The Indigo Adult & article by Wendy Chapman

Back when I first started practice, I had three teachers /assistant principals call me to ask if I treated Indigo children. Honestly, I was totally clueless about that term...and I had certainly not heard of it in any clinical internship, practicum, etc. 

About a week or so later, I heard two women talking about it in a coffee shop. I am such a "fan" of synchronicity, that I knew it was my time to really explore this.  Now when I do that sort of research, I get as devoted to, and lost in, the process....sort of like a guy working on the engine of a car he loves...or a surgeon after he / she has laid open the flap.  My friends often tease me about that. Part of it is that having computers and internet education, to me, is quite awesome.

So I looked up and studied the term (actually a label, as I was taught by my daughter...but then that's a whole 'nother column!). I read books, contacted a couple of authors...and so on.  (Told you...like a dog with a new bone!!!)

I called some professors at a few of the Ivy Leagues out of the blue, and they were wonderful and eager to share their knowledge, for which I was, and still am,  immensely grateful.  I discovered there were other less "New Agey" terms, in terms of viewing it through a more scientific lense.  I also discovered that a lot of people thought just as my daughter did!

What I think most impressed me was some of the literature written about the phenomenon but, more importantly how the children of today, in yet another stage of consciousness globally, often presented as "Indigo".

So, I learned the ways to parent an Indigo because of their inherent qualities.  I loved reading that but, honestly, I considered that to be excellent parenting that should / could encompass all children.  

It is generally known that an Indigo child must have at least one Indigo parent. However, there are many who do not honor, or deal with, that gift in themselves.  Other times they ignore it in their own children, even belittle it.  Certain teachers actually scorn such children.  I confess that creates a sadness in me.

One of the most interesting families I ever worked with, knew they were such a family....mom, dad, and both children.  Whenever I would work with them, I really felt Creator in the entire process...it was like a sacred hush in my soul, and I continually prayed for guidance in every session. There were other issues with which the family struggled...real life struggles.  But throughout it all I was in awe of their work as a family...and how that "Indigo" manifested in each of them.  

So, I try to post columns which might assist parents to come to know this about their children.  Logically...it always points back to at least one of the parents.

I could write about this forever, but thought I would share the adult Indigo features as generally recognized.  These are not cast in stone, and I have seen different nuances with each point.  At the end of the day, what I have learned is that I can spot these children in a McDonald's...or in a classroom.  Like they say, I can just feel it. You could come to, also.

When you read the list, it is not precise and, like any other group, there are subtle differences with each person.  

Since those first calls, I have discovered that there are some counselors or teachers in the school system who understand this. 

Are You an Adult Indigo? ~by Wendy H. Chapman, Director, Metagifted.Org Used with Permission Yes, You can be an adult Indigo. They did not JUST start coming in now, the numbers have just been increasing more and more until there are so many we finally can not ignore them. Yeay!!! Are you an adult Indigo? I believe Adult Indigos have these characteristics: Are intelligent (though did not necessarily have top grades). Are very creative and enjoy making things. Always need to know WHY (especially why they are being asked to do something). Had disgust and perhaps loathing for the inanity of much of the required work in school, the repetition. Were rebellious in school, refusing to do homework, rejecting authority of teachers OR seriously wanted to rebel, but didn't DARE, usually due to parental pressure. May have experienced early existential depression and feelings of helplessness. These may have ranged from sadness to utter despair. Suicidal feelings while still in high school or younger are not uncommon in the Indigo Adult. Have difficulty in service-oriented jobs - resistance to authority and caste system of employment. Prefer cooperative efforts or leadership position or solo if expertise is valued. Have deep empathy for others, yet an intolerance of stupidity. Extremely emotionally sensitive including crying at the drop of a hat (no shielding) - to no expression of emotion (full shielding). May have trouble with RAGE. Have trouble with most systems (either emotionally, mentally, or physically)- political, educational, medical, law. Alienation from politics - feeling your voice won't count and that the outcome really doesn't matter anyway. Frustration with or rejection of the traditional American dream - 9-5 career, marriage, 2.5 children, house with white picket fence, etc. Anger at rights being taken away, fear and/or fury at "Big Brother watching you." They feel a need like a burning desire to do something to change and improve the world. May be stymied what to do. Have psychic or spiritual interest fairly young - in or before teen years. Had few if any Indigo role models. Have strong intuition. Random behavior pattern or mind style - (symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder), may have trouble focusing on a task unless of OWN choosing, may jump around in conversations. Have had psychic experiences, such as premonitions, seeing angels or ghosts, hearing voices. Sexually expressive and inventive OR may reject sexuality in boredom. May explore alternate types of sexuality. Seek meaning to their life and understanding about the world May seek this through religion, spiritual groups and books, self-help groups or books, or individually. If they find balance they may become very strong, healthy, happy lightworkers. These are my opinion based on the discussions with other Indigo adults and my extrapolation from child indicators projected back a generation. I am open to other ideas for indicators as well as disagreements with these.

