtually anyone can get Stockholm Syndrome it the following conditions are met:
  • Perceived threat to survival and the belief that one's captor is willing to act on that threat
  • The captive's perception of small kindnesses from the captor within a context of terror
  • Isolation from perspectives other than those of the captor
  • Perceived inability to escape.
Stockholm Syndrome is a survival mechanism. The men and women who get it are not lunatics. They are fighting for their lives. They deserve compassion, not ridicule....... CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING

Monday, April 6, 2015

Paul Krugman: Uh-oh, we’re just this screwed - Salon.com

Austerity failed, yet Britain's conservatives might be rewarded. There's a lesson for us, Paul Krugman argues today



CLICK HERE TO READ ARTIcle

Ted Cruz Isn't an Idiot -- He's Delusional and That's Far More Dangerous | Alternet

"For those who think like Cruz, there is virtually no amount of data, reality checks or facts that can persuade them to give up their false ideas."

The Truth About Facebook: How Communication Became Synonymous With Surveillance | Alternet

Savvy tech critic talks outrage culture, surveillance and the power we give Google & Facebook to moderate our lives
By Michael Schulson / Salon

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

The Truth About Facebook: How Communication Became Synonymous With Surveillance | Alternet

Savvy tech critic talks outrage culture, surveillance and the power we give Google & Facebook to moderate our lives
By Michael Schulson / Salon



CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

How I Discovered an Amazing Sexual Technique to Satisfy a Woman -- It's Simple! | Alternet

"When I learned about this, it was hallelujah time."
CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Memories likely can’t be erased: Research offers new clues to how we remember - Salon.com

A new study challenges more than a century of neuroscience and could radically change the way we treat PTSD

, SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN

CLICK HERE TO READ ARTICLE

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Old Souls: Compelling Evidence From Children Who Remember Past Lives by Thomas Shroder — Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

A riveting firsthand account of one man's mission to investigate and document some of the most astonishing untold phenomena of our time All across the globe, small children spontaneously speak of previous lives, beg to be taken "home," pine for mothers and husbands and mistresses from another life, and know things that there seems to be no normal way for them to know.   CLICK HERE TO READ!

Monday, March 2, 2015

Narcissistic Parents' Psychological Effect on Their Children/Seth Myers/Insight is 20/20

Narcissistic Parents’ Psychological Effect on Their Children

Narcissistic parents will never understand the breadth of their impact on kids.
The topic of narcissism begs the following question flashing in neon lights: Why would a narcissist want a child to begin with? Aren’t they so focused on themselves that they wouldn’t have the slightest interest in paying attention to others, much less attending to a needy young child who craves constant attention and praise?
Alas, the question presumes a type of normalcy and natural order of the parent-child relationship that betrays the root of narcissism. The truth is, narcissistic parents don’t have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances. Understand this: Control over someone else is the ultimate jackpot every narcissist works so hard to win. The reality of narcissistic parenting couldn’t be sadder: The child of the narcissist realizes early on that he exists to provide a reflection for the parent and to serve the parent - not the other way around.If you comb through online relationship forums and chat rooms devoted to the subject of adult children of narcissists, you'll find that all of the posters of comments have suffered similar bruises at the hands of a narcissistic parent. To read some of the comments is heartbreaking, and calls into question how strange and illogical it is to create such rigorous adoption laws when an ill-fit individual can procreate whenever they want – and mess up the life of a child without suffering a consequence. The real tragedy occurs behind closed doors at home, much like the process of physical abuse. The problem with being a child of a narcissist is that it takes these children so many years of frustration and anguish to figure out that Mom or Dad isn’t quite right; until that point, these children are merely dancing as fast as they can, trying to please the impossible-to-please narcissistic parent. It takes years to finally see that the type of parenting they’ve been receiving is wrong – if not emotionally abusive.Young children of narcissists learn early in life that everything they do is a reflection on the parent to the point that the child must fit into thepersonality and behavioral mold intended for them. These children bear tremendous anxiety from a young age as they must continually push aside their own personality in order to please the parent and provide the mirror image the parent so desperately needs. If these children fail to comply with the narcissist’s wishes or try to set their own goals for their life – God, forbid – the children will be overtly punished, frozen out or avoided for a period of time – hours, days or even weeks depending on the perceived transgression in the eyes of the narcissistic parent.With young children, the narcissistic parent is experienced as unpredictable and confusing. After all, narcissists are awfully difficult to understand for adults, so just imagine how confusing the capricious narcissist is in the eyes of a young child! Because young kids can’t make accurate sense of the narcissist’s interpersonal tricks and stunts, these children internalize intense shame (‘I keep failing my Mom’) which leads toanger that the child turns on himself (‘I’m so stupid,’ ‘Something’s wrong with me’). The overall quality and strength of the bond between the narcissistic parent and young child is poor and weak. Deep down, the child doesn’t feel consistently loved, as the child is taught the metaphoric Narcissistic Parenting Program: You’re only as good as I say you are, and you’ll be loved only if you’re fully compliant with my wishes. Simply put, it’s truly heartbreaking for the child – though the narcissistic parent is sinfully oblivious.It’s not until many years later that the life experiences of the child of the narcissist start to make a little more sense. Friends often catch glimpses of the kind of ‘crazy’ parenting these individuals received, so he or she starts to get a healthy reality check like this: “Your mom is insane,” or “Your Dad is seriously messed up.”How narcissistic parenting impacts the adult relationships of children of narcissistsBecause the narcissistic parent-child bond was so distorted and corrupt, the offspring as adults tend to gravitate toward drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships – especially with romantic partners. Because they didn’t grow up with the belief that they were intrinsically okay and good, it makes perfect sense that these individuals would gravitate toward stormy romantic partners later. These adults would feel like a fish out of water in a relationship with someone who loved them consistently, and the experience would be so unfamiliar that it would cause major anxiety. Accordingly, these individuals tend to seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, critical or withholding – just like Mommy and/or Daddy was in the past. In short, the only kind of relationship the adult child of a narcissist really fits in with is one with a highly skewed dynamic: The child of the narcissist must cater to and keep their partner happy, even when that involves squashing her own needs and feelings.It’s not until the adult children of a narcissist get (a lot of) psychotherapy or have a life-changing experience that pulls them away them from the disturbed parent that these adult children can truly begin to heal – and then create better, more normal relationships that offer the give-and-take reciprocation most of us have and value in our relationships.What’s interesting to note is the narcissistic parent’s reaction to witnessing healthy psychological change in their child. Once the child or adult child of the narcissist starts to get psychologically healthier and begins to distance himself a bit from the parent, the narcissistic parent experiences a sort of existential panic. Often, it’s a psychotherapist, colleague or friend who plants the seeds of change, declaring to the child that the parent is toxic and emotionally abusive. Thrust into fight mode, the narcissistic parent feels furious and works to ostracize the individual suspected of inducing the change and pulling the child away from the parent’s tight grip. Though it can initially be confusing to the adult child why the narcissistic parent verbally tears apart his closest confidants, the parent’s reaction ultimately shows the adult child what matters most to the narcissistic parent: his or her own emotional needs – not those of the adult child.If you happen to be someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissistic parent, talk to your friends and other family members about your experience, and consider talking to a mental health professional. After years of dealing with the inconsistency of a narcissistic parent, it can be extremely healing to have a therapist help you make sense of the craziness.

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"

"there were no words, but images flooded every cell in her being ...4 and a half decades!"