Virgin Galactic Full Introduction film Nov 09 Version 2.mov

How utterly amazing! (Bee and Bran...you may end up going on vacation in one of these!)

URGENT!! MSNBC REPORTING THAT COREXIT IS KILLING CLEAN UP WORKERS!!

While I am not at all surprised by the continuing pernicious acts of BP....I remain....REPULSED!

"Different drug problem...."

I received the enclosed clipping today from a friend.  Having grown up in the "old school" daze(!), I think we have come a long way...but at the same time, have to grin about the general ethic "back then"...about service and integrity, in particular.

Spanking is Counterproductive and Dangerous

"Relationship Secrets for Highly Empathic People"

Judith Orloff MD (Psychiatrist)

Judith Orloff, M.D., Author ofEmotional Freedom: Liberate Yoursef From negative Emotions and Transform Your Life

Posted: June 30, 2010 08:00 nship Advice , Relationship Tips ,Living News8

Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn't always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my psychiatric practice in Los Angeles and in my workshops I've been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call "emotional empaths" come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they're in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn't simply that "there aren't enough emotionally available people 'out there,'" nor is their burnout "neurotic." Personally and professionally, I've discovered that something more is going on.

In "Emotional Freedom" I describe emotional empaths as a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner's energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don't have time to decompress in our own space. We're super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with 50 fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they're afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn't understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely. We want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn't feel safe. One empath patient told me, "It helps explain why at 32 I've only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year." Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs -- the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don't feel they're on top of you. Empaths can't fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm's length. In doctors' waiting rooms I'll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away.

With friends it's about half that. With a mate it's variable. Sometimes it's rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a "Keep Out" sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you've felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don't know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others -- make clear that this isn't about not loving them -- but get the discussion going. Once you can, you're able to build progressive relationships.

If you're an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don't jibe with you practice the following tips.

Define your personal space needs

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate

As you're getting to know someone, share that you're a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being "overly sensitive," and won't respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style

Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night's rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs

You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn't a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, "What space arrangements are optimal?" Having an area to retreat to, even if it's a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here's why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner's vibes are sublime, sometimes I'd rather not sense them even if they're only hovering near me. I'm not just being finicky; it's about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely

Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I'll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. "Out of sight" may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks

Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, "I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I'm having fun," a form of self-care that he supports.

In my medical practice, I've seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who've been lonely and haven't had a long-term partner before. Once you're able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.

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Cultivating Heart Intelligence

by John Travis, M.D.

The Wellspring

Today we know that the physical heart is also the seat of many important human qualities. Our perceptions, mental and emotional attitudes, immune system, reaction times, and decision-making abilities are all directly related to the health of our heart. Yet while we are taught reading, writing and math, we are rarely taught how to love. Children are taught to use their head in school, to direct it in analytical thought, but not to calm it down or balance it with heart intelligence. As a result, they perceive life and communicate from an insecure head perception, as does the society around them. We usually love only as the mood arises, or if we are having an especially good day.

Cultivating heart intelligence begins with recognizing that at any point in time we have the opportunity to recognize that there are two different perspectives to a situation, and that our perceptions, thoughts, choices, and actions condition the events and outcomes of our lives. The heart choice offers an opportunity for solutions, the head choice imprisons us in hurt or anger. 

Hopelessness or fear of the future comes from not being able to perceive life through the heart. Continually failing to find solutions, success, or happiness, people become depressed. When, instead, people consistently respond to life from the heart, they feel secure, listen to the hearts of others and themselves, and feel there is always a way to understand and find answers to problems.

Children can become proficient in recognizingthe difference between head or heart perceptions, feelings, and actions in using their heart intelligence. They gain self-empowerment by understanding that while feelings are real, they have a choice of how to deal with their feelings and their perceptions. Children learn and grow best in a secure atmosphere where they are encouraged to perceive life as a series of challenges that build confidence, rather than as a progression of unsolvable problems that destroy self-worth. In today's world, parents can readily fall into "overcare"--nagging, constantly worrying about a child, while thinking we are actually caring for them. This serves only to fuel a child's frustration, anxiety, and anguish. Balanced care arises from a feeling of security and creates more security.

Research has shown that by acquiring the knowledge to consciously love, parents access a superior intuitional frequency within their own innate intelligence that quickens the intuitive connection with their child. This intuitional field of knowingness between parent and child, which is automatically established when a parent sincerely loves a child, has proven to be the crucial configuration for effectively communicating with a child of any age. Yet many parents, overwhelmed and struggling to cope with as much stress as they can, assume they are functioning from a loving place while in reality they are subtly or overtly judging their children, spouses, or themselves.

To love effectively, we must consciously practice addressing life with love.... Experiencing and expressing love are the peak moments of fulfillment in life.... —Doc Childre

Through sincere communication, deep listening, and speaking our truth, a heart intelligent parent enters a child's world to understand without judgment. Time so spent saves time, energy, and stress in the long run.

Love changes the atmospheric condition of a child's environment. —Doc Childre

Freeze-Frame, a stress-reduction technique developed at the Institute of Heartmath, is an example of a technique that can be used by both parents and children to acquire heart intelligence. Users of the Freeze-Frame method learn how to observe, shift perspectives, and unearth thoughts that help them understand our feelings. By learning to discriminate heart intelligence from emotional impulses, and to generate and receive intuitive thoughts we are able recognize that we do have choices, and can direct our own lives more intelligently.

The Freeze-Frame technique is remarkably simple and takes only a minute or two. With it, you stop your movie of life for a moment, and go to the heart for direction. By practicing Freeze-Frame, our heart intelligence releases judgmental reaction patterns and provides the deeper perception and understanding that can transform any parent/child interaction. Challenges approached in this manner actually build creative resistance, resiliency, and the understanding and confidence to master new challenges.

OCD Help: Treatments For Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Steve Tromans

"Time-Tested Secrets of Avoiding Family Power-Struggle Wars"

When I read this article by parenting expert, Nancy Samalin, I giggled outright.  Having just returned home from a week of seeing my grand kids, I had received a refresher course on the word, "No".   My three year old grand daughter knew every single verbal and non-verbal version of it.  She was clearly too bright (she's my grand daughter, and I can say that!!!) to fall into any reverse psychology tricks, and any such attempts would result in her victorious, sanguine, ever-so-slight, Mona Lisa smile. (Fortunately I was able to capture a version of that for my cell wallpaper, and have put the phrase, "Illegitum non carborundum est" on it...loosely translated as, "Don't let the  b-------ds wear you down"!)     She had the unadulterated confidence  to use a strong "no" to things she was actually well aware of wanting, and fighting for,  not even an hour before. I watched her, and was quite amused (as grandparents are allowed to be) as I would observe the occasional cut of her eyes at the parents to swiftly evaluate her specific audience...thus facilitating her next plan of action.  That action, whatever it would be, was shrewdly orchestrated by her, and specifically gauged for each parent's vulnerability. I watched her parents, with great glee I admit (There IS a God!), try to figure out why , to her, the discomfort of the seam of her socks rubbing her feet became tantamount to being burned at the stake.  Mom and Dad would try EVERYTHING to solve the situation...turn the socks inside out, get different socks that had NO seams, and various approaches.....on and on as grand daughter reached a crescendo. Fortunately, we were all aware of the permission to briefly fantasize about the end result of this tantrum!  I chose to be quiet...usually the best bet for me ('cause what would I possibly know?!)  The best part was watching the parents refer back to this moment (an hour later), trying to use the previous event as an additional learning moment. Sadly, the lesson learned was for their benefit!   At heart, most adults knew full well that the "seam/sock" episode would be yet another dramatic event the following morning before anyone (parents primarily!) could even choke down half a cup of coffee!  The madness would re-occur when "the parents" would yet again refer to putting on Bee's socks and shoes...replicating the sadistic ritual of the day before! Immediately...in a flash...the indomitable look which would seem to say, "Are you crazy?"  You don't remember? Well, let me refresh your memory!" would return   "Bee" would then fully deny she had  ever had a  problem in the first place...this morning, yesterday morning, the one before, and the one before that!  Bee, it seemed,  would be well aware  that tomorrow was yet another battlefield, and all would be back in the war. Schizophrenic with your coffee? Anyone? My admiration came with the warp speed with which she did all this.......and the resulting blank (psychotic?!) look in her parents' eyes! So any critical thinking skills on the part of her parents at 7:00 am. were like grasping  Jello! Bee was SO intentional with this, I was unable to stifle my giggle!  (Oh, girrrrrrl!, I thought...if this can be channelled correctly and knowingly, you have got a GREAT future!) This is the point when relatives either shudder with fear or celebrate the notion that the kid has got what it takes to be an attorney or a politician! Orrrrr... the Irish mafia?! (Chilling recognition, in any case!) In any case, That is my personal giggle with Samalin's article. Nancy Samalin, MS Parent Guidance Workshops June 1, 1998 When children assert themselves at home or in public, their frustrated parents often ask themselves, "Who is in charge here?" But responding to children’s challenges to your authority with phrases such as, "I set the rules around here" or "Because I said so" aren’t very effective. They aren’t convincing or persuasive, and kids recognize the weakness of these words. I have found there are better ways to resolve parent-child conflicts without shouting or making yourself crazy. THE BIG NO By the time children can walk, their favorite word is no. They’re barely toddlers, and they are already asserting themselves. This reality confounds parents who thought that they would have had at least a few years of being in charge. Children are constantly trying to develop autonomy, and no! becomes their declaration of independence. That can lead to repeated confrontations over the littlest things. Example: A friend’s two-year-old boy had terrible temper tantrums when he didn’t get what he wanted. These tantrums typically occurred in stores when he wanted something and his mother wouldn’t let him have it. His ear-piercing shrieks were so terrible that his mother felt it was often much easier to give him what he wanted, rather than to put up with another episode. Unfortunately, when we give in to demands after setting limits or saying no, we’re setting ourselves up for the behavior to be repeated....again and again. Children learn that tantrums, whining, screaming or hitting are effective. It’s only natural, then, that they use them over and over again. Better: Wait out the tantrum or remove your child from the scene if he/she doesn’t stop. Then get down to his eye level and say, quietly but firmly, "I know you really want me to buy you that candy, but we’re only getting groceries today." This strategy may be difficult at first, but after the second or third episode, your child will begin to understand that your no is nonnegotiable. DIVIDE AND CONQUER Most kids have a flawless instinct for recognizing division in the ranks and using it to their advantage. If you and your spouse have an obvious difference of opinion about a rule or method of discipline, your children are going to pick up on it and use that division to their advantage. Example: A mother I know had a firm rule that her daughter was not allowed to eat at fast-food restaurants. She was intent on serving her family a nutritious diet, and she didn’t want her efforts undermined by greasy hamburgers and french fries. But her daughter knew that her father didn’t really think it was such a big deal. So, on the way home from tennis practice, she urged him to stop at a fast-food restaurant. When he said, "You know your mother will be furious," the girl replied, "Oh, come on, Dad. She won’t have to know." He gave in. The next day, when her mother found a hamburger wrapper on the floor of the car, she exploded. Trap: When this father gave in to his daughter’s persuasion, he may have made her feel happy at that moment, and he probably felt like a good guy. But his action undermined his wife’s authority, not just in the area of fast food but in other matters as well. The message their daughter received was that she could play Mom and Dad against one another to get what she wanted. Parents may not always agree with one another, but they have to avoid letting their kids divide and conquer. When parents show respect for one another’s wishes, they send an important message to their children. Result: In the future, Dad picked healthier places to stop off for their traditional Dad-daughter snacks. DELIBERATE DISOBEDIENCE Parents believe that their job is to set the rules, and their children’s job is to follow them. But sometimes parents encounter situations when their children deliberately disobey them. Typical scenario: Mom tells her son he can ride his bike with his friends but that she needs him home in one hour. When he arrives home two hours later with no real apology or excuse, she gets upset because the house rules or limits have been ignored. Better: Kids need to know that being allowed to go out with friends is a privilege, and privileges come with certain obligations. Parents have to be firm. That boy who was late returning home would likely follow the rules if he sensed that bike riding wasn’t a right but an activity he had to earn. Mom could have said, "If you do not show respect for the rules, the privilege of riding your bike before dinner will be withdrawn the next time." WHO’S THE BOSS? When children become defiant, they often say to their parents, "You’re not the boss over me!" This challenge to authority is hard for parents to deal with. Example: Every time a parent in my workshop tried to get his daughter to do something she didn’t want to do, she fought him. He wondered, "Why can’t she just say OK once in a while?" Helpful: Many power struggles can be avoided if we reduce the number of requests and rules we impose on our children and stick to the most important ones. If this parent’s daughter had the impression that her father was constantly ordering her around or making too many nonnegotiable rules, it wouldn’t be surprising that she would respond in a defiant manner. Better: Dad might need to be more flexible about less important rules and make it clear to his daughter which ones are nonnegotiable. He could also examine the tone in which he made his requests. Example: "Why can’t you remember to take your dishes to the sink?" sounds like a challenge. A better way to put it would be as a request, such as "When you’re finished eating, I would appreciate your putting your dishes in the sink." TELLING LIES One of the hardest adjustments parents face is the first time their children walk out the door on their own. Parents can never again be absolutely certain what their children are doing. The feelings of helplessness get stronger as children grow older. By the time your kids are teenagers, you can only hope they have absorbed enough of your values to make correct judgments and avoid putting themselves in harm’s way. Example: The mother of a 14-year-old girl told her daughter that she wasn’t allowed to go to the mall with her friends after school. Mom assumed that was the end of the matter. But when a neighbor mentioned that she had seen the girl at the mall one afternoon, Mom was outraged. How could her daughter go against her will and say she had been studying at a friend’s house? This was a serious matter of broken trust. One step ahead: Parents need to understand that sometimes kids lie. It doesn’t mean that they’re untrustworthy. Before she spoke to her daughter, the mother cooled down so she could avoid making assumptions about her daughter’s character. When she spoke with her daughter, the conversation was set in a nonblaming tone. She calmly stated, "A neighbor mentioned seeing you at the mall. I’d like to discuss the mall thing again." If she had asked in an accusatory tone, "Were you at the mall today?" her daughter’s natural tendency would be to deny it. By opening up a dialogue rather than starting an argument, she initiated a more effective way to deal with the conflict.